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Back in the preseason, we were all clamoring for Josh Jung, which resulted in us taking a Briggs-Myers personality test, originally proposed by Jung.
The test began: 1) Can you remember how you felt about Josh Jung in March? A) Excited B) Stressed C) There’s no C. D) Extrovert.
If you answered A, you know Josh Jung is set to debut this year, and even the Rangers can’t ruin this prospect. He has big-time power, and a hit tool to match. The Rangers have no one to play third, and are currently rocking Swiss Army knife Brock Holt, and some combination of Andy Ibanez and Charlie Culberson, all names that only sound made-up. If you answered B, you were thinking of Josh Jung’s foot, which was diagnosed with a stress fracture on March 20th, curtailing his chances to break camp. Luckily, Jung is back, healed, and hitting home runs in the minors again. If you answered C, you were dropped on your head as a baby. If you answered D, then you’re telling all your friends about how you grabbed Josh Jung in your fantasy leagues, and those friends are secretly talking about you behind your back. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Luis Torrens – “You better take an umbrella. It’s a Torrenstial downpour.” That’s someone in the outfield bleachers as Torrens hits homers.
Daulton Varsho – There’s some players who I like more than they prolly warrant. Varsho is one, and a little unwarranted, but if you have to take a flyer on a random upside guy, it’s not a bad idea to do it at catcher.
Wilmer Flores – There will be some of you who will cry about Keston Hiura not being included in this column. Hiura is rostered in more than 50% of leagues, so he’s not eligible for this post, and leave the crying to Wilmer.
LaMonte Wade Jr. – You ever pick up Almonte and LaMonte just because you’re done with learning new letters? No? Hmm, guess I’m built different! LaMonte, like everyone on the Giants, has been so much better than I’d expect, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grab him.
Bobby Bradley – Last week’s Bobby Bradley fantasy went over about as well as I expected. No one’s seen him, I get it. If you’ve seen him hit a ball, you’d be as excited as me. He has 450-foot power to the opposite field. Easily.
Ryan O’Hearn – Sometimes I’ll just stand in public places and say real loud, “O’Hearn!” and snap my fingers, because people must recognize hot hitters.
Tony Kemp – There’s a few guys this week who are everyday players in search of a platoon partner. That makes their everyday playing time less ideal than it might seem. Kemp does have a great walk rate, and, with his speed, you’d think* he might be able to sneak into 20+ steals, and he’s currently leading off. *Yes, I know what you think, because, when you’re sleeping, I suck your brain out of your ears with a boba straw.
Luis Urias – He feels like he’s been around forever, but he just turned 24 in June. Sadly, I didn’t send him a birthday gift either. We’re bad friends. Wouldn’t be surprised at all if I’m excited about Urias for next year. Any hoo! This year, yes, Urias has been hitting for some power, and has speed.
Brendan Rodgers – Saw the ownership percentages for Sam Hilliard going up this week, and I wanted to touch the side of my computer sweetly and say, “Aw, you poor dear.” With that in mind, has Rodgers been replaced by Chris Owings completely yet? What a joker Bud Black is. We had about two million people come to Razzball in the last month. If each of you gives one dollar, I promise to put it towards getting rid of Bud Black. Hit me up at my Venmo: GetBudBlackOnTheBezosRocketShip
Nico Hoerner – Yes, I would love him a tiny bit more if his name was Bob Hoerner and he had a giant blonde afro, but I still have much love for him.
Jon Berti – Was a late addition to the column after I saw where he was on the 7-day Player Rater. Berti’s higher than Bertie Higgins when dreaming up a song about Casablanca.
Abraham Toro – Looked at Toro’s stats, and fell asleep. Unfortunately, I use a standing desk, and, when I say ‘fell asleep,’ I mean literally fell. Having learned my lesson, I am now standing in a bed of pillows. With that said, Toro’s been starting and has speed.
J.P. Crawford – Bit under the radar that Crawford’s been valuable for his draft price all year, and, while not lighting the world on fire, would prolly surprise you if you saw his Player Rater value. About the same as Giancarlo Stanton.
Willy Adames – He’s on pace for a 24/5/.250 season, and, if he does better on the Brewers than the Rays as it appears, Willy or “won’t he” be someone who I want next year? Almost definitely Willy.
Myles Straw – The Astros are the Giants of the AL. Throw anyone in that Astros’ lineup and…Well, with the crackdown on sticky substances, we didn’t stop listening for, um, talkative trash cans, did we?
