George Springer will miss six weeks with a broken wrist. I find in these times of sadness it’s best to turn to the ones you love, your family. But it’s also important to not forget why you were sad either, so you don’t lose perspective. So print out pictures of Springer’s face and paste them to your wife, kids and dog’s faces. See, aren’t you glad you have family. It’s that kind of moral support that one needs at a time like this. If they don’t allow you to paste pictures on their face, you can leave your family or paste it on their faces while they’re asleep. Fun Fact! I always fall asleep during the movie While You Were Sleeping. Power of suggestion? Perhaps. This is obviously terrible news for Springer’s owners, and I wouldn’t get too cutesy with trying to trade for him on the cheap in redraft leagues. Wrist injuries can be tricky to rock around, it’s right on time, they’re tricky. Oh, oh, oh, they’re tricky! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jon Jay – Hit the DL. On a semi-related note, the Cardinals fired their scouting director, who was involved with the hacking of the Astros’ database. No one’s quite sure how it was hacked, and I’m by no means a PI, though I do look like Magnum PI, but the scouting director’s name is Chris CORREA! Hello! Look at the Astros shortstop’s last name!
Melvin Upton – 2-for-6 as he now leads off. Oh, Padres. Oh, sweet, harmless, dopey Padres. I think it would actually help some major league managers to play fantasy baseball. If you wouldn’t own the guy in a mixed league, you don’t bat him leadoff!
Tyson Ross – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks. It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to tell you five walks to six Ks, and how he almost has as many walks this year as all of last year indicates something is wrong with him.
Manuel Banuelos – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks, but left with a cramp. He looked solid prior to the cramping. Three things here, A) Not sure how serious the cramping is. B) Not sure if he’s staying in the rotation. C) There’s no C. I’d definitely grab him in leagues deeper than 14-team mixed, but, for now, he’s a wait-and-see in most mixed leagues.
Max Scherzer – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA up to 1.82. What a bum! By the by, his WHIP is 0.78 and he has 139 Ks in 118 2/3 IP. He’s on pace for 278 Ks. I love the halfway mark.
Matt Boyd – 0 IP, 7 ER. I bet Flavor Flav wishes he didn’t stream him. “Yeah, Boyd!”
Kevin Pillar – 4-for-5, 1 run, hitting .285. On our Player Rater, Pillar is nearly a top 20 outfielder. For all major league outfielders. Both leagues. Every single outfielder. He’s been close to as valuable as McCutchen. Yup.
Russell Martin – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer. Funny thing (not funny), if you draft him next year, he’ll be garbage. But if you don’t draft him, he’ll be great. Guaranteed.
Brock Holt – 4-for-6, 1 run and his 5th steal. Also, in this game, Mookie Betts went 3-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs with his 13th steal, and Xander Bogaerts went 4-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs. This shows you that all the pregame work the Red Sox hitters were doing against the Red Sox pitchers has paid off!
David Ortiz – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. I watched the Nina Simone documentary the other night, and I have to say, Ortiz did a great job playing Simone.
Hanley Ramirez – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer. Sure glad he came back from his injury early. Of course, it was still too late for my weekly leagues. Sonavabench!
Alejandro De Aza – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs. Yeah, he will be in this afternoon’s Buy column. Mos Def.
Corey Kluber – 8 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 14 Ks. Only three wins on the year despite a top five FIP. They shouldn’t have trusted the actress who played the owner from Major League to write the incentive clauses in his contract.
Mike Aviles – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Aviles is also Spanish for ‘”evil bird” so I wouldn’t mess with him.
Matt Moore – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER as he returned from the DL. That’s like waiting for your order to get brought to your table, but instead of the filet mignon they bring you a leather shoe. I’ve only said about two trillion dozen times that I don’t trust pitches returning from injury, especially not serious injuries. Compounding that, Moore’s not all that great to begin with.
Evan Longoria – 1-for-4, 1 run and his 2nd steal. Whenever I get anything from Longoria, I feel like someone’s going to come to my door and punch me in the nose. Like there’s gotta be a karmic catch.
Grady Sizemore – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs and his 1st steal. Then I realize Longoria is giving less than Grady Sizemore, so that is the karmic catch.
Miguel Montero – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .245. So you should’ve drafted him instead of Yan Gomes, Lucroy, Wieters, Mesoraco, Zunino, Molina, Rosario, d’Arnaud. No one could’ve seen that coming. Except everyone who’s ever read this site.
Jake Arrieta – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.80 vs. Jacob deGrom 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA up to 2.30. Point-five separating these two guys in ERA right now, but I have five over-the-internet dollars that you’ll never collect that says they’ll both be within 0.15 of each other in ERA by season’s end. They just feel nearly identical.
Kevin Gausman – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Damn, that makes me want to do a twerk split. It’s been a while that Showalter was jerking him around, so I feel like I need to talk a bit about him. He averages close to 96 MPH on his fastball. That would put him around the major league leader for starters. Yeah, velocity’s not the end all, but it’s good. Then you have his pedigree, he was the 4th player selected overall in 2012. At some point, he will be in the discussion for top 20 starters in all of baseball. Not now, but maybe soon. He had a 3.57 ERA in 113 1/3 IP last year, he could easily be better this year. I like him a lot.
Yovani Gallardo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA down to 2.56, and has his scoreless streak up to 29 1/3 IP. Orel Hershiser pffts. You guys and five girls should play a game, try to see when I choose Yovani between two pitchers. Bartolo or Yovani? That sounds like a matchups thing.
