I blame Jonathan Villar, Dusty, Francisco Lindor and Rougned Odor, in no particular order. Those players and Dusty are the reason why I owned Trea Turner and dropped him. I mean, no one would be crazy enough to put Turner in at Utility when he was first called up. Wasn’t gonna play him at outfield. He’s a middle infielder, and I had no room. *puts thumbtacks on desk, takes particular care to make sure the sharp ends are facing up, slams head onto desk* If I owned him, Turner would solve so many of my problems. He’d even fix my irregular bowels! This weekend Turner had three homers (11), three steals (27) and is hitting .355 in only 60 games. Trea magnifique! I haven’t seen this kind of emergence since…Damn, I don’t know how long. Maybe last year with Carlos Correa? Ouch, that comparison means Turner could disappoint in 2017? Don’t hate the player, hate the knowledge that the player possesses that makes him say things that are unlikable, which I guess could be lumped in with ‘hating the player,’ making it okay to hate the player. About a month ago, I thought Turner was going to be drafted around top 100 in 2017, but that was prior to the power showing up. With each homer, he’s moved up about a round, and now he’s breathing down the 2nd round for 2017. Depends if you think you ain’t seen nothing yet with Baseman Turner Overdrive. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Joe Ross – 3 IP, 1 ER as he was activated from the DL. Ross isn’t stretched out, and, unless JB can put his size 16 boot on Ross’ back and pull on his arms, Ross won’t get stretched out, and make much of a difference this year.
Jacob deGrom – Here’s what I said last week, “The Mets’ pitcher updates go like this: if an arm needs surgery, they say nothing. If an arm is injured but doesn’t require surgery, they say the pitcher might make his next start. If an arm is beyond repair, they say it’s a back injury. With the Mets’ Injury Index in mind, they said deGrom just needs to rest and might make his next start. Though, they haven’t said anything in about five days. So, they’re deciding on shutting him down for surgery and he has an arm injury.” And that’s me quoting me! Do I even need to tell you what happened this weekend? The Mets said they were shutting him down and he needs surgery on his ulnar nerve in his elbow.
Yoenis Cespedes – Left yesterday’s game due to dizziness and nausea. He must be following this presidential election.
T.J. Rivera – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, and had three hits on Saturday. Could be…a…light…schmotato. Sorry, I was doing my Shatner T.J. Hooker impersonation.
Lucas Duda – 0-for-2 as he started at 1st base. It’s nice that he battled his way back. I’m thrilled for him (not thrilled at all, couldn’t be more apathetic), but rather than owning names, you need to be starting guys that are actually hot.
Miguel Sano – Hopes to return midweek. Fun fact! Midweek is like a midwife for hump day. I’m just a trivia buff.
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. His home batting average last year in Coors: .395. Any guesses what his average is this year at home? Nope, lower. Keep going. Lower still. Prior to yesterday, he was hitting .202 at home.
Jake Odorizzi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.73. Stream-o-Nator likes Odorizzi in his next matchup vs. the Sawx in Tampa, but I’d be lying if I said I trusted him. Sawx could scramble Odorizzi and make it over easy.
Steve Pearce – Placed on the 60-day DL. He hopes to return if the Orioles make it to game seven of the World Series and it goes into extra innings for 24 days.
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 and his 43rd homer. Whether you own him or not, you should be rooting for him to get to 50 homers so he’s wildly overrated next year.
Seung Hwan Oh – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 18th save as he returned this weekend, and appears to be good for Cardinals’ saves. By the way, you know how every Korean player has Ho in the middle of their name? Do you think Hwan Oh is Ho, but Seung?
Alex Reyes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.03. He is so sexy, that, next year, I want to draft Reyes then make that fantasy team pregnant.
Aledmys Diaz – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. He had done nothing for the last few games going into yesterday, but the Cards go into Coors, so it don’t matter, just don’t fight it.
