Rockies Warming Up, Bernabel The Midnight Doyle

Denver’s Coors Field delivered a performance for the ages Friday night, allowing a total of 40 hits and 33 runs scored in an all-time slugfest that would make the Bananas blush. Razzball’s new heartthrob slash king slashing bestie Warming Bernabel led the charge. He’s more than just an amazing name, and he showed it Friday with a four-hit night, including this blast in the third. Have a day, rook! He’s slashing .458/.480/1.000 through his first six career games, with three home runs and seven runs batted in! Did I mention the 1.480 OPS? Sweet sassy molass! Small sample sizes are fun! A high contact hitter who put up an .806 OPS in AAA, Bernabel isn’t typically known for his power but Coors gonna Coors, and he’s hit safely in every big league game he’s played so far. Are you Warming up to him yet? Well, his team trailed 9-1 in the first inning before Bernie got the noise started in the third, and no pitcher was safe after that. The Rockies completed their incredible comeback in the ninth inning, starting with Hunter Goodman’s 20th home run, followed by a run scoring triple from Global Warming, and finally a two-run walk off home run from Brenton Doyle. Brenton had four hits of his own, too!? Oh, Doyle still rules, I guess? So Brenton plays hero, Goodman was, as usual, a good man, and Ezequiel Tovar also added four hits and is hitting .300 over the past week. But Warming was the real Bernabell of the Bernaball! He was a BUY and it’s the best start to a Rockies rookie campaign in, well, in ever! He might not hit three homers every week but the contact skills should play everywhere especially at Coors, and the kid is so hot right now! Warming is heating up, grab him before he’s on fire!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Oneil Cruz – 2-for-6, Grand Slam HR (18). Bucs started things off with a bang, like a cannonball! Pirates, get it? Nine runs in the first including this Cruz Missile grand salami that traveled 450 feet. Andrew McCutchen followed that with a three-run bomb, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t show you this throw by Cruz. Yes, things all started off very well for the Pirates, how could they possibly blow a nine run lead to one of the worst teams in history? Is that a challenge? Can you imagine if Paul Skenes got nine runs of support in the first? He might sign a ten year deal.

Dennis Santana – 0.1 IP, 4 hits, 5 ER, BB, K, 3rd L. It was a tough day for most newly minted closers, but Smooth Santana owners definitely got the roughest stat line of the night. If you were unfortunate enough to add him, I’m sorry that happened to you. Life is worth living, nothing beats a Jet2 Holiday, etc. That said, Denny’s the closer and was a BUY, add if available!

Brady Singer – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 10 K, 9th win. Braves be sad now, I don’t even feel like writing this. After getting roughed up in Washington, Brady has back-to-back quality starts and gets the Pirates next week.

Bryce Elder –  6.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 8th L. Bryce the Elder is now Atlanta’s defacto number two starter. A little disappointed madman Anthopoulos didn’t trade for an entire rotation before the deadline. I wanted to see some big fat Greek magic happen, but I guess the fact that they didn’t sell anyone off when they clearly should have is crazy enough

Trevor Rogers – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 0 BB, 8 K, 2nd L. Yes please and more, thank you! I want all my fantasy pitchers losing like this. Rogers had a 1.03 ERA in July and starts August off right. He gets the Phils next week which is a scary start but you just can’t bench this guy right now.

William Contreras – 5-for-7, HR (9), 2 RBI. If you hold your foot on their thigh when you pull up it’s easier to snap the leg to stuff in the trunk an–wait, he moved! William Contreras is alive! Someone clearly just woke up and realized his team is in first place in a pennant race. It was the first five hit game of his career these were no dinky singles, either hitting all six balls over 100 mph including this shot. 2024’s top fantasy catch was all but left for dead but he’s hitting .481 in the past week with three home runs. Nice of you to join us, WIlliam!

Andrew Vaughn – 3-for-5, HR (11), 3 RBI. BUY! The Brewers fixing of all these players should be studied. Is this a deal-with-the-devil situation where just everyone who puts on a BrewCrew CityConnect is reborn? Is it a handshake with Bernie Brewer that seals it? The best part is how bad they’re making all these other GMs look. Boston scrambling for starting pitching as Quinn Priester approaches double digit wins. But it’s my long-time fantasy darling, Andrew Vaughn that’s most impressive. It’s absolutely fetch that they made AV a thing and he’s currently in the midst of a seven game hitting streak batting .500 with four home runs in the stretch, he’s one of the hottest shmotatos in all of cheeseland. What are they putting in that cheddar? Jacks!?

Blake Perkins – 2-for-6, 2 HR (2), 3 RBI. The Brewers scored 16 runs with 25 hits! Andruw Monstario was 4-for-6, run with 3 RBI. Any and all the Brewers are living. This must be what living the High Life looks like!

Mitchell Parker – 4.0 IP, 12 hits, 8 ER, BB, 3 K. He has already given up 6 runs and 10 hits when he was sent out for the fifth inning so I blame Mr. Manager for this one.

