The Joe-lin’ Ryan Express Makes One Stop

Rocco Baldelli asked to see James Karinchak’s hair this past weekend to see if he had any foreign substance in there, to see if he was cheating, and I said, in my head, “Karinchak is getting a call from the manager, so that makes Baldelli a Karencheck,” and now Karencheck pulled Joe Ryan (7 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.83) from a no-hitter in the 7th with 106 pitches thrown. Karencheck! You wanna make new rules, MLB? (By the way, in the video at top of this post, it’s this week’s podcast, where BDon and I discuss the new rules — it’s about 10 minutes in.) How about this new rule, no matter what, if the player is healthy, they have to pitch if there’s a no hitter? Make that a rule, you sissies! *puts chew in bottom lip, accidentally swallows chew, vomits up chew and vomit spells out “THAT’S WHAT REAL MEN DO”* My vomit is calling you out, Karencheck! Joe Ryan’s peripherals are 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 4.40 xFIP and a hilariously terrible ground ball rate (26.6%), so he’s very susceptible to homers, and that burned him at times this year. How’sever, Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy, I’m still a believer, as long as he doesn’t show up at camp with a dead arm (lots of IP this year). He’s a rookie, who had excellent command in the minors, and hasn’t scratched that surface yet. Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy will be an ace or need to be shutdown in the spring with arm issues. Roll that dice, you momma’s boys, and don’t make me spell out things in my vomit anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No Tiger In Detroit’s Tank As They Get X’d On Valdez

by: Grey

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Guys wearing nothing but raspberries, screaming to the camera, “We’re the Fram-Boys! We celebrate Framber Valdez with every fiber of our body, and our body is eight grams dietary fiber in every cup. And, go ahead, and give us a cup check! It’s filled with raspberries, wanna see?” Back to the studio for Astros’ announcer, Todd Kalas, laughing, “Those Fram-Boys! Sure hope they don’t stain any linens.” Framber Valdez (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.50) just notched his 24th consecutive Quality Start. Framber heard to be celebrated here but nowhere else, because Amber Heard sued Johnny Depp and is in that sentence? On the next Povich! Yeah, I don’t know why, but Framber seems to be way below other similar pitchers in people’s minds. Here’s one for you: Framber Valdez or Sandy Alcantara? Sandy’s discussed in Cy Young terms; Framber is teammates to a guy who might win the Cy Young. Are Sandy and Framber Valdez that different? Are Framber and Sandy Alcantara that different for 2023 fantasy? I’m not being daft, here’s some peripherals: 8.5 K/9, 3.09 xFIP, 2.50 ERA vs. 8.1 K/9, 3.39 xFIP and 2.43 ERA. Any ideas which is which? The better peripherals? They’re Framber Valdez’s! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Vientos – The Metsmaker

September 12, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 186 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1063244″ player=”13959″ title=”RZBL%20FB%202022%20FFF%20QB” duration=”148″ description=”Fantasy Football FFF for Quarterbacks 2022FAVE: Kyler Murray 00:22FLIER: Tua Tagovailoa. 00:58FADE: Aaron Rodgers 01:49″ uploaddate=”2022-07-28″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1063244_th_1658991721.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1063244.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

Fresh goes better in life with Vientos, fresh and full of life! Ahh…The Metsmaker! Sorry, that was stuck in my head. Now, hopefully, it’s stuck in your head too. Mets called up their next great hitting prospect, Mark Vientos, after Starling Marte went to the IL. Can Vientos play outfield? Absolutely not. Can Vientos run? His speed has been described as “an 80-year-old baby crawling with tennis balls on its knees.” Can Vientos hit bombs? To the freakin’ moon! He kinda reminds me of a young Evan Longoria. Now take everything you’ve thought about Longoria over the last seven years, scrub it from your brain, and think about Longoria as if this is 2016. Your brain in 2016, “Rays should lock this Longoria guy up for another ten years! He’s amazing! Wait! They let Longoria go? Wow, what a mistake! They just let a perennial 30+ homer, .270 hitter go! Rays will be in last place for the next decade. What a bunch of losers!” So, your 2016 brain is kinda remembering correctly. Longo was good at that point. Mark Vientos can be good too. Prospect Itch has more concerns about his batting average in his top 100 prospects. For this year, do I want Mark Vientos in a redraft league? No, I’d want Eduardo Escobar. Or maybe even Evan Longoria. Anyway. here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey Siri, Show Me Leagues Where You Are Available

