Fantasy Baseball Advice

I already put my feet on your coffee table while typing up my notes on the September call-up hitters and September call-up pitchers.  Oh, and I didn’t use a coaster for my forty of Colt 45.  Natch!  Not too many surprises in the call-ups.  The peasant Royals are dragging their feet on Mike Moustakas, not calling him up.  What else is new?  Carlos Carrasco was called up and got the start.  Go Indians, it’s your birthday.  I’ll get to Carrasco later on.  I’ll fill in a Mad Libs blurb for Wilson Ramos’ call up.  I’ll even go over J.P. Arencibia in this post.  But who I’m really pumped about getting recalled?  Brandon Allen, the wholesale home run king.  His homers are innnnnnsane!  In Triple-A, he hit 25 homers and .261 with 14 steals.  If you ever saw this kid play, you’d know why I’m so excited.  If you ever saw Kid ‘n Play, you’re awesome.  Yesterday, Brandon Allen hit a grand slam.  Allen can hit 30 homers in the majors right now.  He rocks a solid OBP.  He can chuck in a few steals.  Yes, I love this guy.  In NL-Only and keeper leagues, I’d grab him right now.  In mixed leagues, if you need power, I’d grab Allen if you can bench him on occasion if he doesn’t start.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before I get into the roundup, we’re giving some love to those of you who are married with a kid or two and risk your wife’s scorn to visit the site.  Here’s a ‘Back to School’ contest where you can win $10,000.  If you win, that’s got to be good for 6 months of non-porn surfing immunity, right?  No, next week I won’t be trying to sell you BRAND NEW ROLECKS (sic) that I won in a Nigerian lottery.  Don’t be so smart.  This was done as a favor to an unnamed contributor.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Barry Enright – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Uncle Barry now has 8 quality starts in his last nine.  He gets the Giants next.  Yes, pick him up.

Ricky Nolasco – The Palm Beach Post, a paper that is packed full of early bird coupons for seniors, announced that Nolasco will get shut down.

Mike Stanton – 2-for-5 with his 15th homer.  I think it might’ve been his first hit since July, but don’t hold me to that.  Stanton looks very streaky in the first months of his career, so he might now go on a 10 homer in 10 game stretch.

Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer this week.  My old fave might be finally hitting his stride in the major leagues.  Stay tuned!  Or not, your choice.

Matt Lindstrom – Back from back problems (say that fast 117 times!).  He worked middle relief yesterday and Lyon’s been great in his stead so Lindstrom may not see saves immediately.  After a few appearances by Lindstrom to get back up to speed, they may share saves going forward.  “You want this save?”  “No, you take it.”  “No, you.”  “I’ll take it.”  “Who are you?”  “Wilton Lopez.”  “We don’t know you.”

Nelson Figueroa – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  He hasn’t given up more than 2 earned runs in his last four starts.  That’s nice, he’s also 36 years old.  (And he was born on Reggie Jackson’s birthday and my dog’s “I’m not just playing dead, I’m actually dead” day.)  Nelson Figueroa and Dennis Quaid should get together for The Rookie II:  The Winter Leagues.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and the delicious slam & legs.  Quietly having a decent year.  I wouldn’t mind owning him somewhere.  Hey, I got HP Envy.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’m a fan of Carrasco… If he were on a different team.  If you can start a rookie Indians pitcher in September, nice huevos but I think they might be contaminated.

Jordan Brown – 1-for-4, 1 RBI with the start as LaPorta nurses his hip.  Wubba Wubba Wubba!  It’s Downtown Jordan Brown!  I’ve seen Brown compared to Sean Casey, and that’s not for his conversation skills.  I wouldn’t look at Brown outside of very deep AL-Only leagues.

Chris Sale – Got the save yesterday.  Jenks had worked a few days in a row, so I wouldn’t read too much into this, even if it does appear to be a fire sale on White Sox relievers.  Or is it a *pinkie to mouth* hire Sale?  Then again, you never know with Ozzie.  After each game, Ozzie, Ken Williams and Sharon Osbourne sit at a panel to judge each reliever.  Sharon because she’s used to insane Ozzies.

Manny Ramirez – 1-for-3 in his White Sox debut where he batted fifth and pushed Quentin to the bench.  I think Quentin will still get his ABs.  Andruw Jones really shouldn’t.  Oh, and I’d take live Strasburg on the toilet coverage compared to what ESPN is now doing with Manny.  Guy’s pretty irrelevant at this point, do we really need non-stop Manny coverage?

