Yet Another Joey Who’ll Bully Ortiz You

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Just like when a Jewish kid turns 13 and they become a man or woman, and have their Bar Mitzvah or when a hitter breaks out and they have a Star Mitzvah, the same can be said of a team. A team becomes a Man Team when they decide they’re too good for Adam Frazier. That’s what happened yesterday for the Orioles. They looked at their team, and they said, we’re a Man Team, we need a Man 2nd baseman. (Though, they just moved Adam Frazier to right field yesterday; Santander to DH and Gunnar to the bench, but let’s hope they didn’t decide to become a Man Team without Gunnar.) To be a Man Team, they called up Joey Ortiz to be their new Man 2nd baseman. Itch’s said, “(Ortiz is) probably my favorite player in this system at the moment in terms of value to our game versus perceived value across the lists I’ve seen. Ortiz is a plus defender at 5’11” 175 lbs and could come on so quickly that the club has to promote him early in the season. He finished 2022 with an excellent 26-game stretch in Triple-A (.346/.400.567) and doesn’t have much more to learn in the minors. If he hits as well as my fist against Grey’s head, then sign me up!” What even? Ortiz looks like a 15/15/.280 hitter if he has an everyday job. It’s time, O’s. Man up! By the way, if you leave a sandwich out for 13 years, it becomes a Manwich. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cardinals Mistake That 90’s Song As “Walker In Memphis”

by: Grey

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Jordan Walker was optioned to the minors. What a joke of an organization. Their corresponding move was to give Taylor Motter a contract. I can’t even be mad. Who are we kidding, I am so mad! He was hitting .274 vs. righties and lefties! League average is .245! Only three teams collectively are hitting above .274. He tied the longest hit streak for someone under the age of 21 in 120 years! What is going on?! Is Oli Marmol dumb? I’m truly concerned he might lock himself in a closet and not be able to get out. Is someone keeping an eye on him? What if he forgets how to get out of his car? Does he have assistance? Can we make sure Oli Marmol remembers how to put on his pants?! Can we?! Can someone do that?! What is going on?! Seriously, I’ve seen some huge BS in my time, but this is up there with the top BS’ings in the history of BS. This takes the BS cake, then craps out more BS! What is happening?! He’s better than than at least half of the current Cards’ lineup!? I wanna hurt someone! *realizes I’m screaming this in a Dunkin’ and cops are looking at me* Um, but, ya know, I will simply drop Jordan Walker from my fantasy teams, instead. Honestly, I don’t feel better after this vent session. Oli Marmol fell asleep to Camp Granada the other night, got the “Hello Motter” part stuck in his head, and now we’re losing Jordan Walker because of an earworm! A freakin’ earworm! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Call Me Korean Hanson Cuz I’m Singing Bibee MMMBop

April 26, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 397 Comments

by: Grey

I say something on this week’s podcast like, “Tanner Bibee is coming up any day now,” it’s quotes like that why the Pulitzer for Podcasts said, “Can we make a special award just for you?” Sure, their special award was called, “The Pulitzer for Saying Something While Saying Nothing.” So, the Guards are supposedly calling up Tanner Bibee to start today, and they don’t play around with their pitchers, which is something I should remember for next year when I’m between drafting a guy like Gavin Stone and a Guardians’ pitching prospect. So, Bibee has a 95 MPH fastball with four pitches. The fastball and 84 MPH slider are the swing-and-miss’ers. His slider was 56% swing-and-miss, which is nuts. His change is kinda bleh and the curve doesn’t do much, but setup. He has excellent command, and could be the rookie pitcher prospect call-up of the year. Another Pulitzer award, presumably. Here’s what Itch’s said, “Bibee’s currently my favorite of Cleveland’s pitching prospects for dynasty purposes in terms of cost vs. value. He’s coming off 73.2 innings in Double-A with a 0.88 WHIP. He allowed just four home runs there and wound up with a 1.83 ERA. He’s good enough to the naked eye that I think he’ll make waves this spring. His 122.2 innings pitched last year sets him up perfectly to step in whenever the Guardians need help. People still seem to be underrating his physical gifts. At 6’2” 205 lb, Bibee can sit comfortably in the mid-90’s deep into games and has that Cleveland specialty skill of commanding his off-speed pitches. In case you can’t tell from the blurb, I want him everywhere I can get him. And I want to punch Grey everywhere I can.” That’s not cool! Bibee is worth grabbing in every league. Yes, even in your league. Will he stay up? Hard to say, but worth the flyer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Spencer’s Gifts Nearly As Perfect As I Remembered

