Fantasy Baseball Advice

We’ve already went over the top 20 catchers for 2009; soon we’ll go over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009, then the top 20 shortstops… Well, right now we’re going over the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.  It’s a look back, ya’ll!  Don’t worry, soon we’ll look forward.   With the 1st basemen, you’ll (maybe) notice that I’m a lot closer in my rankings and predictions for these guys as compared to the catchers.  This is to be expected.  1st basemen are usually guys in the middle of the lineups that produce every year; catchers are a crapshoot for hitting.  Okay, enough about catchers.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Albert Pujols -  With or without a major league capable hitter behind him… With or without a working elbow tendon… None of it seemed to matter to Pujols.  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  105/35/110/.335/5, Final Numbers:  124/47/135/.327/16

2. Prince Fielder – Here’s what I said in January of last year, “I’ve seen the big man falling into the third round of some drafts.  Makes me feel like I need to clear something up.  We’re drafting for 2009, not for what he did in 2008.   Sure, Berkman had a great 2008, but he’s hardly just entering his prime.  Yes, Fielder is the world’s fattest 24-year-old vegetarian and we should be worried about his general health when he’s in his 30s and needs a crane to get him to 1st base, but right now….”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/46/141/.299/2

3. Ryan Howard – I can predict his numbers in February with a blindfold on.  Sure, a blindfold doesn’t impede my ability to think about what Howard will hit, but you get my drift.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  100/45/140/.265, Final Numbers:  105/45/141/.279/8

4. Miguel Cabrera – He threw in an inconsequential 6 steals to help boost his value a bit.  Otherwise, he fell short of mine and just about everyone’s projections, taking a step back in power.  The RBIs were down, which was due to Leyland’s inability to find a decent #3 hitter.  Clete Thomas saw 146 at-bats in the three hole and hit .205.  I believe Clete hit third simply because his first name sounds basebally.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  100/39/125/.305, Final Numbers:  96/34/103/.324/6

5. Mark Reynolds – Everyone was saying 3rd base was extremely shallow.  And it was.  So what do you do when something’s shallow?  You either reach or you punt.  At some point in March, I decided to punt 3rd basemen in all of my leagues.  I wasn’t drafting high enough to get Wright (phew), Aramis had too many question marks for where he was being drafted and I wasn’t thrilled with Chris Davis as an upside pick.   So going through all of the potential upside picks in the later rounds, there was only one player that could give me 30 homers and 10 steals.  Actually, the more I looked at him, the more I couldn’t understand why he was being drafted so late.  Was he that different than Chris Davis?  So in every single league, I drafted this guy — Mini-Donkey.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked 14th for 3rd basemen, 2009 Projections:  75/31/100/.255/7, Final Numbers:  98/44/102/.260/24

6. Mark Teixeira – If I would’ve known exactly how the new Yankee Stadium would play — The Jetstream… Slide, Slide, slippity slide… — I probably would’ve guessed Tex could’ve done much more damage.  But I didn’t, and he didn’t.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/39/122/.292/2

7. Derrek Lee – His season flummoxed me to a degree.  I didn’t see him exploding for the power he did.  I thought he still had some speed in his giraffe legs.  On the other hand, when he started poor (April — 1HR, .189), I pushed people to buy into a rebound.  Six of one, you know the rest.  Preseason Rank #11, 2009 Projections:  95/22/90/.295/8, Final Numbers:  91/35/111/.306/1

8. Kendry Morales – I liked him coming into the year, but even I didn’t think he had this many homers in his bat, which makes me think he might be overrated next year, but until then… Preseason Unranked, but he did get a Sleeper Post, Final Numbers:  86/34/108/.306/3

9. Pablo Sandoval – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #13 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

10. Kevin Youkilis – The nice thing about Youuuuuk is his predictability.  Will he hit 25 homers and bat near .300?  Yup, probably.  As with everyone, the RBIs and Runs are products of his environment.  But even those stats are usually right in line with his norms.  Death, taxes and Youk. Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  95/25/110/.295, Final Numbers:  99/27/94/.305/7