Ranger Suarez – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. He’s held teams to 3 ER or less in all but two of his 16 starts and the 2.68 ERA, and 1.13 all but show this. The 95/27 ain’t too shabby either. Rescue Ranger away!

Jhoan Duran – 1.0 IP, 0 ER, SV (17). Threw four pitches for his first save as a Philly. This could have been the best acquisition of the deadline. Talk about filling (or philly’ing) a need! Duran could be the first legit closer in Philadelphia since…Papelbon? The Phils were my pick for NL champs and this only solidifies that pick! I also picked the Reds and Twins to win their divisions so don’t give me all the flowers.

Jack Flaherty – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 3 BB, 7 K. His ratios aren’t pretty, but he’s been in control over the past month (2.73 ERA) and gets the decimated Twinks next week.

Kevin Gausman – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, 8th L. I trusted you! We were rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! How dare you! At least he didn’t walk anyone.

Michael Wacha – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 5 K, 5th win. Joke’s on the Jays, Wacha Wacha, he allowed a home run to Vladdy in the first and that was about it, retiring 22 of the next 24 batters. It was his best start in almost three years and the Royals might be onto to something here…

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-4, HR (16). The .871 OPS makes me Vladdy daddy but the 16 bombs are a huge let down. Can’t you like, hit it harder or something, Vlad? I know you’re in first but daddy needs power! Please?

Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-3, HR (16), 3 RBI. Bobert Witt hit a few piss missiles in this one including this 420 foot beauty. The Royals are set up to make a run in a crowded wild card field. I’m hesitant to wagon them just yet but they did just beat the best team in the AL.

Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-3, HR (9), 2 RBI. This is how you say hello to your new fan base. Nice to meet you! The Yastrzemski’s always did have a flair for the dramatic.

Salvador Perez – 1-for-5, HR (19). Wasn’t he hurt? I know we’re not supposed to pay for catchers on draft day but dammit if you can’t set your watch to this one.

Hunter Brown – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. Boston’s line up was clearly overmatched here, and I’m not really knocking them, Brown Town’s been that good.

Cooper Criswell – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, ER, 2 BB, 4 K. If you squint hard enough and add facial hair, he kind of looks like Joe Ryan!

Carlos Correa – 0-for-4, K. Lol, what did you expect, really?

Roman Anthony – 2-for-5, RBI. Have you met my new boyfriend? First career walkoff for the rook and the Holy Roman Empire is in full swing! Ahh, yes, inject this into my veinsss. I want to live in this moment.

Gavin Williams – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 8 K. That’s three straight quality starts, and he’s Gavin us something finally! 1.80 ERA, 1.03 WHIP over the past month with a 35/13 K/BB. The walks are still too high for comfort and this was a Twinks team batting Kody Clemens at clean up so I’m not ready to say he’s clicked just yet.

Cade Smith – 2.0 IP, 3 K, 3rd win. BUY. If he looks like a closer, and throws like a closer, he’s probably going to be the closer.

Joe Ryan – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K. Remember when he was on the Red Sox for 15 seconds. I will never forget.

Carlos Rodon – 4.2 IP, 2 hits, 4 ER, 5 BB, 9 K. Car-Rod has struggled in the dog days and has allowed nine runs over his past 15 innings (3 starts). The first time all year he failed to get through five innings and a season high five walks is also cause for concern. I’m concerned, ya’ll!

Jake Bird – 0.1 IP, 3 hits, 4 ER, BB, K. Hmm, so the Yankees shiny new bullpen is looking hecka dull. Hecka I tells ya!

David Bednar – 1.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 K. But wait, it gets worse!

Camilo Doval – 0.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, L. The Yankees led 6-0 heading into the fifth in this one, and that shiny new superpen proceeded to give up 4, 2, 3, nine runs, ultimately blowing a 12-10 lead in the ninth inning. Who can we blame for this one??? Cashman did his job. Boone? Blaming Mr. Manager Boone seems safe. When in doubt, Boone is a tool. Overrated. Underqualified. This would all make me much happier if I didn’t own Bednar and Doval.

Anthony Volpe – 4-for-5, 3 runs, HR (17), 2 RBI, 2 SB (14). Ciao bella! *pinches fingers* Are you Italian!? That’s a good paisan look at him mash this spicy meatball! He didn’t even make an error first! Fuggedaboutit! Dude is aura farming like an Indonesian boat kid right now and I’m here for it. His seventh home run since the break ties him with Kyle Schwarber! After the four hit night AV’s hitting .280 in that stretch with 11 RBI and four steals. On the one hand, the .718 OPS leaves a lot to be desired, as does the 15 errors, but on the other, shut up n3rd, Volpe is an Italian American hero and your stats are sacrilege like spaghetti sandwiches with cheap gravy!

Jasson Dominguez – 3-for-4, RBI, 2 SB (18). I know Trent Grisham had a game, but can we please have Jasson consistently leading off??