April 25, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 437 Comments

by: Grey

Spencer Strider is the best starter, right? I’m asking, because his mustache clouds my judgment. I know Everywhere Blair has Spencer Strider ranked number one in his top 100 starters, but Blair might get clouded by the mustache too. His mustache is very beautiful. More beautiful than mine? Who is to say? Yes! Fine, I am saying it. It is more beautiful than mine. I feel like it’s Rollie Fingers, Spencer Strider then Me. That’s it. That’s my mustache rankings. I’m not even number one for my own mustache rankings! I am pitiful! My best pitchers in baseball rankings likely start at Spencer Strider too. Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.80. His ERA might be a little bit higher than Gerrit Cole’s. Strider is basically Jacob deGrom but without seven straight years of being unable to throw more than 75 IP. Strider is Ohtani, but without the 35-homer bat. Okay, that’s pretty good for Ohtani. I’m on the Struggle Bus going choo-choo like I’m on a train, because Strider’s mustache has me so mesmerized, trying to come up with a legit top five starters based on stuff alone. Eff it! Top 5 of the top of my head based on stuff and nothing else: Strider, deGrom, Ohtani, Greene, and Strider’s Mustache. Strider ranks twice in five starters! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Logan Allen Serves Up Steamed Marlin Cleveland Style

April 24, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 488 Comments

by: Grey

You thought every team having a Luis Garcia was confusing? You rued the day you ever learned there was a Trevor Megill and a Tylor Megill? You thought they were joking when they said there was another Max Muncy? You’re in a Holds league and get the shakes every time you see T. Rogers? You still have a headache from the time you drafted Ryan Braun, the reliever? Well, do I have a surprise for you! For a limited time only, we have two Logan Allens! It could be worse, they were both on the Guardians! Now, there’s one on the Rockies and one on the Guardians. That makes things easier because you’d never want a pitcher on the Rockies, so you only have to look at the team name and remember, “No Rockies pitchers ever.” So, why do we care? Well, outside of AL-Only leagues, we may not. Logan Allen (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks) has a starting job right now, but Triston McKenzie and Aaron Civale could return at some point (in theory), and Hunter Gaddis is stretched out and might get another look. Since the “why do we care” became “why should we not care,” here’s an answer to the caring part: He consistently has a 11+ K/9 in the minors. Itch’s said, “A great athlete with plus balance and command who repeats his delivery with ease, Allen fits the Cleveland mold for pitchers who exceed their on-paper projections. He’s not an ideal candidate to add velocity at 6’0” 190 lbs, but Cleveland tends to find a way, not that Allen has needed more than his low-90’s fastball, plus changeup and average curveball to this point, and I’d like to stick Grey with a sharp point.” C’mon, man! Itch’s “Cleveland tends to find a way” is why I’m interested in deeper mixed leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buying J-Lowe’s Claim That “I’m Real”

April 21, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 308 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

“When will it all click?” is an amorphous thing. Could it be immediately? Cody Bellinger was immediate; Fernando Tatis Jr. was pretty immediate; Juan Soto was immediate. Now that I list these immediate guys, I’m beginning to wonder if success too fast is bad for the player. Like the child actor of baseball. Do you want to put your hands on your cheeks with aftershave, and scream after being left alone when you’re 12, or do you want to Culkin in your late-30’s on Succession? Fighting for success is better? I don’t know, but you can’t put a time on anyone’s breakout. Shohei Ohtani was in the league for a few leagues, drafted around 220th overall that preseason, then he broke out. We’re seeing something similar this year with Jarred Kelenic. Could the same be true of Josh Lowe? This is a guy who we’ve been touting since 2019, when he went 18/30 in Double-A. Then he followed that with 22/26 and we were all convinced he was going to arrive — and arrive he did! — but with a yawn. He started the year with the Rays last year, but was quickly sent down, and went 14/25 in the minors, and people started whispering the dreaded Quad-A label. And these people weren’t even in a library! The problem at every stop was his strikeouts would Bialystock & Bloom and he couldn’t produce, but not this year. Finally, Josh Lowe doesn’t seem like the low man of Lowes, but more like the Lowe man. He’s cut his strikeouts by a huge margin and, if he’s hitting for power, and running like he always did without the Ks? Then the Josh Lowe bar is high. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Padres Putting On Their Big Boy Pants And Going Full Fernando