11. Joey Votto – For huge periods of 2009, Votto was a complete Failicorn.  And… Wait, needs to be bigger…  AND he still produced.  I’m very excited about Votto for 2010.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  85/28/100/.300/12, Final Numbers:  82/25/84/.322/4

12. Adrian Gonzalez – Imagine a world where there’s a new episode of The Wire on every night of the week, every meal consists of pork by-products in a tube shape and Adrian Gonzalez plays anywhere but Petco (and Metco).  Oh, and we all live in igloos made of grape ice pops.  Ah, yes, I like that. Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  85/34/95/.280, Final Numbers:  90/40/99/.277/1

13. Victor Martinez – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #4 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

14. Michael Cuddyer – Confession… Forgive me, Razzball Reader, but I wrote a good chunk of this post about two weeks ago.  At that point, Cuddyer was ranked 20th.  It didn’t help that Carlos Pena and Morneau were injured and Helton’s life-sized portrait of himself began to rapidly age, but it’s fair to say Cuddyer ended his season really well.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  93/32/94/.276/6

15. Adam Dunn – Two donkeys, one list.  Yeehaw!  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #23 for Outfielders, 2009 Projections:  80/40/85/.245/5, Final Numbers:  81/38/105/.267

16. Todd Helton – Eh, there’s guys below Helton I would’ve taken in his stead.  Morneau, Pena and Butler for stead sake.  Helton did have a much more productive season in 2009 than I thought he was capable of.  His numbers at 1st are still kinda yawnstipating.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  79/15/86/.325

17. Billy Butler – 51 doubles at the age of 23 is something to get very excited about.  I’ve already talked about him a bit for 2010.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see an Edgar Martinez-type season from him next year.  That is a big compliment.  Butler was in the preseason cheap alternatives post, where I said, “Bust can refer to Butler’s major league career thus far or his moobs….  Potential for 20 HRs and a .300 average.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  78/21/93/.301/1

18. Justin Morneau – I’ve never drafted Morneau on any team in any league ever — yes, I remember these types of things and forget loved ones’ birthdays.  I don’t avoid Morneau as much as I never see 3rd round value in a 1st baseman that is going to max out around 30 homers.  Weird that he plays in Minnesota because he gets big city hype every year.  Somewhere Wheelock Whitney, Jr. smiles. Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  90/27/115/.285, Final Numbers:  85/30/100/.274

19. Paul Konerko – Konerko’s one of those late round corner men that is always welcome in deep leagues and always ignored in shallow ones.  He falls between the cracks like C+ students.  He also showed up in the cheap alternatives post too with the aforementioned Moobs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  75/28/88/.277/1

20. Carlos Pena – Led the AL in homers and missed about a month of the season.  Put that in your skull bong and smoke it.  Preseason Rank #14, 2009 Projections:  75/32/95/.265, Final Numbers:  91/39/100/.227/3

Chad Qualls is probably done for the season.  The closer shituation isn’t going to be pretty in Arizona, unfortunately.  We’re looking at a closerousel.  I’d list the candidates in this order:  Juan Gutierrez, Clay Zavada, Esmerling Vasquez, Daniel Schlereth and Blaine Boyer.  Reading those names again, I vomited into a trash bin and the ghost of Hoyt Wilhelm materialized and said in a British accent, “Be careful, Grey.  Gutierrez is iffy at best and Zavada can’t see past his mustache when he pitches from the stretch.”  Because times are lean for saves in a few of my leagues, I’ll cop to grabbing the first two guys.  Careful about going with any of them if you don’t need saves.  But really, who doesn’t need saves?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Krispie Young – In America, everyone gets a 2nd chance — John Travolta, Michael Vick and the police officer from The Village People.  Maybe people get 2nd chances in Kathmandu.  I don’t know.  I’ve never heard anyone say, “Everyone gets a 2nd chance in Kathmandu.”  Krispie returns to the majors and should be play nearly every day.  What can we expect?  Nothing.  How’s that optimism?  But what can he do?  Well, he’s been hot in his recent Triple-A stint and he had a decent 2nd half last year.  Absolute ceiling of expectations would be 4 homers and 4 steals in September.  It’s not going to save your team, but it could help.

