Bert Blyleven allowed a major league record 50 homers in 1986. It was in 271 innings. Hunter Greene (5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.89) might beat the record in 100 innings. There’s an old adage (I don’t know what an adage is but it sounds good) and it goes that starters are better at home. Just in general. Of course, there’s exceptions. Or I should say “of Coors.” Any hoo! Greene is the type that could throw a 15-K shutout vs. the Dodgers or give up five homers to the Marlins with Miguel Rojas leading the charge. His opponent or environs don’t matter, so it’s hard to roster a guy like that. Also, don’t ever say “environs” in real life, person you’re with has ever right to punch you. The offensive star of the game for the Reds was Kyle Farmer (4-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer). Was his first game back from being out with general soreness. Lucky he didn’t run into Major Setback. Also, in this game, Nick Senzel (4-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI) did what we expected of him in 2019, and 2020, and 2021, and, well, you get the picture, as he hit leadoff. Was this a sign of things to come or just going against a terrible pitcher? Well, Justin Steele (2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.40) did not look good. Maybe it wasnt the best idea to pitch the Man of Steele against a guy the color of Kryptonite. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Christopher Morel – 2-for-5, 1 run and his 2nd steal, as he bats leadoff. Hey, a new Rafael Ortega dropped! Not sure if it’ll last but, he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy. (Already available on the Patreon.)

Nico Hoerner – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. That he homered off Greene is further explanation for everything I said about Greene. If Greene could control his pitches, Hoerner should be sat down in three pitches, instead I have Greene’s shatline.

Ian Happ – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer. They always say giving up a solo homer won’t hurt you, which is why Hunter Greene is fine giving up two per inning.

Willson Contreras – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer. If I’m in the Home Run Derby this year, I’m asking Hunter Greene to pitch to me.

Seiya Suzuki – Looked like he left the game with a broken finger, but it was sprained. Unsure what I’m rooting for here with how he’s been hitting since the 2nd week of the season. Feel better…eventually?

Ronald Acuña Jr. – Dealing with a Grade-1 strain of his quad. I’m dealing with a Grade-1 strain of my incredulity meter. Seriously, he’s hurt again? Is he ping-ponging from injury to injury or what?

Kyle Wright – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.68. Would’ve been nice to see a better start here, but it would also be nice to not start German Marquez in an NL-Only league, but here we are, and by “we” I mean me. What am I gonna say, “me’re?”

Aaron Nola – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.56. This truly feels like his first start in two years where he looked like himself, while also looking like himself every start out. Ya follow? I’ll detail a path of breadcrumbs. Nola has been pitching well for two years, but homers allowed and other factors have deemed him “unlucky.” Yesterday, he wasn’t lucky or unlucky, just good. Himself.

J.T. Realmuto – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .240, as he hits 7th. Honestly, hadn’t been paying attention. Jerry Tomato’s hitting 7th? Is that a new thing?

Jordan Hicks – Hit the IL with right forearm flexor. A line from “the Cards using guys in the wrong way” to “having major arm issues” goes directly from Hicks through Alex Reyes.

Adam Wainwright – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.12 vs. Eric Lauer – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.31. First legitimately bad start for both of these guys. Think about rostering Cease, Greene, Ray, Bassitt and think about how this is their worst starts. If only I had bad starts that good!

Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer. Au Shizz!

Luis Urias – 1-for-5 and his 4th homer.  Ur I as!

Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (9) and legs (6), and 76th homer this month. Story homered yesterday, because, of course he did. Not “of Coors,” that’s not needed here.

Michael Wacha – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.83. The Regression Fairies  have two cats, one named Antonio, and one named Banderas, and they will crush your ratios.

Andrew Vaughn – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .292. Quick, La Russa, bench him!

Enrique Hernandez – 1-for-6 and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in three games, hitting .200. Hot schmotato, sure, I guess, but it’s also so gee-dee funny Cora continues to hit him leadoff, when everyone, except maybe Dalbec, is better suited.

Freddie Freeman – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 4th homer. Is it me or does it feel like 95% of the Dodgers games are over by the 3rd inning?

Chris Taylor – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Every starting Dodgers player had at least two hits yesterday. Geez, the Dodgers already seem ready for a quick playoffs exit.

Christian Walker – 2-for-3 and his 12th homer. Yes, he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s been in it for the last three weeks, and he’s still hitting and on waivers, so why not?

Danny Jansen – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, and three homers in two games. “And now…for your All-Star from the Blue Jays…as voted on by you…it’s, well, George Springer, but it was almost Danny Jansen!”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .263. Glad to see Cake Batter’s not being completely shown up by Danny Jansen.

George Springer – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Springer monopolizing the smelling salts is not cool. Let Teoscar, Bo or Chapman get a whiff! Oops, bad word choice.

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 5.48. And left with tightness in his elbow. Oh, just that little nugget!

Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.45. Just that he pitched, and hit third with a healthy Mike Trout in the lineup means Ohtani should be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I don’t care about eligibility requirements.

Frankie Montas – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.12, and the no decision. Can literally any team trade for him so I can get a win?

Martin Perez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.60. Yeah, I still don’t buy it, and Streamonator hates his next one, and I agree.

Devin Smeltzer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.04. His 4.2 K/9 and 2.1 BB/9 are an embarrassment to peripherals.

Jose Miranda – 2-for-4, 1 run. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy, but he now has two hits in three of the last four games. Hey, not exactly lighting the world on fire, but also not Probst snuffing a torch.

Daniel Lynch – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.92. I have a lot of interest in Lynch — I’m intrigued, y’all! — but when he’s out-pitched by Smeltzer, it doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.

Patrick Corbin – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 6.30, and moves his record to 1-7. I could see him winning ten games this year (if there’s a clerical mistake in September and the Nats accidentally play an extra 75 games into late-December).

German Marquez – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.30. The Nazi In Exile should also be exiled from MLB pitching after doing that poorly vs. the Nats.

Nestor Cortes – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.70. Nelson Cruz once upon a time went by Nelson Cruz Jr. He shook the Jr. and eclipsed his father’s shadow and rose to prominence roughly 30 years ago, and is still thriving today. Before this year, Nestor Cortes went by Nestor Cortes Jr. Now? He rips off the shackles of the patriarchy from his 90-ish MPH fastball and the ball flies better. Will you too break the chains of your daddy? Subscribe to our Youtube channel now for more instructional home videos meant to provoke and incite you out of your daddy’s shadow.

Matt Carpenter – 0-for-2, 2 runs, as he signed with the Yanks. Apparently, the Yanks were bummed they didn’t get Robinson Cano.

Tarik Skubal – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.44. Not looking at Streamonator, who he’s facing means nothing. Every start, he’s automatic for me, even in my shallowest league (an RCL).

Matt Manning – Shut down with biceps tendinitis. See ya next March in “Don’t forget about these guys for 2023” lists!

Franmil Reyes – Hit the Ineffective List with can’t-hit-the-broad-side-of-a-barn-with-the-bat-barrel-itis.