J.P. Arencibia – DH’d last night (0-for-4), but I’m not confident that arrangement is going to last.  Without an everyday job, he’s not much use for you outside of AL-Only, two catcher or keeper leagues.  In related news, Buck hit a homer yesterday.

Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-3 with a homer and steal.  He has 9 homers, 11 steals and a .264 average in 299 ABs.  I kinda wish they went with him all year instead of Zobrist.  Would’ve been nice to see what he could’ve done.

Desmond Jennings – 0-for-3 as the Rays inserted him right into the two hole (not that two hole, silly).  Zobrist took the bench yesterday.  If you need steals in mixed leagues, you’ll want to add Jennings right now, just in case he sees more ABs than I think he will.  He will definitely see time in the final week of the season when the Rays have their playoff slot locked up.

Freddie Freeman – 0-for-3 as he got called up and the start.  I don’t think today’s start is any indication of playing time.  Grab Freeman in NL-Only and keeper leagues.  In redraft leagues, I wouldn’t bother unless Lee gets hurt.  Though, like Jennings, if the Braves wrap up a playoff spot, Freeman could see time at the end of the year.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 Hit), 3 Ks vs. the Mets.  Spoiler Alert!  In this afternoon’s borderline starter post, I mention how the Mets are the 2nd worst offense since the All-Star Break.  Brand new Mets, same as the old mess.

Roy Oswalt – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He only gave up one hit to go with 6 walks as he did a better impersonation of Clayton Kershaw than Clayton.

Cliff Lee – Received an injection in his back to relieve some lower back pressure.  The problem late Lee has been stiff Lee?  Supposed Lee.  He says he should make his next start.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s bumped a day or two.

Mitch Moreland – Now has two homers in two games.  Cantu will steal time from him vs. lefties and he hasn’t hit for much of anything average-wise lately, but it looks like Moreland’s hot.

Jose Reyes – I read he took BP.  Where, to see the fish they’re killing?  Oh, batting practice!  Yeah, Reyes said he might be able to play this weekend.

Tom Gorzelanny – Last week one of my borderline starters on the Pirates was injured by a comebacker.  This week the Pirates injured Gorzelanny with a comebacker.  I sure hope no one finds out I’m the puppet master behind all of this.  Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.  Okay, move on to the next blurb now.

Brett Anderson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Yankees.  Was kinda surprised to see Anderson not owned in 100% of ESPN leagues.  He should be.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Hit his third homer this week.  Still having a hard time recommending him, but you can take my non-committal recommendation as a recommendation.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. Max Scherzer’s 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Why don’t any of my leagues award no decisions?  I pillaged some seriously good people in a former life for the win karma I have.

Wilson Ramos – Ivan Rodriguez strikes me as a guy who won’t want to take a seat very often for some rookie upstart.  *while chomping a cigar* Yeah, I’m Pudge, see.  And I don’t take no seat for no kid. *removing the cigar*  On a side note, my Pudge nickname wasn’t always ironic.  So in NL-Only keepers, grab Ramos if you must, but unless he’s playing every day, there’s not much here.

Nyjer Morgan – Didn’t you think Nyjer was a good guy up until about two weeks ago when he threw a baseball at a fan?  I love this heel turn.  Too bad Tito Santana had the last laugh.  I mean, Gaby Sanchez.  Hehe, you got hit by a guy with a girl’s name!

Yonder Alonso – Young man, there’s a place you can go.   I said, young man–  Wait, was I typing that?  Alonso’s another great future prospect that you can read about at my call-ups post.  This year, he has no playing time.  I’m sure December Grey will go over all of these guys for 2011.

Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP and his first win.  I imagine it’ll be easy for hitters when they are seeing him more than once in a game.  Right now, I’ll be shocked when someone gets a hit off him.  Call his fastball The Keyser Soze because he throws it and…  Poof, it’s gone.

Although he is currently struggling against lefties at Triple-A, Mike Moustakas went Kanye West on Houston’s Triple-A affiliate Round Rock, going four for six while launching three home runs and a three-run double for a total of 11 RBI in a 23 to 5 routing. In other minor league news, here are the Texas League Players of the Year and Post season All-Stars. Furthermore, here are the Minor League Hitters of the Week, notables include Ryan Lavarnway (BOS), Josh Reddick (BOS), and Cody Decker (SD); Minor League Pitchers of the Week, notables include last week’s Scouting the Unknown’s Matt Moore (TB), Alexander Torres (TB), and Johhn Lamb (KC). Now for the weekly installment of Scouting the Unknown.