Scott Kazmir – In case you don’t have cable in your dungeon, Kazmir was traded to the Angels.  Maybe going out to Dave & Buster’s after every game, rather than Hooters will help focus Spazmir, but I have my doubts.  He’s been no joy to own thus far this year, and I’m skeptical that he suddenly will turn things around.

Andy Sonnanstine – He’ll get the call this Tuesday to replace Kazmir.  And, as you know, Tuesday is the new hump day.

Jake Peavy – His elbow had a “recurrence of tightness.”  Sounds like a bad Ashton Kutcher movie.  Oh, wait, they’re all bad.  Hey, look at me, I Twitter!  I’m Ashton Kutcher!  I’m in movies opposite Anne Heche! Sorry, I don’t like Kutcher.  So, Peavy’s having problems with his elbow… Well, I didn’t expect him to save many teams in September, but I did think he could be helpful.  Now, not so sure.  If you have no room on your DL, I’d consider dropping him.

Akinori Iwamura – HR yesterday.  Sitting under your MI trellis with Everth Cabrera, Gordon Beckham and Alexei Ramirez and Akinori walks up with a nice glass of iced tea.  Do you ask someone to get up so Aki can sit down?  Right now, Iwamura’s hitting at the bottom of the lineup, but that could change if he hits.  But really the best thing you can hope for from him is Runs and only if he’s at the top of the lineup.

Joba Chamberlain – 3 IP, 2 ER.  The Yankees said they were abandoning Joba Rules (skipping him).  But it seems like they’re just altering the rules to include starting him but then pulling him early in games (after 35 pitches on Sunday).  That does no one any good in fantasy.  Punt!

Jermaine Dye – HR yesterday as he went 2-for-11 over the weekend with one RBI.  I’m still fine with abandoning him.  Don’t look back in anger, Liam.

Matt Kemp – HR yesterday and recently he’s been batting in the top half of the lineup.  A commenter asked me if I would draft Sizemore or Kemp first in 2010.  At first I said Sizemore, but it’s very close and I could see February Grey changing his mind on that.  Kemp really has been that great this year.

Bronson Arroyo – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  His run of quality starts continues.  I don’t play for Wins because they’re hard to predict, but I will say Arroyo has been miserably unlucky… Or maybe the Reds have just been miserably bad.  Either way, Arroyo’s not a great bet for wins, but he’s been solid in ratios.

Sean West – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Has a respectable ERA (4.22) but a terrible K/BB ratio (47/35).  He gets the Nationals and the Mets in his next two starts.  To some that may sound like the cat’s meow and the cat’s pajamas.  Well, I’m not a cat person.

Adrian Gonzalez – Sat out two straight days with a bicep(s?) injury.  He pinch hit though on Sunday so it shouldn’t be too serious.  I did enjoy seeing Oscar Salazar batting third yesterday.  He’s the 1st baseman; first basemen bat 3rd!  Bonkers, I tell ya.  Bonkers…  Oh, but it did work as Salazar went 3-for-4.  Inconceivable!

Feliz Pie – Has 3 homers in the last four games while batting near .400 over the last week.  That’s some tasty pee-ay.

Paul Byrd – 6 IP, 6 baserunners, 0 ER as he got the start for the Sawx.  I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Garrett Jones – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.  In other news, are you kidding me?!

Julio Borbon – Only got on base once and he stole a base.  Can someone conference call Alcides Escobar and Borbon so we can get Alcides running?  I’ll moderate/translate.  Anyone know how to say SAGNOF in Spanish?

Carlos Zambrano – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners.  This ain’t exactly like predicting in 1975 that OJ Simpson will one day kill his wife, but end up in prison for trying to steal his own memorabilia, but when you can’t get out of the 4th inning vs. the Mets something is not right.

Kendry Morales – 2-for-4 with his 30th homer yesterday.  He hits .311 on the year as he nears 100 RBIs.  Still, I get the feeling he might be underrated next year.

Zach Greinke – 1 hitter vs. the Mariners.  Hopefully, the BBWAA can skim their eyes to the right of his Win total.

Russell Branyan – Headed to the DL.  But, wait, who’s going to give me my 1-for-12 with a homer every third game?  Later, Branyan.  Way to regress to your subpar norm in the 2nd half.

