The other day I was joined by the best and the brightest Razzball has to offer and Tehol for our annual RCL draft (12 team, mixed league, yadda blabbity bloo). Our fantasy hockey writer, Viz, who is a professional poker player (hope it’s okay to say that. If not — oops!), went high/low split (totally talking out of my ass right now) and doubled down on the river, cleaning my chute of a full house of sexy picks. He has Cody Bellinger, Trevor Story, Ronald Acuna, Bryce Harper, Trey Mancini, Eddie Rosario and Michael Wacha! That is totally G-rated! And the G there is for Grey. On the other hand, I drafted a team that feels like it’s straight out of central casting. Only problem is the role which is being cast is for a “bounce back candidate who can hit for power and steal a few bases, must also be proficient in Mandarin.” Orange you glad I didn’t say navel! What? Okay, the season’s almost here and I’m straight batty with myself. Can Ohtani slug better than Alcides and pitch better than Miles Mikolas? I gotz to know! (My guess is no and no. Spring training panic!) Anyway, here’s my RCL draft:
C: Jorge Alfaro (24)
1B: Freddie Freeman (2)
2B: Rougned Odor (6)
3B: Travis Shaw (8)
SS: Francisco Lindor (1)
CI: Greg Bird (13)
MI: Jose Peraza (14)
OF: Marcell Ozuna (3)
OF: Andrew Benintendi (4)
OF: Mitch Haniger (16)
OF: Aaron Hicks (21)
OF: Cameron Maybin (20)
UT: Eugenio Suarez (15)
P: Robbie Ray (5)
P: Carlos Martinez (7)
P: Lance McCullers (10)
P: Mike Clevinger (18)
P: Kenta Maeda (22)
P: Sean Newcomb (19)
P: Sean Doolittle (9)
P: Arodys Vizcaino (11)
P: Kelvin Herrera (12)
Bench: Brad Boxberger (17), Ryan Madson (25), Brad Peacock (23)
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THIS ABOUT ONE OF YOUR RCL TEAMS BUT I THINK I LIKE THE PITCHING BETTER THAN THE HITTING, WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT IN MY MOUTH, EXCEPT I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.
I think I might’ve overcompensated for the new RCL rule that has us doing a 1400 IP maximum vs. 180 Games Started. I legit am not sure. That’s gonna make it fun, huh? I know my in-season managerial moves are as good as they come (not being a braggart, they are; though, I am a braggart too), so I think I can compensate for my overcompensation and Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day was “overcompensate” and they say if you use a word five times in one sentence you will never forget it, so I’m not overcompensating to learn overcompensate — OVERCOMPENSATE! Robbie Ray is an ace, with or without the dankness of the humidor; Carlos Martinez is an ace, assuming he doesn’t get suspended for putting his Jimmy on someone’s window sill without consent; Lance McCullers is an ace for at least 130 IP give or take 40 IP; Mike Clevinger will be an ace while in the rotation, and my guess is he runs away with the job, and Salazar is a non-factor this year; Kenta Maeda is an okay bet for a #4 for 130 IP, and, Oxford comma, Sean Newcomb could be an ace, or dropped by April 10th. Like Moses shopping would say, I’m happy with this staff.
YOU DON’T WANT TO ADDRESS YOUR OUTFIELD, DO YOU?
Can we talk more about my pitching?
MITCH HANIGER, AARON HICKS AND CAMERON MAYBIN? HERE’S A TISSUE, YOU GOT DOODIE ON YOUR FANTASY TEAM.
At a certain point around the 100th or so pick of the draft, I thought to myself, “Do I really want Gregory Polanco? Because if I do, I can have him. But if I don’t, my third, fourth and fifth outfielder is gonna look awful. Now, that’s fine if you really don’t want Polanco, but know this, the outfield has been picked through like a Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza in the mafia section of Guantanamo. Is there’s a mafia section of Guantanamo? Hmm, I should Google that before typing it into my RCL draft recap. Speaking of pizza, I’m getting hungry. I wonder if Cougs has anything with gluten in the house. I’m now gluten-free-free. I think I’m forgetting to Google something. Oh well!” And that’s me quoting my thoughts! Yes, the outfield is ugly. I just didn’t love a lot of outfielders in the 120-180 range. Jay Bruce? Adam Duvall? Steven Souza? Adam Jones? I mean, okay, but kinda bleh. And the guys who I do like in that range: Trey Mancini, Manuel Margot, Delino DeShields, etc. etc. etc. Just weren’t available to me when it was my turn to pick. After I took Jose Peraza, and before I took Haniger, the outfielders drafted were: Kiermaier, Souza, Duvall, Michael Initial Taylor, Adam Eaton, Gardner, Zimmer and Eduardo Nunez. I do like Taylor and Zimmer, but the rest are fantastic or fantastically boring? Psst, the latter.
I’M SO PROUD YOU HAVEN’T MENTIONED ODOR YET. IT’S A GROWING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU. OKAY, GIVE ME SOME TEACHABLE MOMENTS!
Bit late in the drafting season for this nugget, but you can’t go wrong with a late turn pick early on. Early draft picks from around 7th thru 15th are stacked and you can’t really go that wrong in the 2nd round. Charlie Blackmon went at the 24th overall pick. I don’t love Blackmon (s’racist sounding), but at 24th overall? No bad for Smokey! (Then he took Rhys Hoskins at the turn, and that’s with Mike Trout on the team already. Not a bad three player start.) Another teachable moment that’s not exactly actionable because most drafts are done, but this is the least excited I’ve been about non-top tier Rockies hitters. Usually there’s some love to be had for their 2nd or 3rd outfielder, 1st or 2nd baseman, or even catcher, but this year I want Jon Gray over half their hitters. Confusing! Finally, there’s a ton of starters to draft after the top 100. Sure, offense is up; pitching is down, but you can cherrypick four to five starters pretty easily out of the last 150 picks of any draft. Maybe Jose Berrios isn’t exactly Luis Severino, but at pick 113? Yes, please and thank you! Okay, Jameson Taillon is two-point-three ounces lighter on his left side, but at pick 185? Don’t mind if I do! Mike Clevinger at pick 205? That’s bad how? Not to answer but to nod in deep understanding.
ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE THIS TEAM UNTIL SEPTEMBER WHEN YOU GO TO BURGER KING, BUY A MEAL THAT COMES WITH A CROWN AND DECLARE YOURSELF CHAMP?
No, nope, nuh-uh. Never happens. Last year I believe I made something like 350 moves in this league, so I’m not even sure I’ll have this team by the end of today. In fact, I’ve already dropped Madson and Peacock, and if I keep typing this sentence long enough–Yup, Kenta Maeda is gone from my team already too.
