Ryan Pepiot for Fantasy Baseball

Was between Ryan Pepiot (8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.11) and Ohtani for the lede and I went with the “eating your vegetables” vs. “dessert as every meal” lede. I mean, which would you have chosen? Dessert? [eyes your waistline] You don’t say. So, Pepiot’s numbers look promising, and the Rays will be done playing nearly every game of their season in that rinky-dink Big Stein Stadium shortly, which is either good or bad, depending on your perspective. Shame the Rays weren’t inspired by Steinbrenner and fired Cash. Or tried to find dirt on Caminero by using a mafia guy, which backfired and had Stu Sternberg suspended. Or had Stu fight a drunk Kevin Cash in the clubhouse while the Bronx cops tried to find the Son of Sam. Am I now smashing baseball knowledge with Spike Lee films? Yeah, maybe. So, Pepiot had 18 whiffs with an elite 95 MPH fastball (47% whiff) and a nasty 86 MPH change (40% whiff). Also, mixed in a cutter and slider, which were fine and dandy. It doesn’t lift Pepiot to ace status, but he’s about as solid a number two as you’re gonna find — 3.29 ERA in 298 career innings and a 9.2 K/9. He’s basically what you were hoping to get from Zac Gallen or what you would’ve taken from Michael King. Now, if only we could get the Ghost of Billy Martin drunk and drive Kevin Cash insane until he quits. Oxford comma missing, or is it? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Zach Eflin – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.81. He’s pitching fairly mediocrely, but the good news is there’s nothing indicating he should be pitching better, so expectations are in check!

Adley Rutschman – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Why do I think he’ll still be drafted high next year? Something about a hyped catcher that never tires drafters.

Brandon Lowe – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. He’s nearly reached the top of the 2nd basemen on the Player Rater, i.e., the world’s tallest midget. With apologies to Altuve.

Josh Lowe – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Elias Sports Bureau said, “The Lowe’s double homer means the Lowe’s near you will be selling patio furniture for 20% off.”

Lance McCullers Jr. – Hit the IL with a foot sprain. I’m sure someone has floated the idea, but I just thought of something, why not: Lance McCullers, shutdown reliever?

Ryan Gusto – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.31. Some days the A’s look like the 1927 A’s and some days they look like A’ss. Yesterday, Gusto avoided the gusto winds in Bing Bong and pitched well on four days rest. Baseball, guys and four girl readers, there’s no rhyme or reason sometimes.

Jose Altuve – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. His homer went 447 feet. Or 894 of Altuve’s feet. (Tiny Altuve jokes are especially funny when you think about the person typing them is the same height as him.)

JJ Bleday – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .199. Crazy thing (maybe not crazy), I thought (maybe I’m dumb) Bleday would hit for a decent average this year.

Nick Kurtz – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in two games. This one was a walk-off homer. SacTown hasn’t been this excited for sports since [guy who has never heard of the NBA] ever!

Mitch Spence – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.50. Mitch don’t kill my vibe, but Mitch also doesn’t ignite the under-loins with his 7.8 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and–sorry, I fell asleep, what was I saying?

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. I greeted him in his first day back with breakfast in bed, then was chased out of his house. Not my fault the 2nd floor window by the giant elm was so easily pried open.

Clarke Schmidt – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.16. Schmidt happens (congratulatory). Clarke Schmidt since the start of 2024: 2.99 ERA in 147 1/3 IP in 27 games started. Zoinks.

Jose Soriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.54. If you started him in Yankee Stadium, your pants grapes might be bigger than your brains, but God Bless Them Grapes! Streamonator likes his next one, so things should get easier next time out, which is me attempting a jinx. Ooh, he’s a nasty, nasty boy, that Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it).

Michael Toglia – 1-for-4, 1 RBI as he was recalled. In 11 minor league games, Toglia had a 29.4 K%, so, yeah, he’s totally fixed. Good stuff, Rockies.

Hunter Goodman – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer, hitting .287. Sucks he has to suck next year, but that’s just the deal the Rockies made with the devil. Ask Brenton Doyle or Nolan Jones or find a guy named Nolan Doyle and ask him.