Carlos Gonzalez – Returned with a stolen base.  Hopefully, CarGo can pick up where he left off before his steak and ail.

David Wright was released from the hospital yesterday after tests showed that he was okay from Saturday’s beaning.  When he first went down, the Mets had some serious concerns when Wright couldn’t answer straightforward questions like, “Who’s our starting shortstop?” “Who plays 1st?”  “Who’s the shirtless guy hiding in Jerry Manual’s locker?”  Wright might be out for the season.  Probably be the best thing that could happen to his fantasy owners.  The wait for his power to return can finally end.  Though I wouldn’t drop him in one year leagues until it’s official he’s not returning, unless room on your DL is spare.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nick Johnson – Left with a hamstring injury.  He seemed to be in good spirits after the game, smiling in locker room pictures.

Nate McLouth – McLousy’s out for a few days after aggravating his hamstring injury and his fantasy owners.

Luke Scott – HR yesterday.  He credits the homer to finally feeling better from the flu.  I guess he had the dreaded 1,700 Hour Flu.

Nick Markakis – Sparkakis!  He now has 14 homers on the year.  He needs ten more to get in my good graces.  Chucking in seven steals along the way wouldn’t hurt either.  Yes, it’s a pipe dream, but it’s my pipe dream.

Erick Aybar – 3-for-6, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs and 2 steals.  Since the All-Star Break, there’s been few MI schmohawks to fill a line like EA – get in the game!

Mike Napoli – The Angels scored 17 runs, Napoli went 1-for-6 with 1 RBI.  Ticker Tease!

Torii Hunter – Returned to the lineup and went 2-for-6 with 2 RBIs, while batting sixth.  Might take him a few days to a week before he’s moved back up the order.  Then again, we’re talking about Scioscia.

Chone Figgins – 4-for-7, 3 Runs, 3 RBIs and a steal.  Who is this Angels offense?  The 1985 Cardinals?

Carlos Gonzalez – 2 HRs yesterday.  How about you give me your password and I’ll pick him up?

Chris Coghlan – 5-for-10 in the doubleheader with a HR yesterday.  Yesterday was a good day for Friday’s Buy guys.

Aaron Cook – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER. About a week ago, turf toe sidelined him.  This start makes me think he’s not completely over it.  I wouldn’t start him anywhere until we see a decent game.  Then again, most of you probably don’t start him anywhere anyway.

Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Speaking of pitchers who just don’t seem right.

Hunter Pence – Homers now in back-to-back games.  Love to see him explode in the final month-plus like a Spinal Tap drummer.

Julio Borbon – 4 steals on Saturday, 2-for-3 on Sunday.  He’ll be leading off for the next week vs. righties until Cruz returns.  If you need steals, grab him now.  There’s no time for this Borbon to age.  Oofa!

Junichi Tazawa – 5 IP, 4 ER.  I told you my trepidation on Tazawa in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  And that’s me alluding to me!

Grady Sizemore – HR and steal yesterday as he went 2-for-4.  Since the All-Star Break, he has 4 homers and two steals.  I really wish the Indians would just shut him down so I have no reservations about drafting him next year.  (1 Pun Point for Grey.)

Taylor Teagarden/Kelly Shoppach – HR for each yesterday as The Catchers That Had Everyone Caca-Cuckoo In 2008 rise again.

Colby Rasmus – HR yesterday.  In his short time in the majors, Colby has shown himself to be hella streaky.  (Hella’s for the 18-35 males.)  Right now, Colby is hella hot.  If you need OF help, get’m while they’re hot.

Ryan Howard – 2 HRs yesterday.  For one of my teams, I hope he goes on one of his 10 homer month tears.  For a different team where I don’t own him, I hope he tanks.  Only Natalie Imbruglia knows how I feel.

Brad Lidge – When a manager brings a closer in for a one out save, it’s called kid gloves.

Rafael Soriano – Figured out a way to explain his recent gopher ball troubles, he says he’s dealing with shoulder problems.   I still maintain he’s going to lose save opps in the near future.

Clayton Richard – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, but 12 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  But he’s a HodgePadre and shouldn’t have been started in this game anyway.  But II, The Return of But:  He threw so many walks and he gets the same team next time at Petco (Cards) that I probably won’t start him there in most leagues.

