Andrew McCutchen is out for the year with a torn ACL. To borrow a phrase often quoted in the White Sox bullpen box score, that’s A. Bummer. On the bright side, Cesar Hernandez (1-for-5) isn’t some obscure Roman emperor, you’re thinking of Nero Antivirus and Flavor Flavius! Last year when Cesar Hernandez had 563 at-bats in leadoff, he was a sneaky top 50 bat. Before last night, he had only 5 at-bats at leadoff. Well, all that’s about to change for the better. Then you have the new Phils’ outfielder, Jay Effin-Up-My-Paddack Bruce (3-for-4, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 15th and 16th homers). Also, Adam Haseley (0-for-4) suddenly has value as the Phils’ center fielder, when two days ago you thought Haseley was the singer of Ghost. You say you’re no good for me, I like it ANYWAY! What, I have to work the five-lady crowd too. As I said yesterday, “(Haseley is the) Phils’ 2017 1st round pick. Prospectonator doesn’t love Haseley, giving him 15/7 with little average over the course of a season (by the way, if you click on Haseley’s name, his projections are there for free — like every player). I will say this for Haseley, he looks ready to contribute in the landmark case of sooner vs. later since he played college ball. In NL-Only leagues, I’m interested since McCutchen looks out for a while, but wait and see in mixed.” And that’s me quoting me! The Phils also said (This Phil character has a lot to say!) Scott Kingery (2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer) will be getting regular starts at 3rd. When asked about Maikel, they said, “…” Oh, now you have nothing to say! But Maikel hit a pinch-hit homer, his 9th. Still nothing? “…” Damn. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Paddack – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.97. All good things must come to an…What if I never finish that thought? Do they still end? Sigh. Paddack’s going through an adjustment period. Still better than most, and will eventually stabilize as a great starter, but this is what happens. Shizz.
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-5 and his 18th and 19th homers. It bums me out that this fine $54 vending machine steak is wiping the floor with Machado’s fantasy value, but, then again, Eric Hosmer’s doing that (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 10th homer, hitting .289).
Pedro Strop – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 5th save, as he was activated from the IL. My guess is he’s closing games for the rest of the year or until the Cubs sign Kimbrel. But then Strop will be closing games for another few weeks while Kimbrel’s fantasy owners say, “What is taking so long for Kimbrel to return to the majors?”
Daniel Murphy – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. I feel like I need to keep reminding people I don’t like Murphy at all, but even I think he’s a great buy low right now.
Devin Smeltzer – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.65. I’m going to briefly leave my kombucha on this table labeled “al-Qaeda” in this cave bar I stumbled into, please watch it for me…*five hours later*…Hey, that guy looks like me? Wait a minute, is he wearing my face?! AHHHH!!! Roofie!
Marwin Gonzalez – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. On one team (that’s in 1st to lend credence and say hoo-ha), I’ve owned Marwin for about two weeks. He’s got great eligibility and counting stats are falling off the wagon in the bushel-load in Minny.
Shane Bieber – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Heard a few people either asking to bench Bieber for this start or just saying they were going to. My thoughts: Good pitching beats good hitting; you have to trust your top guys.
Francisco Lindor – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, hitting .306. Member way back, like, two weeks ago when I was comparing Lindor to Jo-Ram and pointing out how Lindor was nearly as valuable in three less weeks of games? At this point, Mitch Garver’s been as valuable as Jo-Ram and he missed a month, and is Mitch Garver!
Corbin Martin – Sent to the minors. The glory of going after rookie pitchers. Keep that in mind after each respectable start by Plesac or whoever. Framber Valdez will take his spot and he’s no framby-pamby starter like these rookies. I like Framber in all leagues, but he might need to be stretched out, and don’t fully trust him for his 1st start even if against the O’s.
Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 2nd uh-oh, Chirinos in as many games. He usually always hits one after another, though my autocorrect wanted me to write “he alway shits one after another” so I’d keep that in mind too.
Braden Bishop – 0-for-2, hitting .083, as he hit leadoff, because MLB managers hate us. Mallex made us! On my feet are orthopedics! *DMX roar*
Dellin Betances – Will face live hitters today. “Bunch of alive-ists!” That’s an angry zombie.
Aaron Hicks – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .224. On the reals, Hicks and Frazier are going to be losing playing time and/or cushiony lineup placement once Aaron Judge returns, and he sounds…*puts ear to ground*…pretty close.
Stephen Strasburg – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.54. He only gave up one solo home run to Yoan Moncada (1-for-3, 2 runs, 11th homer), so I’m going to say his FIP was great for this start. You don’t have a FIP category in your league? Well, maybe you should start playing in those Netanyahu leagues.
Howie Kendrick – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer as he replaced an injured Brian Dozier. Why wouldn’t Kendrick just start every day over Dozier? Seriously. Kendrick’s been their best bat behind Anthony Rendon (2-for-4, 5 RBIs, 11th homer, hitting .335). Yo, MLB managers are dumb.
Austin Riley – 1-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .324. O O O Riley!