Steven Duggar – Everything the Giants touch turns to gold, and a Duggar sounds like a slur Al Swearengen would’ve used for some mook who was panning for gold, so it checks out. Don’t pester the Duggars, otherwise the Pinkertons will need to be called.
Akil Baddoo – Have you seen that Akil hit near-.350 in the month of June? Yabba Dabba Baddoo!
Gavin Sheets – Here’s what I said the other day, “Gavin Sheets looks and sounds like he’d have a season arc on Melrose Place. Someone tell Amanda to stop digging through his mail! He’s mysterious, leave it at that! Sheets is a son of a former major leaguer. Don’t worry, it’s not going to make you feel as old as you think. He’s not Ben’s son, he’s Larry’s son. And like Larry Sheets, he’s a big power, and kinda nothing else guy. Sheets is the type to get hot for a few weeks and then disappear. I’m sorta looking at Yermin Mercedes while saying that.” And that’s me quoting me!
Yonathan Daza – He’s been hitting every day in the two hole — hey now! On a side note, because I can’t get enough of how insane Bud Black is. You commit him and the doctor says, “We’ll need to observe him for a few weeks,” then they look at his lineup cards, and they don’t need to observe him anymore. The best hitter in the Rockies’ lineup, Ryan McMahon, is also the only hitter Black is platooning. I will now cackle for forty-five minutes, until I’m crying.
Daz Cameron – Has an alluring mix of speed and power — Daaaaazzzz Queen! — but has a “can’t steal 1st base” problem.
Austin Hays – You would’ve thought Hays would’ve rose up, and struck back against pitchers in Boston, as, ya know, a sorta Hays’ rebellion.
Michael A. Taylor – Great M.A.T.’s in history: Minnetonka Auto and Truck repair, Mickey’s A. Titmouse and Michael A. Taylor. Only one is currently hitting, and not under investigation for using secondhand auto parts or being sued by Disney for copyright infringements.
Tyler Anderson – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to a toll collector.
Cole Irvin – This is also a Streamonator call. “Hey, the other day, before you took my $11 for the bridge toll, you said, ‘How ya doin’?’ And I was wondering if you wanted to talk more.”
Chad Green – I would’ve listed Lasagna first, but that would’ve taken me spelling his name correctly. Jonathan Loaisiga? Loaisiga?! That’s like me spelling Louisiana after two beers. What, I’m a lightweight! So, in all seriousness, Aroldis looks like he must be tipping his pitches, or he’s injured. If you need saves, I’d grab Green then Louisiana.
Brad Brach – It’s Bad Bad Brad Brach, who may or may not be getting saves in Cincy, but at least he’s not Bad Bad To My Ratios Amir Garrett.
Jose Cisnero – Tigers’ closer could also be Gregory Soto, and Michael Fulmer might not be out that long. Plus, you don’t have to be an Albright Scholar to know the Tigers won’t get many saves. (By the way, I originally spelled “scholar” wrong. Haha, I’m so dumb! Certain words shouldn’t be pointed out by autocorrect with an underline, just so readers can get a good laugh at how dumb someone is. You spell “scholar” or “genius” or “college” wrong, and you don’t get a red underline. You gotta own that.)
Jose Alvarado – This week in bullpen pickups is stretching the limits of SAGNOF to its very brink. Not only do these guys not have faces, they might not have saves. From SAGNOF to AGNO: How One Man Abandoned All Sense and Grabbed Jose Alvarado. That’s my fantasy team’s epitaph. Better than: How One Man Learned The Hard Way There’s Nothing Feliz About Neftali.
SELL
Kyle Schwarber – Does anyone really buy he’s a 20-homer per month guy? Glad you asked, Clunky Intro Question! In short, yes. Expanding on that idea, I say: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss. I didn’t think it was possible. I figured people would see right through Kyle Schwarber like he was Dustin May’s skin. Yet, people seem to think Schwarber is capable of hitting every third pitch for a home run, like he was taking part in a month-long Home Run Derby. Yeah, here’s the thing, no. No. No. No, c’mon, no! He’s a hot bat. Have you not seen baseball before? Do you not remember Nick Solak’s April? Adolis Garcia’s May? Neither of those were as insane as Schwarber’s June, but few months in baseball history ever come close to Schwarber’s June. Schwarber’s July and August won’t come close to them! I’m not saying trade Kyle Schwarber for a ticket to see the new hip-hop musical about a former president, “Taft,” but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
