It’s the 15th Annual Razzballies! Wow! They’re old enough to smoke weed, drink beer, and pretend not to drink beer and smoke weed! Welcome back to our year-end awards show! If there’s any issues with the award ballots, don’t look at me. These were all tabulated at the accounting firm of Fried, Tellez and Bregman. Stop giving them the evil eye, German Marquez! You might be wondering why I’m hosting. Well, at the last minute our other host had to back out. Sadly, Joe Buck couldn’t be hair. I mean here. HAHA…Wait a second! Why is Will Smith, the reliever, coming on stage? *smack* Ow! Saves ain’t got no face, but I do! Now, before we get to our first award, I just want to thank everyone. I appreciate all of you, except Alek Manoah. That guy took it literally when someone told him to get lost! Okay, enough foolery, Tommy boy, now onto the awards, without which you’d have no idea who was the best and worst hitters and pitchers this year, and you’d be left giving out your own awards and no one cares if your “Low sodium tomato soup in a sourdough bowl” won your “Whitest Lunch Of All-Time” award. Stop making up fake awards! Leave that to me! Anyway, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of 2023 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s Time For Me To Sleep And Green Day To Wake Up
October 1, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 120 Commentsby: Grey
Emerging from your mother’s basement after six months, “I did it! I won my fantasy baseball league!” It begins to dawn on you that the world no longer looks as you remember it. Where there were once blossoming trees, there’s now decaying branches. Where flowers once sprouted, shriveled vines remained. A tumbleweed blows past. Minutes later, back in your mother’s basement, you’ve painted a face on the tumbleweed and you say to it, “Can you believe I won my league by two points?” After a brief pause, you say, “Do you think I should keep Christian Encarnacion-Strand in an 11-team keeper league with no restrictions? Mr. Tumbleweed, I’m asking you a question.” On a serious note, as many of you know, I started Razzball during the WGA strike of 2007-08, because I was laid off from a job and didn’t have shizz to do. (Since it is invariably asked, I was working with a Zucker brother of Airplane/Naked Gun fame.) This summer with the WGA strike happening again, I was reminded how lucky I am to have this gig, talking about fantasy baseball and just generally goofing off with all of you. Thank you for another great year! (Crazy that those trees were decaying and I still got some freakin’ sap!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bassitt Gets His Groove Back
September 28, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 206 Commentsby: Grey
Nice to see a team (the Jays) that has to play well actually play well. Feels like a rare thing this final week. It’s been like teams have been taking must-win as a challenge and saying, “Prove it!” Or like a spiteful child saying, “I don’t want to must win, you must win!” Chris Bassitt (7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.60) went out and must-won’d his behind off, and, from what I know of Bassitts and their rear porches, there were some dramatically wide swings and they smelled some other dog’s butts. Maybe that analogy got away from me, but you can’t spell analogy without anal. Hey now! Just opened Chris Bassitt’s player stat page, and you’re never gonna believe this, but what he’s done for the last six years? He’s doing it again! Wild, right? Chris Bassitt has made a career out of being criminally underrated. Look at his stats: 8.4 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 3.60 ERA, and guess where he ranks for starters on the year on the Player Rater. That’s top 20 starter numbers. He will barely be a top 40 starter in drafts again in 2024. Underrated, always. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Lindor Goes Triple Truffle
September 27, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 130 Commentsby: Grey
It had been too long since we had a Mets appearance in the lede area. The last time I believe was Brett Baty, who then went oh-for-three months and was sent down. Before that it was Max Scherzer, who was having a HOF career to that point…or maybe it was Justin Verlander, who was also a first ballot guy…or was it Pete Alonso, who has the 2nd lowest BABIP of the last 20 years (.204. There have been 4,105 hitter seasons since 2000 of 450 PAs. Pete Alonso’s BABIP is only better than Aaron Hill’s .196 in 2010). No, no, no there’s no curse. It’s not the Curse of Bill Buckner’s Eternal Soul. This is all random chance. Congrats to Francisco Lindor (4-for-7, 6 RBIs and his 28th, 29th and 30th homer) on a great doubleheader. Here’s to many successful years trying to do anything worthwhile in a Mets uniform. I’m sure it will come very easy. I kid, of course. The Mets feel like the NL East’s answer to the Padres. How many games should they have won vs. how many did they? Maybe an extra 25 games? There’s a parallel universe where the Padres and Mets are meeting in the NLCS. In that parallel universe, ARod is your father. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Elly’s Been Saving It Up For The Buckeye Brawl
