Absolutely brutal news about Tyler Skaggs. Makes you remember how silly this fantasy baseball thing is in the grand scheme of things. Counterpoint: everything is serious — politics, work, sickness, and, yes, death — so maybe the silliness of fantasy baseball is the point. Perhaps Skaggs’s passing can bring some perspective. Remember, it’s not the end of the world if you drafted Giancarlo and you trail in all power categories. It’s enjoying the ride, because it’s often much quicker than anyone expects. Now, I’m just going to leave some white space as a moment of silence.
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Archer – Could miss Wednesday’s start for a break before the, uh, break. MTV emo cartoon, Dario, could see the start instead.
Josh Bell – 4-for-6, 4 runs, 7 RBIs and his 23rd, 24th and 25th homer, hitting .308. I’ve now moved Bell about five times in two days in my top 100 2nd half rankings that are coming next week. Is he more the April hitter we saw? The May one? The June one? Or the one from yesterday which might be the May one? Might be May? May be May? May be April? April be June? June be May? Greybot 5000 is…short…circuit…ing.
Colin Moran – 5-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .286. I’d love to see C**nt Hurdle give Moran everyday looks the rest of the year. They know what they have in Jung Ho Kang (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 7th homer, hitting .162). I say trade Kang for a prospect and let Moran play. I want the moron to play Moran more on the field — say that fast 117 times!
Adam Frazier – 5-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .263. Frazier had four doubles. He can’t even make eight total bases exciting. Adam Frazier is like watching the director’s cut of Brendan Fraser in Encino Man where it takes two hours of the movie for him to thaw.
Adbert Alzolay – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.15. So, I’m just going to leave this Shasta on the counter while I go to the bathroom, please keep an eye on it for me, Extremely Sketchy Guy. *five hours later* Whoa, when did the band show up and why does that tambourine have my nose on it–AHHH!!! Roofie!!! So, I benched Adbert for his 1st two matchups because I am so trigger-shy with pitchers this year, but I start him yesterday and kaboomie. You really can’t make this shizz up, and, if you could, I’m not interested in you becoming a content creator, because it’s very hurtful. Good news is I had Craig Kimbrel (1 IP, 3 ER) and Josh Hader (1 IP, 2 ER) in my lineup, too. Somebody hold me.
Nathan Eovaldi – Red Sox announced that Eovaldi will act as the Red Sox closer. Oh…*treks to the North Pole*…kay. The Red Sox refuse to name a closer all winter, just about the entire 1st half, then name Eovaldi as their closer, saying, “He’ll be a traditional closer, and not part of a committee.” Eovaldi who has zero saves in his career and 857 IP as a starter? Eovaldi who has a 6.00 ERA this year and a career 6.8 K/9? Why are teams so dumb? I guess own Eovaldi for the SAGNOF, but this doesn’t sound like it’s headed to a good place.
Freddy Galvis – 3-for-4 and his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .264. Freddy Galvis has been better than Vlad Jr. True, false or GTFO Vlad’s dad is a Hall of Famer and you should be ashamed of yourself for even questioning Vlad Jr. In fact, apologize now. Not verbally! I strongly suggest a written apology with a formal heading. Actually! Buy a book on how to write an apology letter first. You deserve this for even suggesting something like that.
Randal Grichuk – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, hitting .236. I’ve never seen Grichuk deliver four hits and not go on a schmotato run. (Honestly, I don’t know if he’s ever had four hits in a game before, so techinically I am right.)
Cavan Biggio – 3-for-5, 1 run, 4 RBIs, hitting .248. On a side note, hundred percent someone in the MLB front office, who was making up the schedule for this year, thought yesterday was the start of the All-Star Break, then found out later it was not so sprinkled a handful of games in there. Not sure if you’ve seen the 30 for 30 short about MLB schedulers, but it was the same couple for, like, 20 years, when the schedules were normal, then they retired (were fired?) and ever since then the schedules have been a mess. Any hoo! Biggio’s hitting near-.325 in the last week with one dong, as the good Lord meant it!
Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-5 and his 8th homer. These were his first hits in a week, so Teoscar might not be winning any awards.
Lorenzo Cain – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer, hitting .248. So, I was watching this documentary on Netflix about a buried treasure of cocaine, and I was thinking, “What if that’s not cocaine, but it’s Lorenzo Cain? Should I go get him and bring him back to the major leagues?” I decided not to because I don’t own Cain.
Keston Hiura – 2-for-5, 2 runs, and his 6th homer, hitting .278. Great for him, but also let’s give some props to Travis Shaw for outsourcing his entire career to Hiura. Most guys wouldn’t be that smart.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .330. He’s on pace for 124/57/126/.330/34 in 555 ABs. If you own him and are not in at least 2nd place in your league, please explain how.
Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.36. His next start and last before the break (vs. the Indians) is barely positive on the Streamonator, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Lindor rests, and sometimes guys check out the day before the break, so I’m interested.
Eugenio Suarez – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homers in the past two games. Suarez seemed to retire in June to collect his pension, but his retirement advisor put him in Beanie Babies and Gregg Jefferies rookie cards, so now he’s back.
Jesse Winker – 2-for-3 and his 13th homer, hitting .253. Crazy how screwed up expectations are now with hitters, because Winker’s having a totally respectable year, but I could not care at all about him.
Logan Allen – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.24. This start was in Petco vs. the Aints. No one is safe from the pitcherpocalypse. Except, of course, Jeff Samardzija (8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.32) because the universe wasn’t even aware he was still a pitcher. Unless, and bear with me here, the universe saw his goatee, and from above it looks like a mushroom cloud and thought, “We can use him at some point.”
Evan Longoria – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .226. Imagine what it’s like to be Longoria with all of these homers being hit by other people. It’s like one never-ending Stan Gable licking-of-a-pie-tin scene, and Longoria saying, “Hey, that’s my Pi!”
Austin Slater – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as he was called up. He had 12 HRs, 6 SBs and a .308 average in Triple-A, and is 26 years old. Not to get off the beaten path to beat a dead horse, but can you imagine the Giants waiting this long to call him up? Because they wanted to see what they had with Alex Dickerson and Mike Yastrzemski? I kinda expect Slater to inexplicably get platooned, so I’d only look at him in deep leagues for now, but he does have some power and speed.
Brendan McKay – 0-for-4. Okay, this was a problem I had with Ohtani last year that is now rearing its head again. Either everyone (Greinke, Bumgarner, etc.) should have dual eligibility or Ohtani should not. It makes no sense to have McKay as two players on a fantasy site if Ohtani is one player.
Kevin Kiermaier – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. 2nd homer this week and, well, about as much as Nadir Bupkis otherwise.
Jose Urquidy – Astros are calling him up for his 1st major league start in Coors. When they call him up, they should put him on hold first with the hold music being Cee-Lo’s F*ck You. “In honor of the Astros calling you up, we’ve baked you a cake.” The Astros reveal a pita with frosting. “Sorry, we struggled with baking at elevation.” So, enough jibber-jabbering on the hoo-ha, Urquidy is making a spot start due to Peacock’s broken wing, but, since Peacock might not be ready to return, Urquidy might stay in the rotation for a few turns. Hard to say. In Triple-A, Urquidy had a goofy high K-rate this year, when he never showed any of that prior in the minors. I could see a flyer if he looks good in Coors, but that start is obviously an ignore. By the by, on some sites, his name is listed as Jose Hernandez, which makes me think Hernandez is like the Doe surname of Latin America, and everyone changes it once they arrive here. “I’m going to take Fausto Carmona.” “I’m sorry, you can’t do that.”
Brad Boxberger – Was DFA’d and Shelby Miller was too. There must’ve been a special at the DFA Saloon. DFA a Boxberger and get a Miller for free. “Come on in, Dave Stewart! Take a seat next to Major Rawls.”