Joba Chamberlain – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners vs. the Mariners.  Potatoes to chips, I like the way the Yankees are babying him this year (skipping him and whatnot), but I like it for next year.  For this year, it’s not helping his value when he’s skipped then throws a bucket of fake puke over the movie theater balcony.

Rajai Davis – Stole his third base in four games yesterday.  How is he owned in only 17.5% of ESPN leagues?  I know 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned, but still.  He should be owned everywhere.

Adrian Gonzalez – 4-for-5, HR yesterday.  I wonder if Adrian calls up other teams pretending to be Kevin Towers and tries to trade himself.

Randy Wolf – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks.  And he hit a homer or as frequent commenter, Steve, said, “Wolfman jack!”

Josh Willingham – HR yesterday, 3 RBIs and offered all of his green M&M’s to sweeten the Nats deal for Strasburg.

Geoff Blum – Hit his ninth homer yesterday.  Here’s something to blow your mind.  Geoff Blum’s power > Vladimir Guerrero’s power.  Want more?  Geoff Blum’s power > David Wright’s power.

The Aussie, Trent Oeltjen, went 4-for-4 yesterday, after hitting three homers in four games.  Wait, I know this one!  Sounds like Parrot Bones?  If you don’t own the guy when he’s hot, when do you own him?  Will he keep this up?  Can I shrug?  Will I own him on many teams waiting to see how long it lasts?  Why not?  Can I own him and Venable and Garrett Jones all on the same team, or will the rookie nookie circle of life implode on itself?  Who’s to say?  Can I talk in nothing, but short questions?  Maybe?  (Let’s hope Oeltjen didn’t share a bed with this koala.  Sorry, Michael Vick, she makes STDs look cute!)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kevin Youkilis – The Greek God of Fisticuffs, apparently. (WARNING, the music comes on that video immediately and is terrible.)  BTW, the only thing that homemade video is missing is for the cameraman to pull back from the TV so we can see Joel Zumaya playing Guitar Hero.

Jamie Moyer – Feels misled by the decision to bump him to the bullpen.  See, the breadcrumbs of poor starts were headed to the rotation, then — bam! — in the bullpen.  Moyer just can’t figure it out.  Throw him a bone here, Philly.  Don’t throw it too fast though, Moyer’s forty-six years old, for crying out loud.  Or maybe he just reads Razzball and saw how I said him in the bullpen made no sense.

Aaron Laffey – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER.  I could see owning Laffey… If he were a Padre and only started at home.  Kapeesh or no kapeesh?

David Wright – DNP with a stomach flu.  Okay, you got me… I’m David Wright, snitches!

Dustin Nippert – 6 IP, 5 ER, 10Ks.  I wouldn’t own him with your team, just to *pinkie to mouth* Nippert that in the bud.

David Hernandez – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Isn’t this the guy who starred opposite Kristen Drunkst in Crazy/Beautiful?  David Hernandez will have a murderous schedule in September like rebels in Sierra Leone. (Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Locked Up Abroad lately. Whatever you do, don’t take drugs into Bangladesh.  Fo’ realz.)  Do you need the ulcer that Hernandez can provide for the possible reward?  Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t.  I wouldn’t pick him up without duress.

Tommy Hanson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  (Did everyone pitch 6 and two-thirds yesterday?)  I’m still very much up in the air as to how I’m going to draft Hanson next year.  Will I gamble on a Wainwright level draft pick hoping Hanson takes a big step forward?  I don’t know yet.  Still thinking… I’m thinking I won’t and wait until his third year.

Shin-Soo Choo – 1-for-3, and his 17th steal yesterday.  You’ve been riding the …Soo Choo Train for the whole year and you gotta admit, it’s kinda boring you, right?  I mean, 13 HRs and 17 steals is great, solid average, runs and RBIs, but it’s a slow moving train, ain’t it?

Randy Ruiz – HR yesterday as he was called up by the Blue Jays instead of Travis Snider.  I went to school with a Randy Ruiz, nice guy, smoked a lot of pot.  Actually, now that I look at Randy Ruiz’s player card, this might be him!  He’s old enough.  At 31, Randy Ruiz is, as Paula Dean would say, a bit overcooked, ya’ll.  Randy Ruiz has some pop for AL-Only leagues and also if you need a chaperone for your real rookies.  It is cool that his name only sounds right if you say the whole thing… Randy Ruiz… See?