April 21, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 239 Comments

by: Grey

There’s a large contingent of people logging on, who are like, so you like Fernando Tatis Jr. (0-for-5) now? I see, so you like cheaters? Let’s call these people, The Moralists. They’ve never done anything bad in their life. Good for them. Better than me, but they’re likely better than everyone. So, hey, The Moralists, I’m sorry, I grew up loving Mark McGwire, you can’t shame me into caring about steroids now. Here’s a conversation between me and The Moralists:

The Moralist, “You see that great player who is very fun?”
“Fernando Tatis Jr.? Yes, I do see him.”
“I don’t like him anymore because he cheated by taking drugs.”
“Oh, so you’re a nerd?!”

People who are like, “So, you’re defending cheating?” I am not Perry Mason. I am merely excited about the return of a guy I drafted in a fantasy baseball league. A guy who is fun. His name is Fun The Jewels for Chrissake! Any hoo! Welcome back, Fun The Jewels, now LFG! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ump Produces Sticky Substance Perusing Skin of Max

April 20, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 319 Comments

by: Grey

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Max Scherzer was cruising, as is often the case with Max Scherzer — had a line of 3 IP, 0 ER — when he was ejected for having (what the umpires believed to be) a foreign substance on his glove. Scherzer was screaming, “It’s rosin!” It seemed like the Pitchcom tape inside his glove because he calls his own game. It better — again, with some stank — IT BETTER check out as a foreign substance or all of those umpires should be suspended without pay for thirty games. Umps are power-mad idiots. You throw out a first ballot Hall of Famer for what you believe is something sticky? That’s absurd. You taint his legacy with some utter nonsense? Are you completely daft? Now, MLB instituted an automatic 10-game suspension for the offender, so Scherzer might miss another two starts due to this? Oh, this is some serious BS.

Max Scherzer was ejected between innings after a heated conversation with the umpiring crew. IN his place, the Mets brought in bizarro Max Scherzer, Schax Merzer. pic.twitter.com/Lwy0oRJEzl

— Razzball (@Razzball) April 19, 2023

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dark Days For A’s Receive A Pitcher Of Miller Light

April 19, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 406 Comments

by: Grey

In Prospect Itch’s last news report on Sunday, he said, “Athletics RHP Mason Miller was sitting 100 mph in his Friday night start. He struck out 11 batters over five perfect innings and probably belongs in Oakland’s rotation already. I doubt he’ll get there soon. Always tougher to predict these cases where service time–not skill–is the primary determinant of a prospect’s timeline. If it was up to me, I’d just punch Grey’s face all day.” What on earth? So, Itch is right and wrong. Mason Miller was called up to start today, and it is hard to predict these things. I would’ve also guessed the A’s never call up Mason Miller, because the A’s are playing for a one-way ticket to Vegas. Shows you how much pull the Freemasons really have. *pulls string on conspiracy board* If a Mason is a builder in stone, and the team name is in his name as M-A’s-on, then he’s Gavin Stone on the A’s. Whoa, doggie! So, Miller’s minor league stats are hilarious in a good and bad way. He’s got potential to have a 15+ K/9, and might stay healthy for 15 innings total. Since 2021, he has 28 2/3 IP. Oh…*marches to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro*…kay. He’s worth a flyer, but I wouldn’t expect many innings. Only way Mason Miller’s getting 2 W’s with that team before the All-Star Break is if he’s turned upside down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Patrick Aggregates Homers And Finds Wisdom Of The Crowds

April 18, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 425 Comments

by: Grey

“Wisdom is knowing when you don’t know. Wisdom is knowing when you do know. Wisdom is not spraying mace on your apple pie when it calls for mace, because that mace they’re talking about is the outside of nutmeg not the shizz that makes your eyes cry during a riot. Wisdom is not saying, “Nutmeg? I barely know her,” every time someone says nutmeg. Wisdom is Patrick Wisdom (3-for-5, 4 RBIs) hitting his 7th and 8th homer, and 4th and 5th homer in the last four games. Looking for a guy who could hit 40 homers (and prolly .210)? That’s true Wisdom…I think, is that what that says?” That’s me reading a fortune cookie’s fortune that is so long that it’s in such a tiny font it’s hard to read. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Squeals Like A Pig Over Baty’s Deliverance

