Sixteen Cardles

September 27, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 162 Comments

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(The Cards win, the Cards win)¹ x 8 = 16. 16 is also the number of runs the Braves will score to eliminate the Cards in the playoffs. I kid. Kinda. No need to keep looking for Mr. Nootbaar. The Caards haas-beens haas been aamaazing, even Harrison Bader (1-for-4 and his 15th homer), perhaps the worst hitter in the major leagues. Haarsh? P to the erhaaps. But look at Harrison Bader’s Statcast. If you don’t at least let out a small chuckle, you’re not 100% what you’re looking at, which is fine. I will explain after the picture:

More like HAHArrison Bader. Woof, dog, take that screenshot to the kennel; it’s time to put her to sleep. His xBA is .229. His exit velocity is bottom twenty, when adding in more guys than even qualify. He has the hard hit percentages of guys who are crossed-eyed and should be out of the league. For 2022 fantasy, Harrison Bader is a decent real world player for defense, but he’s a very bad, er, hitter. Of course! Who cares for the final week? He has three games straight with a homer, and he’s one of the top schmotatoes in the game. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rodgers & Hampsonstein’s Buy! The Musical

September 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 123 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

“Listen, I want you to go out there and treat each game like it might be your last,” Bud Black paused, as he addressed Garrett Hampson. Then, thoughtfully, he continued, “Because even if we don’t bring back Trevor Story for 2022, there’s a chance this offseason we sign the 33-year-old Elvis Andrus and I will play him over you.” Bud’s eye welled up, a slow tear trickled down as he continued, “I’d love nothing more than for us to sign Alcides Escobar too, and have a middle infield of two guys who are five years past their prime.” Bud wiped that tear, and finished, “That’s how I’d like to rebuild this team with C.J. Cron, Charlie Blackmon and two middle infielders who are awful, showing you, Ryan Vilade, Hilliard and Brendan Rodgers how to play.” Remembering one more thing, Bud added, “I wonder if we can lure Brian Dozier out of retirement. He’d look great playing in front of you.” So, until 2022, when Bud Black manages, literally, to bury Hampson again, he’s been playing and hitting. Clearly, the percentages for rostering are getting “Rodgered” in the whole keister since fantasy football started, because Hampson and Brendan Rodgers are supposedly rostered in less leagues than Alec Bohm and Keston Hiura. Speaking of Rockies’ middle infielders, all three (Story, Hampson and Rodgers) have been around equally valuable on our 30-day Player Rater. So, if Rodgers or Hampson are out there, they’re worth a grab, until Andrus, Alcides and Brian Dozier are brought in. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Whole League Is Getting Soto Bombed

September 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 84 Comments

by: Grey

Holding hands together with a Juan Soto plushie, tiptoeing around my office in a tutu. I LOVE JUAN SOTO SO MUCH! There, I said it.

Just love Juan Soto so much https://t.co/49eHreP0Q9

— Razzball (@Razzball) September 24, 2021

I cannot stop my pure heart from being driven in by Juan Soto when I’m waiting on base aka sitting on the toilet. It’s love! Damn you all for not understanding! So, Juan Soto is having a 2nd half that is insane, did you know this? I did. Hence, telling you. He’s now leading the major leagues in batting average, and OBP. For someone to swoop in and find my heart while not hitting a ton of homers? Well, Sexy Dr. Pepper’s doing it, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to try it. It’s not easy! Yesterday, Soto went 3-for-3, with his 28th and 29th homer, while hitting .325. Oh, bee tee dubs, .325 this year is like hitting .415. Sorry, Ted Williams, he’s passed you. ACKCHUALLY, he has 50 games where he’s reached base 4+ times before turning 23, and only one in history with more is Ted Williams at 54. He’s also got the most career games with 2+ HRs and a walk before turning 23. He’s 22 years old! And he has the 2nd most multiple homer games before turning 22, behind only Eddie Matthews. 2022 give me Juan Soto in the top five again, right? Yes, I love him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ryan Puts Cubs In An 11K Headlock