Roy Oswalt – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Come back when healthy. Somebody doesn’t know their whens.

Will Venable - HR yesterday.  What does he do when he’s not hitting homers?  Saves kittens from trees.  Will Venable for City Councilman!

Adrian Gonzalez – 6-for-6 as the Padres (and my anus) exploded with a ton of runs yesterday.

Jake Fox – With Aramis smelling up the bench, Jakie Foxx is getting the starts (and batting 4th).

Doug Fister – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 5 baserunners.  Fister?  I hardly knew… Um, yeah, he’s not worth grabbing in any leagues.

Miguel Olivo – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs as he hit his 16th homer yesterday.  Matt Wieters did not play.

Miguel Cabrera – I put Miggy right behind Olivo, as he would’ve wanted it.  What, I didn’t say anything.  Cabrera was hit by a pitch on the hand.  Supposedly, he should be fine.

Leo Nunez – Blew the save.  Sorry for his owners, but I really want Lindstrom to get some saves.

Max Scherzer – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, 118 pitches vs. the Mets sans Wright.  Ready for it?  You know you are!  Cory Sullivan, Luis Castillo, Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy, Jeff Francoeur, Jeremy Reed, Alex Cora and Brian Schneider with Livan Hernandez pitching.  The Comatose Mets Fan just pulled his own plug.

Randy Wolf – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners and a win to move his record to 6-6.  Now keep in mind that he pitches for the Dodgers, who have won 68 games — which is a lot by this point –  you would think with 6 wins, he’d be terrible this year, right?  He has a flippin’ 3.43 ERA!  Incredible.  No wonder I’m trailing in Wins in every league.

Carlos Gonzalez – HR yesterday and batting .438 in his last 7 games.  Sick of waiting for your overrated outfielder to come around, switch it up?  Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 5 baserunners, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  Everything in my body is saying stay away, but if you need to take a gamble, why can’t Ervin be good for the next month-plus?  Well, besides that he’s been terrible for the last four months-plus.

Alex Gonzalez – 4-for-5, Without looking it up, I’m going to say four hits is the most hits he’s had in one game since grade school.

Justin Lehr – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 K.  Nice!  He also got carded after the game… Trying to get a senior citizen discount.  Him, Randy Ruiz and Dennis Quaid should get together for The Rookie II:  The Mexican Leagues.

It’s fitting that both the Nats and Pirates traded for a player with ‘Last’ in his name.  Lastings Milledge was sent to the Pirates along with Joel Hanrahananan for Nyjer Morgan and Sean Burnett.  Milledge and McCutchen can now share The Dread Pirate nickname.  How much of a slap in the face is it when you’re banished for being a problem child when Elijah Dukes is your teammate?  Is this a sign that the Nationals are no longer going to be the Home to Wayward 5-Tools Outfielders?   I can see Jim Bowden shedding a tear like he’s a 70’s era Native American watching his blessed land being desecrated.  Garrett Jones was called up, but he’s nothing more than a bench player.  Jones is an old prospect, which is different than an old prospector who says, “Aw, peaches!”  Joel Hanrahananan’s crizzap.  Been there, dropped him.  Nyjer Morgan showed up on a few Buy/Sells always as a Sell.  He ices my cockles, so to speak.  He’ll steal time from Dukes, who’s supposedly on the market too.  But last I looked, Dukes was stealing time from himself for hittin’ like he’s quittin’.  Burnett’s not going to really play into the picture for saves and, if he does, I wouldn’t own him, in the non-biblical sense.  Basically, what I’m saying is Avoid, Ignore, Ignore, Avoid.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Adrian Gonzalez – Left the game after sliding into third on a triple.  He didn’t immediately come out so that’s a good sign.  If he has to miss even a few games, any Padres opposing pitchers get an even bigger boost.

Eric Hinske – He was disappointed by lack of playing time with the Pirates.  A move to the Yanks should fix that real good.

