For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place! Something I’ve noticed from recapping each position is not every hitting position was deep. Outfielders? Crazy deep. 1st basemen? Deep, dawg. 2nd basemen? Not bad. Shortstops? Awful. 3rd basemen? I’ve seen better. Travis Shaw was the 8th best 1st baseman, here he’s 4th. Yeah, not that deep. Scooter was the 9th best 2nd baseman, here he’s 8th. Okay, 3rd basemen suck. This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. Now, let’s get this, young money. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what I said last year, “We’re gonna find out if the top 20 shortstops are as Ken Bonerific as the top 20 2nd basemen. Hint: they are. Damn, I gotta work on building suspense. That hint pretty much gives the whole kit away and tacks the kaboodle onto its back as it’s walking out the door. Goodbye, kit and kaboodle, I just gave you away for nothing.” And that’s me quoting me! This year? Not so much. Without further Machado, to recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We already went over the top 20 catchers and the top 20 1st basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball. Today, we dip our big toe into the top 20 2nd basemen pool. Weird year for the 2nd basemen. They had a huge bounce back last year, but this year a bunch of guys got old or just disappointed: Kinsler, Carpenter, Kipnis and Zobrist. And that’s only naming the Jews and Gentiles. (I’m putting Carpenter in both camps.) To recap this crap (rhyme points!), this final ranking for last year is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After drudging through an Andy Dufresne-type tunnel for the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball, I find myself with a group that actually really hurt or helped your team depending on how you drafted. If you went wrong with your 1st baseman, it could kill your season. Hey, Miguel Cabrera, no hard feelings from me, because I didn’t own you. You prolly got some splainin’ to do to your owners though. If you went right, you might’ve won your league. Two years ago, I said offense was making a comeback. This year, I say, you prophetic son of a B, darn tootin’ offense is making a comeback. How’d you get so handsome and wise, though not wise enough to answer a question posed by yourself? Lots of guys on this list not only did well, but did better than their preseason projections. Offense is in full swoon, like Our Commissioner Manfred is swooning with the guy who wrapped the baseballs a little bit tighter. To recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out, “Give it to me, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2017. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2018. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?” (If you missed it, I interviewed B-Real last year on our podcast, though that might not have been as good as our Jose Canseco interview.) It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back for another star-studded event! Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself. The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos. We don’t judge. We will occasionally mock. Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto. Get over it! But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right. I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year. How about the clip where I was Jason Kipnis watching his team win every game he missed? Hee-lar-e-us! So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
All my fantasy baseball championship titles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though one is here to stay *sung in a very fast voice* oh, crap, nope, because I didn’t draft Daniel Murphy because he didn’t believe in the lifestyle of a gay,
Oh, why didn’t I believe in Murphy like he didn’t believe in a…gay…gay…gay.
Suddenly! David Price’s arm is not half of what it used to be.
There’s a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, it’s Giancarlo’s groin that I made of plaster of Paris to admire and it just exploded in paste on me…Suddenly!
Why the season had to go, I don’t know, it wouldn’t say… because it can’t talk, it’s a baseball season that ended yesterday…yesterday…yesterday!
Fantasy Baseball was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a mother’s basement to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday…day…day.
*sniffles* Here, take a tissue. You have to excuse me, I don’t have any clean ones. What will we do for the next few months without an update on a Mets’ pitcher elbow? Will Rougned Odor reveal he was accidentally batting while crossing his eyes and that’s why he barely hit .200? What will we do without a James Paxton injury update? WHAT? WILL? WE? DO? Prepare for next season, of course. But, first, let’s bask in the last day of the season. Today is the day when you realize you’ve spent 27,000 man hours this summer beating eleven other strangers to win a virtual trophy, and it feels great! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh, I get it, it was a C lineup for a team whose B lineup ain’t an A lineup. Understood, my dude, don’t be rude. *smacks face* No more rhyming and I mean it! Anyone want a peanut? But yesterday showed the flashes of greatness from Carlos Carrasco — 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 3.29, and notched 200 IP for the first time in his career — that he is constantly hinting at, and I don’t want to end a sentence with at — dah! If only he’d stop with the hinting. Paint the corners — great! Paint a picture of an ace — super! But we’re not playing Pictionary here, stop with the hints! He’s 30 years old already. At what point is it no longer what he can do and rather this is who he is? No question mark actually. This is it methinks, I said dressed like a leprechaun. Some amazing starts, some lackluster starts, some random DL stint, some of the parts is greater than whole. Yes, I know I spelled sum wrong, don’t make me go back there! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I had a thought, 30 years ago there was one source for all information, the encyclopedia. If they wanted to make up information, there was no internet to double check anything. *blows dust off an old book, opens Encyclopedia Britannica, turns to Korean War page* “In 1950-something, Carlos Correa tried to unite the Correan peninsula under Communist rool.” Now there might be too much information, but 30 years ago, you’d shrug and be like, “I guess you spell rule ‘rool,’ and rad on Correa. Hey, look, it says here Columbus invented the mammogram.” Any hoo! Yesterday, Correa went 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer. He’s going to be a tough guy to peg for 2018 fantasy. His power this year is actually solid when you consider he missed six weeks. The lack of steals is disturbing though, if a lack of a fantasy category can be disturbing. I know he’s fast, he knows he’s fast, but the Astros just refuse to let him run. Three attempts all year is pathetic. If he’s a lock for 29 HR, 2 SBs and .290 next year, it’s great, but it’s not 2nd round great. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*fumbles with an envelope, Hillary Swank stands next to me, watching on, embarrassed for me* And the Teoscar goes to…Teoscar Hernandez! Hillary Swank leans into the microphone, “Well, he was the only one nominated.” Ugh, totally unnecessary Swank! I should’ve pointed out how she was checking out Hugh Jackman’s wife the entire time on stage. I picked up Teoscar before yesterday’s game for the runs because he was leading off, I never expected such a windfall of gorge. He went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 6th and 7th homer in only his 73rd at-bat. That’s 20 hits total for him, with seven going gonzo. This is better than Million Dollar Baby! Yeah, I hope Hillary Swank’s Google alerts are going bizzonkers today. Not ready to announce my love for Teoscar for next year, I am more of an IFP Spirit Awards guy, but you have to grab Teoscar for these final days. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?