Okay, this is weird, but Sonny Gray and I are complete opposites. Sonny Gray is in Bay Area, and it’s Grey Albright in Los Angeles. Weather you like it or not, that’s weird! Pun noted too! Grey Albright plays fantasy baseball; Sonny Gray plays reality baseball! It’s freaking me out! Grey Albright’s face is mustachioed; Sonny Gray’s is not. Sonny Gray is athletic; I am not. He works for a newspaper called Ballrazz, which is super-terse and serious. It’s uncanny! Yesterday, Gray (him) went 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.34. Okay, time to take a new look. I did like him at one point in his career, before everything went sideways. His velocity and two-seam fastball are back. Right now, his two-seam is his best pitch, however, his curve is not back to where it was in 2015. Watching some video on him showed a guy that can get swings and misses, but had a bit of a favorable strike zone yesterday. I’d be careful in shallower leagues, but he looks closer to his breakout from two years ago than he has in a while. Now, if he’s married to a younger woman, I’m gonna plotz over all of our opposites. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
Yonder Alonso – Day-to-day after being plunked on his wrist. “You’re treading dangerously close to my trademark.” Easy, Eric Plunk, I used plunked.
Jed Lowrie – 4-for-4, 1 run 2 RBIs, hitting .300, and cementing himself in the three hole. *erupts in laughter* Lowrie is hitting third? No way, one time thing, right? *searches game log* Wow, Lowrie’s hit third more than anywhere else in the lineup. A guy who averages seven homers per season and .259 in almost 3,000 ABs. I don’t know why it angers me so much that people couldn’t get Billy’s Beane out of their mouth for so long, but when it’s readily apparent that the emperor has no clothes, no one says anything. His legacy is predicated on one season. It would be like if there was a Terry Pendleton movie about his dream 1991 season. Somebody get Tracy Morgan on the line! Oh, by the way, Lowrie is a hot schmotato.
Khris Davis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .220. According to Elias Sports Bureau, yesterday was the 17th time Khris and Chris Davis homered on the same day. Also, yesterday was the 17th time Elias Sports Bureau has said it.
Christian Yelich – Didn’t start yesterday, but says he plans on avoiding the DL. He also has plans for his summer break after high school: hang out in a gas station with his friends, start fights with guys who talk about doing dirty stuff with his mother, usual stuff.
Jake Lamb – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Lamb, you make me feel souvlucky.
Jose Abreu – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .291. Don’t look now but Abreu is–Why’d you just cover your eyes? Figuratively, don’t look now. Fine, I’ll yell. ABREU’S ON PACE FOR A SOLID SEASON.
Jose Quintana – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.82. Yo, Quintana, every other pitcher is on the DL, do your fantasy owners a solid and fake an injury. In deeper leagues, you have to bench him until something corrects itself, but in shallower leagues, I’d be done with Quintana.
Leury Garcia – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in three games, but hitting around .150 in the last week. So, might be a rising schmotato, but it’s no Garciantee. Oofa! Time for a nap! *snoozes for three minutes, claps hands* I’m back!
Jacoby Ellsbury – Left yesterday’s game with a concussion and neck sprain after colliding with a wall. A wall that was placed there by Aaron Hicks and paid for by Mexico.
Luis Severino – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.11. I still very much like Severino, but this game was against the 1927 Royals, and, in 1927, Royals wore riding breeches and didn’t hit anything without a horsewhip.
Didi Gregorius – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in three days, hitting .330. The Gregorius D.I.D.’s hot streak is lasting longer than Biggie’s career. What, I’m west coast, son!
Tyler Chatwood – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 4 Walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.50. I had a moment of clarity last night. I bet this is going to become a narrative this season, and I will keep telling people I was the first one to mention it. The Rockies didn’t have a pitching problem, they had a manager problem. I know, I know, I know! I don’t love the manager is the difference maker narrative, but Bud Black is a wizard with pitchers. What if the Rockies could’ve had good pitching for their entire organization’s duration, but their coaches weren’t good enough to realize it? By the way, the Rockies have the majors’ best 3.39 road ERA. I just got chills.
Carlos Gonzalez – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer this week, hitting .252. After Prospector Ralph traded CarGo away in one of the worst trades in fantasy baseball history, CarGo’s got a big fan in me.
Howie Kendrick – Ready for rehab games at Triple-A Lehigh Valley. That reminds me of this black & white hosiery movie, Knee-High Valley.
