Get The Gelof Me You Buy Stud

ChatGPT, please explain to me Zack Gelof‘s fantasy value. “Naturally, Grey, here’s what Grey Albright of Razzball says–” Um, ChatGPT, “I am Grey Albright of Razzball.” “Of course! That is a great distinction! Zack Gelof’s fantasy value is solid power and speed but will hurt you in average. You’re going to want hitters in Bing Bong Stadium in the summer when the ball starts flying out–” Hey, ChatGPT, is that still from me? “Oh, yes! Would you look at that! Would you like more information from you about anyone else?” No, I can tell me my own thoughts. “Of course! You are quite smart and charming!” Well, thanks for that, but I haven’t forgotten you’re just taking what I’m saying and feeding it back to me. “No, you won’t forgot, because you’re so smart and handsome.” Hmm, now I’ve forgotten. So, Zack Gelof’s fantasy value has taken some huge detours through the years. He was a .267 hitter his rookie year with a 27.3 K%, but then struggled mightily with strikeouts, ballooning up to 45.5% last year, but that was a small sample (30 games) and now he’s back to doing what we liked about him his rookie year when he went 14/14 in only 69 games. Making way more contact and, unlike his rookie year, he’s now in a much better park. With Wilson hitting the IL, Gelof has a chance to reclaim his former glory and even more. “That’s great, Grey, I will be sure to tell you that about Gelof next time you ask me.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Daniel Susac – There’s very few catchers who come into the league every year who will have mixed league value. Jesus Rodriguez or Daniel Susac could be one of the them, due to a confluence of events (Posey getting sick of another catcher who he might have unreal expectations for). I don’t know who will be the Giants’ starter, but I’d guess Susac, and JeRod floats like Grandpa Joe after some seltzer. The starter, whomever that is, could have mixed league value.

Brandon Valenzuela – He’s been hot, so don’t take this the wrong way, but where in the galaxy is Kirk?

Luis Garcia Jr. – The 7-Day Player Rater has Lu-Ga-Ju at 72% rostered, so he’s not technically available enough to be mentioned in this post, but what are you going to do? Sue me for my Bobby Grich poster and his O-Pee-Chee rookie card?

Luke Raley – Saw how much Raley was out-slugging Vlad Jr., and I had to sit down. I don’t want to stand up for a while. I think I might need a nap.

TJ Rumfield – Still want to stash Condon, but can’t argue with a literal grassy field of Bacardi bottles.

Paul Goldschmidt – Walding Ryan and here comes a scalding Paul. You gotta be Schmidt’ing me.

Michael Massey – If only I drafted Massey in the 1st round instead of Tatis…[dream sequence starts] Hey, why am I tied to a stake and why are my leaguemates carrying burning torches? Oh crap! I’m not a witch! I just had a premonition Massey would be better than Tatis! [dream sequence ends] Hmm, guess I should be glad I drafted Tatis.

Ezequiel Duran – Every year Duran gets hot for two weeks a season, week one for Duran was last week. Week two for Duran is this week. The last two weeks were Duran Duran’s. It’s wild, boys.

Willi Castro – I need to do a neti pot to clear my brain of comparing every schmohawk middle infielder with Tatis. Please, brain, don’t tell me Willi Castro’s been better than Tatis. Please!

Andres Gimenez – His hotness might be mostly contingent on one big game, but he homered more in one game than Tatis has all year. There’s more Harvey Fierstein’s in this world than Tatis homers.

Chase Meidroth – I before E except after Chasem. I’d Chasem if I needed runs.

Brayan Rocchio – So, I stumbled onto something of interest — inadvertently smart stuff! To write this post, I sort the 7-day Player Rater for players under 80% rostered. How’sever, accidentally I had the wrong tab on my browser open and sorted on the season-long Player Rater. Rocchio was the highest player at any position on the season for guys barely rostered. You’ll never guess number two, but I’ll give you a big hint: Going to lead the majors in wins while throwing under 60 IP.

Braden Shewmake – This is Skip Schumaker in Witness Protection, isn’t it?

J.P. Crawford – He’s hit for some pop this year, but I honestly don’t understand the logic of keeping down Colt Emerson. He sounds like a horse, so give us Bojack Emerson! Actually, he hits for power, give us Mojack!

Alec Bohm – He’s been hot, and his currently living in a van in the parking lot because he was fleeced by his parents, so you know he’s hungry. Um, literally.

