Never in the history of fantasy baseball posts has anyone successfully pulled off what I’m about to do. I’m going to write out my pre-draft plan here for everyone to see, and leave it unchanged even if the plan doesn’t come together. I’m the world where Mike Nesmith’s mother never invents Liquid Paper. Yo, keyboard, take away my delete and backspace buttons, don’t need ’em. Have you heard of the My Pillow guy? Well, I’m the My Plan guy. Okay, here goes, prepare your eyeballs. My Plan: Buy top hitters, and cheap pitchers. Use Rudy’s War Room (free with a Razzball Tools subscription). Change underwear in case something happens. Surprise! This is the same plan as I’ve used just about every year in NL and AL-Only leagues. I really need to start changing my underwear more than just prior to drafts. I go for balance in 12-team mixed leagues. (If you want one of those, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.) In these mono-leagues, I go for a few big bats, and usually around a 78/22-ish split. Doesn’t always work out; let’s be honest, sometimes I barely spend 18% on pitchers. If you’re wondering why I don’t spend on pitchers, welcome to the site, may I suggest starting at top 20 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball? Anyway, here’s my LABR 12-team, NL-Only draft recap:
Psyche! Before going into the LABR draft recap, Donkey asked that I notify people that RazzSlam qualifier leagues are now signing up. Didn’t get into the RazzSlam and wanna correct that for next year? Top 10 finishers will secure a spot for 2022. Slow drafts (4-hour pick clock) will begin 30-minutes after your league fills. It’s Best Ball, so after you draft, you don’t need to change your lineup. Just slowly rub your hands together and smile evilly. Here’s the RazzSlam rules if you’re a completist. Anyway II, the LABR recap:
C: Elias Diaz $6, Jorge Alfaro $3
C: Tyler Stephenson $1, Andrew Knizner $1, Austin Barnes $1, Curt Casali $1, Manny Pina $1, Victor Caratini $1, Andrew Knapp $1
1B: Cody Bellinger $38, Freddie Freeman $35
2B: Ketel Marte $21, Jurickson Profar $6, Jon Berti $8, Brendan Rodgers $14
SS: Trevor Story $35, Javier Baez $28, Dansby Swanson $22, Trea Turner $36, Fernando Tatis Jr $38
3B: Alec Bohm $25, Ke’Bryan Hayes $18, Austin Riley $24, Colin Moran, $5, Manny Machado $32
MI: Javier Baez $28, Dansby Swanson $22, Jurickson Profar $6, Jon Berti $8, Brendan Rodgers $14
CI: Tommy La Stella $10, Ke’Bryan Hayes $18, Pete Alonso $25, Manny Machado $32, Austin Riley $24, Colin Moran, $5, Garrett Cooper $5
OF: Juan Soto $40, Mookie Betts $37, Acuña $43, Michael Conforto $24, Ian Happ $20, Wil Myers $19
OF: Raimel Tapia $16, Bryan Reynolds $15, Nick Senzel $15
OF: J.D. Davis $7, Shogo Akiyama $6, David Peralta $6, Anthony Alford $5, Jackie Bradley Jr. $5
OF: Tim Locastro $5, Roman Quinn $5, Scott Kingery $5, Jared Oliva $5
OF: Austin Slater $2, Kevin Pillar $2, Ender Inciarte $2, Alex Jackson $2
Util: Josh Rojas $1-3, Monte Harrison, Tyler Naquin, Drew Waters, Daniel Robertson, Eric Sogard, Dee Strange-Gordon, Kyle Farmer, Josh VanMeter, Todd Frazier,
Bench: Chris Owings, Pavin Smith, Jose Martinez, Lewin Diaz, Stuart Fairchild, Sheldon Neuse, Corbin Martin, Zach McKinstry, Andre Jackson, Jose Garcia, Colton Welker, Jazz Chisholm, Lewin Diaz, Jesus Sanchez, Jerar Encarnacion, are you even reading anymore at this point, Tyrone Taylor, Oneill Cruz, Luis Campusano, Maikel Franco, Yasiel Puig, Yasel Antuna, Khalil Lee