Maikel Franco – Now benched two games in a row. I hate this. Big pet peeve of mine. I’m from the school that a guy can’t break out of his slump if he’s not playing. Let him play! In other words, everything I’ve learned about baseball managing is from The Bad News Bears.
Jeremy Hellickson – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA up to 4.28. This is when the question, “What the Hellboy?” comes to mind.
Huston Street – Ready for rehab games. If I had a nickel every time Street was ready for rehab games, I’d have like a buck twenty, which is a lot of nickels. Don’t poo-poo nickels!
Albert Pujols – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .244. Excuse me, don’t Pujols nickels.
Erasmo Ramirez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.00, in his third start of the year. Has Erasmo ever given up more than three earned runs in a start? Not to answer, but to roll your eyes like I’ve lost my mind. I grabbed him in one deeper mixed league (15-team), because he tends to keep games close (a very specific quality!) and it’s an IP limit league, so I don’t mind the 6 IP starts. Overall, Ramirez is not a high K guy and he’ll likely get yanked from the rotation with no rhyme or reason. Is it only me that’s bothered that rhyme and reason don’t rhyme?
Steven Souza – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homers, hitting .255. Could be the start of something, but he’s been colder than your grandmother’s feet.
Tanner Roark – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Stream-o-Nator didn’t love this start, and doesn’t like his next start either (in San Fran), which tells you a lot about how much the projections like Roark. I agree with the projections.
Anthony Rendon – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .277. Huh? Only one homer? What a rip! Literally! In multiple meanings of the word rip.
Travis d’Arnaud – 0-for-1 as he was activated from the DL. I was surprised he stayed healthy for the entire game yesterday, but he didn’t start, so there’s that.
Robert Gsellman – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 6.45. Super, terrific, adjective! Do it three more times against teams not named the Padres, and I’ll pay attention.
Manuel Margot – Left yesterday’s game with leg tightness. Belle & Sebastian would say star of track and field, you are not.
Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. I like Renfroe for fantasy, decent 27-30 HRs, .240 bet. With that said (we’re turning around!), does it make sense to stock up your team with low average, power guys if you’re the Padres? Wouldn’t high-average, slap-into-the-gap hitters make more sense in Petco? I think I’m using too much common sense.
Brad Hand – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, and the save. Without any fanfare*, it seems the Padres made a switch at closer. Maurer pitched the eighth in a one-run game, and looked great, but the Padres gave a Hand to the ninth. Then Brad Hand looked like he should be Brad Arms, appearing to be a Cuddle Boy, but he closed it. Life’s too short, said Altuve and people chasing saves, to own two Padres’ closers, so I could see just going to Hand. *Everything with the Padres is without fanfare.
Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.06. Prospector Ralph put on his pitcher’s hat and just gave you a full-throated breakdown of his Charlie Morton fantasy.
Alex Bregman – 3-for-4, and a slam (3) and legs (4), hitting .261. Lookie, lookie who decided to wake up. Nice of you to join us, Bregman.
Daniel Norris – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.38. His Ks have been solid (8 K/9), but his walks (4.2) are waving a red flag with a skull and the other living Kriss Kross guy smoking a bone.
Jose Iglesias – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Church!
Carlos Santana – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .230. Maybe he finally heard the wails and weeps in the comments about how you could’ve just drafted Justin Smoak.
Mitch Moreland – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 1 RBI as he came in as a pinch-hitter for Sam Travis (2-for-4, 1 run). Ugh, this kills both of their fantasy value. Show some respect for our fantasy teams, nondescript Red Sox manager who no one knows!
Tyson Ross – Hoping to be back in the Rangers’ rotation next week vs. the Astros. I’m severely injury-phobic, especially with pitchers. With that said (Grey’s making a U-ey!), there’s very little risk involved with stashing a guy on your DL to see how he looks in his first start back, and subsequent starts after that. In fact, there. You happy? Guess I should explain I just picked Ross up in two leagues. This’ll end well.
Adrian Beltre – Cleared for extended spring training games. At extended spring training games, you’ll find people who fell asleep in the bleachers in March with third degree sunburns.
Mike Napoli – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .198. Now has four homers in the last week. “First off, you’re super handsome, Fantasy Master Lothario. Next up, Bour, Smoak, Napoli or Tommy Joseph?”
