Cougs saw a picture of Donkey Teeth and I at the Vegas NFBC Main Event and said, “You look like the movie Twins.” I smiled, then, after thinking about it for 20 minutes realized something, and texted my wife back, “Are you saying I’m Danny DeVito?” Then I saw the elipsis that she was texting, but those dots disappeared, and I never heard from her again. She now lives with Donkey Teeth.
Just finished our first Main Event @TheNFBC and all I got was this very cool shirt and hat pic.twitter.com/a527cuxtia
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 26, 2022
So, had a great time in Vegas drafting this team, even if it was slightly uncomfortable having Donkey’s hand up my butt moving my mouth. More like Ventriloquist Teeth! For those not in the know about the NFBC Main Event. It’s a 15-team, 30-round mixed league draft. No IL spots, and weekly waivers. It’s a snake draft with a weekly FAAB. It also costs $1700 to enter, but the winner gets, like, $170,000 or something. Honestly, wasn’t doing it for the money. I was doing it so Donkey’s hand would be up my butt. Anyway, here’s our Main Event NFBC draft and recap:
SIKE! Just wanted to announce the Streamonator and Hittertron are running with all of the first weekend projections. LFG100! Anyway II, my Main Event draft recap:
C: Danny Jansen (22)
C: MJ Melendez (28)
1B: Jared Walsh (9)
2B: Jonathan India (6)
SS: Wander Franco (4)
3B: Rafael Devers (2)
MI: Garrett Hampson (23)
CI: Anthony Rizzo (13)
OF: Kyle Tucker (1, 14)
OF: Seiya Suzuki (7)
OF: Trent Grisham (10)
OF: Austin Hays (17)
OF: Brandon Nimmo (18)
Util: Spencer Torkelson (16)
Bench: Vidal Brujan (21), Kyle Lewis (25), Eric Haase (30)
P: Jose Berrios (3)
P: Carlos Rodon (5)
P: Sean Manaea (8)
P: Matt Barnes (11)
P: Jordan Montgomery (12)
P: Lou Trivino (14)
P: Steven Matz (15)
P: Tanner Rainey (19)
P: Elieser Hernandez (20)
Bench: Hunter Greene (24), Pete Fairbanks (26), Nick Lodolo (27), Edward Cabrera (29)
*Since we drafted, we dropped Pete Fairbanks and Vidal Brujan for Diego Castillo, the shortstop, and CJ Abrams.
OKAY, I KNOW YOU WANT TO TELL ME YOUR WAR ROOM TOTALS, SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GIANCARLO, PLEASE TELL THEM TO ME.
Thanks for asking, Mr. Al Bolden Capps.
PLEASE CALL ME ABC.
Okay, here’s the War Room screenshot:
CLOGGING UP THE UTILITY SPOT IN THE 16TH ROUND WAS ON PURPOSE OR WERE YOU AND DONKEY TEETH BUSY TALKING TO YOUR COSTUME DESIGNER?
So, ABC–
YA KNOW WHAT, THAT’S TOO FAMILIAR. CALL ME, MR. CAPPS AGAIN.
Spencer Torkelson over Julio Rodriguez was a miscalculation in round 16. Allow me to set the stage. Donkey and I were at the table, together. They said we couldn’t use Walkie Talkies with Donkey situated in the broom closet, so to communicate we had to whisper into each other’s ears. After the first round, his hot breath tinkled my ear hair and I started giggling. From there, we couldn’t communicate anymore. We could only make gestures. So, for Torkelson, I was able to “twerk” a charade, but what the hell would I do for a Julio Rodriguez? Any of this believable? No? Damn. Okay, I’d say we made a mistake, in retrospect. We figured Jul-Rod would make his way back to us, but he didn’t. On our sheet, we had Jul-Rod above Torkelson, but figured we could wait since Jul-Rod’s ADP was much later. C’est la vie, as Ty France says. Torkelson also clogs up the ol’ roster. I’m fine with that part of the equation, though, because we can sub out Rizzo if he faces a lot of lefties, or, if God forbid, Torkelson doesn’t work out. Torkelson was in the game plan, but Jul-Rod was too, and we missed on him, and I have cried myself to sleep ever since.
SEE YOU WENT WITH A LOT OF YOUR FAVES ON HITTING.
If Jonathan India, Wander Franco, and Seiya Suzuki file restraining orders against me, I will need to hire an assistant to change my fantasy teams’ lineups. Got a few of my old faves from last year in Jared Walsh and Trent Grisham, and my new beau, Kyle Tucker. Austin Hays? This year is his turn to break out. Anthony Rizzo is about to *makes eating motion* with the short porch. Only guy who is weird on the team? Finding Nimmo, which was for steals, runs and because Donkey had a Pixar sticker on his laptop.
SO YOU OBVIOUSLY LIKE YOUR TEAM BECAUSE YOU LIKE ALL OF YOUR TEAMS, UNTIL ABOUT THREE DAYS INTO THE SEASON WHEN YOU WANT TO CHUCK YOUR COMPUTER INTO THE GARBAGE, BUT TRY TO PINPOINT SOME WEAKNESSES FOR ME.
Clearly, we’re struggling with relievers and pitching, in general. As with most ‘pert leagues, pitching went fast and furious like Vin Diesel was drafting behind us with sugar packets on each inner thigh like in Days of Thunder. 19 pitchers were off the board by the time we took Jose Berrios in the 3rd round (one of those was Ohtani). Two teams hadn’t drafted a hitter by the time we took Berrios and that was only one pick from the 4th round. Four relievers were off the board. Emmanuel Clase was drafted before we took our first pitcher, and Clase is ranked 88th overall on our NFBC rankings. Then, before we took our next pitcher, Carlos Rodon, 13 more pitchers were off the board.
SPEAKING OF CARLOS RODON, YOU TOLD US YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DRAFT HIM THIS YEAR. HOW DO YOU LOOK YOUR LYING STUPID FACE IN THE MIRROR?
Due to the pitchers flying off the board, Donks and I felt we needed to take an upside gamble on a starter. Is there a lot of risk with him? Certainly, or soitenly if Curly is reading. If we can get 120+ IP from him, then we bank that and hope for the sexiest 120 innings anyone has ever seen. Essentially, a Freddy Peralta but for 40 fewer innings. If his shoulder goes bye-bye-nice-knowing-you-but-not-that-nice, then…Well, have I mentioned Donkey and I got these really cool shirts?
