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Not since Rollie Fingers’s mustache left his face in the middle of the night in July, 1979, and impregnated my mother, during one of her weaker moments, after being told her ravioli wasn’t as good as her mother’s, has a mustache had such a remarkable evening. Yes, I’m saying that to you today. The mustache that impregnated my mother that usually laid on the upper lip of Rollie Fingers was not as great as Spencer Strider‘s. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit this? Spencer Strider (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 16 Ks, ERA at 2.67. ) is having such a ridiculous season his ERA is 2.67; his xFIP is 2.33. That’s right, he’s been unlucky! Spencer Strider came into the year with a 45-grade from Fangraphs. Itch ranked Strider behind Langeliers and Cristian Pache in the Braves’ system. This is not to disparage either. This is to say, no one saw this coming. For 2023 fantasy, Spencer Strider can’t get better, can he? I just told you, he’s been unlucky! His command could get better; his strikeouts are prolly maxed out. I don’t see Strider getting better, maybe staying similar for 2023 fantasy. That’s still really good! I wouldn’t be shocked to see Spencer Strider as my 1st pitcher selected in some leagues in 2023 fantasy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Harris II – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer. What’s kinda funny is you sit there in a keeper league draft — even an NL-Only one — and you’re like, “I have to keep Jazz Chisholm and Ozzie Albies, even though they’re crazy expensive, because there’s just no one else I want,” then you get to September and so many guys have come up and surprised the world that you’re now like, “I have to keep Michael Harris, The Dos, and Strider, because there’s no one else I want,” and you get to next year, and more guys emerge you never expected. It’s kinda magical, in a nerdy way, which is the best kind of magical.

Austin Riley – 2-for-4 and his 33rd homer. Can’t go later than top 15 overall, right? The lack of steals bums me out, but Riley or Freeman? Riley, right?

Oswald Peraza – Today’s title was, “Yanks Are Finally Pattin’ Oswald,” and Peraza was supposed to be the lede, then Spencer Strider happened. So, you get two ledes today! Oswald Peraza is being called up by the Yankees to replace Oswaldo Cabrera, as Oswego, New York just sits there, biding its time, waiting to be seen. Yesterday, in Oswad Peraza’s final minor league game, he homered. Too bad the Yankees didn’t have a game yesterday or he could’ve been starring in the straight-to-Roku movie about Joel Youngblood, Weird Joel. Oswald Peraza replacing Oswaldo Cabrera is massively confusing. Instead of shaving, can the Yankees ask one to change their name? How does Babaloo Peraza sound? Cabriolet Cabrera? Pick one and let’s move on. Here’s what Prospect Itch has to say about him, “A right-handed hitter listed at 6’0” 165 lbs, Oswald Peraza gets power from the quality of his contact more than raw strength and could continue his upward arc in that department. It’s hard to know where that will ultimately settle, but it’s easy to put Peraza high on any prospect list. Now a list of people to punch would feature Grey.” Okay, that’s not cool. This year Pereza has gone 18/33/.258 in 384 ABs at Triple-A, and he was on Itch’s top 100 prospect list, where he was below Oswaldo Cabrera, which doesn’t track for me, but I guess Itch has his reasons. If nothing else, Peraza should be able to get on base and run. He’s a worthwhile gamble in every league. At least, until Oswego, New York comes up.

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.59, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Weeks should start with you wearing tuxedos on Monday, then get progressively less formal until ending on Casual Fridays.”

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.32. Not an easy matchup, but Bassitt didn’t make it seem very ruff. Streamonator loves his next, and I agree. Bassitt is a good start, aren’t you, boy?

Ken Waldichuk – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 1.93. Would like to see an All-Star Game with him vs. Grichuk with Gonsolin mic’d up in the dugout for the Chuk/Chuk/Goose trifecta. Can someone make this happen? No? Okay, cool. I watched the A’s/Nats so you didn’t have to, and Waldichuk didn’t look like he knew where the plate was at times, but also was getting squeezed. Interesting fastball/change combo, but not anywhere close to being startable this year.

Shea Langeliers – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. When the A’s decline to pay Sean Murphy around $1.7 million, and trade him for $45K to the Yankees, Langeliers’s 2023 draft price is going to go up, but just know I’m interested before it makes sense to be interested. By the by, the A’s must’ve been so sick of being told to ‘Pay up’ for their players, they went out and got Payamps.

Joey Meneses – 4-for-6,2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .354. Joey Meneses better than Joey Menopause for real for real for real for real. Meneses won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I gave you a Joey Meneses fantasy two weeks ago, and I’ve been talking about him ever since. Don’t make me go back there!