Jake McGee | LHP – SP | Tampa Bay Rays | D.o.B: 8-6-86 | 6’3” | 230 lbs | B/T: L/L | 5th rd, 2004 form H.S. | TB #8 ranked prospect according to Baseball America (2010) | MiLB Player Page

A possible September call-up to fill a bullpen role, McGee traversed Double-A and Triple-A this past year. He throws a mid 90′s fastball that tops out at 98 MPH, a three-quarter breaking ball “with good tilt,” and has shown good feel for the changeup. A Tommy John surgery survivor (has surgery in 2008), McGee was once considered the best left-handed pitcher in the minors prior to the injury. According to most sources, his surgery and recovery went smoothly – the numbers help too. He has struggled with his control for years, and that’s typically the last thing to return to Tommy John pitchers. His main struggle with control was, and is due to a fluctuating release point. If he can’t fix that problem, he could become a dominate reliever. Looking at his stats for this year let’s see how he’s pitched (12 1/3 IP as a reliever at Triple-A).

2010 Stats: 10.7 K/9 | 3.0 BB/9 | 101 IP | 3.12 ERA | 2.52 FIP | 1.18 WHIP | .3 Hr/9 | 7.6 H/9 | .333 BABIP | 42.5 GB% | 19.8 LD% | 33.2 FB% | 16.9 IF/FB% | 3.4 Hr/FB%

Career Stats: 10.4 K/9 | 3.4 BB/9 | 616 IP | 3.46 ERA | 3.15 FIP | 1.22 WHIP | .5 Hr/9 | 7.3 H/9 | .305 BABIP | 41.9 GB% | 16.2 LD% | 38.3 FB% | 18.0 IF/FB% | 6.0 Hr/FB%

If you stopped reading once you saw the double-digit strikeout rate, you missed his stellar peripheral dominance. Such as his reduced walk rate (3.0 BB/9), low home run rate (.3 Hr/9), and slightly unlucky batting average on balls in play (.333 BABIP). For all the concern over his control, he only has 34 walks in 101 innings of work, and only one walk in 12 1/3 innings at Triple-A with 20 strikeouts. Statistically speaking, he has made tremendous gains this year with his control while maintaining his jaw-dropping strikeout rates. Although Tampa Bay owns his rights, along with other young studs like Matt Moore, Jeremy Hellickson, Wade Davis and other young pitchers, McGee could slip under the radar and provide excellent value for the savvy fantasy baseball player, especially if he were traded this offseason. He most likely will help the Rays during September’s push for the playoffs. I really like his strikeout potential and his team. He could be a cheap version of Aroldis Chapman for this year or repeat Neftali Feliz’s September 2009 (9 appearances with 16 strikeouts).

Paul Goldschmidt | 1B | Arizona Diamondbacks | D.o.B: 9-10-87 | 6’4” | 220 lbs | B/T: R/R | 8th rd, 2009 from College | ARI #13 ranked prospect according to Baseball America (2010) | MiLB Player Page

Goldschmidt is no pyrite stone found in ordinary mines. No, instead, his hulking frame has reminded scouts of Pete “Inky” Incaviglia. Okay, maybe that name doesn’t ring any bells for my younger generation. Think of a massive power hitter who trailed off in his early thirties. After setting a Texas State University school record with 36 home runs in his collegiate career, Goldschmidt was taken in the eighth round in the 2009 draft. He went on to lead the hitter-friendly Pioneer League in homers (18) and slugging percentage (.638). He’s an aggressive hitter and his swing can get long and pull-happy far too often. Although he has a high strikeout rate, he controls the zone well, but will never hit for high average in the higher minors or major league. Defensively, he lacks speed to play the outfield, he doesn’t have great range, and isn’t a smooth fielder. Naturally, this makes him a first basemen. There is a possibility he plays left field because Arizona has a glut of corner infielders in their minor league system.