September 26, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 104 Commentsby: Grey
Elly De La Cruz (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer) hit one of his homers so far in Cleveland, over the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, past the Drew Carey statue, that it went back to Cincy. That home run ball went 467 feet and 119.2 MPH. You don’t have to know about exit velocity to know that 119.2 MPH is not a real number. You hit that sorta number when you’re in the Grand Prix in some far-flung city in the South of France. “Excuse moi, I am Elly De La Cruz’s batted-ball and I wish to know where the Autobahn is because of how fast I travel.” It’s ridiculous. That people are talking about Elly De La Cruz already as a bust is so absurd. Elly De La Bust This! You write off E! for 2024 fantasy at your own risk. Also, in this game (and it was a lot): Candace Bergen’s husband, Luke Maile (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) had the most random slam (6) and legs (2) of the season; TJ Freidl (1-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 18th, and is one of the hottest bats in the majors, while stacking up to be great 2024 fantasy value; Christian Encarnacion-Strand (1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 12th. More like Christian Encarnacion-Strong! Then on the other side, Bo Naylor (1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th. He’s been way more productive in his call-up than either of the “hot” Pirates catcher bats (Endy and Henry — Hendry); Kole Calhoun (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th for gingers everywhere; and Andres Gimenez (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 15th for people who still confuse him with Amed Rosario. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Blake Using His Cy Voice To Tell Giants To Say Gwen They’ve Had Enough
September 25, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 88 Commentsby: Grey
If The Voice chairs be swinging around for any free agent pitcher this offseason, I do believe it’ll be Blake Snell (6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.25). See, I said pitcher, and Ohtani can’t not do that there. I’m doing The Voice in the voice of Blake Shelton, is it working? No? Okay, pardon me, pardner. I done upset you, I hear that now. I’m still doing it, is it working? No? Okay, I will stop now. You can’t say Blake Snell is slapdick by going out and having a Cy Young year when he’s about to become a free agent for maybe his last huge contract of his career. (Maybe not, will depend on where he signs and for how long, but he seems like that type to take the money, then go into a five-year siesta. I’m Cust kayin’.) If Snell wins the Cy Young award (which I imagine he will), then signs a five-year or something-year deal with the Yanks (or Red Sox or even goes back to the Padres), you’re betting on him being great again next year? If so, please tell me, I have a bridge in Kansas I’ve been trying to offload. He has a 5 BB/9! I mean, that’s not everything, clearly. I’d take that and his near-12 K/9 and would love it, but that command and expecting anything close to a sub-3 ERA in 2024? That is a hoot now, I tell ya what. I’m doing the Blake Shelton voice again. I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Marcus Down For Two
September 24, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 158 Commentsby: Grey
Are the Rangers the American League’s answer to the Braves? In this Ted Talk, he will discuss…*nudges my dog, Ted, to talk*…Go ahead, boy, say something. C’mon, stop humping! Oh, are you doing that as a nod to Semien? You are so clever! Just like me for drafting Marcus Semien (2-for-4, 26th and 27th homers)! What’s that, boy? What does attacking the mailman mean? The mailman’s name is Garcia? Oh, wow, for Adolis Garcia (1-for-4, 36th homer)! Jesus, you are so unbelievable! Okay, what are you doing for Corey Seager (1-for-3, 2 RBIs, 33rd homer)? *Ted does nothing* C’mon, boy, I’m bored…Bored…Borey…Corey! Wow, my dog is so smart! There’s no one smarter, is there boy? Wait a minute, smarter…Evan Carter (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 4th homer)! Okay, let’s see what you have for Leody (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 13th homer). *Ted joins a cult* Wow, brilliant! Thanks for joining me for my Ted Talk! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Canha Buy One Chicken FAABNugget?