Jon Gray – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 16 Ks, ERA at 4.42. To mix comic book metaphors, it’s like Kryptonite is Gray’s spinach. He’s a paramecium in brackish water saying, “Bring on the salinity cause I’m living where the rest of y’all can’t! Dead Sea? Please! More like Alive Sea! Amiright?!” He’s the armadillo in The Clash “Rock the Casbah” video, surviving between takes when the bandmates attempt to stand on its armored back. “Hey, Strummer, could you shift a little?” That’s the armadillo as Joe Strummer stands on top of it. Even if this game was against the Padres, it was in Coors and, where the rest of the league looks weak, Gray has a good week for Scherzer in one game. 16 Ks? Damn, it’s gonna be so hard to not draft Gray in 2017, even if all signs point to my face while wearing an “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt.
Yu Darvish – 5 IP, 7 ER vs the A’s at home. I have a Mad Magazine back cover that says, “I am a whirling dervish and I will win my fantasy league, suckers!” Then I fold it and it reads, “Yu Sucks!”
Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 39th and 40th homers, and people still don’t want to own him. This will be a case of people next year drafting Davis for 40 HRs and being the same people who didn’t even pick him up off waivers this year. Y’all fickle!
Ryan Dull – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, ERA at 2.30, and Ryan Madson might be out as the A’s closer, as he’s Mr. Bungled two out of his last three, and gave up runs in three straight, making never a Dull moment, both inaccurate and accurate. If you’re dying for saves, I could see grabbing Dull.
Ivan Nova – 3 IP, 3 ER, could’ve been worse, but there were two timely errors to cause two unearned runs. Yes, the errors were timely to allow a subpar day to be less awful. And they say fantasy bastardizes real baseball. Pfft, please. As for Nova, he wasn’t as good as he showed the last few weeks, but I could see giving him another start next time out.
Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer, and 3rd homer in two days. Guess who streamed him this weekend? This guy with two thumbs standing on one leg, doing the crane, overlooking a calm ocean.
Dan Straily – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.83. Like that Amish kid getting pumped about Rumspringa, Straily’s a homeschooler.
Joey Votto – 4-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer, hitting .412 in the 2nd half. I’ll be giving out postseason awards when the season concludes, but just wanted to say Votto’s making it a tight race with Dozier for 2nd half MVP.
Scott Schebler – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and 2-for-4 with his 8th homer on Saturday. You need to be looking at small sample sizes this late in the year. Doesn’t matter what a guy did two weeks ago. Schebler appears hot and I would gamble on him this week.
Mike Fiers – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.46 vs. James Paxton – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Solid start from each guy in this matchup, but I’d use the Stream-o-Nator for both of them going forward. By the way, Fiers is a matchup play, while his teammate, Doug Fister (3 2/3 IP, 7 ER) is a fist-up play.
Seth Smith – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and two homers (15, 16). You gotta love The Lisper’s Nightmare to the nth degree, because that’s the only degree a lisper can pronounce.
Ariel Miranda – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.88, and his third straight solid start. If I would’ve had starts to stream left, I would’ve went with Miranda, and I’d go with him again him his next one vs. the Twins.
Andrelton Simmons – 1-for-3 and his 9th steal. He’s been out of this world over the last ten days, and not simply because he’s on a home stand. In the last ten: three homers, three steals. Okay, a nice stretch for him, a weekend for Trea Turner, and Oxford comma.
Miguel Gonzalez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.83. This was me counting off his Quality Starts on his game log, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, wait, is that nine straight Quality Starts? Damn, I need to look at his 2nd half numbers. A 3.08 ERA in the 2nd half?! Oh. Okay.” So, yeah, Gonzalez has been terrific, but I still wouldn’t risk him in most leagues.
Jose Quintana – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.26. You know how if you stand on the equator it feels like a magnet is pulling you? With that in mind, Quintana has a magnet to 3.30 ERA.
Todd Frazier – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer, hitting .219. He’s been so putrid I had him on my bench, and the next step was dropping him while yelling, “You’re the Todd man out,” but then he went and homered. So, now I will start him for another week of 0-for-24. Lowercase yay.
Danny Duffy – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.18. The last run was cheap because Ned Yost decided to throw him out for the 8th inning when Duffy should’ve been replaced, but, if I’m being honest, Duffy feels a lot less rock solid than he felt about six weeks ago.
Kendrys Morales – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 28th homer, hitting .261. He’s off his crazy RBI pace of last year, right? Well, yes, but not by much. He has 85 RBIs, which is thankfully not eighty-five Ron Ben-Israels, and had 106 last year. Big fall off for Kendrys has been his runs (59 vs. 81), because seemingly the entire Royals team regressed to average this year.
