Tawa’s The Buy Before Christmas

Tim Tawa sounds like an NFL QB, doesn’t he? “Steps back to pass, and the wide flank is janky, needs to look back inside, and the tight end is loose! Oh my God, he’s a loose tight end! Oh God, this is gorgeous! Tim Tawa’s flanking no more! He’s loosening a tight end! Must’ve been that Taco Bell lettuce! Why would he go to Taco Bell and eat lettuce? Do they have a salad bar I don’t know about? Touchdown! What a play!” Can you tell I watch only one football game a year and I already watched it this year? We do have the Razzball Football though that’s cooking, and I’m told to tell you Rudy says our Fantasy Football Tools are locked and loaded. If you buy a football subscription, I will come to your house and give you a firm handshake and, if you don’t, I will come to your house and give you a “handshake, manshake, milkshake” and squeeze your nipple. So, Tim Tawa and the D-QBacks is their 1st baseman, and hottest hitter. His exit velo is up from last year and, while I have my doubts xBA works, his is up this year. His Ks are way down; his HardHit% is way up and his HR/FB is meh, but I think it can go up further. This is for this year, because he’s hot, and is stealing a bunch of bags. His 31/14/.279 in the minors in 2024 says that if you’re in a keeper, and can squeeze a Tim Tawa into a trade for 2027, I could see him actually being a sneaky flyer. “Tim Tawa drops back, and fires it through the middle, and I’m talking about a line drive not a pass. Fooled ya!” I’m a big football guy, clearly. (Viz is also back with our fantasy hockey and Jay is back with our fantasy basketball. Yes, it’s August already.) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Luis Torrens – Dreaming of a day he’s traded to the Pirates, so I can bust out my Pirate Bay jokes with a little bit Torrens mixed in. Argh, that’ll be wonderful. Argh, also howsmytypingi’m wearing an eye patch–Darn, I see I was missing the space bar.

Josh Bell – Wanna depress yourself? Of course you do! Look at Josh Bell vs. Vlad Jr. Well, it’s only depressing if you have Vlad Jr. I feel like I’m at the point where I might be the only left here who has Vlad Jr. in a league, because if you have him, you’ve moved onto fantasy football.

Abimelec Ortiz – Nats seem to be able to develop hitters well. Just googled who their hitting coach is and it’s Matthew Borgschulte, which is a mouthful, but also hilariously he has a resume on LinkedIn that says Nationals’ hitting coach. I feel like a certain point you don’t need a LinkedIn page anymore. “45 years of managing experience and experience falling asleep at stop signs. I am Tony La Russa.”

Coby Mayo – I’d like to hear the O’s hitting coach explain why he can’t help Mayo’s contact at all. Someone should have to answer for Mayo. Yes, I sound like someone in the ER who had bad egg salad.

Jared Young – Mets are finally clicking, which is such a funny thing to say in the middle of August. Well played, guys.

Andres Gimenez – He’s become a neutral .210 hitter. I’ve never seen someone who makes such consistently terrible contact. Just realized this because, as previously mentioned in past posts, I look at the stats for every player. Gimenez is hot right now, but, yikes, his overall stats are bad.

Angel Martinez – From And-Gim to Ang-Mar, which only sounds confusing if you’re checking people in alphabetically, but they’re not that dissimilar. Ang-Mar is a .229 career hitter, but he does look like he can be better unlike And-Gim. Yes, it sounds like I’m talking in riddles.

Marcus Semien – There’s no one better when hot than Semien. Ew. I’m grimacing and–Wait, have the Mets tried Grimace this year? They need that giant purple wart mascot. (Is it a wart? A purple pimple? Do we know?)

Mauricio Dubon – This seems to be the difference between the Braves and other teams. Dubon has no business being as good as he’s been. Mets have struggled for years to figure out Brett Baty and Mark Vientos and Braves just create-a-player out of Dubon. It’s fitting he came from the Astros, because they also make players out of no one. (Technically, they made Dubon and handed him off to the Braves.)

Chase Meidroth – Struggle to get excited about Meidroth in the big picture, but now we’re in the small picture. The itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot-bikini picture.

George Lombard Jr. – This is also a Kaelen Culpepper buy, a Angel Genao buy, a all-of-them buy. All of them were in my George Lombard Jr. fantasy last week. Briefly, the rank is Lombard, Culpepper, Genao, but it’s fluid.

Nolan Arenado – It’s always a little sad when an old player, who was once great, becomes available in enough leagues to make it into the Buy column. “Being in the Buy column” comes for us all. One day you might find yourself in the Buy column, and not rostered in all leagues.

Cam Smith – I expanded a bit on who could be eligible for this post. Usually at 50% rostered, but I wanted to mention Cam Smith, because I think he’s available in some leagues, and should be rostered in all. If he’s figured something out, he can be a top 50 player in the final six weeks.