2010 Stats: .305/.375/.592 | 498 AB | 74 XBH | 33 Hr | .287 ISO | 153:53 K:BB | 4/1 SB/CS | .377 BABIP | 41.5 GB% | 14.9 LD% | 43.6 FB% | 13.5 IF/FB%

Career Stats: .316/.387/.609 | 785 AB | 122 XBH | 51 Hr | .293 ISO | 227:89 K:BB | 8/4 SB/CS | .387 BABIP | 39 GB% | 17.2 LD% | 43.5 FB% |10 IF/FB%

No one questions his power, they all say it’s legitimate, and is probably his only major tool. He will finish this year in the top five total home run hit in the entire minors. Keep in mind, his two season of professional baseball has been played in extreme hitting environments – the California League (2010) and the Pioneer League (2009) – with his statistics clearly representing the league he has played in. With a three-to-one strikeout to walk ratio, Goldschmidt will have a terrible time keeping his average above the .275 mark against better pitchers. Furthermore, his high batting average on balls in play (.377 BABIP in ’10 and .387 BABIP for career) show he has had a lot of luck playing into his slash line. Expecting his average to dwindle shouldn’t be a surprise. His power will sustain itself. Think Jack Cust, Chris Davis, Ian Stewart, Mark Reynolds, and Adam Dunn. He will have to prove himself at Double-A next year. If he plays next year anything like this year, he could channel Chris Davis’ 2008 season in 2011.

Desmond Jennings will be called up by the Rays on Wednesday.  I’m as excited about owning Jennings as the next guy, assuming the ‘next guy’ is excited about owning Jennings.  But where’s he playing?  Is he gonna Tonya Harding Carl Crawford?  Okay, but he needs a Jeff Gillooly.  Who’s his Jeff Gillooly?  Are you Gillooly’ing?  Sorry to burst your Gillooly bubble, but, you sir, are no Gillooly.  Jennings should see spot starts and steal bases, but you obviously can’t start him every day because the Rays won’t be.  So if you can alternate him and out in daily leagues, go for it.  Or go 4 it, if you’re a 13-year-old who only understands text messages.  In 2009, he had 11 homers and 52 steals.  This year, 3 homers and 37 steals.  He’s Carl Crawford as soon as next year, so if you’re in a keeper, he’s a must own.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Hawpe – Will be the Rays’ DH vs. righties, which is a decent position to be in for value.  You’ll need to bench him vs. lefties and I wouldn’t add him yet outside of AL-Only and deep mixed leagues, but he could provide some pop if you need power aid.

Aroldis Chapman – In Dusty’s bid to have more arms than a mujahid, Aroldis joins the bullpen crew.  Keepers, clean your ears, cause there’s a new Strasburg in town.  Get him in keepers.  He’s just a middle man this year, but he’ll be a starter next year.  Patience is a virtue, or so I’ve read after a delicious meal of General Tsao’s Chicken.

Jay Bruce – Sat yesterday with a little tenderness.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He (she?) has mixed in a few turds along with the quality starts, but his overall ERA is 3.14 so I’m thinking he should be owned in more than 55% of ESPN leagues.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I love this guy’s demeanor.  (Da Minor?)  He gives up a double to Beltran or a triple to Tejada or loads the bases and he shrugs, “Whatever.”  Big fan!  Can I draft this guy right now for 2011?  You might recognize me by my mustache and my love for Mike Minor.

Cory Luebke – He sounds like a real dork, but I’ll tell you what’s dorky, calling a Padres starter a hodgepadre.  I’m a dork!  Luebke’s a middle to back of the rotation-type that I would never even mention if it wasn’t for the fact he’s going to be pitching his home games in Petco.  I wouldn’t go crazy with him outside of NL-Only leagues, but I’d grab him there.

Jeff Niemann – 5 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Kinda sucks if you own him, but I don’t so… Schadenfreude, snitches!

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  For a while it looked like Brian Moehler was ghost riding the Wandwagon, but, since July 19th, he’s lowered his ERA from 5.11 to 3.71.

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 0 Walks, 9 Ks for Washington’s ‘other’ Zimmerman(n).  Has anyone ever seen Zimmermann and Strasburg in the same dugout?

Brett Gardner – 1-for-2 with his 38th and 39th steal.  He has a .389 OBP and hitting leadoff for the Yankees.  You tell Raphael that Brett Gardner ain’t taking no jive from no Western Union messenger.

Mark Teixeira – 2-for-3 with his 30th homer.  I’m thinking that if I own him next year I may just bench him in April.

Jeff Francoeur – Frenchy, or as they call him in Texas ‘Freedom,’ goes to the Rangers as Cantu gets a hold ‘em partner.  This trade will hurt David Murphy’s value a bit because now he’ll have a platoon partner.  The Rangers were already a little Francou with Vlad the Hacker but now they’re officially Francouer.  All they need is Yuniesky “2.6% BB rate” Betancourt to be Francouest.