P: Carlos Carrasco $19, Chris Paddack $20, Blake Snell $24, Patrock Corbin $22, Sonny Gray $20, Brandon Woodruff $23
P: Kevin Gausman $20, Zac Gallen $20, Zach Eflin $15, Julio Urias $14
P: Marcus Stroman $12, Drew Smyly $8, Sandy Alcantara $10, Elieser Hernandez $9, Anthony DeSclafani $8,
P: Freddy Peralta $6, Alex Wood $5, Luke Weaver $5, Adbert Alzolay $4, Caleb Smith $4, Carlos Martinez $3
P: MacKenzie Gore $3, Adrian Morejon $3, Taijuan Walker $3, Noah Syndergaard $3, Tejay Antone $3, Trevor Rogers $3, Spencer Howard $3
P: Logan Webb $1, Austin Gomber $1, Michael Lorenzen $1, David Peterson $2
P: Kenley Jansen $17, any other closer for less than $15
P: Closer for less than $10, aim for Joakim Soria
P: Pitcher who won’t break camp, but if MacKenzie Gore was purchased, then work on the fly, homey. You got this!
Bench: Stefan Crichton, Sean Doolittle, Matt Moore, Aaron Sanchez, Trevor Williams, Joe Ross, Daniel Ponce De Leon, Eric Lauer, Braxton Garrett, Roansy Contreras, Ryan Weathers, Wil Crowe, Miguel Yajure, Rick Porcello
THAT TEAM LOOKS SOLID BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE MULTIPLE PLAYERS AT EACH POSITION AND YOUR PITCHING STAFF…WELL, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
It’s not my team!
WHOA, IS THIS THE UPSIDE DOWN?
No! I faked all of you out! That team is actually my plan! When I said I didn’t have a plan outside of a few nonsensical things like changing my gotchies, I was luring you into a trap!
The trap of you thinking I’m stupid!
UH….ARE WE STILL IN THAT TRAP? BECAUSE YOU STILL SEEM STUPID.
No! I mean, yes, this is still the trap. So, I wrote out my plan beforehand of a team of targets I wanted to draft. As you can see from my target list, I didn’t always want the top guy at a position. You can also see my target prices, and I tried to be as realistic as possible. Those prices don’t necessarily match up with my War Room. I knew Fernando Tatis Jr. would go for more than $38 (he went for $41), which is why I have him listed last in my targets for shortstops. If you get FTJ at $40+, you can’t get Bellinger or Freeman. But, if you get Bellinger or Freeman, you can get Trevor Story or, say, Machado. All about trade-offs. I did want a top shortstop, just not *the* top shortstop. Anyway, let’s see what I came away with when the rubber met the road:
C: Austin Barnes $3
C: Manny Pina $2
1B: Freddie Freeman $34
2B: Nico Hoerner $7
SS: Trevor Story $35
3B: Alec Bohm $25
MI: Kyle Farmer $2
CI: Pete Alonso $24
OF: Ian Happ $17
OF: Kyle Schwarber $16
OF: Mauricio Dubon $12
OF: Cristian Pache $8
OF: Tim Locastro $1
UTIL: Anthony Alford $2
Bench: Lewin Diaz, Jesus Sanchez, Cole Tucker
P: Carlos Carrasco $17
P: Pablo Lopez $12
P: Julio Urias $12
P: Kevin Gausman $10
P: Amir Garrett $6
P: Anthony DeSclafani $5
P: Joakim Soria $5
P: Luke Weaver $3
P: Carlos Martinez $2
Bench: Eric Lauer, Matt Wisler, Kyle Wright
SOME OF THESE GUYS WEREN’T EVEN ON YOUR TARGET LIST. I FEEL LIKE I WAS SOLD A LIE, LIKE WHEN I THOUGHT BREAKING BAD WOULD BE A COMEDY BECAUSE IT OPENS WITH THE OLD GUY FROM MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE IN HIS UNDERWEAR.