April 17, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 466 Comments

by: Grey

Brett Baty was called up, finally!!!*

*It’s only been like two weeks. Aren’t you being a little bit overdramatic with the “finally” and the crazy cartoonish exclamation marks?**

*SHUT UP FOOTNOTE, YOU FREAKIN’ NERD!!!*

*Um, okay, but you’re a footnote too.***

***Sadly, the preceding two footnotes got into a scuffle soon after that exchange, and the cops were called as a postscript.

So, the Mets finally made the move we have all been expecting for the last two weeks, and, honestly, it should’ve been done when they broke camp. The Mets are not a stupid organization. Jinxed? Oh, hecks to the hey! But not dumb. I gave you a Brett Baty fantasy back in November. Nothing’s really changed from that. He’s one of the top callups this year, and should be rostered in all leagues. He could immediately break on the scene and hit 25+ homes and .270. My big question is does Buck bench Eduardo Escobar completely? I don’t think so, but I don’t know. Buck you, Showalter, play Baty! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! So sorry for this weekend and the problems the site’s had. We’ve hired a company to try to alleviate all the issues. Long story short, we were being attacked by bots and they were crashing us repeatedly. We should be good now. If you have issues logging in, you have to clear your browser cache about a month back, then log back in. I know, major pain in the ass. Sorry! Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m Gavin A Party In My Buy Pants

April 14, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 387 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

As a fantasy baseball ‘pert, I have a responsibility to give you the most likely to help you lede buy each week. This is not that. This is irresponsible. This is walking into the theater of Razzball and screaming fire, then, as everyone screams and runs out, slowly, and methodically eating everyone’s left-behind popcorn. By the by, what do you call the snacks in the theater when going to see a Kirk Cameron movie with your church group? Left Behind popcorn. Any hoo! I am choosing to be irresponsible because the upside is too great. Gavin Stone needs to be stashed now. You missed out on Kris Bubic? Shucks. You didn’t get Drey Jameson? Oh poo. You failed to acquire Bryce da Elder? Shame on you. Well, you have one more chance (until Brandon Pfaadt is called up). That’s grabbing Gavin Stone. I’m so shocked he hasn’t been called up yet that I thought that between me writing this for the Patreon on Wednesday and posting this on Friday, he might be called up. He’s a 10+ K/9, low-3 BB/9, and the Dodgers’ number two in the making. Here’s what Itch’s said, “(Stone’s) coming off a preposterous season covering three levels with a 1.48 ERA and 1.12 WHIP. Change-up dominant arms with plus command can cruise through the minors and get corrected at the highest level, but Stone has enough fastball and enough slider to tunnel with that killer cambio. Most importantly, he’s a good pitcher. Knows what he’s doing out there. He struck out a lot of guys but realizes you don’t have to strike everyone out. His best skill as a pro has probably been home run suppression, which I tend to think is generally underrated. He’s allowed ten of them in 212.2 professional innings. Ten? I’ve dreamt of punching Grey more times just in the past minute.” What the heck? Grab Stone now, before he skips away. (Clever? Methinks so!) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4921 posts

Yet Another Joey Who’ll Bully Ortiz You

Cardinals Mistake That 90’s Song As “Walker In Memphis”

Call Me Korean Hanson Cuz I’m Singing Bibee MMMBop

Spencer’s Gifts Nearly As Perfect As I Remembered

Logan Allen Serves Up Steamed Marlin Cleveland Style

Buying J-Lowe’s Claim That “I’m Real”

Padres Putting On Their Big Boy Pants And Going Full Fernando

Ump Produces Sticky Substance Perusing Skin of Max

Dark Days For A’s Receive A Pitcher Of Miller Light

Patrick Aggregates Homers And Finds Wisdom Of The Crowds

Fantasy Squeals Like A Pig Over Baty’s Deliverance

I’m Gavin A Party In My Buy Pants