September 9, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 176 Comments

by: Grey

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1087852″ player=”13959″ title=”2022%20Razzball%20Draft%20Kit%20for%20Fantasy%20Football%20Rookies%20%20Breakout%20Sleeper%20and%20Bust” duration=”160″ description=”2022 Razzball Fantasy Football Draft Kit highlighting RookiesFave: George Pickens (:40)Flier: Romeo Doubs (1:17)Fade: Rachaad White (1:51)” uploaddate=”2022-09-01″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1087852_th_1661994056.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1087852.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

This week, instead of going to the 7-day Player Rater, and just grabbing guys who have been hot, I’m going to let the computer pick. “Siri, being a computer, you’re smarter than me, so I don’t even have to say what I’m going to ask for, right? You must know.”
“I do know, Grey. There are fifteen Etsy sellers who make full-body pillows in the shape and spirit of Giancarlo Stanton. Would you like me to purchase one for you?”
“Uhh…Haha, no. Please grab me the top pickup in fantasy baseball, Siri.”
“At 2% rostered, Jose Siri is the top Siri in fantasy baseball.”
“Okay, Siri, great, but are you giving me Siri because he’s a Siri and you’re a Siri? I don’t need a Siri, per se.”
“Excuse me, but you are the one who asked me.”
“I’m asking you, Siri, but not for a Siri.”
“Have you tried Alexa?”
“Fine, Siri! Give me Jose Siri.”
“Are you sure? I could just give you that seller’s information about the full-body pillow.”
“Siri, are you playing games with me?”
“No, of course not. Though, Jose Siri would love to play games with you. He’s toolsy as all get-out. Capable of big-time power, speed and has been playing a lot for Kevin Cash. Of course, you can’t ever expect Kevin Cash to play a guy every day. Would you like me to find a way to replace Kevin Cash?”
“What? No! …But, if you were, how traceable is it?”
“There’s just one replacement in your area named Joe Maddon.”
“No! Let’s go back to full-body pillows. Just to, ya know, browse.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Corbin Burnes The Giants’ Bats

September 9, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 101 Comments

by: Grey

Corbin Burnes (8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA 2.93) held the Giants to one run as he struck out 14. The last guy to hold down the Giants like that was David in the Bible…*Starts sobbing* I’m sorry! I can’t go on! The Queen! She’s gone! What a way to ruin the end of The Crown! No one even gave a spoiler alert! Maybe rather than mourning the Queen’s death, we should be celebrating that Reggie Jackson finally succeeded. Hope someone was filming it, hate to miss out on a Naked Gun sequel. So, Corbin Burnes is once again the best pitcher in baseball or what? In 2023 fantasy, there’s gonna be a lot of pitchers drafted first, I imagine. Corbin Burnes might be one of them, but I bet he’s not the majority’s choice. Of course, I won’t be interested in a starter that early, but I also don’t see anyone else I trust as much as Corbin Burnes for the top 2023 fantasy baseball pitcher. Definitely not Gerrit Cole; maybe Dylan Cease; possibly Shane McClanhananananannanannananananan if he were healthy, but he’s not. Corbin Burnes has the 6th best K-BB%, 7th best xFIP, 5th best K/9 and is remarkably durable and youngish. For 2023 fantasy, it seems hard to twist myself in enough knots to look at anyone else as the best starter. Though, I’d love to Cease up Dylan. Oh, well, long live King Burnes. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Texas’ Old Plan At 3B Is Jung Again

September 8, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 131 Comments

by: Grey

Rangers have called up Josh Jung. Heads over to Amazon to order a megaphone; sits by door to wait three to five days for shipping; argues with Cougs about how we should get Prime; being told we do have Prime, it’s just I don’t have Prime; we argue more, and, finally, the megaphone arrives after five days. I rip apart the packaging, and push button, but I need batteries. I beg Cougs for our Prime password, so I can get batteries quicker, she acquiesces, and the next day, when the batteries arrive, I load them into the megaphone, press the button and scream, “LET’S F***ING GO!” The asterisks were megaphone feedback. So, Josh Jung finally gets the call, and he’s a immediate add in all leagues. He’s got 60-grade power, and shouldn’t struggle to hit for a decent average. Has no speed, and you never know what a guy is going to do in only a month of time, but I’m here for the Rangers’ Ponce De Leon’ing to get Jung again, and so should you. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Lewis Lathers Up A HR And Then Brinson Repeats