Michael Young – 4-for-5, 2 Runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  He came up a triple short of the cycle.  When I was 8, I woke up a wheel short of a cycle.  Very traumatic.

Cliff Lee – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The Adverb’s looking Ugh Lee in Texas.  He might consider walking some guys rather than giving up double digit hits.  It’s like he’s starring in Passion of the Control.  Another hit… I will not walk anyone!

Jose Bautista – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 43rd homer.  The only person having a more improbable year:  Brian Austin Green.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 21st homer.  Okay, Hill, chillax.  You lowered your 2011 value all year, don’t screw it up now.

Neil Walker – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and a homer.  I don’t believe this guy at all.  He’ll almost certainly be ignored by me next year.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 8 ER, 12 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Since July his ERA has jumped from 2.45 to 3.86.  It’s a bit perplexing because the Ks are still there, but I wouldn’t start him anywhere right now unless you’re punting WHIP and ERA.

Edwin Jackson – 8 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks.  His AL ERA is 1.47.  This is coming after having a solid year in Detroit in 2009 and a miserable campaign in Arizona, which followed his decent year in Tampa and terrible years in Los Angeles.  I’m guessing here, but I think Edwin owns himself in an AL-Only league.

Justin Masterson – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I just know I’m going to go down in a ball of flames when I recommend this guy again next year.

Koji Uehara – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER and the save.  Does it make sense that he’s the O’s closer?  Debatable.  But he is the O’s closer and should be owned.

Luke Scott – 2-for-3 and his 26th homer.  Ryan Howard, 24 homers.

Jon Niese – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He gave up 5 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.  The problem with a ticker shock, it’s usually still a detriment to your WHIP.  Cust kayin’.

Brian Duensing – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He has a 2.04 ERA.  Last September, his ERA was 2.78.  Yes, you should own him.

Jason Kubel – Left after being drilled by a pitch on his wrist, which caused him to be pissed and knocked him to the day-to-day list.  Sam-I-Am.

Justin Upton – Day-to-day with shoulder irritation.  Gibson said Upton could’ve played last night.  He also said he hit a homer off of Eck with much worse.

Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He has 200 Ks and 10 Wins.  That’s ten more than Mark Reynolds achieved last year with 200 Ks.

Melvin Mora – 2-for-3 with a homer.  Mora hit cleanup yesterday for the Rockies and Giambi hit 5th.  It’s the Rockies’ CarGo and Good 10 Years Ago lineup.

In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing.  You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings.  If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves.  Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance?  If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes –  Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you.  Goodbye.  –  or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d.  I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic.  For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Mariano Rivera (Kerry Wood, David Robertson, Joba Chamberlain)
2. Heath Bell (+1) (Mike Adams, Luke Gregerson)
3. Billy Wagner (+1) (Takashi Saito, Jonny Venters)
4. Rafael Soriano (+5) (Dan Wheeler, Joaquin Benoit)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Carlos Marmol (-3) (Sean Marshall, Andrew Cashner)
6. Joakim Soria (+2) (Blake Wood, Dusty Hughes)
7. Brian Wilson (+3) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
8. Jonathan Papelbon (+4) (Daniel Bard)
9. Neftali Feliz (+4) (Darren O’Day, Darren Oliver)
10. Jose Valverde (-2) (Ryan Perry, Phil Coke)
11. Ryan Franklin (Kyle McClellan, Jason Motte)
12. Chris Perez (+6) (Rafael Perez)
13. Francisco Cordero (+1) (Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
14. Andrew Bailey (+16) (Michael Wuertz, Craig Breslow)
15. Matt Capps (Brian Fuentes, Jon Rauch)
16. Kevin Gregg (+7) (Jason Frasor, Scott Downs)
17. Brad Lidge (+4) (Ryan Madson, Jose Contreras)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Bobby Jenks– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Konerko in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

