Scott Evans

Minor Accomplishments: Week 12

June 23, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 128 Comments

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I told you last week about the implications of Xander Bogaerts’s Triple-A promotion. This week, we celebrate another Triple-A promotion, as the Mariners have bumped Taijuan Walker from Double-A Jackson to Tacoma. Walker has everything you look for in a pitching prospect — size, stuff, athleticism… the works. He’s as elite as they come. After an up-and-down 2012 at Jackson, the 20-year-old returned to Double-A in 2013, performing with much greater consistency this time through. Walker cranked it up a notch in June, though, posting a 33/3 K/BB in 25 IP this month. He’s only 20, and it’s probably a little premature to wonder about a 2013 arrival considering the M’s have arms like Erasmo Ramirez and Danny Hultzen waiting for an opportunity, but Walker’s ceiling is the best of the bunch. By far. Now that he’s just one stop from the bigs, he needs to be on your fantasy radar.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | DET | OAK | SEA | WSH
Jay

Deep Impact: PANAMA!

June 22, 2013 | Deep Leagues | 51 Comments

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I wish there was some kind of baseball pun that could tie into PANAMA!, but I think it’s good enough to stand on its own. I don’t particularly like Van Halen, and for the better part of my childhood I thought he was yelling ANIMAL!, which still may be possible. But one thing’s for sure, for those of you who experienced the 80’s, this song is stuck in the very fabric of our DNA, our very soul. There are just some things that do that. Like the Airwolf theme. It’ll always be in my life. Not just because its my ringtone, but because it has embedded itself into the core of my being. Simply put, it’s a sentimental marker that my mind uses to spark love and happiness. Just like how PANAMA! is. And waffles. Blow-jobs, and so forth. You know what doesn’t get stuck to our fabrics? The names I’m about to talk about. WHY DO I PLAY IN DEEP LEAGUES? So much pain…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Pants

Hector-rific in Win Over Royals

June 22, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 103 Comments

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In mythology, Hector was the Trojan prince and the greatest warrior in the Trojan war. So step aside Brad Pitt, while you were fighting the undead in World War Z, Hector Santiago was in warrior mode last night as he dominated the Royals, pitching 8.0 innings, surrendering just 3 hits, 1 walk, 1 ER and striking out five for his third win. Hector could be seen rallying his team in the dugout, “Troy is mother to all of us. Fight for her!” An unorthodox approach for sure, but it worked as the ChiSox managed to score nine runs of support for Santiago. The eight innings was his longest outing of the year, and it was certainly his best, the only blip being the solo home run to Eric Hosmer in the sixth inning. Even if it was only the Royals, Hector seems to have figured things out. Since taking over for the injured Jake Peavy, Sanitago has given up just 5 ER in 19.2 IP, with 2 wins and a 19/7 K/BB ratio. Not bad for the Prince of Troy. Hector is owned in just over 30% of RCL leagues and gets the Cleveland Indians next Friday. If you’re feeling brave like a Trojan warrior I’d start him, but he’s worth the add either way. As long as Peavy is sidelined, Prince Hector should see plenty of opportunities to succeed going forward, and he will fight for your fantasy team.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Evans

Two-Startapalooza — Week 13

June 22, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 121 Comments

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The NBA season is over, thank god. The Heat won it all, so it played out exactly how we all thought it would when the season started last October. Sure, the Finals was an entertaining series, and I tuned in, but I’m truly glad I don’t have any more hoops distracting my attention from baseball. Most of you can now devote yourselves completely to your fantasy teams. Those of us in Chicago or Boston, however, still have two, possibly three, hockey games standing between us and full-time baseball season. I won’t complain about that though, because I’m a full-on bandwagon Blackhawks fan at the moment, and I look forward to drunkenly screaming “Kaaaaner!” at my television for a few more games. Anyway, two-starters…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Pulling Upton My Big Boy Pants, They Need A Justin

June 21, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 1,076 Comments

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The love has been sucked out of the room for Justin Upton. His fantasy value went skydiving. After it went Rocky Mountain climbing. He went from totally chic to totally geek in 2.7 seconds on the back of a bull named “You, Man, Are Phooey.” (Where I grew up bulls had thoroughbred-like horse names.) If we can all remember back to April, with her freckles– Oh, wait, was thinking of the wrong April. I meant the month. *embarrassed Lisa Simpson giggle* In April, Upton look the world by the nuts and put a roof over every homeless person’s head. Turned out that those roofs were just sheets of matzoh and they got soggy during a rain-out in May. May you’re supposed to bring flowers! Upton’s HR/FB in April wasn’t maintainable (38.7%) and his badonkadonks flattened. He’s also not a 1 homer per month guy. On our last 30-day Player Rater, he has a -$7 value. That’s the same as Sugar Shane Robinson and Pedro Flori-none and Lyle Overbite. That’s not even near Upton’s value. His owners are panicked. Was Upton a one month guy? If he’s healthy, he’s not. He’s just slumping. This is a guy that regularly touched .800 OPS and is now barely cracking .550. I see no reason why he can’t be a 5-homer, .280 hitter every month for the rest of the year with a handful of steals. If someone has him and is sick from his roller coaster ride, I’d strap myself in sans barf bag and trade for him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
LT Murray IV

