The joy you get from watching someone grab Freddy Peralta off waivers, then he throws a terrible start is Schadenfreddy. However, he doesn’t throw terrible starts, so what does that leave us with if we don’t own Peralta, but we long for him? Freddy Kreager beaver? (They get worse, so skim with your eyes if you must.) Freddy Appetizeralta? Freddeeeeeeesire….. I wanna know what the Brewhaha is about, Freddy got fingered by someone other than me? *drops mic, mic lands on foot* Ouch. Yesterday, Freddy Peralta did as he’s done a couple of times before — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.59 thru three starts. I don’t think he’s quite this good, let’s get that out of the way right now, said like Gordon Ramsay. He is good, though, and I’ve been telling you to own him since he was called up. He’s short (for a pitcher, still towers over me), but has strike out stuff (12.8 K/9 in Triple-A). His delivery corkscrews out into a, “Get me some boxed vino, I’m a wild man,” pushing a 4+ BB/9, so there’s gonna be some ugly starts at some point, but I would still grab him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Lower the koozie a little bit. No, a little bit more. Okay, now spray some mist on the outside of the can to make it look like it’s sweating. Now rub your finger from the D in Dr. to the R in Pepper. This is romance! For me!” That’s me explaining to Cougs how I want her to seduce me with a visual metaphor of Juan Soto. Or as I like to call him, Sexy Dr. Pepper. Last night he hit two more homers (2-for-3, 4 RBIs) and now has five homers on the year, hitting .344 since his call-up and he’s only 19 years old. *puts handkerchief to head, faints* He was the first 19-year-old to homer at a Yankee Stadium since Ken Griffey Jr. in 1989. He is the fifth youngest major leaguer with a two-homer game (Mel Ott, Danny Murphy (not that one), Griffey, Andruw Jones). He is the third youngest major leaguer to show up at Yankee Stadium and say, “A concession guy offered his wife to me for sex.” (Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich) Not to put the hype too much to eleven, but he is blowing away what Bryce and Trout did when they were both 19 years old. 19-year-olds who hit a home run in the last 40 years: Soto, Bryce, Trout, Justin Upton, Andruw, Griffey and Juan Gonzalez. Betting on a 19-year-old to fail who is already up in the majors succeeding is betting the Don’t Pass line, and no one likes that guy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s the Winter Meetings, Part 2: This Time Free Agents Are Really Signing. Starring as Eric Hosmer is Turtle!
Starring as Wil Myers is your goofy friend from high school who now works for Enterprise Rent-A-Car:
Trailer Voice, “What if all of MLB’s owners weren’t in collusion….But just the rich teams!” In the last few days, the Padres, Twins and Rays got some deals done, which is kinda like shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic. Some ‘perts will likely move Hosmer down in their rankings, but I always assumed Hosmer would be a Padre, and ranked and projected him as one in my top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball. There, I said, “Here’s what I will say when Hosmer signs, “I made the case last year that Hosmer was Joey Votto Jr. I called him Kangaroo Embryo. I just thought of a kangaroo wearing a Kangol, but I’ve never thought about an alligator wearing an Izod shirt, I’ll have to discuss this with my shrink. At one point, Wil Myers said he’d move to the outfield for Eric Hosmer to come to the Padres, and I thought to myself, “If I were Hosmer, I’d tell Myers to please not do me any favors.” San Diego is like the Trojan Horse of cities (for baseball and just visiting). It’s like this, “Oh, man, San Diego is gorgeous. What’s this, 77 degrees every day? I can get used to this!” Five minutes later, “I am bored out of mind.” Five minutes after, “Damn, can we get out of here?” Ten minutes after that, “If I see one more white person in flip-flops I’m going to readily embrace going to Tijuana.” Any hoo! Hosmer isn’t exactly a home run hitter. His fly balls were goofy low last year for a guy with 25 homers. He was the third lowest for fly balls (22.2%), fourth highest ground balls and the 29th lowest for Hard Contact. He does hit a decent amount of line drives, and feels like a 23-26 homer guy with a few more fly balls. He might be Kangaroo Embryo this year, but to emulate Joey Votto Jr. he’s going to need to elevate the ball more.” And that’s me quoting future me!” And that’s me quoting me quoting future me! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s just go on what logic tells us. Not Logic, the rapper, but logic the thing you’ve been chipping away at with your weed smoking. In 2015, Billy Beane traded Drew Pomeranz to the Padres for Yonder Alonso. At the time, we have to assume Beane wanted a slugging first baseman. A guy that could hit 25+ homers. Okay, so they dealt with terrible Alonso for two years, and, then, when they get what you think they had to be hoping for, they trade him for a prospect (Boog Powell) that many believe is a bench player. Now, even if Powell pans out, you had in Alonso what you wanted already. I’m beginning to think Beane just does trades to do trades. If you were to hear in fifteen years that Beane was trying to make the A’s worse to get out of Oakland, would anyone be surprised? Moneyball 2 is going to be starring Jamie Kennedy and straight-to-DVD. Any hoo! Alonso loses some value going to the M’s because he’ll likely platoon with Danny Valencia (hit his 13th homer on Sunday), though, I guess it could be argued this is a positive move for Alonso, because he’s hit .188 vs. lefties this year. As for Powell, the A’s might promote and platoon him because what do they have to lose? Or rather, what do they have to win? If they’re lucky, Boog will bring some of his trademark ribs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Uh-oh, the double lede! This is more spectacular than the double rainbow. WHOA, DOUBLE LEDE! Alex Cobb threw a gem yesterday — 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (2 Hits), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.73, but his brother from another mother and father, Alex Colome blew the game, going 1 IP, 2 ER, and now has given up seven earned — sevearned? — in his last three appearances. Alex Cobb carried a no-hitter into the 7th and was so good yesterday that Robert Wuhl is writing the screenplay to Cobb 2: More Corn. However, do the Rays play Blondie “Call Me” when Colome comes in? If so, stop! If not, give it a try because we need to shake things up. I grabbed Danny Farquhar before the game even ended. Lord Farq could get a few saves if Colome remains dreck. …Cause somebody once told me that Farquhar is an ‘own me,’ and I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed! Colome was looking kind of dumb with a crooked number on the board and an L shape hanging on his scorecard. Well, the years start coming– Okay, I will stop now. In the end, Tommy Hunter got the save after the blown save, so he could also be in the mix if Colome needs a little rest. In one league, I grabbed Farquhar; in one league, I grabbed Hunter for ye ol’ hedge. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Daniel Norris went 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.81. Deserved better than a no decision, but he’s 23 years old, making $500,000, so who cares what he deserves? I deserve equal pay for cracking jokes about fantasy baseball for six months! *marching with a picket sign* Sign reads: BLOGGER = Better Living-wage Or Gainful Gifts, Earnings, Reimbursements *pull back to reveal I’m marching in my underwear with my dog humping my leg* Stop, Ted! I’m trying to make a point! So, Norris looked terrific, but he’s had a vexing season. Vexing, I tell ya! He was put in middle relief after a back problem that sidelined in the spring, then he returned and was almost immediately sidelined with an oblique problem. Why do we care? Well, I wrote a sleeper post about him last year, saying, “He’s a sleeper, because he’ll likely be drafted late since he appears to be a year away, and, sadly, he might not just appear to be a year away, but he might actually be a year away, though he might appear to be a year away and not be a year away. I’m the Grand Champion of putting “year away” in one sentence, by the way. Norris is a pure upside play. He could be a 4+ ERA guy that bounces between the rotation, the bullpen and the minors or a 2.75 ERA guy with truckloads of Ks.” And that’s me quoting me! I quote that, because I was exactly right (I couldn’t have been wrong since I hedged more than Sonic) and for 2017 I’m going to like Norris for the exact same reasons while being a year closer. Dot dot dot. To getting a living wage! I’m Norma Rae! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At Stephen Strasburg‘s summer DL rental, the driveway is an inverted W and he timeshares with Ryan Zimmerman. The Nationals said Strasburg’s elbow issue is not structural. Yeah, it’s deconstructed like a Cobb salad at some overpriced restaurant. I’m sure Strasburg is totally fine and it’s completely coincidental that he has a 10.19 ERA in August. Totally unrelated, guys and five girl readers, totally unrelated. Strasburg feels like the kind of pitcher that we can never rely on for more than 150 IP. In five years, he’s thrown 200+ IP once and he’s 28 years old. Oh, and ‘member how Strasburg was supposed to bounce back this year? He currently has the worst ERA of his career. Yeah, great. In my fantasy team news, because who doesn’t love someone talking about their fantasy team, Strasburg hit the DL about an hour after my weekly Scout league locked. The same league where I was in first a week ago before Strasburg went to Coors and Lackey went to the DL. The same league where I’m now in 2nd. The same league where I needed Strasburg to start twice this week and Lackey was set to face the Padres. The same league that ends at the end of August. The same league that just made me cry. I need a tissue, you karmic bullies! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not sure how many of you saw it yesterday, but Terry Collins got heated in a press conference when the Mets’ PR guy wanted him to tell the media more about Syndergaard. Finally, Collins called him a puppy dog and stormed out. Now, in a move that will be sure to make even the best PR person sweat, the Mets are in final talks to reunite with Jose Reyes. The news picked up steam when management asked that the players’ wives not travel with the team. Also, Wilmer Flores better not cry if Reyes joins the team. Reyes smells the slightest weakness and he becomes a slap hitter (of recent vs. of old). So, what can we expect of Reyes if he does land on the Mets, or any team, because he will sign somewhere. Last year, in 116 games, he had 7 homers, 24 steals and a .274 average. Honestly, that’s not that bad. He can’t stay healthy, but maybe starting in July will help with that. Figure he can play 80 games, which should put him in the area of a 7-10 HRs, 17-25 SBs and a .270 average. Not terrible if you’re struggling at shortstop or MI. Maybe the Mets will say eff it and also hire Doc Gooden to cut the foul lines. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Felix Hernandez hit the DL with a calf strain. He could veal it during his last start. Sounds like a good injury to milk. Sorry, I was just shaking out the pockets of these jeans I wore last night and I had a bunch of unused cow puns. What’s a dad cow’s poop called? Pa-nure! Take it, Highlights, it’s yours! So, James Paxton was called up to replace F-Her, who is likely going to only miss a few weeks, but Paxton could continue to get starts if he’s good. So, can Paxton be good? Is there’s twelve posts in post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper? Paxton has shown flashes of brilliance with his 94 MPH fastball but the M’s have wanted Paxton to improve on a bunch of pitches and he’s already 27 years old, so is improvement coming? Well, he had a 3.97 ERA in Triple-A this year and Steamer projects him as a streamer, so I have no faith whatsoever. Speaking of faith, yesterday Paxton gave up runs like his character gave out marriage proposals. Looking at his line is like looking at Chloe Sevigny — 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 unearned runs. Paxton’s like when Picasso stood up from the toilet. He’d look down and say, “That’s a work in progress.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Tigers are doing all of their buying early this year, huh? They’re like your mom that one year she did all her Christmas shopping about two and a half months before everyone else. Then the presents sat in your basement until Christmas and, since presents aren’t supposed to sit in a basement that long without being used, the PlayStation got mildew damage and Dad’s cordless shaver batteries seeped. Then, when Christmas finally rolled around your mom’s talking about how presents aren’t why you celebrate baby Jesus’ birthday and you say if that were true then why was she in such a hurry to buy presents in September? And she says to shut up and enjoy your starting pitcher with a falling K-rate and a raising xFIP. Well, if she were the Tigers’ GM. To quote Gordon Gekko, Jordan Zimmermann is a dog with different fleas. Last year, he had a 7.3 K/9 after a 8.2 in 2014. He had a 3.82 xFIP last year, his highest since his rookie year. He’s always impressed with his lack walks, but even those crept up from 1.3 in 2014 to 1.7 last year. Oh, and now he goes from the NL East to the AL. The Tigers should just go out and get Johnny Cueto and a pair of Zubaz to make it official that they just don’t understand bad trends. For 2016, I’ll give Zimmermann the projections of 14-11/3.89/1.24/155 and someone I won’t go near next year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?