Before we go any further into the “Wha’ happened,” here’s my War Room totals:
You can see, prolly without looking at the War Room, my offense is stacked like library books in my closet that are 18 years overdue. Alec Bohm was a late pick, and I likely could’ve used that money better on my pitching, but sometimes ya boy’s gotta Bohm, nah’mean? After drafting him, someone said to me, “Wow, you are extremely handsome, and you really seem to like Bohm this year.” They said it like it was news to them (the Bohm part). Did they not read my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, you might ask yourself, if you talk like a Talking Head. Let’s refresh your cocktail of insight with a splash of me quoting me. From my top 20 1st basemen:
Alec Bohm – I call this tier, “Christopher Cross’s Ride Like the Wind.” This tier is pure joy. Just ride, ride like the wind. Christopher Cross and I insist. By the way, you think he ever went by Chris Cross and wore his clothes backwards? As for Bohm, this is a trust fall more than anything. He hit four homers last year or the same number Hard Hittin’ Mark Whiten be hittin’ in one game. There’s a large gap with funk banned between what Bohm could drop on me. Anywhere from under-15 homers to over 30 homers. The bright side of Bohm is the rebuilding of property value with his easy-.280-ish average and handful of steals that he should chuck in. Wouldn’t put money on it happening in 2021, but Bohm could be 35/10/.300 within two years. 2021 Projections: 88/22/81/.289/5 in 581 ABs
Is that not clear? Alec Bohm and Chris Cross at karaoke singing Kris Kross make me Jump, Jump.
OKAY, THE HITTING IS BUTTER ON A HOT CRUFFIN, BUT CONFESS YOUR SINS WITH YOUR PITCHING STAFF.
All my targets are just that — targets. You can’t get too tied into having to get a guy. How’sever, I did goof by not going an extra dollar or two on Mackenzie Gore. I even said above in the target list, “Pitcher who won’t break camp, but if MacKenzie Gore was purchased, then work on the fly, homey. You got this!” Narrator: Grey did not in fact have this. In this league, you can’t move guys out of your lineup unless they’re sent down or injured. I wanted Gore so I could send him down, and stream with my bench. Now I have to hope C-Mart has a phantom injury and is sent to the IL. By the by, C-Mart screws up my entire team. I might just drop him before the season. So, why did I buy C-Mart? Because it was the end of the draft, someone said a dollar, and Big-Brained Grey thought, “I’ll go to $2, someone will go to $3, and I won’t own him.” Well, HA! I’m dumb.
IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU JUST REALIZED YOU’RE DUMB. THAT’S A STUDY IN BEING BLIND TO ONE’S SELF.
Honestly, I feel pretty good if I can come away with an entire team, and only regret one dopey $2 pitcher. I wanted a better closer, but Jansen went for $17, and I didn’t want to go to $18. Pete Alonso was an obvious steal on my team, and I’m not just saying that because I want to birth Albombso’s children. He went for less than Bohm! C’mon. To give you perspective, Kris Bryant went for the same price as Albombso.
Another guy who I’m starting to warm to in deep leagues is Tim Locastro. Given 500 ABs, he could be a 35-steal guy. Will he be given 500 ABs? Well, how dumb are the Diamondbacks? Very dumb? Perfect! Finally, at like the 400-minute mark of the draft, I decided I wanted to own Pache. On my sheet, I have him listed for $13, and I called City Hall to officially change my name to Maximillian Bid, or Max Bid for short, because I had to get him. When I did for only $8, I did a short victory jog around my desk, which might’ve been when I accidentally fell into the $2 bid for C-Mart. Maybe he can close, because I desperately need that.