Mickey Moniak – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. And he’s tradin’ in his Chevy for a Mickey Moniak (ack-ack-ack-ack-ack).

Jake Irvin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Streamonator liked this one, hates his next. And we move!

Kyle Finnegan – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.12, and the massive blown save, costing me my Irvin win. You bastard! That’s okay, Finnegan’ll still be traded in July to become a set-up man, then sign in the offseason back in Washington to become their closer again.

James Wood – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .284. A 22-year-old is on pace for a 40/20 season. Do we talk enough about this? I don’t know if we do. Let’s talk more about Wood, he said while raising one eyebrow.

Daylen Lile – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Was recalled before the game with Robert Hassell III being sent down. One too many Hassell’s from that Robert guy. Lile was up previously, hit .194, and was sent down. He does have 50-steal speed, though, so we monocle in mixed leagues, and aggressive attack in NL-Only.

Max Kepler – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, third homer in a week, and I grabbed him in my RCL last week because the hot schmotato is burning bright.

Trea Turner – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .306. Treat Urner showing he’s got that dog in him.

Mick Abel – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.21. Only 20 1/3 IP, but the numbers are encouraging if odd — 7.5 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 3.63 xFIP, after having a 4.1 BB/9 in Triple-A. Sometimes we see a guy with poor command come up and dominant early because hitters are unfamiliar with his stuff and/or don’t know to sit on certain pitches. Doesn’t mean I’m out on Mick, but I am hesitant to give a full-throated endorsement — that’s what she said!

Orion Kerkering – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.54, and his 1st save. Had it been a month already? Ya know, because once a month the Phils change their closer. Don’t worry, mid-July to August it will be Kyle Finnegan, then mid-August to September it will be Taijuan Walker finally it will be playoff-time and “all hands on deck.” I guess Romano is out, Strahm remains in the 8th and Kerkering is the new Phils closer. Subject to change!

Sandy Alcantara – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.88. Glass is half full: This is a solid start for 2025 Sandy. Half empty: He was out-pitched by Mick Abel. Glass realistically full with enough water to drink: His next start is not liked on the Streamonator, and I still don’t trust him.

Logan Gilbert – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.55 as he was activated from the IL, where he missed roughly two months with a flexor strain in his elbow. Now begins the game of chicken: Logan Gilbert’s pitching vs. his elbow.

Roman Anthony – 1-for-4 and his 1st major league homer, as he hit third. You’re the face of the franchise now. No presh!

Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.73, but back-to-back solid starts, and I actually picked him up for this two-start week, because I got brains in my ass. Streamonator doesn’t like his next, and can’t say I do either, but I’m starting him: Wheeeeeeeee….

Justin Verlander – Will return on Wednesday. He’ll be following the Opener Rafael Devers, who said he’ll do whatever the Giants want, even pitch.

Dylan Cease – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.69. “He should be better,” he says as he walks into the ocean. If you have an Appearances category in your league, call up your league commissioner and see if that means Cease appears better than he’s been and if that gets you points.

Manny Machado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .317. Still thinking about Dylan Cease getting on the mound with a polished fastball and deciding to polish a freakin’ turd!

Shohei Ohtani – 1 IP, 1 ER, as he returned to the mound. Oh, he also went 2-for-4, 2 RBIs. I don’t mind this Ohtani usage from a fantasy standpoint, because you have to be completely bonkers to ever start him as a pitcher. A loose cannon whose friends make the “Cuckoo-cuckoo” sound when they leave the room. A person whose own parents once said, “They’re sweet, but I think they were dropped on the hospital floor when they plopped from Ma’s hoo-ha.” I say I don’t mind this because there’s zero temptation to start him as a pitcher, and that’s how I like my shizz: Zippo Temptation. Would it be nicer if he threw 7 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks every time out? Sure, but you’re not getting that. I’d be surprised if he’s doing that before August. For now, just start him as a hitter and watch his 1-3 IP pitcher highlights as a fan. You remember what it’s like to be that, right?