The first time I got a Led Zeppelin album was when I was 11 years old and my brother hooked me up with Led Zeppelin II. What a life changing moment, I was so utterly in love and confused all at the same time. What great riffs and mind bending sounds that turned everything musically I knew, which was very little, upside down and changed the course of my musical tastes from then on out. I wasn’t afraid anymore to try something I hadn’t watched on MTV or heard on the radio. Back then, 1986, we had very few options for our music and you had to use nobs and a steady hand to “tune in” to get static free tunes. Cute story J-FOH! I know 3rd personality, what is the point? Well 3rd personality, like our lead today, Scott Kazmir, we have a starting pitcher that is someone that is confusing to love, has forced us to change our tastes, and reminds me of a mesmerizing jam that takes me back to Fast Times at Ridgemont High. In the buildup to Rat’s date with Stacy, Damone advises him on his 5 point plan and tells him to play side one of Led Zeppelin 4, but low and behold he has Kashmir on the radio, which is off Physical Graffiti, the putz can’t even follow the plan. I feel like Rat when I keep passing on Kazmir in roto leagues this year. But why? I can’t get over the train wreck that he was for so long after starting out so promising. I think Matt Moore is ready to be the next Kazmir. We’ll see you back to relevance in 4-5 years Mr. Moore. Cleveland did a nice job in their reclamation projects last year, WTF is going on this year, and you need to trust him going against the Astros. He should be good for 8 K’s and a big fat W.

Our DraftKings King and deep league thinker Sky wrote a pre-season article about Mr. Kazmir here. How great minds think alike or is it how narrowly we think with our Led Zeppelin references? It’s the obvious lead in. We could be talking about our Kazmir sweaters, Kazmir scarves, or the Kazmir region of northwest India. But we didn’t and that’s OK. This is daily fantasy y’all, by tomorrow all will be forgotten and we will move on to a new day and a new set of players to tickle our fancy. For today though lets stick to Mr. Kazmir. He’s an expensive play and I get that is not always the best strategy, but after looking at what else is out there I have to highly recommend him. It’s worth the money and here is why. The Astros have the highest K rate in MLB, second lowest runs total, the worst team BABIP, and are the team of my newest hat. It’s f-ing pimp yo’s! Winning at DraftKings is wholly dependent on two things, great pitching matchups like the kind you can find on the Stream-O-Nator and great hitting matchups like the kind provided to you by that commercial grade stainless steal sex machine the Hitter-Tron.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Funny that Mark Trumbo has a stress fracture in his foot, because I now have a stress fracture in my stress-bearing frontal lobe. “You wanna remember your anniversary with the Cougar or Mark Trumbo’s recovery timetable?” Shut up, frontal lobe, I hate you! I wish you were dead! *wavy lines* Hey, I have no frontal lobe anymore. Cool, I really like this episode of The Big Bang Theory. They are a gang of funny people! I wish Slystevesr Stallone would do more movies. He’s so awesome. Slvester? Why is there a red line under that? Damn, I can’t spell my favorite movie star’s name without my frontal lobe! *wavy lines* Okay, I’m glad I have a frontal lobe, but not glad I have Mark Trumbo on multiple deep league teams. Wah, wah, wah, that’s the sound of my sad Trumbone. This could mean more playing time for Tony Campana — SAGNOF! — or steady playing time for Cody Ross — um, AGNOF!, I guess. Last time Trumbo had a stress fracture — how many stress fractures does this guy have? — he was laid up for close to six months. Yay. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Billy Butler burned his fanboys last year, after a strong campaign in 2012.  I know everyone around here lovingly (or maybe bitterly) calls him “Moobs”, but that probably hurts his feelings… I bet that’s why he started out so slow this year.

I am tweaking the categories a bit this time, because this methodology is still a work in progress.  Here are some quick notes on my patent-pending Jer-o-matic (not geriatric…but similar) system:

  1. For the injury risk category, a higher score means a player is less likely to miss time
  2. For the production category, a score of 50% means repeating last year’s production
    1. Scores about 50% are better than the previous year
    2. Scores below 50% are worse than the previous year
  3. A total score of 10 out of 20 is considered repeating last year’s performance
    1. Scores about this are better than the previous year
    2. Scores below this are worse than the previous year
Please, blog, may I have some more?