Esteury Ruiz – There’s no greater hero of SAGNOF than this week’s Ruiz. Though, SAGNOF’s entire thing is being unknown and faceless so there might be more SAGNOFs amongst us we just don’t know. Are you SAGNOF?

Jung Hoo Lee – Has been decent all year. Not great, but decent, i.e., Not a hoo boy, but a Hoo Lee.

Jake Mangum – Ya know what kind of year Mangum’s having? The kind where we get to the end of the year and he’s a top 50 outfielder, and you never really wanted to roster him. Even if you had him!

Austin Martin – He’s a part-time player at most, right? Barely plays, right? Say right, so I can snap you in half! Well, I don’t think it’s a great sign that you don’t know Austin Martin plays, but he’s played in 110 of 124 games, and more than half of his at-bats in the top three of the lineup.

Zac Veen – Here’s what I said the other day regarding Veen’s playing time, “Veen is going to have to hit, like, .400 with a home run in every game to find everyday playing time. I like Veen a lot, I’m not saying I would bench him. I’m saying the Rockies are incredibly dumb, but: McCarthy has been excellent; Moniak has been great and just got a contract and Carrigg. That’s the outfield. DH is Goodman, but when he catches, Veen gets playing time with an OF going to DH. Or Carrigg plays short as he did yesterday, which is its own sorta insanity. So, Veen can play a decent amount, but he is going to lose ABs here and there, and potentially drive you crazy, because even in a game where he homered yesterday, he was removed in the 6th inning for defense (Tovar to short).” And that’s me quoting me!

Taylor Trammell – Thinking back to my Dubon blurb above, and knowing in a year or two Trammell will be a serviceable 2 WAR player for the Braves.

Sean Manaea – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to a gas leak detection service.

Brady Singer – This is also a Streamonator call. “No, you don’t understand I want you to check my backside.”

Daniel Duarte – It’s so hard to actually recommend Kodai Senga, but I want to point you towards Daniel Duarte even if Daniel Duarte won’t be the closer and Senga will be. Is it because Daniel Duarte is so fun to say? Hmm, maybe. But he’s also decent and Senga is not. Continued in next blurb.

Steven Cruz – Sometimes you really have to ask yourself, is rostering this reliever for the three saves over the course of the next six weeks going to be worth it. It might be! I’m just saying that’s the convo you need to have with yourself, your co-manager, your spiritual leader, whomever. That convo and what are you doing with your eyebrows. Are you combing them up? Royals saves might also be split between Cruz and Nate Pearson.

Andrew Kittredge – I prefer Yennier Cano for O’s saves. That does not mean they’ll go with who I prefer. It’s just who I’d like to see get saves in Balty-more. That’s not to say this is as bad as the Mets situation. Senga is broke; Kittredge is not.

Tanner Scott – How many more times do the Dodgers let Edwin Diaz blow a game? One more? Five more? At some point, it will become untenable and Tanner Scott will start getting saves again and Edwin will go on a break with a made-up injury, something called Plantar Timmitrumpetis.

Ben Joyce – Angels might’ve finally made the decision to go with their future closer as their present-day closer. Dare to dream!

Brandyn Garcia – Unlike Kittredge, Senga, Cruz, Brandyn Garcia is actually great. He just happens to be a lefty. But do you want a great lefty on your fantasy team who may or may not get saves or a righty who could get called on for saves like Jordan Romano? Notice how I said “called on” and not converted. I’m parsing words for the betterment of you. You’re welcome. Yes, I know Romano’s been decent, but you are really rostering him? He has a 6+ ERA. Pause for effect. Over the last three years!

SELL

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – As you might remember because you study diligently everything I say, this is a Drop not a Sell. I’m Eminem Cleaning Out My Closet with some bad rubbish. On the Player Rater, Vlad Jr. is barely inside the top 40 overall. For 1st basemen! Curtis Mead was a platoon player and he’s been on the IL for weeks and he’s still way above Vlad Jr.! Sal Perez might be one of the worst everyday catchers, and he’s above Vlad Jr. for 1st basemen! I used to call Vlad Jr. Cake Batter because “cake” is ass and he’s a batter. I stopped because I don’t feel like being cute with a guy who sucks this much, but I shouldn’t have stopped. He is more ass than ever. Between Vlad Jr. and Cal Raleigh, this was a terrible year to be celebrated by Sir Mix-A-Lot. What a terrible year for backsides. Speaking of which:

What is going on with Chris Berman’s ass? Seriously, should we be concerned? Any hoo! If you’re in a keeper with a trade deadline that hasn’t passed, I wouldn’t trade Vlad Jr. for a mannequin in the form of Chris Berman to model jeans, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.