Felix Hernandez hit the DL with a calf strain.  He could veal it during his last start.  Sounds like a good injury to milk.  Sorry, I was just shaking out the pockets of these jeans I wore last night and I had a bunch of unused cow puns.  What’s a dad cow’s poop called?  Pa-nure!  Take it, Highlights, it’s yours!  So, James Paxton was called up to replace F-Her, who is likely going to only miss a few weeks, but Paxton could continue to get starts if he’s good.  So, can Paxton be good?  Is there’s twelve posts in post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper?  Paxton has shown flashes of brilliance with his 94 MPH fastball but the M’s have wanted Paxton to improve on a bunch of pitches and he’s already 27 years old, so is improvement coming?  Well, he had a 3.97 ERA in Triple-A this year and Steamer projects him as a streamer, so I have no faith whatsoever.   Speaking of faith, yesterday Paxton gave up runs like his character gave out marriage proposals.  Looking at his line is like looking at Chloe Sevigny — 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 unearned runs.  Paxton’s like when Picasso stood up from the toilet.  He’d look down and say, “That’s a work in progress.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wil Myers – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer.  Save some posts for this post12-hype sleeper.

Jon Jay – 4-for-6, 2 runs.  Nice game from The Federalist, but this is the problem with the Padres.  Okay, one of the problems.  Yangervis Solarte (3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI), Matt Kemp (2-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI), Alexei Ramirez (3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs with his 2nd and 3rd homers), Adam Rosales (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 3rd homer), and where does that get you?  Myers is the only one worth anything moving forward.  The rest of their team is placeholders until they find someone either younger or better.  Go younger now, stop with the placeholders.  Like Jay, Yangervis, Kemp, Alexei, Rosales, Norris, Upton, etc. is the future of your franchise.  Please.  Okay, could someone help me down from this soapbox?

Miguel Sano – Hit the DL.  Every preseason schmohawk I listed as overrated is on the DL.  Not one.  Not two.  Not three.  Not four.  Five.  Five guys I told you to avoid in the preseason and all five are currently on the DL.  I’m reminded of Posdnuos’ line from Afro Connections at a Hi 5, “Now I hold my crotch cause I’m top-notch.”  Yo, G, you nailed the overrated guys once again.  And you know that!

Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 6.16.  Stream-o-Nator was slightly more positive than meh on his start yesterday vs. the Twins, and is slightly less than meh on his next start.  Be it as it meh.

Danny Valencia – 3-for-4, hitting .346.  Only a handful of people asked to drop him yesterday.  We’ve come a long way.  Not far enough though.  Damn, I sound downright MLK!  That’s Mark Linn-Baker.  Ask him why he didn’t use the B in his initials.

Jed Lowrie – 2-for-4, 2 runs, hitting .315.  Good news is he’s hitting.  Bad news is once you pick him up he’ll get injury.  It’s scientific.

Austin Jackson – Sat out again with turf toe.  A-Jax needs to scrub better!

Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.62.  I just heard the ice cream truck jingle and ran out to find a Jacob deGrom Buy Low truck.  So glad I didn’t miss you!  Let me have one deGrom with jimmies…*truck pulls away*  Wait, where are you going?  Come back!  At least shut off Three Blind Mice!

Jose Abreu – 0-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .242.  Yesterday, he knocked in the winning run with a sac fly.  I’d prefer he grew a sack and hit a big fly.  I used to call him El Grande Dolor because of his similarity to The Big Hurt, Frank Thomas, but now I wish to hire a lawyer for Frank Thomas to sue me for insulting him.  Serious question, can I hire a lawyer to sue myself?

Todd Frazier – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer.  Mean’s while, Abreu picked his nose for the 17th time.

Gregory Polanco – Missed yesterday due to discomfort in his foot and is headed for an x-ray.  Ugh, we need a prayer hexagon immediately.

Jon Niese – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Cool, sweet, adjective, so where’s Jameson Taillon?

Adam Conley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.72.  Prior to yesterday, he had an ERA near-6 at home, and has gone less than six innings in five of 11 starts.  What does this mean?  That it’s impossible to know what Conley you’re going to get on any given day.

Derek Dietrich – Left in serious pain after being hit on the wrist.  Miguel Rojas come on down the depth chart!

Jon Lester – 9 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.29.  Terrific year so far from Lester and he’s not allowing steals at the usual rate; I know this because I’ve now streamed multiple fast players against in the last few starts with no results.  Yay me!

