Maybe You Can Teach A Dietrich To An Old Dog

May 6, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 616 Comments

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On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time. The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases. Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen. After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile. Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson. Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot. He was perfecting it. On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257). I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on. As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named: Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Reyes Ain’t No Fran Of The Mil Padre Outfielder

May 1, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 599 Comments

by: Grey

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We gonna talk about Lil’ Wayne’s favorite baseball player, “Franmil mil mil mil mil…mil mil, a mil.” Much to chagrin of the former Padres’ outfielder and Missy Elliott’s favorite player, “Matt Sczrczrczr,” or as she would say, “nac uoy eveileb eh saw reve a gniht Sczrczrczr my skizzard.” Franmil Reyes looks like a cross between Kyle Blanks and a vending machine that dispenses steaks. “Damn, I thought this was the crappy hot chocolate vending machine and now I just got charged $54 for a T-bone.” That’s someone getting a vending machine steak. Yesterday, Franmil Reyes did what he’s been known/capable of — blasting two, loud $54 vending machine T-bones into orbit, ending the night 3-for-4 with his 7th and 8th homer. He’s now on pace for 40 homers. Greek chorus, “Who isn’t?!” Okay, GC, but Franmil can get to 40 homers, unlike, say, Tommy La Stella. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

F**k Gary Kill(ed) Or Simply FGK

April 8, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 681 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 3-for-6, 6 RBIs with his 4th, 5th and 6th homer, hitting .258. “Thanks,” said Gary Sanchez’s owner from 2018, and I believe he was being sarcastic. You know how when you’re walking on the sidewalk and try to avoid stepping on the cracks because of the harm it will cause to your mother’s back? Then as you’re OCD-stepping around the cracks, you get off-step and start only stepping on cracks, and your mom texts you, “My back!” That’s what it must feel like for Sanchez’s 2018 owners. I know how you feel because that’s how it feels right now for me with Rougned Odor. I’m out in 2018 when Odor is decent, then in for this year’s abomination. When I’m supposed to avoid, I don’t and, when I’m supposed to be in on them, I’m not. FMFBBL! If you have Sanchez, well done, it looks like you’re back in for the good Gary. “Did someone say ‘back?'” Sorry, mom! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

AL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: How I Drafted Bryce Harper In The Wrong League

February 26, 2019 | Our Leagues | 174 Comments

by: Grey

Cougs’ brother bought a place in Jackson Hole, Wyoming; I mentioned to Cougs at one point in the last five years of marriage I skied once twenty years ago, and that’s the story of how I drafted a fantasy team falling graciously down the side of a mountain. That’s right, ya boy went skiing this past weekend, and was drafting from a ski lift! Thankfully, Geronimo Berroa is no longer in the league, because I might’ve ended up with him on my team because I kept screaming out his name during each round. So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an AL Only league that was hosted by Scott White of CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than your aunt after two cocktails. This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 80 Starters for 2019 Fantasy Baseball

February 4, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 151 Comments

by: Grey

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With the top 80 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball, we are so close to the end of the rankings, I can almost taste it! Wait, that’s not rankings I taste, I bit my lip and it’s blood. I wonder if when Dracula bites his lip it’s like when Cougs goes out with her friends and I’m left at home while Emmanuelle is on Cinemax. I’ll go over exactly how to draft starters in a few days, but there are so many ways to skin a cat we should have PETA breathing down our necks. Also, I’m hoping to do the RCL signups next Monday. Stay tuned! Or not, your call. All the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings are there. Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections listed are mine and I mention where I see tiers starting and stopping. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Winter Meetings Aim To Make Us All Double E Confused