Adolis Garcia – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .255. Recently, his 23-game hitting streak ended, but, ya know, as everyone says, Adolis can’t make contact. Ow! Eye roll headache.

Jonathan Hernandez – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.86, and his 1st blown save. He did this against the Red Sox, because he’s a nice guy, and wanted the Red Sox to know, “Every team’s got some crappy relievers not just you!”

Alex Verdugo – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 8th homer. Verdugo’s got the power of a Nico Hoerner, and the speed of Nick Castellanos. Just fantastic stuff. Call him Alex Castellanos. Wait, that’s someone, isn’t it?

Ryan Mountcastle – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. Gunnar and Mountcastle sounds like the jankiest Bollywood remake of Top Gun as they skirt around trademark law. “I’ll be your leg man any time, Gunnar!”

Cedric Mullins – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer. We all pretty much nailed the fact that Mullins wasn’t a 30/30 guy like he was last year, but he’s been more worthwhile than I expected, top 30 on the Player Rater is actually way more worthwhile.

Anthony Santander – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer. Ant-Sant lift a rubber tree plant, but he’s got high hopes of getting to 30 homers this year.

Kyle Bradish – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.17. Trying to remember back to before the Orioles were good and can’t do it. Was it recent? Hmm…Really? “Of or related to Brad” is not a safe start anywhere, and don’t let Bradish’s quickish work of the Guardians make you thinkish different.

Shane Bieber – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.06. The Biebs is gonna be a tough guy to rank next year. I want to believe in the new Biebs that doesn’t need to throw hard or strike out everyone, but, also, kinda, sorta, interjection, wanna see the Biebs that does throw hard and strikes out everyone.

Christian Walker – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. He’s gonna end the year with 35 homers, and you’re gonna be kicking yourself you didn’t grab him five months ago. Then, to compound it, you’re gonna draft him next year and he’ll have 14 homers in 2023 with a .175 average.

Merrill Kelly – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.84. Is Kelly doing worse than, say, Robbie Ray? Trick question! They’re right by each other on the Player Rater, and you can guess which is higher.

Brandon Woodruff – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.54. Brewers “Always Fantastic Pitching” has been kinda meh at times this year, huh?

Christian Yelich – Left the game with neck discomfort. It happened when he did a double take after looking at his 2019 stats.

Ty France – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, and his third homer this week, and third homer since I told you to drop him last week. France is owning me like I’m Senegal.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 22nd homer. I don’t even care, I want to draft Jul-Rod in the top three already next year. Tildaddy has a bum knee; Fun the Jewels has a bum worm; Sexy Dr. Pepper is a bum and forgot how to hit. Julio Rodriguez is who I want!

Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.35. What did you say? Logan Gilbert will be 2023’s Shane McClanahan? Oh, I like how you’re thinking. Any other thoughts? A word not used in formal conversation is a colloquialism, then why is colloquialism such a formal-sounding word? Um…Well, you had one good thought.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.17. Ed-Rod gave up a home run to Jul-Rod, and Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first time there was a Rod taking a Rod deep since a cellblock at Riker’s in June, and I don’t even know what Elias is talking about. Any hoo! I missed streaming Ed-Rod, because I missed the start of the game, because I misread my clock. Sometimes it’s better to be dumb than smart. Streamonator likes his next one, and I’m fine going back in one him, if you need it.

Johnny Cueto – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.93. Since this was on in the afternoon, I decided to watch Cueto, and I can understand where his success is coming from. He’s got more looks than Cher.

A.J. Pollock – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and, if not for a great catch by Drew Waters, Pollock would’ve had a 2nd homer. Wonder if after Nimmo saved a homer on Wednesday, Waters was like, “Oh, I see how to do it.” From Nimmo to Waters? Who’s singing their praises, Frank Ocean? Any hoo! Pollock won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell column, but he’s clearly hot.

Eloy Jimenez – Left the game with leg soreness. No way! Really? Are you sure? ILoy? I don’t believe it.

Andrew Vaughn – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .289. White Sox are a good case example of why batting average doesn’t matter. Their whole team is hitting for a good average, and the only thing it’s doing is got them leading in singles, like they’re a bunch of strippers.

Luis Robert – Left to be with his wife for the birth of his child, but wasn’t placed on the paternity list, because A) The White Sox like playing a man down. B) They’ve been without Luis Robert so long already they forgot he was on their team. C) There’s no C. D) The White Sox don’t know how to make transactions. E) La Russa’s been gone since April, and interim manager, Miguel Cairo, has been Weekend at Bernie’s’ing him, and now that Cairo can’t hide under Tony’s jersey, moving his arms, he’s too nervous to make any moves in public. My money’s on E.