What a dumb park the A’s and Brewers played in last night. And I loved it. Until we have baseball on the moon, this is the best we’re gonna have. What are they thinking that they’re moving this team to Vegas? It’s so crazy, I love it so much. You thought Bing Bong Stadium in SacTown was going to be the “You wanna see helicopters I’ll show you helicopters” guy from Goodfellas? Vegas is going to be the Home Run Derby every game. Bring out the money balls for extra time. For every five homers, we get an extra inning in Vegas. At the park last night, the dirt on the infield looked like cement. That park did not look ready to host a MLB game. Who thought this up? Why? I’m laughing very loudly. Any hoo! Shea Langeliers (3-for-7, 2 RBIs) got things started (I’m seriously still laughing they played a game in that park, what were they thinking) with his 17th homer. Next up, we had Nick Kurtz (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 13th and 14th homer; Zack Gelof (2-for-6, 2 runs) with his 7th homer; Jonah Heim hit ’em with the Heim for his 4th homer, then Tyler Soderstrom (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) with his 9th and 10th homer. On the other side of the diamond (was it a diamond, it looked more pockmarked than Manuel Noriega’s face), Brice Turang (1-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, Jake Bauers (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 12th homer, William Contreras (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, and Andrew Vaughn (4-for-6, 4 RBIs) hit his 2nd. The rest of those guys are obvious, but Vaughn’s the most interesting because he seemingly broke out last year and this year? He’s actually hitting the ball harder and directly into the ground. It’s still early on the batted ball profile (he’s only at 27 games played). He’s not striking out at all, and seems like a solid buy low. If nothing else, get in on every single A’s and Brewers player while they’re in Bing Bong South, the park where they 100% should not be playing. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Muncy – 1-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs as he was activated from the IL. Just in time to play at Super Bing Bong in Vegas. Yes, this is Ma’s Muncy.
Kyle Harrison – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 2.72. We found the antidote to Harrison’s great pitching, the oxygen they pump into the casinos and stadiums in Vegas.
Victor Scott II – Optioned to the minors. Would be cool if they had a Victor Scott III to turn to, then–Actually, they should have a lineup of Victor Scott I through Victor Scott IX. Alas, neither the Cards nor us are that lucky. They’ll instead turn to Nathan Church, who was activated. He was 5/4/.247 in 146 ABs prior to his shoulder injury, so, if he’s healthy, could be something for deeper leagues.
Matt Shaw – Activated from the IL. That’s preseason sleeper, Matt Shaw–[dodges tomato] Okay! Okay! He needs playing time.
Trey Mancini – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was brought up by the Angels, after not appearing in a MLB game since 2023. Angels look at the league like it’s one big giant Antiques Roadshow. Handing Trey Mancini to an appraiser, “What do I have here, madam?” “Well, it looks like a 2019 relic, made famous in Baltimore. Doesn’t have much value, but it’s not as bad as your other jewelry box with Nick Madrigal’s face on it.”
Grayson Rodriguez – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 8.10. Antiques Roadshow appraiser again, “Wow, you do have a lot of heirlooms from Baltimore. This pitcher looks like it’s held together by crazy glue, and very fragile.”
Kirby Yates – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.23, and another blown save. Antiques Roadshow appraiser, “Why do you even have this? This isn’t an antique. This is a Snapple cap that says, ‘Better luck next time.'”
Zach Neto – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Antiques Roadshow appraiser again, “Oh, this piece is actually worth something. What’s that, you wanna trade it for Michael Conforto?”
Spencer Arrighetti – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.21. I don’t think selling a guy, who is clearly due for regression is possible, but maybe you’re better at it than me. Look at me having faith in you!
Richie Martin Jr. – Traded to the Rockies. Livin’ la vida Rockies.
Konnor Griffin – Won’t return as soon as possible, after visiting with Dr. Meister regarding his flexor strain. Dr. Meister, the Tommy Johnster, the Out-A-Year-ster, the I-Don’t-Want-To-Hear-Anymore-ster.