September 23, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 101 Comments

by: Grey

Slowly, paper extrudes from a fax machine. A hand brings it to a face and we read, “Need Joe R…an down at the Pentagon. Damn, we need toner! Joe R…an? Who the hell is that?! Oh, I know…” A chair swivels around to the CIA Director, he screams, “Send Joe Ryan (5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.45) to the Pentagon! I can only assume they need a guy with a 10.2 K/9, 1.2 BB/9 — yowzas! — A 2.48 FIP, which is incredible. I can see why they want him. Sure, it’s only through 22 IP, but he had pinpoint command in the minors too — 1.6 BB/9 in Triple-A with the Rays before the trade to the Twins. Maybe he’s got the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers? Hey, Joe, you have the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers?” The CIA Director laughs before Joe can say anything, and continues, “Joe Ryan for 2022 fantasy, I expect you to have less ups and downs than most guys without a long track record. These command guys, I like a lot, me, uh, the CIA Director, and I don’t see the AL Central Intelligence Agency — that’s what it’s short for — getting much better, but I guess we don’t know yet. I mean, I know, because I’m the CIA Director and pulling strings like where free agents go is my job. Anyway, Joe Ryan get down to the Pentagon, they need you to figure out…” Reading the rest of the fax, “…how to launch a podcast!” And that’s how the CIA Director sent Joe Ryan to the Pentagon when the fax was asking for Joe Rogan. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Machado Drops Bombs On The Field vs. Dugout

September 22, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 108 Comments

by: Grey

Not sure how many of you saw the other day, but Manny Machado and Fernando Tatis Jr. had it out in the dugout. Well, mostly Machado screaming at Tatis for him to be better. Tatis was arguing strike calls, and Machado was supposedly screaming at him to stop, otherwise Tatis might get booted from the game. Here’s a pic yesterday, after they supposedly made-up, but you don’t need a Rosetta Stone for Body Language to know this looks like a couple about to divvy up their belongings:

A true elder statesman Machado has become. He should run for “Parent” in the Parent-Teacher Association. Or “Teacher.” Whatever he wants to do, he can do now that he’s mastered “being a team player.” Machado, who has one of the worst home-to-first times, but not nearly a terrible 90-foot sprint speed. So what, you say. Well, that says to me, he can’t be bothered running to first, but when he wants to run hard, he has no problem doing it. Machado’s twelve steals tell me the same. He has the same home-to-first speed as Matt Carpenter, a guy who has only stolen 12 bags combined in the last four years. Yesterday, Manny Machado (3-for-5) led with his bat vs. mouth, homering twice (25, 26). For 2022, Machado seems capable of hitting 40 homers, .280 and stealing 15 bags or 15 homers, 3 steals and a .240 average while yelling at everyone to be better while he does worse. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chisholm Hits A HR For Each Of His Jazz Hands

September 21, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 109 Comments

by: Grey

In the late-90s, I worked as an au pair in The Bahamas, one of my favorite gigs post-college. I remember watching an eighteen-month-old Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington Chisholm Jr. I would put on John Coltrane, on his baby finger, because I didn’t have a record player, and I would spin the record real fast so it made sound, and little Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington would giggle. One time, while I was balancing the record on his finger, I went by the window to smoke a jay, closing the window so not to lose any of that puff. When I was finished, I returned to Baby Jasrado Prince Hermis Arrington’s finger again to spin the record, and, when I did, he was wearing dark sunglasses, and a beret and I said to his parents, “You should call him Monica Lewinsky,” and they nodded, saying, “They would take it under advisement.” Always felt like they were patronizing me. I wonder what they ended up nicknaming him–Wait a minute! Could that baby have been Jazz Chisholm Jr.? Nah, that would be way too coincidental. Yesterday, Jazz did exactly what makes him so special, going 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with a double slam (16. 17) and legs (22). Jazz is one of my most highly anticipated guys for 2022. His strikeouts (29%) are a little high, but an inflated BABIP (.330-ish) evens out his average at .250 and that feels like it will easily repeat or get better, and I’m counting on better. In 2022, he is a handful of guys who could go 25/25. And that’s a small handful. Like a baby hand that can play a Jazz record. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Put On Your Ray-Baz Before Looking at Tampa’s Shaney New Toy