Mike Trout: Baseball’s Version of LeBron James

June 21, 2013 | Points Leagues | 68 Comments

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Oh there’s a shindig goin down in Miami ya’ll! Part of me feels like I should hop on the next flight down there bringing only my man-kini, penis pump, rabbit-fur coat, white Stacy Adams, one pair of snakeskin pants, and 3 Armani Exchange bro-tops. My manhood has been requested back in Miami now for some time and with my favorite player, LeBron “The High King” James, leading his Miami Heat to back-to-back Championships, I can’t think of an acceptable reason to say no. Especially when I think about the time Pat Riley and I, Chinese finger trapped Chris Bosh’s wife. A$$ for days playas! By the way, Bosh scored 0 points in game 7.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Benoit Is Joaquin To The Head Of The Line

June 21, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 506 Comments

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When I told you to pick up Joaquin Benoit yesterday, I was 85% sure he would close games until the Tigers traded for Papelbon, who will be known in Detroit as a Papelbonneville. Then, because Leyland reads Razzball between smokes, he named Benoit closer by not naming him the closer. He said, “I’m not naming anybody closer. I’m just saying if Benoit was available right now, I would try to close with him.” Thanks for clarifying! Managers deciding on a closer is like debating euthanasia. Valverde’s done, pull the plug! The Yelp reviews for Benoit are through the roof, but there’s a lot of five star reviews from fantasy baseballers with only one other closer. I’d grab Benoit in all leagues and hope he can hold the job and make the thought of trading for Papelbonneville absurd. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Paulie Allnuts

Jangling Around Gently As You Move

June 20, 2013 | Y to Z | 47 Comments

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Six Rules for a Happy Life
1. Avoid fried meats, which angry up the blood.
2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
4. Go very lightly on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain’t restful.
5. Avoid running at all times.
6. Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.

Leroy “Satchel” Paige was almost universally regarded as the greatest pitcher of the Negro Leagues. Some of his pitching records are awesome indeed. They include pitching 64 consecutive scoreless innings, 21 straight wins, and a 31-4 record in 1933. Along with his teammate Josh Gibson, Paige helped lead the Kansas City Monarchs to five Negro American League pennants.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Smokey

Bullpen Report

June 20, 2013 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 53 Comments

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So, the eventuality of Chris Perez’s return to the back end of the Indians bullpen has hit a not foreseen bump in the road. I bet he blames this on his dog also. I mean it had to be Fido getting lit up in the minor leagues and Fido’s fault for his shoulder to not be up to snuff after his stint on the DL. I mean everyone has blamed their homework on the poor species, but now…well you get the gist. So Vinnie and the Italian Jets are in a hold mode on your roster; is it just me or does Perez’s return feel like opening a present on Christmas and you already got it from someone else. I mean, who needs two Blu-Ray copies of Mannequin 2? So I am predicting a semi longer DL stint for Perez and then a return, followed up by another DL stint. Predicting is fun, especially when you get judged by a group of your peers, persecuted for it, and then banished to the basement with no food or drink for a week. Enjoy this week’s tidbits.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Terse

Nobody Beats the Rizzo — Pre-Deadline Keeper Push

June 20, 2013 | fantasy baseball keepers | 85 Comments

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Today I had jury duty for the very first time. As a lot of you know, that means I sat in a room doing literally nothing for eight hours hearing about some guy who accidentally burnt himself, while I’m sitting there wishing the trial was actually for a drug-deal-gone-bad-quadruple-homicide. After about five hours I was simply staring at the hottest fellow juror because at that point I no longer cared what she or anyone else in the room thought of me. As you might assume, all the time I didn’t spend making phony racist assertions and promising that in no way will I be a fair judge, I was fantasizing about fantasy baseball. It was the only thing that kept me from scratching my eyes out, God of War combo-punching everyone, and subsequently getting shot in the face by a security guard, which now seems like it might have been the best course of action because I have to go back tomorrow. “Who the hell is Yoervis Medina and why did he get a save last night?” “Excuse me, sir, phone usage is discouraged.” “LOL, yeah.” In a way, the entire day’s proceedings were eerily similar to a lost fantasy season — as time went on, things seemed bleaker, time moved slower, and windows seemed more appealing. Even if this season is a jury duty of a season, don’t let next year’s be. That’s why we have our beloved keepers — guys on whom we develop creepy man-crushes and who symbolize hope.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Nat-Gio Left Hanging Like Tribal Boobs

June 20, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 982 Comments

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If you found us from Google due to this title, you might want National Geographic or an African safari forum where discussion quickly turns into a story about how ‘your old lady doesn’t let you watch scary movies.’ Here, when we say our ‘old lady,’ we’re not using a euphemism for a wife. It’s for my fiancee. Gio Gonzalez had a throwback to the days of wine and roses. The wine being anything but Boone’s. The roses being McGowan. He went seven innings and didn’t give up a hit past the first inning with only 4 baserunners and 11 Ks vs. the Phils and Kyle Kendrick (7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks). This was a battle between two teams you think are good offensively, but are not. The Bryceless Nats couldn’t score for Gonzalez and needed an Ian Desmond grand slam in the eleventh to win. This no decision was Gio’s 7th in his last 8 starts — c’mon, Gio, make up your mind. Or console yourself with a QS, Gio! This was a nice start after I had reservations about his falling K-rate and rising walk rate. Again, it was the Phils, so I wouldn’t just accept he’s back to last year’s tricks. It’s an illusion! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?