September 7, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 125 Comments

by: Grey

“With that trade, the Giants will now be seeing if they can turn a Harry Styles Chia Pet into a halfway decent 2nd baseman. We just now he’s not gonna wanna ride the pine!” Announcers laugh, but, before they can finish, the Harry Styles Chia Pet slaps a ball over the fence for a three-run shot. “I’ll tell ya what, Jon, that Harry Styles Chia Pet has got some pop!” Okay, so Lewis Brinson (1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in two games) isn’t quite turning a Chia Pet into a major league All-Star, but it’s not that far off. As Jesse would scream in Breaking Bad, “The Giants can’t keep getting away with this!” ‘This’ being turning cast-offs from other teams into bona fide major leaguers. Of course, Giants turning Lewis Brinson into something would be their “making the Statue of Liberty disappear” of player reclamations, but they did it with Wilmer Flores, J.D. Davis…They got someone named B. Johnson in right field, and I half expect it to be Boris Johnson, after losing 10 Downing. Do I think Lewis Brinson is fixed for 2023 fantasy? I’m not sure he’s fixed for this week! but he’s clearly hot and show be rostered until further notice. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hunter Brown Camouflages His Stuff Well In His Debut

September 6, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 151 Comments

by: Grey

Frequent commenter, PK, said the other day, “We have Hunter Greene, and now Hunter Brown in the big leagues. Just need a Hunter Orange to complete the redneck trifecta!” And I haven’t stopped thinking about that, so now you also have to think about it. Hey, PK, save the genius stuff for me! Or, Hunter Brown (6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks), as was the case yesterday in his MLB debut. At some point, the Astros have to stop creating top flight arms, don’t they? Wait a second! You know how the A’s went from attracting fans with OBP to allowing fans to have sex in the bleachers (sorta true, google it, if you don’t believe me), from Moneyball to NoMoneyball to Hornyball. Maybe the Astros are going from the Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang Scandal to some other scandal we don’t know about yet that turns guys like Framber into aces. Mentioned this on the podcast the other day, which is on Youtube, and will be out on our regular podcast channel today, when discussing Hunter Brown. Astros get so much more from their starters than anyone expects. Why? Is something suspicious going on? Sorry, cheat once and I always think you’re cheating. With Hunter Brown, people actually expect nasty stuff, and with good reason. He has a filthy 85 MPH curve, 96 MPH slider — that’s right, 96 MPH! That’s the fastest slider in the majors this year, outside of deGrom — and a 97 MPH fastball. If you didn’t watch him, all the pitches looked devastatingly good. Now’s the time when I turn this back into the here and now and for this year, you’re likely better off with the Streamonator than holding Brown. Also, holding Brown is how one gets sepsis. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tris Casas Es Sox Casas

September 5, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 165 Comments

by: Grey

Hola, fellow español speakers! Today’s word is Triston Casas (1-for-4)! Let’s break it down into parts! Triston is pronounced Tris like a Tris Speaker. Not the old-timey baseball player, but like a speaker who is saying the word Tris. Next part is ton like, “I ate a ton of churros and now I am sneezing cinnamon sugar.” Say the last name with me now…Ca-thathss. The last part you say like a Spanish snake. Like a snake you find in the desert outside of Barth-a-lona. A snake with a lisp. Try the whole thing now, Triston Cathathss. Bueno! *maracas around room* Cathathss! Cathathss! Cathathss! So, yesterday or today or last week doesn’t really matter for when the Red Sox called up Triston Casas, but if you think he was called up on Sunday simply because now he’s earned his place, like he got the ring from Gollum and deposited in the mouth of some volcano or whatever that quest was of those hill trolls, you’re sadly mistaken. Triston Casas has been ready for a while, but baseball is still broken for when prospects are called up. Rather than change the world’s problems today, let’s look at Triston Casas. Hey, what do you know, I already gave you my Triston Casas fantasy! So ridiculous that I figured (correctly) he’d have 300+ ABs this year. Because he’s been ready! If you don’t care what I say, here’s what Itch said, “Triston Cases has learned late at-bat traits to help him hang against a variety of experienced pitchers, and perhaps he’s carried some of those hang-in-there strategies to early-count situations against pitchers he’s never seen before. Whatever it is, I like it. Unlike Grey, who I hate.” Really not cool! I’d grab Triston Casas in every league. He’s got elite approach and power. For what he will do the final month? No one knows, because it’s a small sample, but worth finding out. Finally, Casas is home. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy A Nootbaar Next IKEA Run

September 2, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 125 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