September 20, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 223 Comments

by: Grey

With austere white hair and a black turtleneck, Shane Baz Luhrmann, one of the Rays’ top pitching prospect, spoke in a deep German accent, “Now, it’s time on Sprockets when I’m called up to the dance,” and, with that, Shane Baz and a monkey danced around in the press conference to announce his promotion to the majors. The Rays decided to add some intrigue into the final two weeks of the season, calling up, Shane Baz who can touch 100 MPH. That’s miles per hour not the number of Moulin Rouges per hour you can watch when they’re on fast forward. That’s six. In Itch’s latest top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, he had Shane Baz coming in at 37th overall. As Prospector Geoff said a few years ago, “Baz is a fire-balling Texan with a varied stable of offerings. His fastball is a plus pitch featuring a velocity range between 91-98, with two plane movement. It’s a pitch he really has feel for, which is why the variance is so great with the pitch’s velocity. Baz’s pitchability and feel are truly impressive for a prep player. His ability to take something off, and reshape his pitches gives him two distinctive plus offerings in his high 80’s cutter and low-mid 80’s slider. He also features an average curveball, and a work in progress change that shows encouraging run. Baz’s talent is in good hands in the Pirates organization.” And I am laughing very loudly at that last part. Yes, the Pirates traded him to the Rays. Why? Because the Pirates know no (stutterer!) limits to their tanking. In all leagues, I’d grab Baz to try to catch lightning in a bottle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can I Phone In A Buy Title For Siri?

September 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 157 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Accidentally claimed Jose Siri in one league by holding down my iPhone home button, but, as I always say, it’s better to be lucky than good. Which is why I never learned how to drive, I simply rub a rabbit’s foot and go vroom vroom. If you Anglo’d up Jose Siri into Joe Siri, it almost sounds like you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, and if you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, you got some free time on your hands, huh? Clear schedule, you got. Here’s what Prospect Itch said of Jose Siri recently, “Siri seems unlikely to hit any better (than Myles Straw), but he has elite athleticism and good bat speed. Sounds a little like Adolis Garcia and any number of other forgotten nowhere men to pop from the upper minors and into our fantasy hearts. I’ve always liked Siri, and hate Grey.” Geez, man, c’mon. In Triple-A, Jose Siri went 16/24/.318. Yeah, I was surprised at how good he was there too. “Siri, please call Triple-A and tell them I have a flat tire.” That’s me after someone steps on the back of my shoe. For now, Siri is a fill-in for injured Astros’ outfielders (mostly Brantley), but they’re headed to the playoffs, so they might rest their guys a lot, which means playing time for Siri. If you need a guy who can fill all five categories, you should press your iPhone home button too. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

JoMo Arigato

September 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 83 Comments

by: Grey

“Mr. Roboto,” is Rudy singing to his computer screen about his robots. I say, “Rudy, what is your favorite robot?” Rudy says, “Well, I have the Pigskinonator for fantasy football, the Streamonator for streaming pitchers, the Stocktononator for fantasy basketball and the Friendonator to find a replacement for you. I guess the Friendonator would have to be my favorite.” That’s pretty cool, Rudy, thanks. So, my favorite robot of his, since I don’t follow any of those other sports is, the Streamonator. Something about a sad, lonely robot sitting at a roadside diner unable to eat peach pie because it will rust itself. Its only solace is picking the best starters of the day over the din of Roy Orbison. Sad and metallic, “Pretty woman, working down the street.” Plus, the Streamonator had me loving Jordan Montgomery (5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.63) yesterday, and loves, loves, lurves his next one vs. the Rangers. Of course, I love Jordan outside of matchups — no JoMo! What’s odd (to me, at least); Jordan Montgomery’s peripherals — 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 3.56 FIP, 1.25 WHIP — and his team should have everyone thinking of Jordan Montgomery for 2022 fantasy in a better light than he deserves, but I get the sense people think less of him. No idea why that is, maybe it’s his stuff — 92.5 MPH fastball, reliant on curve and change — maybe it’s something else. Perhaps Rudy has a robot to tell us why people think how they do, like a Brainonator. “Yes, but it doesn’t work on you.” That hurts, Rudy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nestor’s 11 Ks Don’t Burn Quite As Much As He Brought The Cortes Zone