Neil Walker – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, and is now 8 for his last 11 with two homers, a steal, six RBIs and he was moved down in the order yesterday to seventh. Oh. Huh? With that Walker snafu aside, I don’t like Walker, but even I would grab him if he were available in my league.
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 2.99. He’s another guy that gets no respect at all. Similar to Burnett. And Walker. And Harrison. And Marte. And…Hey, wait a minute, these guys have something in common. They’re all–*a fly buzzes past head* Hmm, I feel like I was on the precipice of a breakthrough, but lost my train of thought. Oh well!
Starling Marte – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 16th steal. Every day there’s some fantasy value coming from him. He’s been like a poor man’s Frazier this year. I will call him Chintzier.
Jordy Mercer – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd steal, hitting .248. Whenever you say Jordy Mercer, don’t you want to say, “Jordy Mercer is the craziest!” like you’re singing Naughty by Nature? No? Hmm, maybe it’s just me.
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer, and eight homers in his last nine games. B-Fire, dude, B-Fire! Uh-oh, I feel a rhyme coming on! You out on a prairie, I’m in the city with a rhyming dictionary. You’re lamenting your lost Springer, thinking about how Niese and an anteater is a dead ringer, if you were a Wire character you wish you were Stringer. No biggie, but you’re Ziggy. Try for a comeback and you’re like, “That that!” Stutter much. You got some power from Pujols, but are afraid of looking at Prince Albert on Wikipedia. Shudder…Cutch! You need him to carry you. Or maybe you’ll heed the advice to Always Be selling Closers, you know that gambit. That’s Glengarry you. *drop mic, hits foot* Dammit!
Jose Iglesias – 2-for-3, 1 run, hitting .324. That’s the seventh best average in all of baseball. No, in all of pocket bocce ball. Shut up, Random Italicized Voice. You’re the dur!
Cody Asche – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .254. Imma let you finish, but what did Maikel do?! 0-for-6? Oh.
Jonathan Lucroy – 3-for-6, 2 runs, hitting .245. I feel like his average is still really low since I thought he’s had multiple hits for a few days in a row…*checking player page, remembering I wanted to Google what Danny Pintauro is up to, finds out he’s gay, suddenly occurs to me that most of the cast of Who’s the Boss may have been gay, Googles Katherine Helmond, shocked that Helmond is still alive, reads that she’s into Zen, forgets what I was originally checking, takes nap, claps hands* I’m back! What did I miss?
Gerardo Parra – 2-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI. This point seems like it needs reiterating every year. When I say someone is a hot schmotato, that means you grab them while they are hot. It’s not a rest of the season thing.
Cesar Hernandez – 3-for-5, 1 run. Yo, Runny McRunstein, you lose your way? Get them steals before Utley returns and ruins everything!
Kyle Gibson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Sad news about his father. Yes, I’m way behind. That’s what happens when you live in a bubble. By the by, do you have to dust if you live in a bubble? As for Kyle, nothing more than a guy I’d look at Stream-o-Nator for.
Yordano Ventura – Looks ready to return from the DL. And say another thing about it and he will punch you in your big fat mouth.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. Before the homer, he bet Lawrie a dollar he would hit it, and what do you know? Semien with the money shot!
Scott Kazmir – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA down to 2.56. Six starts until it’s time to sell!
Jeremy Hellickson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA down to 5.06. Stream-o-Nator always says nice things about every pitcher going against the Rockies on the road, and, I have to be honest, I don’t always share the enthusiasm, but it does tend to be right more than not. It’s just so crazy to me that the Rockies are simply so bad on the road then so good at home, but, hey, they are.
A.J. Pollock – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 10th homer. Thankfully, Pollock didn’t run the bases backwards.
Jose Fernandez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks as he returns from the DL and pitchslapped Matt Cain, because, Cain said something about his mama. Don’t be talking about people’s mamas! J-Fer is my favorite of the pitchers that returned yesterday. Do I think he’s still nowhere near what he was when he got injured? Yeah, I do. I also think he can get there by season’s end, and, like Matt Harvey, he’ll show glimmers of the pitcher he used to be. Next year, it’ll be all hands on his hard body again.
Justin Bour – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, and third homer in as many games. Yes, he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but you really don’t need to wait for that to grab him. Or does your cup Bourth over?! Wait, huh?
Buster Posey – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. He showed no ill effects of a possible concussion yesterday, except, when he rounded the bases, he sang I Feel Pretty from West Side Story.
Gregor Blanco – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Has a hit in eight straight starts since Aoki went down to injury and is hitting near-.450 in the last week. Blanco is a white-hot schmotato alert!
Matt Cain – 5 IP, 5 ER as he also returned from the DL on National Return To Work Day in the majors. See, what I said on Moore, add in the NL West, subtract youth, add in a good pitcher’s park and you get Cicely Tyson. Wow, the math is way off there. Should’ve got “Streamer in most leagues.” In related news, this cracked me up, from another fantasy site, “Cain should be rostered in most mixed league formats. In his career, he has posted ERA marks higher than 4.00 just three times in ten seasons (2006, 2013, 2014).” No red flags that his past two seasons have been the bad ones. Nope, nothing to see there!
Santiago Casilla – Bochy’s going to give him some time to get some rest and get his head right. Bochy would need six years and an army of Lilliputians to get his head right. I’d grab Sergio Romo and Javier Lopez, in that order.
Tim Lincecum – Hit the Disgraceful List and will likely return out of the bullpen. Crazy how far he’s fallen, then again, it’s even crazier how high he still is.