So many times the so-called experts give you the names and the numbers, but you never really know how the ‘perts are doing in their DFS play. Well, my unkempt Razzballers, you’re humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru will share with you my results all season long. Will my winnings enable me to spend the winter in Cancun or will I go bust and be left turbanless and living under the bridge? We shall see. So far we’re looking at sand and sunshine. I’ve been in the money in 45 of 65 DraftKings contests. I’ll admit I don’t bet big. (A good tip: never wager more than 10% of your bankroll in any given day.) I also play mainly 50-50s/double-ups and head-to-heads where the odds of cashing are much better. It’s a good way to build a bankroll in the early going. I also use a couple different philosophies when playing DFS. 1) Ace and stack philosophy: One or two teams featuring the days best pitcher and a stack of players from teams that’ll score a lot. I used Jose Fernandez and a stack of Tigers last night. It cashed. 2) Stream-a-tron philosophy: I use Razzball’s Stream-o-nator and Hitter-tron to construct a team consisting of the two best pitchers along with hitters the ‘tron projects to produce that also fit under my budget. This may not win a tourney, but it cashes out in 50/50’s at a pretty good rate. Yesterday the Stream and the ‘tron liked David Price and Hyun-Jin Ryu along with Buster Posey, Miguel Cabrera and Hunter Pence. Not sure how this worked, but as of this writing I’m 27th out of 140 players. That’s one step closer to umbrella drinks and me showing off my tan lines.

With the rambling out of the way, don’t forget to join the DraftKings Sweet Spot challenge and we could frolic on the beach together with our thongs filled with $400,000 in cash. If you’re new to the game, keep in mind DraftKings virgins get a free $2 ticket.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The H is O! Oh, no, Jose Fernandez has me so jazzed, I need to bust some rhymes. I came in the door, I said it before. I never let a top starter magnetize me no more, but watching Fernandez yesterday is biting me, fighting me, inviting me to want a number one starter just this one time. I can’t hold it back, I’m looking at his pitching line — 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 14Ks. Taking off my coat, and that’s me quoting Rakim’s quote, his pitches were kicking it until his last hitter, Ryan Doumit. My mind remains refined, all kinds of ideas. Self-esteem makes it seem like his pitching took years to build, but his age is just twenty-one. Prepared, never scared, he’s just a blessed one. And you know that I’ve never seen that terrible movie with Jamie Foxx, think it was called The Soloist, so Jose F. make ‘em clap to this. I said it the other day, but in case you weren’t reading, Fernandez is going to be the best pitcher going into next year. Thought he was a donut, you tried to glaze him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On today’s podcast, Grey went MIA and so Nick and I try to carry on with our lives by discussing all the big topics going on in baseball right now. And when I say ‘the big topics going on in baseball’, I kinda mean we sorta go over the big topics going on in baseball. And by that, I mean we sorta touch on baseball when we could fit it in. Why? Ask Nick. It took about five seconds for him to mention my dating life, and it all snowballed from there. (Just like your mom.) Sure, there were some moments of levity when talking about such things as Miggy and Prince’s slow start, Stanton’s hot start, and Rudy actually being the real-life version of Johnny Depp’s character (less mascara this time, imagine that) in Transcendence. For good measure, some porn ideas, purell, skyline chili, and Tehol are all mentioned within five minutes, begging the question of whether or not we are ready to launch Razzball Radio. I think it’s a resounding yes. Others might run away and take a shower and then, you know, call an exorcist.

Also, we stumbled into the first *real* contest for the 32in32in32 tour. And by stumbled, I mean we fell off a 10-story building. Long story short, if you are able to find my OKCupid dating profile, then you will win two tickets to the tour, at the city of your choice, and Nick and I will both buy you a beer and have you on air with us to do a critique of my profile. (Post the winning link in the comments section of this post or any Grey-post, or you can email Nick@RazzballRadio.com.) Would you date me? Would your sister date me? Is she hot? Then I would date her. I might also date you. Who knows at this point. We’re drinking. So yeah, we’ll talk about that. Or probably talk about something more relevant, like, oh, I don’t know… baseball? CRAZY, I know.