Brady House – Went to look at the season-long Player Rater about to SMACK SENSE right into yo’ head! Was about to SMACK SENSE by saying House has actually been good all year. Turned out I SMACKED SENSE into my own head because it’s not true. He has been hot though.

Jake McCarthy – His stats actually translate to an outfielder who’s worth rostering in just about all leagues, not just because he’s currently hot. Now, enter this parenthetical for an immediate refutation. (He’s not an easy guy to roster long-term, because it’s more valuable in the aggregate without any real sex appeal.)

Michael Conforto – He’s been hot, so, grain of salt here, but I just looked at the Cubs’ lineup and how is Conforto even playing? DH over Moises? Why?

Brandon Marsh – I don’t think he ever gets there, but Marsh is prorating for a 20/20/.300 season. [doorbell buzzes] Oh, hey, Mr. Prorater. “It really hurts my feelings when you prorate without me.”

Isaac Collins – Was looking at The Bartender, and thinking about how the Brewers gave him up and decided to stick with Garrett Mitchell, which is likely a push at end of day, but Mitchell looks terrible early on. See, even the Brewers make a bad move once in a while!

Carson Benge – I’m sorta half hoping Benge stays hot forever. Not because I roster him in any leagues, but because I want him to hit leadoff from now on to move Soto the heck out of that lineup spot! The Mets have killed my Juan Soto!

A.J. Ewing – Maybe Ewing can be my answer to get Soto the hell out of the leadoff spot. I ain’t trying to get 65 RBIs from my 1st round hitter! Any hoo! Here’s what I said when Ewing was called up, “This year: 2/17/.339 in a month of Triple-A. Last year (and here it gets ridiculous), 3/70/.315 in 485 ABs. So, he’s Chandler Simpson at worst, but he could have some pop too, eventually, since he’s only 21.” And that’s me quoting me!

Ryan Waldschmidt – Already gave you my Ryan Waldschmidt fantasy. It was written while watching someone creeping outside my window. Itch?

Henry Bolte – Already gave you my Henry Bolte fantasy. It was nominated for a Pulizier. Not a Pulitzer, don’t be ridiculous.

Sam Antonacci – If Adam Dunn was a gremlin that got wet and replicated, that would be the majority of the White Sox hitters, except Antonacci. He’s come up and immediately hit the ground running with solid plate discipline.

Bryce Elder – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Wal-Mart.

Nick Martinez – This is also a Streamonator call. “I was wondering if you got my resume. It was the one for greeter and cash register.”

Rico Garcia – One of the few guys who has stepped up to close who actually looks worthwhile to hold even when the primary closer returns. On a related note, it’s impressive how poorly the O’s are doing considering how good their relievers have been.

Ryan Zeferjahn – Shadows are falling and I’m running out of breath, keep me in your bullpen for a while…Oh, sorry, was just singing one of Zeferjahn’s classics.

Graham Ashcraft – His underlying numbers are a ticking time bomb of bad command, but if he’s getting saves in Cincy, I will try to remember if I have to snip the green or red wires to shut the ticking clock off.

Caleb Kilian – Giants had a save opportunity the other day, and Kilian was about to come in, then the Giants blew the lead wide open. That Kilian didn’t come in after that is about the biggest vote of confidence for a potential closer.

Grant Taylor – I don’t hate Seranthony, this isn’t about him. Merchant-Ivory films rock! No, this is your middle reliever buy of the week. Taylor might get some saves in the second half of the season, though, because maybe Dominguez is traded. For now, though? [making the most sublime face] That’s me looking at Grant Taylor’s underlying numbers.

SELL

Alex Bregman – You make a 45-second video of a sink filled with Jell-o with a baby standing in it up to their ankles, and you have TikTok gold. It’s mom slop. You cannot compete with mom slop. Goop is worth a billion something on mom slop. We need dad slop. We need a video of Alex Bregman talking about how cool Wrigley is to play in. That’s dad slop. There’s a certain audience for it. Maybe you’re not the audience, but someone is. You need to find that audience and sell your Alex Bregman to them. You gotta drill down to dad slop brain to even remember why anyone liked Bregman. Was it his runs? I don’t know, I don’t have dad slop brain! Only Gleyber’s 2019 is more hilarious than Bregman’s 2019 career year. His 2018 is slightly goofy too. In 2018 and 2019, he hit a combined 72 homers. That’s more than a third of his career homers and he’s played for 11 years! He has nothing in his tank. No power, no speed, and now he’s not even hitting for average. I wouldn’t trade Alex Bregman for a cameo in a mom slop video of a baby standing in a sink full of Jell-o, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.