18. Huston Street (+5) (Matt Belisle, Rafael Betancourt)
19. David Aardsma (-1) (Brandon League)
20. Fernando Rodney (-3) (Kevin Jepsen)
21. Drew Storen (+5) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett, Miguel Batista)
22. Bobby Jenks (Scott Linebrink, J.J. Putz, Matt Thornton)
23. Hong-Chih Kuo (-18) (Jonathan Broxton, Octavio Dotel)
24. Brandon Lyon (-5) (Wilton Lopez, Matt Lindstrom)
25. Leo Nunez (-10) (Clay Hensley, Jose Veras, Brian Sanches)
26. Hisanori Takahashi (-20) (Bobby Parnell, Pedro Feliciano)
27. John Axford/Trevor Hoffman (-2) (Zach Braddock)
28. Joel Hanrahan (-1) (Evan Meek, Sean Gallagher)
29. Koji Uehara (-1) (Mike Gonzalez, Alfredo Simon)
30. Juan Gutierrez/Aaron Heilman (-1) (Sam Demel, A pitching machine disguised with a handlebar mustache)

J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks.  Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled.  Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts.  So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh?  Eh, indeed.  Or more like crapp.  Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks.  His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle.  If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky.  His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros.  And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday.  His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’

Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 20th homer.  He has 434 ABs, 92 hits, 62 Ks and 20 homers.  You don’t have to be Professor Frink to know that Aaron Hill should be hitting better than .212.  He’ll go from overrated in the 2010 preseason to a sleeper for 2011 as I practice Saberhagenmetrics.

Wade Davis – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  All you streamer harpies out there should take notice that Davis gets the O’s next.  You know what happens when you see a pitcher on waivers that is getting the Orioles?  You get the O’s face.

C.J. Wilson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  There should be a glossary term for a closer/middle reliever that is mediocre in a relief role then becomes a reliable starter.  Think Dempster and Wilson.

Nelson Cruz – The good news is he returned from the DL.  The bad news is he’s one day closer to his next DL stint.

Bobby Jenks – 1 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Hey, maybe he can become a starter.  I know what you’re about to ask.  My answer is Thornton should be back Thursday.

Alex Rios – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs and the slam & legs.  You got him for the price of a Honda and he’s driving like Alexis.

Gordon Beckham – Hit on the wrist by a pitch and was immediately taken out.  X-rays showed no breaks, which is oddly enough a good break.  He’ll still miss a few games while the pain dissipates.

Roger Bernadina – 2-for-4, 3 Runs and his 13th steal.  He also has 10 homers on the year.  It’s a Bernadina bounty!  He’s managed to put up Big FraGu’s numbers in 150 less ABs.

Travis Hafner – 8 for his last 12 and has his average up to .282.  Imagine if he wasn’t hitting for power like a Sparky Anklebiter (10 HRs).

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s what I said 2 weeks ago, “Is it me or does it feel like he has a triumphant return to the majors every other month?  Seems to go like this for Bailey.  First start in the majors and he blows away the opposition.  Starts four more times and gets rocked or injured.  Then he’s DL’d or demoted.  A month later, he returns triumphantly.  Rinse and repeat.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Peter Bourjos – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs.  Bunch of games yesterday for a Monday so I had to bench one hitter in all my leagues.  Guess who it was.  Sonavabench!

Carlos Zambrano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Brenly pointed out something interesting that was obviously fed to him by a producer.  If you throw out Big Z’s first start of the year, his ERA is around 3.75 as a starter.  Take that, Gatorade cooler!

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 2 homers.  A double donk night for Mini-Donkey.  All brays to the Mini-Donkey.

Justin Upton – Hurt his shoulder after striking out.  Maybe a fantasy owner went overboard with his voodoo doll.  Hopefully he doesn’t need a DL stint.  You have my promise that as soon as someone else reads about it, they will update me in the comments and then I will put a pithy spin on it in tomorrow’s roundup.

Rod Barajas – 3rd homer this week.  Before you know it, he’ll be the hero of Los Angeles then he’ll be unceremoniously dropped to waivers in 18 months.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks.  Kuroda’s been good for a while now, but the Phillies are a mess right now.  I haven’t seen a whole lineup slump this bad since NBC post-Friends.

Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Jorge de la Rosa’s 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  How did I have the cojones to start both of these guys in multiple leagues and not get rewarded with at least one win?  How?!

Ian Stewart – Mini-Mini Donkey is headed to the DL with… Go ahead, guess.  If you guessed strained oblique, you are a genius.  Take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself.  This is apropos of nothing but I found it funny.  PETA was protesting a basketball game where the players would ride donkeys.  Someone responded in opposition to PETA’s opposition saying, “You can’t hurt a donkey unless you REALLY try, hard.  They will also bite or kick if somebody mistreats them.  (They’re) perfectly capable of looking after themselves without the intervention of PETA.”  It would be awesome if PETA agreed and went with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (except, ya know, donkeys.  They’re self-sufficient.)