If The Voice chairs be swinging around for any free agent pitcher this offseason, I do believe it’ll be Blake Snell (6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.25). See, I said pitcher, and Ohtani can’t not do that there. I’m doing The Voice in the voice of Blake Shelton, is it working? No? Okay, pardon me, pardner. I done upset you, I hear that now. I’m still doing it, is it working? No? Okay, I will stop now. You can’t say Blake Snell is slapdick by going out and having a Cy Young year when he’s about to become a free agent for maybe his last huge contract of his career. (Maybe not, will depend on where he signs and for how long, but he seems like that type to take the money, then go into a five-year siesta. I’m Cust kayin’.) If Snell wins the Cy Young award (which I imagine he will), then signs a five-year or something-year deal with the Yanks (or Red Sox or even goes back to the Padres), you’re betting on him being great again next year? If so, please tell me, I have a bridge in Kansas I’ve been trying to offload. He has a 5 BB/9! The worst in the league! I mean, that’s not everything, clearly. I’d take that and his near-12 K/9 and would love it, but that command and expecting anything close to a sub-3 ERA in 2024? That is a hoot now, I tell ya what. I’m doing the Blake Shelton voice again. I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Logan Webb – 9 IP, 1 ER, 9 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.25. Here’s an on-topic query for you: Blake Snell or Logan Webb for 2024? Oh, if you say Snell you are falling for the ol’ banana in the tailpipe. I’m sorry, I hate to break it to you. And if you’re saying no dur to Webb being better, Snell is a full run better on ERA, so don’t no dur me, sir!

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4 and his 30th homer. Okay, it’s getting greedy, but I want him to get 35 homers now! It’s kinda self-defeating since I also want to draft him in 2024, and the more he does in this random week, the harder it’ll be next year to get him at a discount. I do believe Captain Woo Cubano is going to be on a lot of teams next year. If he falls to 20th overall or later, Woo boy, indeed.

Kyle Tucker -1-for-3 and his 29th homer. Called Cody Bellinger a poor man’s Kyle Tucker on this week’s podcast (that’s available later today), and I fired up Bdon! Hadn’t heard him that mad since I told him I didn’t think an eight handicap was that impressive (while not knowing what an eight handicap meant).

Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.32. Snell is the lede and there were multiple pitcher performances yesterday that were better, but that’s kinda the point with Blake Snell. He’ll win the Cy because of the ERA, but don’t mistake his season as an indicator for great things to come. Am I talking about Snell still because you know Verlander and there’s nothing to say about him? More or less! Verlander does feel like he can go again next year and be productive, where I think I’m finally out on Scherzer.

Luis Castillo – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.20. About as must-win as games come for both the Astros and Mariners and Castillo made it look as difficult for him as it is for me saying his name.

Patrick Sandoval – 3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 5 BBs, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.11. He left with oblique tightness, which makes the decision to stream him for his two start week with an eye on his next one vs. the A’s, feel very super peachy keen.

Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in three games, 3rd homer in six games. Hot schmotato alert!

Adolis Garcia – 1-for-3 and his 37th homer. Stay losing “Haters of Adolis” because we love him!

Marcus Semien – 1-for-5 and his 28th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Semien? What a good spurt!

Mitch Garver – 3-for-3 and his 19th homer. Mitch don’t kill my vibe!

Nathaniel Lowe – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer. The 1927 Rangers hit five homers a game, every game, so it is odd that Nathaniel Lowe doesn’t do much, but you can do nothing and still get 85 RBIs in that lineup from the 7-hole now.

Jon Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.12. Went to look at his peripherals, expecting to see a guy who is doing much better than his ERA, but instead you can say I was born yesterday in Surprise, Arizona.

Ehire Adrianza – Designated for assignment. He can try to find a new job at Ehire dot com.

Merrill Kelly – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.38. You can use Streamonator, and I suggest you do for every start/sit decision, but I will say this: If the Dbags get into the playoffs, then Kelly may not start, so they can save his innings. If the Dbags get eliminated, they may not start Kelly to save his arm. Only way he pitches his heart out is if they’re vying for a Wild Card spot the last day of the season.

Corbin Carroll – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 51st steal. As the DBags lost to the Yankees, which brings me to my addendum to the MLB playoffs. If you’re in a must-win game in the final week, and go against a team at or below .500, and lose, then you’re automatically eliminated. Sorry, I make the rules.

Clarke Schmidt – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.65. Pitching is such a mess the final week of the season. Even the guys who throw are like, “Nah, cousin, I can’t do this anymore,” like they’re a character on The Bear. By the by, “Nah, cousin, I can’t do this anymore,” is 85% of the dialogue on The Bear.

Oswald Peraza – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .201. Told you he was a sleeper! *dodges tomato* Kidding! I said Oswaldo Cabrera was a sleeper! *tomato smacks me in head*

Austin Wells – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Wells credited that home run to his hangover.