“The best part of any candy bar is the stuff inside the chocolate, so I want a candy bar where the nougat, cookie wafer, crushed peanuts are on the outside of the chocolate. Mouth feel matters too, so the crunchy bits on the outside need to have a soft, chewy texture. Swiss and dutch chocolate are for losers. This candy bar needs to made in The Lou, so I want Missouri chocolate. What is Missouri chocolate? Whatever Willie McGee likes. Willie, please wave.” Willie McGee waves from the back corner of the conference room. We see now Lars Nootbaar holds court in front of the Lars Caandy people. He continues, “Also, I want it to be written “caandy baar” on all the bars. Two A’s, so we need to change all signage around this 5-mile-wide candy empire, that I’ve cordoned off with traffic cones. If you want to work for Kit Kat, get out now! The door’s over there! The only Snickers I want to hear about are chuckles at the water cooler when Willie McGee makes a joke! Do you understand me?” Lars is now screaming into one exec’s face, who is beginning to cry. “Wipe those tears from your face, and go make me a candy bar! Two A’s!” Lars Nootbaar isn’t just a demanding candy CEO, building a nougaty empire, he’s also been one of the hottest bat in the majors for the last month. On the 30-day Player Rater, he’s in the top 40 overall, and he’s now leading off on most days vs. righties. Since the Cards are famous for creating players, it’s only appropriate that they went into a 7/11’s candy aisle and got an idea. This hot Nootbaar won’t melt in your hand, or your fantasy team, so grab him, before he quits baseball to be a full-time candy CEO, like Willy Wonka, who was originally drafted to be a closer, until he discovered he was better stopping Gobs. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Strider

September 2, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 82 Comments

by: Grey

Not since Rollie Fingers’s mustache left his face in the middle of the night in July, 1979, and impregnated my mother, during one of her weaker moments, after being told her ravioli wasn’t as good as her mother’s, has a mustache had such a remarkable evening. Yes, I’m saying that to you today. The mustache that impregnated my mother that usually laid on the upper lip of Rollie Fingers was not as great as Spencer Strider‘s. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit this? Spencer Strider (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 16 Ks, ERA at 2.67. ) is having such a ridiculous season his ERA is 2.67; his xFIP is 2.33. That’s right, he’s been unlucky! Spencer Strider came into the year with a 45-grade from Fangraphs. Itch ranked Strider behind Langeliers and Cristian Pache in the Braves’ system. This is not to disparage either. This is to say, no one saw this coming. For 2023 fantasy, Spencer Strider can’t get better, can he? I just told you, he’s been unlucky! His command could get better; his strikeouts are prolly maxed out. I don’t see Strider getting better, maybe staying similar for 2023 fantasy. That’s still really good! I wouldn’t be shocked to see Spencer Strider as my 1st pitcher selected in some leagues in 2023 fantasy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

McCarthyism Refers To The Hysteria Around Jake McCarthy

September 1, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 160 Comments

by: Grey

Corbin Carroll sat yesterday against the historically significant southpaw, Bailey Falter (6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.08). Torey Lovullo, fantastic on MTV’s The Challenge, benches Corbin Carroll after two games is such big-brain’ing. Never underestimate the dumbness of any of this. Oh, and if this is because the new CBA says a guy who starts the year with the team, and wins the ROY can get the team a draft pick, then the thing that was supposed to reduce service time manipulation, is actually manipulating it further HAHAHAHAHAHA–falls over, fainting. A nice man dressed like Colonel Sanders waves a fan on me to awaken me. “Colonel Sanders, is that you?” “Looks like you can KF-see straight,” and he snaps his fingers, disappearing. What was left was the hottest bat in the majors, Jake McCarthy (1-for-4) and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. I was worried about Carroll taking McCarthy’s job, but now I think McCarthy’s locked into everyday at-bats, and Carroll might sit here there. Carroll’s still worth rostering everywhere, but absolutely the same for McCarthy. On the 30-day Player Rater, Jake McCarthy is a top 10 guy. Overall! My goodness. He’s also barely rostered in any leagues. He’s got power (3 HRs in the last month), speed (8 SBs), and is hitting near-.330 over the last 30. Get in on McCarthy, before the Reds win. Not the Cincy Reds. I’m talking Commies. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4927 posts

The Joe-lin’ Ryan Express Makes One Stop

No Tiger In Detroit’s Tank As They Get X’d On Valdez

Vientos – The Metsmaker

Hey Siri, Show Me Leagues Where You Are Available

Corbin Burnes The Giants’ Bats

Texas’ Old Plan At 3B Is Jung Again

Lewis Lathers Up A HR And Then Brinson Repeats

Hunter Brown Camouflages His Stuff Well In His Debut

Tris Casas Es Sox Casas

Buy A Nootbaar Next IKEA Run

Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Strider

McCarthyism Refers To The Hysteria Around Jake McCarthy