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So, the preseason looks like this usually: Update a post from last year with a find and replace for “2022 fantasy baseball,” do a schluffen, and wake me up in time for Opening Day. This year: Is there going to be an Opening Day? Then, I lower my head and walk off, tears rolling down my cheek. Slowly at first, then the tears pick up steam, and now it’s Niagara out of my tear ducts. As I pass a group of snickering kids, I scream, “My contact lenses are bothering me! Respect your elders!” So, since we have a little bit more time — and hopefully only a little bit of time — let’s take a moment and look at each NL divisional team and whom they will likely trot out there as their DH. Trot Nixon? No, that horsey is on a farm upstate. Geez, that sounds like he did a well-choreographed handshake with his maker. He’s just retired. About fourteen years now. Why is this post about Trot Nixon? Hard to say! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL East teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?


Luis Garcia – *reads a note* We hear Matt Damon voiceover, “I went to see about a Luis Garcia.” Me, smiling to myself, “He stole my line.” Ya know who Luis Garcia reminds me of? Another Luis Garcia? No, but good guess. He reminds me of Jared Walsh. Not the same type of player at all, but he reminds me of Walsh because he was a guy I was crazy about, then I lowered him because I am a big, fat chicken. I went caca-cuckoo with myself when I first wrote the top 20 2nd basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball, and ranked Luis Garcia very high, like top 150 overall high, then I lowered him to “barely in the top 500 overall.” My problem with him is, does he get the playing time? Unlike some of the joker teams below this point, if the Nationals turn in-house for their DH, it could be an actual good hitter. Well, besides Maikel Franco. Also, Luis Garcia is mentioned in this video. Subscribe to the YouTube channel.

Yadiel Hernandez – Went over him in the top 100 outfielders for 2022 fantasy baseball. All I’ll say in addition is the Nats could be fantasy pay-dirt if they choose one DH and stick with them. Unless it’s Maikel Franco.

Riley Adams – First off, after all that Maikel Franco slander above, and this goes for all the guys on the Nats, and players below, if a catcher is hitting well, and knee’ds a rest, then they’re going to DH. As I said in the top 20 catchers for 2022 fantasy baseball, where I went over Riley Adams, catchers are going to steal at least 50 DH at-bats on every NL team, and it will mean more number one catcher and backup catcher at-bats.

Maikel Franco – Hey, it’s Donkey Teeth’s favorite player!


Matt Vierling – As I said with Riley Adams above, Realmuto might get the most DH at-bats here. Unless they sign someone. Please, for the love of the game, Phils, sign someone and don’t start Matt Vierling at DH. You’re gonna make Ron Blomberg roll over in his grave. No, he’s not dead, but he sleeps in a coffin. Don’t ask me, ask him why! So, Vierling has very little power, very little speed and very little average. Is Vierling the name for a little something? Makes you think, huh?

Johan Camargo – Honestly, I saw some of the names I’m predicting for Phillies’ DH at-bats and I wasn’t sure if I was playing a joke on myself. Johan Camargoadams is great to satisfy Wade Boggs, but not great for a major league hitter. All I’ll say here is if one of these guys gets 500+ at-bats (doubtful), they will be worth a top 500 pick, but just barely. Really says something that the NL added 15 DH slots, and there’s about 50 guys vying for them. Only one NL team has an actual DH, I’ll let you guess who that is. Hint: He’s not in today’s post.

Luke Williams – Like all the jokers currently projected as the Phils’ DH, Luke “I am your waiver wire fodder” Williams is not ranked by me. Luke looks — Luke looks? Who am I, Dr. Seuss? — like an old Drew Waters. Drew Evaporated? I go over Waters below for more.

Nick Maton – If any of the schmohawks in this Phils’ section emerges as the starting DH (doubtful), I will project and rank them. They are in order for most interesting, and that’s stretching the meaning of “interesting.”


Robinson Cano – Kinda want Cano to win the batting title and hang around to get to 3,000 hits so baseball writers can bemoan letting him into the Hall of Fame, because “bemoaners” sounds like boners, which they are. Will Cano do anything remotely near a batting title? I’d laugh, but this post is too sad. Also, Cano is in my top 20 2nd basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball.

J.D. Davis – You can find Johnathan Davis Davis in my top 20 3rd basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball. These guys are very, very bad.

Dominic Smith – As kinda alluded to in the Maton blurb, if any of these guys emerge with an everyday DH job, they’ll be more valuable. Maybe if Spring Training happens we’re have clarification on some of these jobbers, but there’s way too many free agents still to think someone like Dom Smith is going to just get the DH job. Also, went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball.


Brian Anderson – Went over him in the top 20 3rd basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball.

Garrett Cooper – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2022 fantasy baseball.

Jon Berti – Marlins are one of those teams where they might still want to let the pitcher hit. They have some DH at-bats going to Jesus Aguilar, Lewin Diaz, Avisail Garcia, Monte Harrison, Stallings, Isan Diaz, hey, is there anyone not getting DH at-bats in Miami? Wait, don’t forget the three guys in this post! Berti/Cooper was great as a Mad Men character, but as a DH? Not as good as advertised.


Marcell Ozuna – Went over him in the top 40 outfielders for 2022 fantasy baseball.

Drew Waters – I’m of two minds on Waters. To be clear, one mind is in my butt. Waters is either going to be a random, out-of-nowhere 15/30 steal in drafts or won’t get to Opening Day as a starter when the Braves sign someone like Eddie Rosario. You can guess which mind is in my butt–Wait, there’s another mind emerging from my other butt cheek. This one is telling me that Waters won’t even be a 15/30 if he makes it as a starter, because he’s going to hit .210.