Hector Rondon – Was unavailable with back stiffness.  Maddon didn’t know if Rondon would be available today, then Maddon drew on the replay screen, showing which way the O-line was blocking.  Grab Pedro Strop now, just in case.

John Lamb – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.58.  Yesterday’s start came in Coors, where he should’ve been killed, but the Pun Gods refused to allow me a Lamb to slaughter.

Billy Hamilton – 3-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs and two steals (11, 12).  For one series in Coors, Hamilton was the player everyone thought they were drafting for the last two years.

Anibal Sanchez – Moved to the bullpen as he lost his rotation spot.  Only thing that could break him out of this slump is posing naked with Kate Upton.  Or at least that’s what he keeps trying to sell Verlander on.

Michael Fulmer – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.24.  He’s not only striking guys out, but he’s also getting guys to ground out.  That’s a combination for success.  Here’s what Big Magoo just said the other day, “In addition to the swings and misses (10.7 SwStr%), Fulmer’s been able to keep the ball on the ground as well, as his 51.0% GB% can attest. In fact, he’s one of only ten starting pitchers (min. 30 IP) who has managed a 50% GB% combined with a 10% SwStr% this season: Kershaw, Syndergaard, Nola, Arrieta, Salazar, Kluber, Tanaka, Hamels, and Liriano are the others.  He’s as pretty as Grey is ugly.”  Hey, what?  Who proofread this?  I’ve taken a long time to come around on Fulmer, but I’m around now.

Francisco Rodriguez –  1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, and his 15th save, ERA at 3.60.  Yesterday, K-Rod revealed he had the Zika virus this offseason.  I will say this.  K-Rod’s father-in-law has some killer long game.  Revenge is a dish best served cold with chimichurri sauce hiding the flavor of ground-up infected mosquitos.

Matt Shoemaker – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners (0 walks), 8 Ks, ERA at 5.50, but has 31 Ks in his past 22 2/3 IP and has only given up 4 ER in that time, lowering his ERA from 8.49 to 5.50 in three starts.  Yes, I’m a fan.  His xFIP is 3.56 and his K and BB rates are 9.1 and 2.2.  Those numbers make him ownable in all leagues.  Those numbers are remarkable similar to his opponent, Fulmer.  Shoemaker vs. Fulmer?  Fulmer has more upside and downside, Shoemaker is safer.

Bryce Harper – Dusty Baker said there’s no structural damage in Harper’s knee.  I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine Dusty saying the phrase “no structural damage.”  I could see him saying Harper’s knee isn’t “jammed up,” or “is feeling good, what is this twenty questions,” or “you really want me to remove my toothpick so I can answer you?”

Danny Espinosa – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Great, he’s getting hot just as Super Two’s start to become eligible.  Just terrific with a squiggly-mouthed emoji.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .338.  Amazing how many people want to drop Ramos in the comments.  They should try and own Tyler Flowers and Yan Gomes for a game or two months.

Max Scherzer – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.87.  This game came against the Phils, who he’s faced three times (2.57 ERA in 21 IP).  Just due to the Braves and Phils, Scherzer will have an ERA around 2.75 this year.

Jimmy ParedesPhillies acquired him from the Jays for cash.  The cash amount was said to be less than twenty-seven dollars but more than sixteen.  Phillies’ fans are excited about greeting Paredes with ticker tape.  Giant rolled up containers of ticker tape that will hurt when they hit someone.

Gordon Beckham – Left yesterday’s game with a hamstring injury.  But what about the .06% that own him?  What will they do?!

Hunter Pence – Sounds to be headed to the DL with a hamstring injury.  I think Pence is getting to the age where we’re lucky to see 100 games from him before his Gangly Manbird body breaks down.

Brandon Belt – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in three games.  He’s totally cooled off.  Wait, no he hasn’t.

Michael Pineda – Joe Girardi removed his bite guard and said Pineda is not in danger of losing his rotation spot.  Is this more of a confidence builder for Pineda or more of an insult to Severino?

Masahiro Tanaka – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.78 vs. Aaron Sanchez – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.99.  This matchup was billed as Chopped judge Aaron Sanchez vs. Iron Chef Masahiro.  Sanchez opened with pozole that made the judges go “hominy, hominy, hominy” and Masahiro met the challenge with a course he called “Tempura’d Expectations, The Japanese Have No Letter K.”  I’m Alton Brown and I will make you want to Hulk smash your TV.

Darwin Barney – 3-for-3, 2 runs.  The Purple Evolutionist has been playing every day, and has a hit in his last five games.  Could be a very light schmotato.