Freddy Galvis – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (20) and legs (14), and now has four homers in the last week. Yes, Freddy Galvis has the same number of homers on the year as Goldschmidt.
Odubel Herrera – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .285. Has slowed down in the 2nd half, but he hasn’t been that far off from what you were hoping to get from Lorenzo Cain this year, minus some counting stats.
Jeremy Hellickson – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (0 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.57. This is neither funny nor illuminating — Like the rest of this is! Hey, c’mon, Random Italicized Voice. — but Hellickson has A) Been trustworthy for all mixed leagues. B) Shown how nice it is to have an NL schedule, and especially an NL East schedule, even when you’re not facing the Phils. C) There’s no C.
Andrew Cashner – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.27 vs. Alec Asher – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.16. This matchup was billed as “Ash’d out,” because neither guy could finish anything.
Carlos Carrasco – A comebacker broke his hand and he’s done for the season. The Indians mascot, Chief Wahoo, may have thought he was doing a rain dance or a ‘let’s get some runs’ dance, but sometime in July, he did a ‘our pitchers are gonna be so screwed it’s gonna hurt our playoff chances’ dance. You’d be surprised at how similar they are. Just one extra feathered boot shake.
Trevor Bauer – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.24. *Chief Wahoo slowly walks out of the room* On the fo’reals, the AL playoffs are gonna be Rangers, Sawx, Jays and Indians with one terrible pitcher vs. another and a bunch of 12-10 games.
Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 3.22. Wanna talk about crazy? Befriend anyone that paints their face for a sporting event. Wanna talk crazy for fantasy baseball? Verlander has a legit chance to be a top five SP on the season, according to our Player Rater.
Justin Upton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .236. He continues to defy expectations! Sorry, I meant defile expectations.
J.D. Martinez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. I imagine Just Dong is on a lot of teams whose owners are now playing fantasy football, due to J.D.’s 1st half. So, on behalf of those of us that don’t own him and those that have moved on, please don’t have a huge final two weeks so you’re underrated next year.
Chris Carter – 1-for-4 and his 36th homer, and his 2nd homer this weekend, hitting .222. He has four games in the 2nd half with multiple hits. He has fourteen 2nd half homers. He’s a Three True Outcome player. Everything is a strikeout, a home run or a walk back to the dugout after a home run or strikeout.
Kyle Hendricks – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA up to 2.06. What a scrub!
Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.96. I will bet you five over-the-internet dollars this happens in the playoffs. Joe Buck will say something like, “Arrieta is usually one of the top pitchers in the majors, but tonight it just wasn’t meant to be.” No one on Fox will mention that Arrieta hasn’t been dominant for the last three months.
A.J. Pollock – Said he will ramp activity next week. What kind of Pollock thinks there’s enough time to ramp activity next week?
Brandon Drury – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and, like, his 17th homer in the last week. No, I don’t know why you haven’t picked him up either.
Chris Owings – 2-for-7, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. Owings was a hot schmotato earlier this month, then cooled off some, and now might be heating up again. So, that makes him a lukewarmotato. Okay, needs work.
Mitch Haniger – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in the last four games. Maybe one of these schmohawk Diamondback hitters can take Au Shizz into the cages.
Jose De Leon – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER. Damn, the Diamondbacks Ponce’d on De Leon! What, too soon? It’s been almost 600 years!
Hanley Ramirez – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 27th and 28th homers. And the Emmy for Most Septactular Performance goes to…Dozier! Damn, but it’s nice they nominated Hanley.
David Price – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 3.91. If you own Price in fantasy, it could be worse. You could be paying him $217 million for the next seven years.
Gary Sanchez – 3-for-5 and his 16th homer. He just became ineligible to be a rookie for next year as he makes his case for this year’s Rookie of the Year. That’s pretty incredible. Has anyone ever won the Rookie of the Year award with less than 200 ABs? I’m asking for Gary.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Went for an MRI on his right patellar tendon. Ironically enough, the doctor who saw Ellsbury was named Patellar.
Starlin Castro – Out with a hamstring strain. Sounds like he’s done for the season. On a related note, if him, Julio Urias and Forest Whitaker were in a staring contest, who would blink first?
