Nary Tyler More

Dodgers losing two games in three days where their starters didn’t give up hits through seven innings felt like a nightmare scenario dreamt up by Elias Sports Bureau, but it’s just Blake Treinen his best. Sadly, Treinen and Tanner Scott (1 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, the only hit the Dodgers allowed yesterday, and his 21st save, ERA at 4.47) couldn’t pull it off, which is to say, they actually held the lead for Tyler Glasnow (7 IP, 1 ER, zero hits, 2 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.21). Surprised they didn’t go to Brock Stewart, their one trade deadline pickup. What’s that, he’s not with the team because of injury? Aw, too bad, he totally would’ve fixed their team. By the way, I like to say Brock like BDon, i.e., B-Rock. Be cool if his full name was B-Rock N. CL Stewart. If you’re an old fool, you get the reference. Watch Glasnow, Yamamoto, Snell, and others be their best for the playoffs — Okay, not Kershaw — as they sandbagged the entire season. Dodgers are a full-on Ponzi scheme. I don’t know how to prove this. Yet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Slade Cecconi – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks 3 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Look at that, the Guardians put a feather in their cap and called it Slade Cecconi. Cleveland-area Old Spaghetti Factories all closed down. Sounds like Billy Joel or John Cougar lyrics, but it’s not. It’s the way of life in Cleveland. In their place, Starting Pitcher Factories opened. They kept the same frosted windows but they got rid of the children who make the pasta with their tiny fingers. In their place, they put in pitching coaches. Been a while since we’ve see the fruits of their labor from a new Guardians starter. Or I guess I could say the tutti frutti of their labor. Yesterday was a prime example of when they’re cooking with gas. Looking under the hood — each oven’s got one to get rid of the garlic smell — Cecconi’s working with a 7.3 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 4.09 xFIP and 40% ground ball rate. Since he has a 1.7 HR/9, I’m worried they fumigated the back kitchen, but it still reeks of meatballs, i.e., Streamonator for now is fine, but I’m worried the smoke and mirrors need more than some tacky red, white and green decor to distract from peripherals.

Ryan Bergert – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.48. Hey, maybe you pay for dinner before you try to eff me?

Cade Cavalli – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.67. A more astute fantasy baseball blogger might’ve went with a co-blurb of Slade and Cade; Cecconi and Cavalli, but I, over-the-internet friend, didn’t feel that astute. Or astutey frutti.

Josh Bell – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer, three homers in two games. Who forgot to tell him the trade deadline has passed? There’s no one who gets more hot schmotato than Bell when he’s hot.

Luis Garcia Jr. – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Just mentioned Garcia on this weeks’ podcast as guys I’d try to pick up if available. He’s likely not available. At least this Luis Garcia.

Dylan Crews – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer. I’m pretty sure it’s not an exaggeration to say this is the first positive game Crews has had this year.

Victor Mesa Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Mesa Jr. has some of the cutest kid’s room furniture. Say my name for 20% off!

Jakob Marsee – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .321. He was hitting .160 in the last week, and I was beginning to think the hot Marsee we saw before had cooled, but it shows you nothing good comes from thinking. Stay dumb!

Alec Bohm – Hit the IL with shoulder soreness. Phils will turn to Otto Kemp, and, outside of NL-Only, hopefully you turn a different way.

Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 6.24. So freakin’ funny the Mets seem to get in their own head around the Phils, and Nola. They must know Nola is terrible, right? Do they psyche themselves out? It’s ludicrous how bad he made them look.

Tylor Megill – Shut down, dealing with tightness in his arm. I have tightness in my whities. We are not the same.

Nolan McLean – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.42. McLean, Tong, Sproat. If I were ranking them. I like the first two, Sproat’s has good, cheap produce.

Sean Murphy – Hit the IL with a labrum tear. Ugh, guy always has the worst luck. If there was only some kid of law for Murphys to express this.

Bryce Elder – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.35. That’s now back-to-back-to-back–I’ve lost count. He has four straight solid starts. In fact! One may call them Quality Starts, if one were so inclined. I’m super hesitant about recommending him for his next matchup, but when a guy is going well, it’s not the worst time to get in.