Brad Boxberger – Hit the DL again with an oblique injury.  This comes after he missed two months due to core muscle surgery.  Hope he held onto his receipt!  Yes, pick Alex Colome back up if he was dropped.

Chris Archer – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.75.  You know what I love in a not-loving-at-all kinda way?  When I need streamers and middle relievers to help bring down my so-called ace, Chris Archer’s, stats.  That is awesome.

Curt Casali – 2-for-3 and his 6th homer, but 12 homers if he played every day.  Yeah, I’m keeping track of his fictitious homer count.

Kendrys Morales – 2-for-3, 1 RBI, hitting near-.350 in the last week.  Hot schmotato alert!

Whit Merrifield – 2-for-5, 1 run, hitting .360.  Gonna kinda miss him when Odor returns.  Okay, not that much.

Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.44.  He looks better than my ‘ace’ Chris Archer.  Lowercase yay.

Will Smith – Craig Counsell said Smith could see save opportunities.  When Counsell said it, he was holding the microphone is a really odd way.  Like he was Trump mocking a physical disability.  I’d own Smith in every league where I needed saves.  He’s usually safe for ratios and saves would be a cherry on top like this Tawny Kitaen magnet I put on top of my ice cream sundae magnet on the refrigerator.

Zach Davies – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.53.  He throws a 89 MPH fastball, which isn’t the end all, except Davies throws it 63% of the time.  Nothing like relying on a blazingly whatever fastball.  In fairness to him, he induces ground balls.  Also, in fairness to him, he’s fair.

Evan Gattis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  Better yet, this was his 5th game catching.  Should have eligibility in Yahoo now, assuming they don’t freeze everyone out of their teams and revert all stats accidentally back to last week.

George Springer – 2-for-5 and his 13th homer, hitting .290.  Overwhelmingly, Springer lost out to Trout yesterday in the consensus, which does make sense.  By the by, there are two guys above Trout on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  Can you guess which two?

Mike Fiers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.84.  He was the Stream-o-Nator pick of the day, after the Stream-o-Nator picked up the phone, thinking it was ringing, when it was really a phone on the TV.  Aw, the Stream-o-Nator is so sad!

Luke Gregerson – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  The owning of Ken Giles commences in 3, 2, 1…

Jake Lamb – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer.  He got into that ball in a baaaaaaaaahd way.

Mike Napoli – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and his 5th homer in the last nine games (sample sizing!).  There’s no schmotato hotter right now in the entire universe.  The universe that rotates around Napoli’s mother’s nipples.

Trevor Bauer – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.27.  Can I be honest with you?  Thanks, I appreciate your discretion.  Okay, I wouldn’t own Bauer in any mixed league.  Whew, that felt good to get off my chest.  Speaking of chests, how about that Napoli?!

Marlon Byrd – Suspended for 162 games for his 2nd PEDs offense.  The only people that want to see Byrd play again are Lynyrd Skynyrd fans.  Byrd will now follow his namesake and explore the South Pole to see if Santa has some undetectable PEDs.

Jurickson Profar – 2-for-5, 1 run, hitting .357 in a little less than a week.  Did I say week?  Where’s my Odor?!  Don’t point to my armpits.  Not cool.

Hyun-soo Kim – 3-for-5, 1 run, hitting near-.350 in the last week, and has a homer a few games ago.  Honestly, his upside is unclear, as is why he doesn’t have a Ho in his Korean name, but he has been hot.

Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI.  Pe-Al doesn’t get three hits in a game without being locked in.  That means he’s going to homer in the next few days.  You can bank on it (or never mention this again if he doesn’t).

Joe Kelly – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA up to 8.46.  Picking up right where Buchholz left off!  Kelly was optioned to Triple-A, where he should be joined by most of the Sawx starters.

David Ortiz – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer.  He’s going for Bonds this year?

Krispie Young – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homers, has hits in eight of his last ten games, and hitting over .300 in the last week, but Krispie platoons, so you need to do the same.  Yeah, I’m your boss!

Mookie Betts – 2-for-3 and two more homers (13, 14).  Betts is on the Zone Diet, eating at ESPN Zone, while listening to his Zune that he’s strategically altered to now read Zone, while watching an interview with Billy Zane that the interviewer keeps mispronouncing to be Zone, when Joan from Mad Men walks in and someone yells, “Hey, it’s Joan!” but they sneeze at the worst possible time and end up saying, “Hey, it’s Zone!”  That’s how in the Zone Betts is.  He had as many homers in a seven at-bat stretch as the Braves had in April.  Betts is the 2nd youngest to hit 5 HRs in two games, but Bryce Harper, the record holder, had an off day between the two games.  BETTS DOESN’T NEED OFF DAYS!  Sorry, I didn’t mean to do all caps, but my keyboard is sticky from owning Betts.