Max Scherzer – Will return on Wednesday. Color me interested if he’s returning in a DeLorean from 2013.
Ernie Clement – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Oh, by the by, Vlad Jr. has three homers on the year. Fantastic!
Adolis Garcia – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 3rd homer in a week. Zombino thrusts his hand through the soil, and I reach to help them up, but it waves me off. They grunt, “I’ll stay in the dirt, but I need a straw to breathe.”
Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.54. Two earned runs?! What a bum!
Marcelo Mayer – 1-for-2 and his 3rd homer, hitting .222. When I say rostering Marcelo Mayer in fantasy is like basically rostering no one at that position, you gotta trust me on that. It is. Also, he has the same number of homers as Vlad Jr.
Connelly Early– 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.30. Don’t usually blurb starters who can’t go 5 IP, unless it’s a blow up, and I don’t know what this is. Early threw 96 pitches and couldn’t go five? Have they stopped having gym classes in elementary schools?
Yandy Diaz – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. The narrative: Yandy was only a home run hitter last year because of George Steinbrenner Field? Ixnay on the Andy-yay. Andy-Yay is actually a good nickname. Might eff around and start calling him that.
Logan Webb – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Webb gem!
Jung Hoo Lee – 4-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .33 and hitting near-.500 in the month of June. Excuse me, June Hoo Lee! Hot schmotato alert!
Keaton Winn – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.23, as he blew the Giants save and Clayton Beeter (1 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3.93 ERA) pitched about as badly and got the win, as he pitched the 8th, as Gus Varland (1 IP, 0 ER, 4.01 ERA) got the save. What I’m saying is these teams don’t have closers. They haven’t all year and still don’t.
Walker Buehler – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.33. I wouldn’t start Buehler in any mixed league, not even if the Streamonator liked him. Just cold ass facts.
Freddy Fermin – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Freddy got fingered as the hottest schmotato in the land.
Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Abbott hasn’t allowed more than three earned runs since April 24th. I bet I dropped him on April 25th. Hmm, very nice.
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Au Shizz!
Ryan McMahon – 1-for-2 and his 7th homer, hitting .211. Member the Wandy Line? If any pitchers were worse than Wandy Rodriguez, they weren’t worth rostering? Utter nonsense. With that said (here we go!), if any hitters are hitting below Ryan McMahon for average, they should be sent to the minors. That’s you, Manny Machado.
Will Warren – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.28. Not the best start, obviously, but he’s pitching overall about as well as it seems, which is a usable number four starter. We don’t talk about the Yankees much when it comes to good pitching development, but they don’t suck.
Angel Martinez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Hey, if it ain’t Mr. April! Dave Winfield called, he wants his moniker back!
Gavin Williams – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32. He has a whole lot going on in his game log. It’s like lights out, lights out, lights out, lights out, OH CRAP WHAT IS THAT, lights out, lights out, lights out. Yesterday, was just meh. A new look.
Chris Bassitt – Hit the IL with back discomfort. Tough blow for the O’s big offseason acquisition.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, a grand slam. He was the 25th best 1st baseman on the Player Rater coming into this game, and that is not too good. Still early for him though, and I believe.
Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Was about as shaky as I’ve seen him, but Hancock held on. Uh, I mean, Hancock didn’t come up short–scratch that too. I mean don’t scratch Hancock–ya know what, forget it.
J.P. Crawford – Hit the IL, after being hit by Framber. Can we suspend Framber please? Not because he hit J.P. but because I don’t want to start him and I keep doing it.
Colt Emerson – A late scratch with a sore back. Mutters under breath, “Not gonna be a Boomer…” Gasping, blurts out, “But a 20-year-old sat out with a sore back in the home of Cal Ripken Jr.!” I had to make a tough call. It was between Colt and Chandler Simpson, who is also nursing an injury. I went with Colt because I realized whichever move I make is going to backfire. Eat Arby’s!
