Did you hear about this Joc working overtime? He was too uptight! Take it, Highlights, it it yours! One guy whose completely uptight in the forbidden Fruit of the Looms is Joc Pederson. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homer. That gives him five homers this week. Yabba dabba drool! “So, I was hoping to buy a screw in this hardware store, but I’m having lustly feelings about a Joc. Will you serve me?” That’s me walking into a hardware store in Tennessee. Some of my hotter buys — buys I make while wearing a thong — are owned in more than 50% of leagues — Rendon, Desmond, etc. — but Joc is pretty sexy if he’s going right and available in a multitude of leagues. By the by, someone who changes attitudes frequently has a multitude. The royal we are talking about a guy in my Joc who could sneak into a 30+ homer, 7-steal season, and he’s not even hitting for a bad average this season (.272). Giddy up on this Joc! And that’s not the first time I’ve said that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dennis Santana – Scratched with late lat (say that fast 117 times!) soreness, which forced the Dodgers to do a Rays game, and throw all middle relievers. When your kid is your age, they’re gonna be like, “How weird is it that team threw a starting pitcher as a starter? Ruining baseball, I tell ya. Leave your starters for the 2nd through 6th inning!”
Cody Bellinger – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer, and homers in three straight games, and homering every game since Lance gave his Cody Bellinger breakdown. Is it weird that Lance fixed Bellinger? I wonder if he could fix Luis Castillo too. Can he fix Byron Buxton? Can he just rub his hands on Justin Turner’s wrist? Yo, Lance, you shaman? I got questions, y’all!
Max Muncy – 1-for-4 and his 1st steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but you do you, I’ll do me and may we forever hold our piece. Misspelling FTW!
Elias Diaz – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer. Also in this game, Francisco Cervelli hit his 9th homer. Pirates may not be doing great in the majors, but they’d win themselves a deep, two-catcher league.
Jameson Taillon – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.08. I wonder if they were to put a walnut in his underwear to balance him if he’d get back to where he was last year.
Scott Schebler – 3-for-6, 1 run, 1 RBI and now hitting leadoff, and has now appeared in every roundup this week and will appear in today’s Buy column and he owns the world. Look out your window, there he is. Don’t just stare! Say hello!
Jesse Winker – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, as he came in to replace the god-awful Adam Duvall (1-for-3, 1 run, hitting .185). All respect to the Reds for trying to keep their scrubs in check, but what are they doing starting Duvall over Winker ever? They’re 19 games under .500 through 63 games, they’re not playing for anything except to see what their youngsters can do. That Billy Hamilton (0-for-4, 2 runs, hitting .195) ever plays is bewildering too. Clean house like my maid Graciela!
Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA up to 3.76. Meh, it was a tough matchup and the final line is worse than he looked. I’m still all-in on Pivetta like our hockey writer, Viz, at the final table of the World Series of Poker. Our hockey guy is a pro poker player, do people know this? They should.
Tyler Chatwood – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners (7 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Speaking of final lines looking better for Pivetta, well, this line by Chatwood is garbage found under your Aunt Audrey’s sofa. “Aunt Audrey, is this a bowl for the dog?” “That’s my diaphragm.”
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 4th homer in the last ten games. HR to the Rizzo!
Paul Blackburn – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks as he was activated from the DL. He has a career 3.4 K/9. I will now laugh hysterically, then stop abruptly and say, “Nah.”
Eddie Rosario – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .312. Serious question, do you ever think to yourself, ‘Why didn’t I just listen to Grey on everything?’
Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .286, as he bats third. In my NFBC league where I’m in first, I put Escobar in my lineup the 1st week of the season (he was intended as a backup) and I haven’t removed him. Not a bad 34th round pick. (Joc Pederson wasn’t a bad 31st rounder either.) Suddenly, screaming, “Give me my just desserts!”
Jose Berrios – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.66. Solid #2, yadda blabbity bloo. Something just occurred to me, I wonder how many complete games there are now vs. any other decade where the pitcher gives up runs. These seem especially rare. A shutout is a clear case where the pitcher should be left in, but it seems that if the pitcher gives up a run, he has little chance of completing the game.
Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.27. In that aforementioned NFBC league, I drafted Mikolas in the 25th round. Hey, I told everyone to draft him; blame yourself.
Jose Martinez – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .311. Racist! You know what’s a bit odd? I like Jo-Ma a lot. I almost want to call him Jo-Momma and have you start calling me daddy because I loved Jo-Momma so long and sexy and incredibly sensually, but he really doesn’t hit for much power, huh? If you’ve ever seen him, it’s even more surprising. He looks, build and swing-wise, like he should be hitting 30+ homers.
Fernando Abad – Suspended 80 games for PEDs. He’s Abad man.
Evan Gattis – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and his 6th homer in the last ten games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy because he’s owned in too many leagues, but if he’s out there, by all means.
Alex Bregman – 2-fo-4, 2 runs, and his 7th homer. I’d say he’s overdue, but he really might only be a 17-homer hitter, i.e., Alex Blehman.
Jalen Beeks – 4 IP, 6 ER as he was called up. Beeks looked better when he had his mouth taped shut in a gorilla suit.
Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-5 and his 11th homer, hitting .299. Not trying to strum up a conspiracy theory here, but MLB is miscounting Benintendi’s homers. He’s homered like 17 times in the last week, so how you figure eleven? Exposing lies here! I’m a fantasy baseball Carl Monday.
Leonys Martin – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and three homers in his last ten games. Could be a little schmotato here, but he lost some shine when he was moved down the Tigers lineup.
Mitch Haniger – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Grey prods a guy on Thursday morning in the roundup, guy hits a home run later that evening. You’re welcome. *blows on knuckles, wipes knuckles on shirt* Crap, why did I have ketchup on my knuckles? Cougs is gonna kill me.
Denard Span – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Hot schmotato alert for Span, or is it really Ben Revere? You’ll never know. Seriously, don’t think about it too long.
Austin Pruitt – 7 IP, 5 ER, as he entered the game in the 2nd inning. Maybe I’m being daft, but what is the difference between a reliever pitching the 1st inning, then a starter pitching 2nd thru 8th and a reliever again for the ninth vs. a starter pitching the 1st thru 7th inning, then a reliever in the 8th and 9th?
Daniel Robertson – 1-for-5 and his 7th homer, hitting .263. He is so yawnstipating. He should change his name to Yawniel.
Brad Miller – Designated for assignment. His assignment is ‘you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.’
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 and a homer. I was floored when I saw how many homers he had and his average. Floored, I tell ya! I know he was injured, but he has three homers and is hitting .292. Yo, Joe Mauer, take off that Trumbo jersey!
Austin Wynns – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer to go with his fabulous Vegas casinos that I can no longer go to anymore because I’m too woke.
Josh Donaldson – Sounds like he won’t come off the DL today. Donaldson said he’s “kinda iffy.” Choosy fantasy baseballers don’t choose an iffy Donaldson.
David Hess – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.07. Just looked at the Stream-o-Nator for Hess and it read, “Whatchu talkin’ about Willis?” You don’t find that crack analysis anywhere. Sorry, shouldn’t say that, don’t believe Willis is smoking crack anymore.
Zach Britton – Aiming to return on June 15th, as he finishes rehab at Triple-A Norfolk. Fun fact! People from there are called Norfolks.