 
  1. Mark says:
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    Shoemaker is safer than Fulmer? Were you asleep during 2015 season?

    • Manley Ramirez says:
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      @Mark: He simply meant that Shoemaker stays on safer footing.

    • Manley Ramirez says:
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      @Mark: Also triple A Salt Lake City is a very safe place, you know, because all the Mormons.

    • Cram It says:
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      @Mark: 2015 is soooo 2015

    • Scott says:
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      @Mark: If you’re looking for rookie love, check out Ralph’s posts.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Scott: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

    • los locos says:
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      @Mark: Shoemaker has string along some nice starts, continue to ride the nice streak before he blows up and give up 7 runs. He was a nice surprise two years ago too and we all know what happened after that.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mark: Vet is safer than a rookie, and it wasn’t asleep, doctors said it was a coma after all

      • CMUTimmah says:
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        @Grey: Shoemaker – No innings limit…

        In a head to head, I’m leaning towards the Cobbler over the kid… but in Roto, those Ks are tasty.

        I love rookie pitchers, until they become good and I am counting on them only for them to be shut down.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Agreed

  2. john c hull says:
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    I’m thinking of dropping Rodon for Fulmer for the 2 start h2h.

  3. Manley Ramirez says:
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    With a name like Jimmy Paredes, it seems fitting any deal he is involved with is cash only.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Manley Ramirez: Because Puerto Ricans pin money to a new bride’s dress and the Puerto Rican parade is famous? I don’t follow

  4. Kiss The Mad Bum says:
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    You will miss merrifield… Will he be sent down when Odor returns because they may be keeping Profar?

    • knucks says:
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      @Kiss The Mad Bum: He will be cut… off Grey’s fantasy team. He’s a Royal not a TEX Ranger.

    • justthefoultip says:
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      @Kiss The Mad Bum:

      Merrifield is on the royals, so no.

  5. Alex says:
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    Is Duvall better than Kemp this year, or is Duvall just on a lengthy hot streak?

    Drop Duvall for Kemp OR Will Myers?

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Alex: I’d prefer Kemp, but it could go either way

  6. True and Correct says:
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    Sano on d.l. forces me to use a buy. Mazara, Duvall, Piscotty….please rank for R.O.S.. If you don’t mind, for roto and points. Mazara and Duvall are both $1 mil. and Piscotty is $1.54 mil. Duvall is en fuego, but strikes out more than Sano. San is only $1.55 mil., so I’m considering droppng Stanton whose salary is $3 mil. Tough to fit him in even if I wanted to, with Trout, Harper, Goldy, Rizzo, Betts, Cain, Correa, Altuve, Bryant, Arenado, Machado, and Springer all more playable than Giancarlo.
    Also Carrasco or Darvish ? Thanks.
    I’ll read your response when I wake up. You the Man.

    • Chester says:
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      @True and Correct: Are there other teams in your league? You have Trout, Harper, Goldy, Rizzo, Betts, Cain, Correa, Altuve, Bryant, Arenado, Machado, and Springer and Stanton…………..

      • bing says:
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        @Chester: so I was going to
        Back this guy up as a trout/HARPER/goldy/Rizzo/ correa owner in my keeper league because I get the same response (are their other teams yardda yadda, and yes it’s very competitive) but I fill it out with the ozunas and Kyle Seagers of the world. Do your leaguemates actually pay money to get slaughtered by your team every year?literally every player on your team is a first or second rounder wow.

        • Chester says:
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          @bing: Yea I never say this because I understand keepers and sometimes it happens. But this team is literally insane.

          • Odor's Odor-izzi spray says:
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            @Chester:
            This has to be some special kind of league where either the only limitation is budget, so any team can own anybody, or the only limitation is that you have to draft blindfolded in person and this guy cheated

            • True and Correct says:
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              @Odor’s Odor-izzi spray: Sorry to disappoint, but no cheating and this league (CDM Sports) is an incredible amount of fun and tremendous competition. Some of the best players in the country who play fantasy baseball are regulars. Yeah, I also play several teams every year at NFBC. I’ve has a lot of monetary success in both types of fantasy competitions.
              To even suggest that it is easy or dumb or make fun of CDM is foolhardy until you try and compete. I’m kind of amazed how I read these snarky remarks from those who have never even played CDM.
              The best players know more about baseball than anyone I’ve ever known which rare exception.
              Salary cap w/ limited buys requires real management of a team, both in ROTO and Points.
              I love both types of games, salary cap, and drafts.