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .253. I told you he didn’t retire, haters! Or did he and then un-retire?
Freddie Freeman – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .310. Freeman is such a great hitter and so aware of his ability that I bet if you were to ask him what his power ability is, he’d say something like, “I’m a 27-32 homer hitter, but 35-40 homers with these Superballs.”
Max Fried – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.68. Trying to be mindful of Pride Month, but you’re pushing my buttons, Regression Fairies.
Pedro Severino – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 6th, 7th and 8th homers. Good for him, but seriously how rotten to the nuclear core is the Orioles’ brain to call up Chance Sisco to sit him? He’s the backup to Pedro Effin’ Severino? Is this serious? What on earth would ever possess them to call up Sisco to sit? This is legitimately nuts, and I don’t care Severino had a good game. Four at-bats for Sisco is more important than the O’s even winning! I’m 100% being serious!
Keon Broxton – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (2). Sorry! Last point. They’re playing Broxton in the outfield so don’t tell me Stewart has no room!
Drew Smyly – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.93. Whew, I dodged that bullet. Streamonator was smoking some whacky two-start-backie with Smyly this week, so I bid on him in FAAB and won him (because who else in their right mind would bid on him), but benched him at the last minute second-guessing the machine.
Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .302. Yes, The Seoul Train is ownable. However, once he gets to around 17 homers, I will once again put his over/under at 22 and he will never get there.
Luis Castillo – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 2.38. Don’t want to pee in people’s cereal, but Castillo will eventually be a 3.25-3.50 ERA pitcher, and not where he currently resides. You just can’t have a near-4.5 BB/9 and be a 2.50 ERA guy. Or at least it’s very hard.
Yasiel Puig – 1-for-5 and his 11th homer. When Puig lets one fly!
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.35. Right now, Ryu would be my best bet for the lowest ERA in baseball at the end of the year. Not saying he’ll be the best starter, because he doesn’t have the Ks, but lowest ERA. Definite lead for NL Cy Young since Dodgers will provide run support too.
Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.83. As I said after his last start (or maybe time before), Montas is pitching well. Not this well, but not entirely flukey either. He’s gone from “WHO NOW?” to a legit fantasy number three.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .239. The unicorn has woken! Which is different than a woke unicorn, which is an animal found in Brooklyn coffeehouses. Not sure if this is the spark(le) the unicorn needed, but it’s at least a step in the right direction.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.88. I’m hopeless to stop myself from buying back in on Ed-Rod, aren’t I? Inner Monologue, “Muahahahahahaha…”
Cheslor Cuthbert – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and that’s two homers since his call-up only four games ago. He’s a Cuth above the rest in a Quad-A type way, but you never know where a hot schmotato might come from, so I could see the pick up.
Garrett Cooper – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 17th homer in the last week. Leave your password in the comments and I’ll pick up Cooper for you. If your password is Greyisafool27, you don’t need the numbers because no one would ever guess that because it’s a falsehood!
Brian Anderson – 1-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. The Marlins scored 16 runs in Milwaukee. *starts writing on glass like A Beautiful Mind* Yelich went to Milwaukee and became Babe Ruth…Oh my God, Brian Anderson would hit 70 homers in Milwaukee!
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.52. Pabs jumped in a row boat, pointed to his Uber rower and yelled, “Take me to the W on the Ivictory Coast!”
Jeff McNeil – 1-for-5 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “If the Cleveland Indians name is offensive, they should change their name to the Ohio Indians.”
Noah Syndergaard – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.83. For some reason people think I hate the Mets even though I watch them more than perhaps any other team, but, with that said, Syndergaard does not look right. He hasn’t all year. I don’t care what the peripherals say about his velocity. When a guy like him can’t strike out 10+ Giants, there’s an issue.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4 and his 20th homer. His home runs are so gorgeous I have dreams of a scenario where I’m role-playing with Cougs like in the movie Indecent Proposal and Pete Alonso offers us a Bed, Bath and Beyond 20% off coupon and I hand my wife over to him. Only if I can watch! What’s wrong with me?
Wilson Ramos – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Why did he homer, you ask with your soft, doe eyes blinking gently. I’ll tell ya. Because yesterday people were asking to drop him.
Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.05. One game sample, but Bumgarner looked way better than Syndergaard against a much tougher lineup.
Blake Snell – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.68. *under a classroom desk in the 1950’s* Tell me when it’s okay to come out, and the pitchpocalypse has passed.
Willy Adames – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer. Been getting some questions about Adames recently, so I looked at his player page, and he’s done literally BLEH. Maybe this is the start of something to cyclops, but I don’t see a ton yet.
Niko Goodrum – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 5th steal, hitting near-.450 in the last week, and at leadoff. Am I drunk? Yes, on schmotatoes! Schmotato vodka leads to no hangovers. Fact!
Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Before the game, Miggy said he should have surgery but he will try to play through it. He continued on, “Getting old sucks…Did someone say something? Oh, that was me talking.”
Josh Harrison – Out 6-8 weeks with hamstring surgery. What a pal to have surgery for Miggy.