A Duvall hasn’t looked this good since Popeye starring Robin Williams. You thought I was going Robert Duvall and I steered it into Crazytown with Shelley Duvall. By the way, don’t look at current pictures of Shelley Duvall. She’s a Shelley of her former self. I have a theory. She had to do everything just so for Kubrick in The Shining, to the point where she couldn’t even think for herself, then she started working with Robert Altman, who was like, “Do whatever you like, improv,” and going from one extreme to the other drove her crazy. I’d put money on it that this is the biggest update on Shelley Duvall you will ever get on a fantasy baseball website. Any hoo! Adam Duvall (1-for-4, and his 7th homer, hitting .284) has been crushing the ball for the last two weeks. Now seven homers in 33 games. Fluky, right? Not so fast, Cousin Sweatpants. Duvall hit 26 homers in only 100 games in Triple-A and 27 homers in 91 Double-A games. He was always a power guy, just never really had a chance to play. He’s now getting that chance and proving he can continue to hit homers. Will he hit anything besides homers? That’s yet to be seen, but I’d grab him in all leagues where I needed power. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Peraza – 2-for-4. He was called up the other day when Billy Hamilton went on bereavement leave. I figured Peraza was only going to be with the club for a few days, but he stayed up when Hamilton returned and now I’m interested. He has 50+ steal speed and he constantly hit for .300 in the minors. The Reds don’t have a place for Peraza to play every day, but if he hits, he’ll stay and play, hey, hey, hey, I’m gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spank and drive off in a def OJ. Everybody go: Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. Great, now I’m gonna be singing Rapper’s Delight for the next 14 minutes. Fun fact! Noam Chomsky said Rapper’s Delight was commissioned by the CIA to distract black people from fighting for civil rights. Fun fact II! Travelocity tried to get Chomsky to change his name to Gnome Gnomesky, but he declined.
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd in as many games, hitting .255. So, maybe giving up on him at the end of April wasn’t the best move.
John Lamb – 4 IP, 7 ER vs. Cody Anderson 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Game took place in Progressive Field so it was appropriate it was a match-up of two Cleveland Streamers.
Yan Gomes – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer. I just picked him up yesterday, and this was my first home run from my RCL catcher slot. It only took me six weeks into the season, but I’m finally off the schneid. Or as a Yiddish rapper would say, schneid or die!
Marlon Byrd – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. No matter how you look at him, over, under, sideways or down, he went yard, Byrd.
Francisco Lindor – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .309. Don’t want to kick a gift horse in the mouth, because batting third is terrific for counting stats, but Lindor really feels better suited for the two-hole with Kipnis (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) and Carlos Santana (1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI)… On second thought, the Indians don’t have a legit three-hole hitter; that’s likely the problem.
Brad Ziegler – Said on Sunday that his fingers were purple after taking a liner off his hand. Sounds like it hurt so much he had to *pinkie to mouth* Grimace. He said he’ll be fine, but I stashed Daniel Hudson and Clippard where I could.
Michael Bourn – 1-for-5, 2 runs, and his 1st steal as he hit 2nd and played center. Be a shame if the Diamondbacks go to Bourn over Owings while Peralta is out, but with the other decisions that club’s made in the past six months, nothing would surprise me. I mean, their GM, Dave Stewart, thinks K-rate is a half-finished Hangman game and always takes a marker and turns it into “Karate.”
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer. Au Shizz!
Jake Lamb – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. If John Lamb is baaaaaahd as in baaaaaahd, then Jake is baaaaaahd as in good.
Robbie Ray – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.6. Stream-o-Nator predicted the line of 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks and 7 baserunners. 6 IP not 7 IP? Damn!
Jacoby Ellsbury – 1-for-4, 1 run. He hit a triple and scored on a throwing error, which is more commonly known as a Paul O’Neill sick kid homer.
Alex Rodriguez – Will be activated from the DL on Thursday. By the way, my autocorrect likes to spell his nickname, A licks-Rod.
Chad Green – 4 IP, 6 ER. He looks like a distant relative to Shane Greene. Well, his stats and last name, at least.
Jon Niese – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Braves. By the time the Braves hitters realized Niese wasn’t pitching for them but against them, it was too late. “Hey, why does Niese have a tomahawk on his face?” “I believe that’s his nose.”
Williams Perez – 6 IP, 6 ER. Both Williams were unhappy with these results.
Jeff Francoeur – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. A Frenchy fly!
Kelly Johnson – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a Frenchy/Johnson didn’t excite anyone in fantasy.
Matt Joyce – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .372. Basically, if you see Joyce is starting, which is only around once a week, pick him up off waivers and play him.