Adam Frazier – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (2), hitting .363. I wouldn’t drop him for, say, Ender, but Frazier’s doing a mighty fine impersonation of a major league leadoff hitter.
Julio Teheran – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, 4.88. Well, I never thought he’d be a 5+ ERA pitcher either.
Anthony Rizzo – 3-for-3, and his 10th and 11th homers, and four homers in the last four games. HRs to Rizzo! Aw, shucks, you may not have sold him low quick enough.
Denard Span – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer. Right after Span crossed home, Ben Revere smashed a whipped cream pie in his own face.
Rich Hill – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.76. T-minus six hours until we hear about Hill’s blister reemerging.
Mike Leake – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.91. Wanna mentally seppuku yourself? Think about your fantasy team’s pitching if you owned Ervin Santana, Mike Leake and Jason Vargas. But you had to draft Syndergaard, Kluber and Cueto to have a chance. Yeah, a’ight. Don’t worry, David Price will be back soon, I’m sure he’ll be just as bad as you imagine he will be.
Jose Berrios – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.66. Okay, kinda wish I held him in the league where I owned him, especially now that the person who grabbed him isn’t the type to ever drop him again. Since this was the only day game, I watched Berrios, and ignored the other half of the inning (except the point where the O’s were trying to walk Sano and he still struck out). So, what did I see? Berrios has a ton of moving parts in his windup. No wonder he was a mess last year. One movement of his gets out of sync and the ship goes off the rails, a cliche brought to you by Biff Tannen. When Berrios is going right, he looks unhittable. He can pop a fastball at 96 for the strikeout or drop endless curves on the outside corner. In the 7th inning (when he allowed homers to Chris Davis (his 10th) and Jonathan Schoop (his 6th), he just looked tired. Of course, the ERA will go up to around 3.50-3.70, but this is the guy I loved going into last year. As if this blurb isn’t long enough, one last note, when watching the Twins, you get a perspective where announcers are trying to sell Robbie Grossman as a thing and have Taylor Rogers anecdotes. Taylor Rogers doesn’t even have Taylor Rogers anecdotes!
Ryan Braun – Sat out yesterday, but our ongoing bet from Monday to win a Razzball t-shirt continues since it was a day of rest and not an injury. My guess is this contest still ends quickly The only time Braun has ever heard “Ironman” is when his mom told him his Affliction t-shirt was wrinkled.
Keon Broxton – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, hitting .271. Since my 2nd job is second-guessing major league managers, the pitcher hitting eighth is a thing. Been established, I’m not hating it, I’m procreating with it after some wine. So, why not put Broxton ninth instead of 8th and in front of the pitcher? In front of the pitcher is such death in the NL.
Domingo Santana – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Domingo Santana sounds like someone that has an apricot scarf. Not a scarf the color of apricot like Carly Simon would sing about, but a string wreath of dried apricots. “Then you flew your Learjet up to Ivan Nova Scotia…Oh, Domingo, you’re so vain…” That’s Domingo singing to himself. Weirdo.
Anthony Alford – Hit the DL for six weeks with a hamate fracture. Apparently, Anthony A. is blackish and blueish. Here’s a puzzling one, that I’m really looking for an answer on. Supposedly, the Jays will DL him for weeks and that will go towards his service time. If true, couldn’t they have just demoted him and then DL’d him?
Jose Bautista – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer. It seems whenever Bautista does well, Odor doesn’t. I think Odor needs to punch him in his mouth to get back his mojo.
Kevin Pillar – 1-for-5 and his 7th homer, hitting .303. Major waiver wire remorse with this guy. Can’t believe I dropped him. Though, in my RCL, I am in first by about twenty points. Cue evil laughter! Cue evil laughter! Intern? Where’s the evil laughter? The evil laughter sound button I bought from Spencer’s Gifts isn’t working? Oh, man. That was twelve bucks!
Devon Travis – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer, hitting near-.500 in the last week and two homers in the last three games. You know what you should be doing, so do it. Why are you lathering yourself in Cheez Whiz? That’s not what I meant you should be doing. I meant picking up Travis.
Ryan Goins – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer. Fun fact! There’s a dyslexic Jays fan who calls him ‘Any Groins.’ When he goes for an autograph, it becomes a bit much, “Any Groins, over here! Hey, Any Groins, sign my balls! Excuse me, Mr. Usher, can Any Groins sign my balls? Any Groins, over here!”