          • True and Correct says:
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            @Chester: Check out CDM Sports and take a look at some of the players. Just another take on fantasy baseball. I practiced law for 30 years, and passed the N.Y., Cal., and Fla. Bar Exams. Trust me buddy, this is not a league for ANYONE without a good mind and anyone not heavily in to baseball. Almost everyone in this league also plays in many NFBC leagues.

            • F.K.A. Ralph says:
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              @True and Correct: sooooo, you are an entrepreneur who owns CDM…

              Get on CDM sports and you can own all the best players!

              • True and Correct says:
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                @F.K.A. Ralph: Sound like those who comment on Yahoo. What a fool.

            • SteveNZ says:
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              @True and Correct: This sounds like the way fantasy football (soccer) is played in the UK and elsewhere, since forever. Anybody can own anybody within the confines of a cap. You need your stars, but you need to find cheap guys who can outperform their price too.

        • Chris says:
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          Can’t imagine how this could be a fun league, but what do I know!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @Chester: Maz and Piscotty aren’t owned

      • True and Correct says:
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        @Chester: It’s a salary cap league. Given either $30mil. (Roto) or $60 mil. (points) with 16 buys for the season, plus 2 add ons on sept. 1.
        I’ve played this (CDMSports) for 20 years. Huge prizes. Great game.
        Btw, I also play 5-6 teams in NFBC. Obviously I’m retired and LOVE baseball……..and LOVE Greay and Razzball.

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @True and Correct: of course it’s “fun” for this guy, and i’m sure he wants really bad to think it’s competitive too.

    • Holden says:
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      @True and Correct:

      Here’s some advice, find a real league to play in.

      • Teddy Heater says:
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        @Holden: HA! This has to be a joke. He has Grey’s entire first round on his team except Donaldson.

        • F.K.A. Ralph says:
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          @Teddy Heater: Based on looking at this site for 10 seconds (so I could definitely be mistaken), It looks like this is a format where you can have anyone you want within the salary cap and you are basically competing with your roster against the field. Given the salaries he mentioned ($3M for Stanton), it probably wouldn’t be too hard to get all those guys on the same team with a $60M budget. He probably blew his entire budget on hitters and had almost nothing left for pitchers.

          • True and Correct says:
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            @F.K.A. Ralph: I’ll pay your entry fee next year, genius. 10 seconds …..about the extent of your attention span. The only correct thing you said is i could definitely be mistaken. Unfortunately you’d rather play in a Yahoo league for free.

      • True and Correct says:
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        @Holden: A real league ? Some of the best players in the country play evert year. Why when someone is unfamiliar with something do I hear snarky, unknowledgeable remarks. Now 10 team leagues, IMO, is a joke.
        Exactly what leagues do you play in ?

      • True and Correct says:
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        @Grey: Thanks Grey. Just for your edification, I’ve been playing CDM for close to 20 years. Many of the best fantasy players in the country play and have played. Many NFBC Main Event and Online Championship winners. Cocktails and Dreams is in my points league.
        I also play NFBC, but love CDM. It’s a tremendous challenge and huge prizes. I also love baseball.
        More importantly I think you’re a tremendous asset to fantasy baseball analysis and am grateful for your website. Wish all of your readers wouldn’t make such erroneous assumptions as to CDM being a “real league”. As long as you understand is really all I care about.
        Thanks again.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

        • The Harrow says:
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          @True and Correct: those people above weren’t boo hooing that site’s leagues, just yours, since you have like an entire 1st round to yourself.

          • SteveNZ says:
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            @The Harrow: But that’s the thing. In this kind of league you don’t draft players. You choose whoever you want – you just have to fit them under a cap.

  7. crushbombs says:
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    salazar at home vs KC
    Sky Walker in Tex

    start both, 1 or none

  8. Scott says:
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    Pick 2 MI: Schoop, Lawrie, Starlin

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Scott: Schoop, Castro

      • LightBlack says:
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        @Grey:

        Piggy back time! OBP league. Lawrie,Schoop,Cozart?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Schoop

  9. Dirty it's says:
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    Drop Arcia for contreras if middle infield is this
    Villar,Seager,Devon Travis, schoop , Lindor?

    Catcher Carlos Perez