Gregory Polanco – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 5th steal. Member my RCL team where I didn’t like my hitting (Polanco, Odor, Lindor, Arenado)? Yeah, it’s doing well on hitting. My pitching? Well, that’s a whole another ball of whack.
J.A. Happ – 2 IP, 8 ER. More like Happ-less.
Curt Casali – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer in only 76 ABs. Psycho killer, Curt Casali! All seriousness, I have no idea why the Rays don’t play him every day, but, going into yesterday, he had seven plate appearances since last Wednesday.
Drew Smyly – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.44. Nice game for Smyly vs. the Blue Jays. They are a team, though, that is prone to being punched out. Sorry, sorry. It just looked like the Jays had no fight in them.
Steve Pearce – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 4th homer off Happ in 26 at-bats. Pearce has a homer against today’s starter Stroman too, and, with Forsythe sidelined, I’d look at grabbing Pearce anyway for the hot schmotato possibilities.
Desmond Jennings – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .185. Ooh, I think I saw him on my fantasy team! Oh, wait, that’s not my fantasy team; he’s on my milk carton.
Steven Matz – Reportedly received good news from the doctor about his elbow/forearm. There should be a moratorium put on saying it’s good news when a pitcher goes to a doctor about his elbow. Can we just say, “It’s not terrible news?”
Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 7 ER. The Regression Fairies celebrate occasions with a poem, they can’t believe they finished that whole bottle of Pinot, and they will stomp on your pretty ratios.
Ian Kinsler – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. You got good value so far from Kinsler. Him and his manager can appreciate that.
J.D. Martinez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd in as many games. Wait, I need to pull in my laundry from the clothesline before you shut the Buy Low window!
Cameron Maybin – 2-for-2, 1 run and his 1st steal as he was activated from the DL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Did you see the photocopy I made of my butt? It was classic.”
Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .348. Damn, wish I would’ve told people to draft him. Oh, wait, I did. That’s right!
Jose Berrios – 2/3 IP, 7 ER. I’m gonna leave my cola on the counter of this Libyan bar and go to the bathroom. Could you watch it, Shifty Man Who I Recognize From Being On A Playing Card? *five hours later* Yo, shut the shades, I’m freezing! Wait, those shades have the same freckles as my back. AHHHHHH!!! ROOFIE!!!!
Miguel Sano – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .235. Fitting that The Sanotebook was helped along by the Regression Fairies. All we need now is a Ryan Gosling meme, and we’re complete.
Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-5 and his 7th homer, hitting .308. OZUNA finally breaking out. OZUNA waited long time. OZUNA just needed to stop taking Proactiv.
Justin Bour – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .264. Bit early to start comparing him daily to Votto, but I see my Bour updates headed that way.
Adam Conley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.40 vs. Jerad Eickhoff 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Both guys have been solid at times and other times have been, “So, who else is on waivers?” For both, I’d use the Stream-o-Nator.
Odubel Herrera – 3-for-5, 1 run, hitting .343. JB and I talk about O’Shizz on the podcast that is coming today. You can hardly wait. No, you!
Jesse Hahn – Will be recalled to replace Eric Surkamp, who wasn’t told by Bob Melvin that he was being bumped, but rather to “talk to the Hahn.” Hahn is a decent flyer in deep leagues, and will be someone I could see becoming 12-team mixed league relevant in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.
Henderson Alvarez – Had a setback with his shoulder. Damn, just what Dr. James Andrews needs, another Rolex.
Sean Manaea – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.91. Ugh, okay, I’ll cyclops him but I’ll be damned if I’m picking him up off the strength of one start.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. He’s on pace for 40 homers. Of course, that’s silly pie-in-the-sky thinking, but an eye on Semien is better than Semien on an eye.
Tony Kemp – Called up by the Astros to act as outfield depth. He’s five-foot six-inches tall, which means he’ll smell a fart right after Altuve. He also has speed (35-ish in a season), but no avenue to everyday at-bats yet.
Kenta Maeda – 4 IP, 4 ER vs. the Angels. That’s a ton of runs allowed against a team that could be described as this.
Trayce Thompson – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homers. That’s his 4th and 5th homers in his last eight games! Too bad the Dodgers have played 12 games in that time frame. So, yeah, I’d grab him, but you have to platoon him.
Garrett Richards – Will try rehabbing instead of having Tommy John surgery. Or put another way, “I will not own Richards again in his career until 18 months after he finally has Tommy John surgery.”
Tim Lincecum – Signs with the Angels. With Lincecum and Weaver together, they are replacing the radar guns with hourglasses!