September 16, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 118 Comments

by: Grey

We hear, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels…” as the Think Different commercial plays. The middle of a black onyx stage opens, and slowly someone rises. First, we see their Yankees cap, then the glorious sheen, black-as-night mustache, which blinds us, it’s so beautiful. Finally, we see it’s Nestor Cortes Jr. in a black turtleneck and dad jeans. Nestor clicks on the microphone that is around his ear. “Thank you, Ashton Kutcher, for that lovely intro. Now, as many of you are wondering, how am I on the Yankees, and their no facial policy, with this gorgeous mustache. That answer is quite simple, actually. It’s due to my incredibly fast-growing facial hair. I shave every morning. I want to direct you now to my 500-slide Powerpoint explaining how my mustache grows in so fast.” Not only does Nestor Cortes Jr. have a fast-growing mustache like he’s out of the 1970s, he also has a 1970s vibe to his pitching. His release point changes with just about every pitch. Is his father, Nestor Orlando El Duque Hernandez Cortes Sr.? Last night, Cortes went 6 1/3, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.60 in just under 80 IP, which is nothing to sneeze out, unless you’re allergic to quality fantasy starters. The worry with Cortes, much like it was with El Duque, he throws about 89 MPH. It’s a precarious game trying to keep MLB hitters off balance all the time. So far, Cortes has done it, and I’d try him for the rest of this year. For 2022 fantasy, Nestor Cortes Jr. feels like a guy who could be exposed as a gimmick. Now, excuse me, I want to get back to watching his mustache PowerPoint. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

How Much For Two Dingers In Lewin Show?

September 15, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 116 Comments

by: Grey

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The Norm MacDonald death hit me hard and I went down a two-hour rabbit hole of old clips of him, and it was the best waste of two hours. This clip was one of my favorites (don’t ask me to choose my favorite, it would be like choosing my favorite child if I had children — though, honestly, it doesn’t seem that hard to choose a favorite child. You have, say, three kids, you can’t choose one that you like more? That feels like a you problem more than a them problem, anyway.). Bonus is Bob Einstein is in it, and we recently lost him too:

pic.twitter.com/JiU7PmPMvi

— Votto ? (@VottoPlantEmoji) September 14, 2021

“Little did it matter; Croce would be dead within a year.” I am slayed. Well, thanks for indulging me. Now on a completely unrelated subject, Lewin Diaz! Have people been burned bad (bad Leroy Brown) by Marlins’ rookies? Jazz has been fine. What’s the problem here? I like Jesus Sanchez, no one seems to agree. I like Lewin Diaz (2-for-4, and two homers), no one else does. It seems at least. He now has five homers in 60 plate appearances, and that’s coming off a 20-homer Triple-A season (that was in 74 games). For 2022, does Lewin Diaz get the 1st base job? Not sure with Jesus Aguilar. If the NL gets the DH, then that might be moot. For this year, he’s a power corner man, but Lewin Diaz in 2022 fantasy could be an easy 30-homer guy, who might hit .220. If he gets enough junk, he might get 35+ homers. Guess you could say he hits junk yard, dog. Not the meanest of dogs, though. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The More Manoah

September 14, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 117 Comments

by: Grey

Yesterday, Alek Manoah went 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 Ks vs. the Rays, i.e., they’re supposed to be good. Alek Manoah has a 3.39 ERA, and a mom that’s a 10. Sign me up (for a spot in the mailbox outside their house)! “Hello, Ms. Alek Manoah, can I call you Alek Mommamia? Alek Womanoah? Why are you walking faster? I just wanna chat!” I scream from the mailbox. Call me a Cougar Chaser because I chase cougars! Any hoo! Alek Manoah is doing this as a rookie. Um, how about pretty unheard of. He is the 1st Jays’ pitcher to throw eight scoreless with one hit, zero walks and 10 Ks. Again, that’s against the best AL team. He tied Trevor Rogers for most 6+ innings starts for a rookie this year. His slider was dropping five inches more last night than when he first came up. He looks like a young Lance Lynn if Lance Lynn hung out with Action Bronson. For 2022, he looks like a ready-made horse, even though he will have roughly 100 IP under his belt. Right now, he’s rocking a 9.8 K/9 and a 3-ish BB/9, and for 2022 I’d put him around similar numbers, but with better command upside. So, roughly a number two fantasy starter who will have moments much better and worse. In only year two! Alek Mommamia, I love what you’ve produced! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4984 posts

Sixteen Cardles

Rodgers & Hampsonstein’s Buy! The Musical

The Whole League Is Getting Soto Bombed

Ryan Puts Cubs In An 11K Headlock

Machado Drops Bombs On The Field vs. Dugout

Chisholm Hits A HR For Each Of His Jazz Hands

Put On Your Ray-Baz Before Looking at Tampa’s Shaney New Toy

Can I Phone In A Buy Title For Siri?

JoMo Arigato

Nestor’s 11 Ks Don’t Burn Quite As Much As He Brought The Cortes Zone

How Much For Two Dingers In Lewin Show?

The More Manoah