Matt Olson – 2-for-4 and his 23rd homer. No idea how far this homer went — could look it up, but didn’t. Lazy. — but his home run on Saturday was one of the deepest blasts I’d seen in some time. Think it was measured at 450 feet, but it went 550 feet easy. It was a missile.

Ozzie Albies – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. Was looking at the 7-day Player Rater yesterday, and there was Ozzie in the top 10 overall. Stop trying to rope me in for 2026!

Daniel Palencia – Hit the IL with shoulder strain. I went over my thoughts on this yesterday, tl;dr: Kittredge, Keller, Hodge, that order.

Shota Imanaga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.21. I don’t know this for a fact, but if you ask me which pitcher is the most likely to have a 6 IP, 3 ER start, I’d say Shota. Like clockwork. Like a clock that has a six and three and only a six and three.

Michael King – Will return today from the IL. He’s been solid when healthy this year. [presses ear bud] Being told he’s not really been healthy this year. That’s fair. Can’t say I have any idea what to expect, but it was a knee issue most recently, so, yeah, I still have no idea what to expect. Did love him in the preseason, before his shoulder injury that sidelined him most of the season, but no longer Mi. King.

Austin Hays – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer, 2nd homer in three games, and third homer in eight games. Hot schmotato alert!

Nick Lodolo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.10. LodoYOLO!

TJ Friedl – 2-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (12) and legs (12) Rostering Friedl reminds me of Steven Kwan. They’re both yawnstipating as crap and both on my same fantasy team and no wonder I have no offense in that league.

Jung Hoo Lee – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. ACKSUALLY, make that Friedl, Kwan and Lee, the crapfecta of yawns. The triumvirate of mehs. The Three Amigahs.

Dominic Smith – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. He should be out of baseball. So, Dom, get ready to learn hitting third for the Angels in 2026!

Matt Chapman – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 21st homer, and third homer in a week. Too bad the Giants remembered it was an odd-numbered year so late in it.

Logan Webb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.12. He also allowed three unearned runs. So, what’s that? Not a Webb gem. Maybe a Webb zirconia?

Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 24th homer. Learned yesterday that Story has yet to be caught stealing. Unlike that Austin Butler movie they keep trying to push on me. Do I look like your demographic, movie where Darren Aronofsky tries something different?

Garrett Crochet – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.57. He has 228 Ks and 42 walks on the year. Googling if that’s good and Google’s taking me to a online store to buy crocheting needles, so I’m gonna assume it’s good.

Luis Morales – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.73. Watched the High School Catfish thing on Netflix instead of watching this start, but they’re both a nightmare. Holy crap, have you seen this movie? Don’t google it, just watch.

Bryan Woo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.02. Woo!

Josh Naylor – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 25th steal. Corbin Carroll has 26.

Alec Burleson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, as he was activated from the IL. I was so out on this guy after his April and May, then each month after, slowly and slowly Michael Corleone’ing back in.

Jose Quintana – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.88. What a loser line! He gave up a grand slam to Michael Helman! What the Helman! I hate you, Quintana!

Jacob Latz – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.91. Rangers’ pitching lab shouldn’t be underestimated, but Latz just say I wouldn’t start Jacob, even if Streamonator liked him.

Michael Helman – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 4th homer, a grand slam. Fun fact! Helman’s the brand name of Coby Mayo.

Simeon Woods Richardson – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.58. Streamed him and escaped by the hair on my Simeon chin chin.

Royce Lewis – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer. He grew up in Orange County and he homered in his first at-bat ever in Angel Stadium, which sounds super sweet, until you realize he’s been in the league for four years! How many games did he miss of the Twins facing the Angels in not-LA-but-really Anaheim? Did his family get tickets to see him in Anaheim every time the Twins were in town and watch, like, Kyle Farmer instead? If I were his family, I would’ve wore Kyle Farmer jerseys to yesterday’s game to watch him. Actually, if I were in his family, I’d call him Kyle Farmer for his entire life just to bust his chops. I’d be like, “Hey, Kyle, what’s up, Kyle? How ya doing, Kyle?” Actually, this might be why my family doesn’t like me.