September 22, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 95 Commentsby: Grey
It’s the end credits of one of your favorite movies. You’re weeping, and snorting from tears. Then, just before you get up and trip on your neighbor’s feet, the screen comes back on. Up there, in bright lights, it’s Al Pacino and he says, “Hoo ha! Excuse me, Canha! That’s Mark Canha, and he’s been hot for the better part of the last week. Now, please be careful on your way out of the theater, and don’t trip on your neighbor’s feet.” You stand and applaud. Your claps echoing out. The Devil’s Advocate sequel was better than the original, you exclaim, as you head for the exit and trip over your neighbor’s feet. So, Mark Canha is hot, and worth rostering, and that’s what type of week it is. The type where it doesn’t matter what a guy can do in two weeks, just what he Canha right now. Thank you, Mr. Pacino. Now, how about a Gigli sequel? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Rays Graduated So Many Prospects They Have To Call Up A Junior
September 21, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 105 Commentsby: Grey
Junior Caminero is being called up by the Rays. Junior Caminero is also a little tiny car that Spanish boys drive when they’re five years old and first starting growing out their mustaches. The Junior Caminero goes vroom vroom but it only does it when a nearby father makes the noise. Junior Caminero also is a top five prospect for all of baseball what on earth are the Rays doing calling him up right now on…*starts singing* Do you remembah? The 21st of Septembah? Do you remembah? It’s not the 1st of Septembah? Do you remembah? Rays? Hello? We’re seriously asking. So, here’s what Itch’s said, “He’ll finish up 2023 at 20 years old with 31 home runs across two levels, 20 of those coming in 80 Double-A games during which he slashed .314/.379/.557 with a 17.1 percent strikeout rate. And Grey will be hunted this winter.” What? He ranked Caminero 6th overall in the top 25 prospects. I’d grab him in all leagues, and now I’m particularly excited about 2024, if Junior Caminero can break camp. Vroom vroom! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Hunter Greene Turns Minnesota Into Land of 1000 Ks
September 20, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 118 Commentsby: Grey
Third year is the year pitchers break out. Conventionally. Sometimes you’ll have the Braves make a Touki out of a rookie, who will as quickly disappear. A Quicki, so to speak. Usually, though, pitchers come up and struggle. It’s just a mess. Then they settle in a bit more in their 2nd season with fewer ups and downs, hinting at promise and things to come. Then their third year happens and everyone is like, “Hmm, where did this come from?” It came from the guy becoming comfortable in the majors. Hunter Greene will be that next year. I thought it would be this year, but there were still ups and downs, and a very long injury. Next year, Hunter Greene will be a 2024 fantasy ace. A guy that will throw some of the most dazzling numbers you’ve ever seen. This won’t be free in drafts. Everyone, I imagine, will expect it. Although expected, he will still surprise how good he is. Yesterday, Hunter Greene (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.24) showed you what he will be in 25 of 30 starts next year. Taking a playoff-bound team yesterday, and just doing an utter flummox. A fluttermox. Hunter Greene’s entire 2024 fantasy season will be a fluttermox. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Acuña Believe This Guy
September 19, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 151 Commentsby: Grey
In this business, we call this an In Appreciation of Ronald Acuña Jr. post. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs with a double slam (38, 39) and legs (67). He’s on the doorsteps of a 40/70 season. A 40/70 season is absurd. Can remember Jose Canseco going 40/40, and people were rightfully floored. It was the most unheard of statline. Even when people tried to match it, they mostly fell short. A few achieved it, but all of them were just barely able to make it (none of them made the HOF either, oddly enough). Acuña is not just flying through 40/40, but 40/70! For fantasy, this is the best season ever. After we just had a best season ever! See the Historical Player Rater for more. This Acuña year is basically if Aaron Judge stole 70 bags. Acuña has 138 runs, 100 RBIs and is hitting .338. Honestly, I thought after Judge’s previous season, we would never see anything comparable. Now, I’m thinking Acuña goes 50/80 in 2024, and Julio Rodriguez goes 60/60 and Betts goes 70/70 and Corbin Carroll goes 100/100 and Robbie Grossman goes 120/120! What a time to be alive! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Wainwright? More Like 200th Winawright
September 18, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 116 Commentsby: Grey
Willson Contreras (1-for-3 and his 20th homer) giving the winning run to Adam Wainwright (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.40) for his 200th win is severely throwing off the Comatose Cardinals Fan. “Okay, I’ve been doing a snooze button for what? Ten days? Weeks? Months? Wow, that’s wild. I feel great! Good to see Adam Wainwright pitching, too bad he allowed that homer to Contreras. Those pesky Cubs, amiright? I’m not right? Hmm, I might need to sit down. Wait a minute, I am sitting? In a jar of formaldehyde?” Maybe because I’m old enough to remember the days of 300 wins by a starter (not in one year, I’m not that old), but 200 wins feels significant. Not sure we ever see another one. Gerrit Cole is the closet (not officially, but Johnny Cueto’s not winning ten more, let alone 57 more), and Cole’s five years away, at least, which assumes health. I used to laugh that deGrom was one of the best pitchers of his generation and he won’t crack 100 wins, but a lot of pitchers won’t. Wainwright is a throwback to a bygone era. An era when pitchers started the game in the 1st inning, and went as long as they could. Sometimes, that meant all the way to 200 wins. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?