December 14, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 56 Comments

by: Grey

The Winter Meetings called it quits this week, and that was perhaps the worst Winter Meetings on record. Was it because it was in Vegas? Maybe there were a bunch more trades, but they all “stayed” in Vegas. The Mariners kept busy gathering veterans who will never play for them, as they grabbed Edwin Encarnacion from the Indians for Carlos Santana. You remember Santana, he was the last vet that the M’s traded for that won’t play for them. If the Mariners are trading for vets who won’t actually play for them, they should grab Harold Baines so he can’t go into the Hall of Fame, because last time I checked active players aren’t allowed into the Hall. Or why bother sticking with baseball players. C’mon, Mariners, trade for Michael Jordan or Big Show or Turtle from Entourage. It’s not like you have any expectation of them donning an M’s uniform. So, the assumption is that Edwin will go to the Rays to bury their recently acquired Yandy Diaz. You’d think a guy with guns like Yandy Diaz would be doing the burying. If you don’t know what I mean, see the picture below. If I don’t bring out the Crisco and apply the shortening, this post will be longer than The Fountainhead, so let’s just say you know Encarnacion, whether he’s on the Rays or Mariners. For my Encarnacion projections I am assuming he’ll be on the Rays, and putting him at 78/33/91/.241/2 in 523 ABs, and I already gave you my Carlos Santana projections after his last trade, but am upping him slightly to 74/24/84/.232/2 in 563 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2019 #2EarlyMocks Rounds 15 – 23

November 1, 2018 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball | 9 Comments

by: Kerry Klug

I lied to you loyal Razzball readers. In part 1 of this 2019 fantasy baseball mock draft hosted by Justin Mason of Friends with Fantasy Benefits, I told you this was going to be a four-part series. Well, unfortunately between rounds 23 and 24, the MLB regular season ended and thus, so did our Fantrax mock draft. The draft room disappeared from the league page and every future pick was being auto-drafted. Rather than waste your time discussing random players being auto-drafted I’m just going to highlight a few notable undrafted players at the bottom of this article. Back to the draft itself: three words can sum up rounds 15 through 23: risk, relievers and rookies. You’ll soon see what I mean. (BTW, the 2nd part of the fantasy baseball mock draft.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Blue Jays Stop Maileing It (Mart)in And Bring Up Jansen

August 13, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 326 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday, the Jays’ catcher prospect Danny Jansen was called up. Finally, the Jays are ready to move on with their prospects. *Vlad Jr. waves his hand, trying to get their attention* It took long enough, but finally the time is here. *Vlad Jr. takes out a bullhorn and blows it* Did you hear something? The Jays did…Danny Jansen’s bat! Jansen looks like an offensive-minded catcher in the mold of Jerry Tomato Realmuto (think 15/7/.280). I grabbed Jansen in one league, because, I had Cervelli, who has a magnet for foul balls on his face like Stormy Daniels, and Russell Martin is going to play third while Yangervis deals with an oblique strain and, shucks, if only the Jays had someone else to play third. *Vlad Jr. marches with color guards’ flags, waving them. Finally, Vlad Jr. sighs.* Damn, too bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This Is Our Cahill, And These Are Our Beane’s

August 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 404 Comments

by: Grey

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Matt Olson, affectionately known as Allahson by people in Middle East Bay, hit his 22nd homer yesterday. An inconsequential home run to the game, but it’s a part of a larger tapestry. Khris Davis hit his 31st homer, his 4th homer of the week, but, again, pull back, view the larger picture. That home run didn’t matter! Speaking of a matter, Matt Chapman hit his 15th homer, as he hit out of the two-hole, because the A’s can. Sure, the A’s can and two-hole are synonymous. But, of course, all of this happened. Look at the larger picture! Trevor Cahill went 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12, which is exactly what was always meant to happen. Don’t you see it yet? On Saturday, Edwin Jackson went 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.87. No one on the A’s will have a bad game this year. Know why? Are you pulled back far enough to see the larger picture? No one will have a bad game because no one sells their soul and doesn’t specify they want to be good until the end of the season. “Hey, cool horns and pitchfork. So, yeah, here’s my soul, and can you make me pitch well until the first week of August?” That would never happen! The A’s aren’t the best team in baseball without serious voodoo, soul-selling! I have it on good authority someone was seen in the A’s clubhouse with a 1970’s-style mustache hiding horns on top of their head! That’s the devil, unless Rollie Fingers remodeled his face. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Baseball Podcast: Ross Stripling vs Tyson Ross – The Battle of Rosses