Carlos Beltran – Good news from the Lilliputian doctor that performs micro-surgery.  Beltran should be back after the ASB.

Jake Peavy – Bad news as he’s expected to be out at least 6 more weeks.  I’d be shocked if we see him by September 1st.  Act accordingly.

Colby Rasmus – Sidelined with a hiatal hernia which he blames on late-night eating.  What on earth does someone eat to get a hernia? Rocky Mountain oysters?

Leo Nunez – Fredi said that the closer shituation is on a need basis, which means Meyer could still see some saves.

Edwin Encarnacion – Will return in about a week barring any setbacks. He’s worth stashing if you’re hurting at corner.  Could hit 5-7 homers a month the rest of the way.  Conservatively, I’d project him for 12/35/.250 if he stays healthy.

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 5 baserunners and he hit a homer.  Micah Owings gave him a standing ovation.

Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-5 as he filled in for Eric Bruntlett.

John Mayberry Jr. – 9-for-38 since his callup with 4 homers. After the game, Raul Ibanez accused him of steroids.

Shawn Estes – He said he is not retired from baseball.  He’s only retired from Triple-A.  Oh, okay.

Martin Prado – 4-for-5 as he filled in for Kelly Johnson who’s trying to recover from being awful.

John Smoltz – 4 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.  He pitched fine, but was lifted during a rain delay.  No word yet who lifted him.  It’s probably safe to rule out Baldelli.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit a homer from the eight hole.  Lugo led off.  Maybe Francona’s been reading Torre’s tell-all.

Gordon Beckham – 3-for-4, and a homer.  He’s starring opposite Casey McGehee in, The Rise of the MI.

Cliff Lee – 3 IP, 7 ER.  I wonder if he was wearing a 2007 throwback jersey.

Chris Woodward – Got the start at third in Beltre’s absence.  Good to see the Mariners looking towards the future starting their 33-year-old journeyman.

Brandon Morrow – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners.  No!  You were supposed to throw 6 innings this time out.  Oh, well.  Two steps forward, one step back.

Willy Aybar – 3-for-5 with his 7th homer and batted third.  He’s the Aybar that can help you in AL-Only leagues.

Sean West – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  You want all the excitement owning rookie pitchers, here’s the other side of that coin.  He now has a 26:21 K to Walk ratio.  I ran my ultraviolet light over my bed sheets and it read, “Blech.”

Jorge Cantu – 3-for-4 yesterday and .323 in the last week.  Is that light at the end of the tunnel?

Prince Fielder – Hit his twentieth homer yesterday and now has 74 RBIs.  Where’s the love for the big man?  Does he need to go to rehab to be appreciated?  He kicked meat.  For a 400 pound man that should be enough.

Marlon Byrd – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and two homers as he batted third.  What’s this, Ron Washington taking cues from Leyland?  Whoever’s nearest to the water cooler gets to bat third?  Bee tee dubya, Hamilton will be back this weekend so Washington can take the names out of the hat when filling out the lineup card.

Elvis Andrus – 4 steals yesterday.  With only 11 steals coming into the game, Andrus was a bit of a disappointment in the steals department so far, but if he can get to 35 on the year, he’ll definitely be worth owning.

Scott Baker – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 K, only 7 baserunners and somehow threw 111 pitches.  I’m guessing lots of souvenirs into the stands.  He hasn’t had a terrible start since the end of May.  Definitely should be starting him every time out.

Albert Pujols – Has 30 homers with a .233 hitter behind him, followed by the skinnier of The Flying Molina Bros.

Mark DeRosa – Hurt his wrist and had to leave the game.  Hopefully this will drive down the FAAB price on him in Rudy’s NL-Only league.  Rudy’s bidding $751 if anyone from other blogs reads this.

Fernando Rodney – 1 IP, 2 ER.  One day Donkey-corn, next day Kazaam!  (This reminds me of something.  I was in the middle of writing a roundup one night and I wrote something similar to, “One day Donkey-corn, next day Kazaam,” and I started thinking about the people who stumble across Razzball and think they are reading absolute gibberish.  That’s all, just thought I’d share that thought.)

Jason Marquis – Threw a two-hitter vs. the Dodgers.  In other news, water is dry.