Holding hands together with a Juan Soto plushie, tiptoeing around my office in a tutu. I LOVE JUAN SOTO SO MUCH! There, I said it.
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 24, 2021
I cannot stop my pure heart from being driven in by Juan Soto when I’m waiting on base aka sitting on the toilet. It’s love! Damn you all for not understanding! So, Juan Soto is having a 2nd half that is insane, did you know this? I did. Hence, telling you. He’s now leading the major leagues in batting average, and OBP. For someone to swoop in and find my heart while not hitting a ton of homers? Well, Sexy Dr. Pepper’s doing it, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to try it. It’s not easy! Yesterday, Soto went 3-for-3, with his 28th and 29th homer, while hitting .325. Oh, bee tee dubs, .325 this year is like hitting .415. Sorry, Ted Williams, he’s passed you. ACKCHUALLY, he has 50 games where he’s reached base 4+ times before turning 23, and only one in history with more is Ted Williams at 54. He’s also got the most career games with 2+ HRs and a walk before turning 23. He’s 22 years old! And he has the 2nd most multiple homer games before turning 22, behind only Eddie Matthews. 2022 give me Juan Soto in the top five again, right? Yes, I love him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Patrick Corbin – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.92. Thinking about the madness that might’ve drove someone to start Corbin in Cincy and shuddering at the thought. If only mommy hugged you!
Chris Bassitt – 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.16, as he was activated from the IL. The alphabet is now U, V, X, Y because Bassitt takes all the W’s for getting back on the mound. Multiple fractures on the melon and walking out to the mound got me all choked up, because I’ve had this stupid chicken bone stuck in my throat since Wednesday. Can you Heimlich yourself? Seriously, good for Bassitt, and I will absolutely love him again next year. He’s always so underrated, but now I wonder if he won’t be overrated a little because he took a screamer off his cantaloupe. Being 100% real, casual people have now heard of him so watch his draft price inflate. As for this year, meh, looks like he can only throw about 50 pitches.
Sean Murphy – 2-for-4 and his 17th homer. Too bad Mike Zunino’s doing that plus 14 homers, so what Murphy’s doing is less impressive, but not a bad 2nd catcher if you play in one of those S&M-type leagues.
Mitch Haniger – 1-for-4 and his 35th homer. Kinda wild year here from Haniger. About to start calling him Franmitch Hanigereyes cause he’s putting together some Vending Machine Steaks with big dongs.
Adam Wainwright – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.05. Not smart to make a deal with the devil for 40 years, but negotiate deep into the night and leave off the last two weeks of the season.
Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, and his 28th and 29th homer. Au pair Shizz!
Tyrone Taylor – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer. More like Tyrone Power! Yes! A very hip, new reference!
Adrian Houser – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Any team that has Woodruff, FreddyKBB and Burnes, honestly, shouldn’t be allowed to have two random starters like Houser and Lauer do as well as they’ve been doing. The Brewers’ humidor that turns baseballs into medicine balls has been worth its price in fantasy gold. Streamonator doesn’t like Houser’s next one, and I don’t know how much he’ll be pitching with the Brewers playoff-bound.
Ryan Mountcastle – 2-for-4 and his 31st homer, hitting .260. In a cockney accent, “Innit In ‘N Out?” Mountcastle questioned as he licked what appeared to be blood off a dead man’s finger, but might’ve been ketchup.
Austin Hays – 2-for-4, and his 22nd homer, hitting .257. Nowhere near the year Mullins had, but if Mullins wouldn’t have had that year, I would’ve been pumped to get this year from Hays.
Glenn Otto – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 8.02. Kinda interested in Otto for 2022, especially when I consider he’ll be drafted around the 42nd round in Draft Champions leagues.
Austin Riley – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer, and 3rd homer in the last three games. Maybe he is the NL MVP. *thought bubble above Grey’s head* “Is Grey being serious?” *thought bubble vanishes* Do I answer the thought bubble or just let it continue to think that?” *thought bubble above Grey’s head* “Man, this guy is stupid.” *thought bubble vanishes* That’s not cool, thought bubble.
Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.53 vs. Madison Bumgarner – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.58. This matchup was billed as, “Morton/Madison, say that fast 117 times.” By the by, ya know what Bumgarner could use? A trade to the Rays or Cards. He’d be a 2.75 ERA pitcher immediately.
Connor Overton – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.51 vs. Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.64. Overton moved the window and Nola still jumped out of it. Nola’s gonna be such a complicated guy to rank in 2022. I can see the bounce back, but I also can see the ‘why the hell would you bother?’ There’s so many other fish in the sea.
Colin Moran – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Also, in this game, Ke’Bryan Hayes (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) and his 6th homer. Both homers off some scrub named Nola. If you could have Framber Valdez or Nola in 2022, why would you bother with Nola?
Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .222. Might have to look at Carl’s Jr. Jr. for a sleeper post next year. Cust kayin’.
Yu Darvish – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.21. Last two earned runs were tacked on from a shizzy reliever, but still it was such a whatever year from Darvish. Bums me out thinking he might be at the end of his line for productive pitching. Was a good run, if this is it. *checks Terms of Service box to give banking information to Russian hackers on the virtual ‘lighter’ app so I can wave it in the air to honor Darvish*
Ha-Seong Kim – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. This was his 1st start since September 10th. Eminem gives Kim more play.
Nick Gordon – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, and I can’t believe I’m about to say it for this schmohawk but hot schmotato alert!
Alex Cobb – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Cobbs feels like a streaming musical chair. He could be fine, or the music could stop and you go to sit down on a chair and instead you sit on a Cobb.
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.28. C’mon, it’s kinda funny that some random starts in Coors in September might cost Scherzer and Buehler the Cy Young.
Max Muncy – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer. Yesterday, frequent commenter, Uncle Razzkai suggested a fantasy league where you could only field a team of guys who all had the same name. Dodgers have taken that suggestion to the Max.
Raimel Tapia – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .272. Interesting that Bud Black decided to start playing Tapia again, after benching him for two weeks. I’d kinda love to know what Bud Black thinks on certain subjects, but I’m also worried if I know I may never stop laughing. If he said something like, “I wanted to get Blackmon some rest, so I went with Tapia,” I may never stop cackling.
Michael Kopech – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.57, as he started the 2nd half of the doubleheader. Too bad he didn’t start the 2nd half of the 2nd half of the doubleheader so he could have a chance for a win.
Tim Anderson – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 15th and 16th homer. Currently, writing up my year-end recaps that will be posted after the season ends, and Anderson has been solid, but the shortstops are so deep. The Player Rater for the shortstop position goes, like, 25 deep, and Anderson is barely above the halfway point.
Eloy Jimenez – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. Eloy’s been in a terrible slump prior to this doubleheader, and I would’ve said he was droppable, but just that fast guys can come out of it.
Luis Robert – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Sign me up for Lou Bob in all my 2022 leagues. How early will be the only question. Is there any such thing as too early? Methinks not as metalks like a leprechaun.
Bobby Bradley – 2-for-5 and his 15th homer. Bobby is King of the Hill. Hank’s good too. Oh my God, and Boomhau–Oh, Bobby Bradley? Yeah, he’s fine, if he’s hot, which he kind is; that was two games in a row with a homer. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now.
Aaron Civale – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.90. This was only a 7-inning doubleheader, so he actually got deeper into the game than you might think. Makes you feel better, right?