Well, here it is, the Razzball Podcast, with less Grey, more me (sounding like I’m from Tron), and Nick (sounding like he lives in a tunnel) in his closet. Buddy, that’s a powerful metaphor…

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Holy shiitake mushroom Batman… is it safe to come out yet? Bobby Parnell, Jarrod Parker, Kris Medlen, Brandon Beachy, Patrick Corbin, Bruce Rondon, Jameson Taillon, Matt Moore, and now Ivan Nova have all fallen slain to some guy named Tommy John. Arrest this guy someone! Isn’t this world tragic enough without some mad man weaponizing UCL’s? Personally, I think this is all a plot by Dr. James Andrews to do what Peyton Manning did in Denver, and that’s put himself into position to control the food supply and then ultimately force us to eat all of our cats. Hunh? In fact, Dr. Andrews recently explained why there is such an uptick in UCL surgeries, but I’m pretty sure this is what was going on in his head as he was talking. Regardless, my expert advice is to just go ahead and hide all of your pitchers on the bench and stock up on canned goods. Spam is my choice. Deal.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Stop me if you’ve heard this before but Colorado is playing at home and that’s a good thing for your DraftKings team. Yes, duh to the derp degree. We knows it now! With that said, you’re always looking for a way to get in on that action on the cheap. Tulo? He’s too high at $5,400. CarGo? Car Go bye bye at $5,700. And even Blackmon is nearing blackout territory at $4,600. What’s a playa to do? Well, you start looking at matchups and realize Madison Bumgarner is on the mound for today. Let me indulge you with something you either already know or could look up: MadBum is an LHP. Just in case you’re five and reading this – and you shouldn’t be, you have been advised – that doesn’t stand for Lego Harry Potter. Nay, we’re talking left-handed pitchers and that’s one of the few types of pitchers Drew Stubbs has handled well for most of his career. You see, little Stubby may have issues against righties but he’s handled the southpaw quite well for his career. In 618 career at-bats, Drew has 24 HRs while hitting .273. Now I’m no soothsayer but given that Michael Cuddyer is on the DL, I’d be surprised if the Rockies didn’t give Drew a day in right field and bat him in the two hole. At first, I thought this was lunacy on my part but then asked the Hitter-Tron what he had to say and he ranked him 18th overall for outfielders on the day. And then he asked me about my tail pipe and I left the room as fast as possible. You nasty, ‘Tron! Anywho, even though the Stream-O-Nator is ok with Madison in Coors, I think we all know the drill here. Get in on the cheap and if he’s in the starting lineup, peeps, cuz that’s the Sweet Spot…oh, did I just drop a promo mid-sell on Stubbs? Yes I did. Check the link if you’d like to win around $100K. You know, no biggie. With that said, let’s move along. Here are some other picks for today’s DraftKings contests for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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Michael Cuddyer to the DL with his hamstring injury. I love these Monday DL calls right after weekly fantasy lineups lock. Turr…iffic! You don’t care about our fantasy teams at all, Walt Weiss, do you? Last year it was Josh Rutledge, this year it’s Corey Dickerson. I wonder if he holds a secret grudge against fantasy baseball because it never rewarded his defensive prowess while he was playing. “Have you ever thought of adding fielding percentage to your fantasy league?” That was Walt Weiss disguised as a waiter at a Cheesecake Factory waiting on Dan Okrent’s table. Weiss then released bumblebees into Okrent’s suite at The Plaza while he read box scores in his robe. Walt is just bitter because the teacher he had a crush on never gave him the time of day. No, this isn’t the plot of Rushmore; the teacher was Carney Lansford. Ginger ’til he dies! So, with Cuddyer out, this could give Corey Dickerson a chance to show why he should be an everyday outfielder on all mixed league teams. Yesterday, Dickerson had the slam & legs and is capable of more. If you need a fifth outfielder, I’d give him a whirl. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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