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-5, HR (9). ALL HE DOES IS HIT HOME RUNS! Literally no one mollywops like Big Sexy Giancarlo, with his ninth bomb in the past 20 days he’s on a 60 homer pace right now. How about that .949 OPS!? Are the Marlins a wagon, y’all?

Kyle Stowers – 1-for-5, Grand Slam HR (24). Kyle is Lord of the Marlins, the King Stowers! Stowers of Powers! The grand salami to get within one run! Talk about my precious golem!

Javier Sanoja – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 HR (3), 3 RBI. Nice To Sanoja! Not the American Idol contestant, the Miami legend, Javier ties things up with his second homer of the day and first multi homer game of his career! Go Fisssssh! Marlins beisbol, baby! Get hooked!

Robbie Ray – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. He carried a no hitter into the fifth inning and didn’t surrender a run until Pete Alonso (1-for-3, HR (23)) hit a run bomb in the seventh. He gets the Pirates next week, and you know anyone with a name like Robbie Ray can handle themselves around some Pirates.

Randy Rodriguez – 1.0 IP, BB, K, SV (2). BUY. Ryan Walker pitched the ninth in a tie game and got his third win 3rd win. A Giant’s beat report announced rowdy Randy Rod will be the new closer and he delivered despite some small heart palpitations loading the bases in the 10th. With the game on the line he struck out Ronnie Mauricio, yes, the same Ronnie Mauricio who homered off him last week to tie the game (good memory!). So that had to feel real good. Looked real good too! Rand-Rod is a dominant presence in the pen and can be a dominant closer so he’s an add everywhere for me!

David Peterson – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, ERA at 2.83 ERA. Fifth straight quality start! Peterson is kinda, sorta the Mets Ace right now, no? He’s got a 1.42 ERA, 1.11 WHIP over the last month, so I ain’t knocking it!

Freddie Freeman – 2-for-4, HR (12), 3 RBI. The batting average and OPS are still top tier but the power has sapped quicker than expected. Only three years and $60 million to go.

Clayton Kershaw – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 3 K, 5th win. I could never make fun of you, Kersh. He gets the birds next week and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Shane Baz – 5.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 8th L. If you started him in this spot you kind of deserved this. Baz Skaggs has struggled with consistency all year and he’s been especially bad at home in his wittle baby ballpark posting a 6.54  ERA and allowed 13 home runs. Still the flashes are there that I’m starting him next week in Anaheim. I’m unhinged like that!

Nick Pivetta – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 5 K, 11th win. Rocking a 2.73 ERA and 11 wins, (ELEVEN) San Diego was literally the dream landing spot for a homer prone pitcher like Pivetta. Never leave. The fish tacos are too good to leave behind anyway.

Robert Suarez – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, SV (31). Mason Miller – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, K, first HLD. So this is a real bummer for Mason Miller owners and quite a relief for Suarez owners. Miller goes from being one of the most dominant closers in the game to one of the most dominant set up guys and that is NOT the same thing in fantasy. I’m sorry that happened to you.

Shea Langeliers – 3-for-5, HR (19). I can make the same Sia joke as many times as I can type his name incorrectly as Shane, but none if these things can happen if he’s not hitting tanks like this every Friday.

Jack Leiter – 4.1 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. This Leiter still setting fires with gas. If Kumar Rocker wasn’t just as bad he might be worried about losing his rotation spot.

Robert Garcia – 0.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER. Gave up a walk off home run to J.P. Crawford and now that reinforcements have arrived his job is far from safe. The Rangers new bullpen toys Danny Coulombe ( 1.0 IP, 2 K) and Phil Maton (1.0 IP, BB, K) both did their part securing holds but Tim Robinson might say Robert Garcia didn’t do [expletive deleted]! I would look to either Coulombe or Maton to snatch the ninth inning gig from Garcia. I lean Maton because he’s the righty with harder stuff but Coulombe looked fairly untouchable as well. Might want to let this one play out a bit before adding.

Logan Gilbert – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 7 K. OK, but the M’s are definitely a wagon now, ya’ll!

Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-5, HR (14). Benny Baseball with the benny bomb! He was a BUY and the White Sox are surging. Not wagon surging but, “we’re gonna [expletive deleted] up some bubble team’s [expletive deleted]” surging. Which is just as fun to watch!

Colson Montgomery – 1-for-4, HR (6). ColSoMoGo with another shot! 430 footer! The bat speed is unreal and ALL HE DOES IS HIT HOME RUNS! He was another BUY and he’s slugging .538 with a .848 OPS and that’s six home runs over the past nine games if you’re counting and you’re probably not counting because who is watching this team? That’s tied for the lead league since the break, folks. I’m just saying! Where do they put the statue? In front of Daley’s? Al’s? Shinnick’s? More importantly, the Southside Sox notched their 41st win of the year Friday which ties their 2024 total. Cue the duck boats! Hoist the banner! Ticker tape parade incoming! Progress.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts, or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!