I want to transport you back to Jason Heyward‘s first career MLB at-bat. They called him The J-Hey Kid. Bobby Cox called the then-20-year-old a future Hall of Famer. Reggie Jackson said of the sound of the ball off Heyward’s bat, “Everyone’s hits sound like they’re ‘in AM’ and Heyward’s hits sound like they’re in stereo.” No one questioned why Reggie Jackson was commenting on a then-Atlanta Braves outfielder. Darryl Strawberry said Heyward reminded him of himself before his career was derided by drugs. Nothing ominous there; don’t read into that at all. Then-president Obama said, “Heyward’s legacy will be maintained as well as my own,” and the accolades flowed. Then, in his first at-bat, he homered. He won Rookie of the Month accolades in both April and May. Was selected, as a rookie, to the All-Star Game and now you better not let anyone ever hear you compare Heyward’s rookie exploits to Acuña or you will get popped in the mouth. Well, that was an abrupt reversal. This year, at the age of 28, he has five homers and zero steals while hitting .287. He’s a different hitter. Brucely, until this year, he hadn’t been a hitter for five years, but more of a defensive specialist. He’s hitting .410 in the last week with a homer and I could see grabbing him for average and runs as he’s now The J-Okay Kid. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
John Hicks – I’ve already considered how Hicks is halfway to Ty Wigginton’s record eight straight Buy appearances and I’m going to likely leave Hicks out next week just to keep Wigginton’s streak intact. Kinda like Jose Reyes sitting out the last day of the season to win a batting title (or to get home early to his wife, because he’s so loving).
Brad Miller – The 1st basemen this week in the Buy are laughable. But not ‘laughable’ like a fart in a quiet theater, but ‘laughable’ like a fart in a quiet theater on a first date.
Enrique Hernandez – Holding onto the post title, “The Kikes Will Inherit The Earth,” for that very special game by Kike Hernandez. Of course, I’ll be the 2nd to use that title after Info Wars.
Rougned Odor – Imagine this scenario: I’ve been infected with a virus. Let’s call it, the OdorVirus. It stinks, yes, but worse it burrows into your brain and you can’t stop owning him in fantasy leagues. To remove the OdorVirus, I’ve tried a CRISPR kit, but I don’t know how to use it because my dog, Ted, peed on the instructions, so the only way I can figure to remove the OdorVirus from my body is to pick through my skin with my coke nails. However, instead of removing the OdorVirus, I’ve spread it to more fantasy teams and now I’m a carrier. Sorry, you’re infected too.
Paul DeJong – He’s returning from the DL and I wrote a sleeper post for him this preseason, and loved him then. However (please, Grey, no howevers!), DeJong might be squeezed for playing time now.
Johan Camargo – In an incredible straightforward expression of what Camargo’s done, the other day, I wrote, “He has 31 walks and only 41 Ks (.363 OBP); his pitches swung at outside the strike zone has dropped by almost 6%, same with his first pitch strikes, and his launch angle has increased by 3%, putting him over league average. His exit velocity is 89.8 MPH which is the same as Castellanos. Am I grabbing him everywhere? No, but I could see a place for Camargoadams outside of Wade Boggs’ bedroom.” And that’s me quoting me!
Jorge Polanco – The Twins seem to think Jo-Po’s return is the answer to their team’s needs and are playing him a lot, every day really. Unless he can help their team’s pitching staff that has a 4.43 ERA, not sure he’s the answer, but he could help with light power and steals.
Lourdes Gurriel – *pulls up 1920’s bathing suit, pulls down 1920’s bathing cap, claps hands together preparing to dive into pool, dives headfirst* “Okay, why is the pool cover on? It’s the middle of the freakin summer!” That’s a visual representation of what I’m thinking it’s going to be like picking up Gurriel. Sure, dive in, but the pleasure you seek may be short-lived. That sounds like what Newport cigarettes’ new slogan should be.
Mark Trumbo – Just gave you my–Kidding. We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers writing Trumbo posts! *badger I’m holding in captivity looks up at me and smiles slightly, I raise my glass back, air-toasting* And that is the most beautiful man and badger moment this world has ever seen.
Scott Schebler – In the grand scheme of stupid team and manager decisions, Riggleman ranks low. He’s not awful; he’s just randomly double-switching Winker out of the lineup and platooning Schebler when he shouldn’t be. Of course, it’s still stupid. Stop trying to gaslight me, Riggleman!
Joe Jimenez – Hold onto your hat (if you’re wearing one, I don’t wear hats because my hair is luxuriously coiffed), there’s about to be a ton of SAGNOF bamboleos.
Blake Parker – I dreamed you, I saw your face, caught my lifeline when drifting through space, I saw an Angel, I saw my fate, I can only thank God if The Sciosciapath uses Parker late.
Tyler Clippard – Not sure when Tepera’s coming back, but you can go to the nearest Japanese restaurant and ask them. They will not be offended.
Seranthony Dominguez – This one I don’t get why you don’t pick him up. Sure, Kapler has SAGNOF ADHD, but Dominguez should just be owned.
Will Smith – If a player in the majors was named Carlton, Jazzy Jeff or Jada, I’d pick him up just for the fantasy team screenshot. The only pitcher that is ‘working’ in the Giants’ pen is Smith, so that’s who I own. Due to the arm he throws with, he might not get every save. People prefer a guy who throws righty or with both arms. Or so Pat Venditte keeps telling me in my DMs.
Nathan Eovaldi – He’s been much better this year than at any point in his career, but this is also a Stream-o-Nator call. “I look like the Tin Man and I want to look more like a human. I’d even accept Mickey Rourke, whatever that is.”
Travis Shaw – This one sucks. Being real with you, I own Shaw and this hurts to say, but he’s not right. He’s nursing a sore wrist and it’s just…ugh, not right. I mean, I hope he’s right, but he’s not right. Put hope in one hand and a sore wrist in the other hand and you have one empty hand and another hand holding your wrist. Can you do karate? You look like you’re about to. Stop holding your wrist or bow and fight. I’d go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and see what you can get for Shaw. I would not trade him for a ride up three floors in an elevator with Solange Knowles.