July 20, 2018 | Ditka, Razzball Podcast | 4 Comments

by: B_Don

Donkey Teeth has returned from his vision quest to find his inner ass (his spirit animal) to bring B_Don deep insights regarding human nature, the universe, mustaches and fantasy baseball. Listen in as the guys discuss the great pitching duel between The Rosses (Tyson & Stripling) as well as their respective fantasy outlooks for the future. In the pickups segment some promising names are thrown around, including but not limited to Kolby Allard, Corbin Burnes and Max Kepler. Come find us on Twitter @ditkasausagepod & @donkeyteeth87 or hit us up in the comments!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You Want Sano Something? Miguel’s Now Like His Surname – Single-A

June 15, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 383 Comments

by: Grey

The Twins organization removed one white glove, and smacked it across Miguel Sano‘s chubby cheek. So disrespectful. Not even Triple-A. They demoted him to Single-A. Not completely surprising. Let’s recap Miguel Sano’s last few months. He showed up at camp in shape. Unfortunately, that shape was of a beach ball. Coaches weren’t sure what to make of him, asking, “Are you ready to play?” Sano put it into reverse to face the coach who questioned him, and his reverse lights came on but not his newly installed reversing truck beep, which sent him into a backspin, literally, for most of the spring. Then, he came out of camp, looking ready to eat baseballs for dinner rather than his usual Triple-triple-double-triple-double-triple-single-triple meaty-meatburger, but that was short-lived, and he hit the DL towards the end of April with a hamstring injury. At that point, Sano said, “If I had known I had a hamstring in my leg all this time, I would’ve eaten it.” He then motioned for a tuxedoed waiter to pepper mill his leg, and asked for parmesan. He told the waiter, “I call this hamstring carbonara.” After about three weeks out of commission, he returned, but didn’t look fully recovered, because he’s in terrible shape, then he hit .162 in June and got demoted. Hey, Sano, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t take the clubhouse refrigerator with you either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ranger Arms In Gleyber Danger While Yanks Pitchers Can’t Take No More Mazara

May 24, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 517 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday’s Yankee/Rangers game started with a 1st-inning blast from Didi Gregorius (1-for-5, 2 RBIs, hitting .246) and his 11th homer. The return of The Gregorius D.I.D. giving fantasy owners one more chance to tell trade partners gimme the loot, gimme the loot! Also, in this game, Aaron Judge (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .284) went bye-bye now with his 13th; Neil Walker (2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .220) said get those tennis balls off my feet and hit his 2nd (this week); Nomar Mazara (2-for-5, 3 BRIs, hitting .274) said two teams can play that game and hit his 11th, and Ronald Guzman (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 5th homer, and his third game in a row, and the two time in a row I said to pick him up. Rinse, repeat. Also, in this game, Aaron Judge–Sorry, got carried away with the repeat gag. Speaking of gags: Fister, I hardly know ya! And I wish you BCC’d me on Sabathia. But the real news, Gleyber Torres (1-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting .323) hit his 8th homer, and his 5th homer in five games) had his star mitzvah this week. Were you invited? Lou Bega performed. They had dreidel piñatas. The pot roast was cut-your-mouth dry. All the fixins! I know someone who wasn’t invited, Aaron Boone. Has to explain how Gleyber’s still hitting 9th. Can someone mansplain to me what’s going on? Did Neil Walker win a Boone family egg toss so he has to bat so high? Maybe if Boone’s entire coaching experience wasn’t hitting a walk-off homer, we’d have some idea how this should play out. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?