Whaddya say, let’s do a Nick Kurtz post every other day for the rest of the season. For unstints: Random starter pitches well, I write a lede about him, “Yay, Max Meyer, you complete me, not ‘me’ like Renée Zellweger, but ‘me’ as in a 14-strikeout game,” or whoever pitches well, then the next day’s post, “Okay, what’s Nick Kurtz up to? 1-for-3 with a bing bong in Bing Bong Stadium? We love bing bongs, don’t we, fellas?” And just keep going back and forth like this for the rest of the season. Last Friday, I told you to pick up Nick Kurtz — Nick Kurtz fantasy — and it Kurtz so good, because now he’s being promoted by the SacTown A’s. Did he suddenly get better than he was last Friday or on Opening Day, for that matter? No, there’s literally no rhyme or reason why players are called up. Your guess = my guess; let’s get married; we have similar capacities for guesses. I would pick up Nick Kurtz in every league. Yes, even yours. He could hit 30+ homers in only five months. We’ll discuss more, not tomorrow, but the next day. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Luis Arraez – Hit the 7-day concussion. Arraez said, “I feel fine,” then put his pants over his head and stepped into his shirt.
Gavin Sheets – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Exhibit 56,786 of You Too Can Manage, 1st baseman Arraez went down, and Sheets took over at 1B and hit 2nd. There’s at least five guys in that lineup better suited to hit 2nd.
Randy Vasquez – 2 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.97. Streamonator hated this one, but it was a two-start week and that’s so hard to–Ugh, bad week to quit barbiturates.
Will Vest – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.93, and his 2nd save. Regret to inform that he could get the next save, or not another one for two weeks.
Jace Jung – 0-for-2, 1 run as he was called up. Not sure where he plays, the Tigers have Javier Baez, who was an All-Star in 2018. Here’s what Itch wrote, “A left-handed hitter at 6’0” 205 lbs, Jung hit 28 homers in 128 games across two levels in 2023, slashing .265/.376/.502. He hit 14 home runs at each level but did so in just 47 games at Double-A. The 12th overall pick in 2022–Have I mentioned that this system is loaded? I don’t think I have, but I’ve been thinking about it all week. Jung posted a quite useful .362 on base percentage in 34 MLB games to help Detroit’s playoff push. He slugged just .304 over that stretch, but he was contributing tough at bats in high-stress spots, which speaks well of his chances to grab a lineup spot even on a good team. Now to make Grey’s life stressful.” I’m scared. Jung feels like an AL-Only guy until we see his playing time and him hitting; he was, after all, hitting .239 in AAA.
Craig Yoho – 1 IP, 1 ER, as he was called up by the Brewers. Walking around saying Yoho like it’s Yoo-Hoo, then when someone looks at me weird, screaming, “You don’t like chocolate milk?!” Here’s what Itch said, ” I think the best case for fantasy purposes belongs to Yoho ho and a bottle of rum, a 6’3” 225 lb power reliever in an organization with a track record for developing dominant closers. In 57.2 innings across three levels, Yoho allowed zero home runs and just 31 hits, recording ten saves along with a 0.94 ERA and 0.94 WHIP, a stat line so fun it might make you chuckle. Not as funny as beating up Grey.” What? So, Yoho could be the closer, but so could Uribe. Think Megill is the closer until they trade him at end of July.
Caleb Durbin – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. I do like Durbin (mostly for speed), but we have to get him out of the 9-hole.
Quinn Priester – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.93. Priester was clearly distracted by yesterday’s big world news.
Wilmer Flores – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer. I said on the podcast this week (out later today, I think) how it would be nice if Kurtz had a May as good as, say, Wilmer’s April, and I thought about how crazy that sounded, but I’d take Wilmer’s April from literally any hitter. That’s a 40+ HR pace!
Robbie Ray – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (3 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 4.07. Wish he was showing better control. Could his pants be too tight?
A.J. Puk – Headed for an MRI on his elbow. Mean’s while, Justin Martinez has fatigue. I’m sorry, Justin, are we boring you? I guess Shelby Miller is the pickup here, and I shuddered a little saying that.
Triston McKenzie – DFA’d by the Guards. This is the worst thing that’s happened to him since he was panned in the reviews of the staged adaption Forrest Gump for his performance as the feather.
Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and, like, my 5th sonavabench by him. Yesterday’s because I heard Kurtz was coming up so I benched Manzardo, like an absolute loon.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .276. Having Nolan Jones hit in front of him is some dirty work. It’s like, “Here’s the best pitches you’ll ever see, and you still won’t get a hit.”
Gavin Williams – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.15. If this makes any sense, he didn’t look quite as good as his line, and Clarke Schmidt (4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.45) didn’t look as bad. Really just two bad pitches in the 3rd that burned my ass, I mean, Schmidt.
Cade Smith – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.50 and his 1st save. Don’t worry, Clase will be back out there blowing a save tomorrow.
Jasson Dominguez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. He was more overdue than red-light camera tickets I heard you don’t have to pay. I am an idiot.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .161. I hope he gets 50 homers, so he at least hits .150.
Eric Wagaman – 2-for-5 and a slam (3) and legs (1) and 2nd homer in four games. Wagaman’s, where you go for the best sandwich counter in Miami-Dade County and a semi-hot schmotato.
Max Meyer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.10. It’s so cool how big-time pitching prospects look like they can’t get out a Quad-A player who is blindfolded, then suddenly they’re the best pitcher in baseball. You think I’m exaggerating, but Skubal was a 5-ish ERA guy after his first 170 IP. I’m sorry, there’s no way of knowing pitchers, they’re so unpredictable. People thought Sandy Alcantara was all the way back, now he’s terrible. People thought Ryan Weathers was GOD-TIER, he’s likely done for the year. People thought Faucher had top five closer stuff. He’s barely a top 50 reliever. People liked Edward Cabrera, and were whatever on Meyer. No one thought Meyer would be this. And that’s just listing the unpredictability of the Marlins starters! For those who are saying, “I liked Meyer, I know what I’m doing,” then why was he being drafted around 400th overall. Anyway, yes, Meyer can be great. Obviously! Or he could be a 5.68 ERA guy, like he was last year!
Jesus Tinoco – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.18, and 2nd save, and 2nd save in the 2nd straight game. Meant to say something earlier this year, but time got away from me. Marlins’ beat writer, Craig Mish told me during March that they want Tinoco to close games. Took almost as long for them to give him opps as it did for me to tell you.
Gavin Lux – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .315. He’s now hitting near-.700 in the last week, .400 in the last 15 days and hitting over-.300 since last All-Star break. Your basic 4020, but there’s value in that.
Nick Lodolo – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.79. One more out for a Quality Start, damn. I don’t know how Quality Start leaguers do it. I’ve never experienced a frustration like that in a Win league.
Jose Siri – Will miss 8-10 weeks with a leg fracture. Siri should see if he can speed up that timetable at the Genius Bar.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, and three homers in two games, and his 2nd leadoff homer in two games. Open the door, get on the floor, everybody loves Francisco Lindor!
Jesse Winker – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. Winker tends to get scorching hot, so, while he hasn’t been good, this might be an immediate schmotato.
Tylor Megill – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.09. Four walks in five and a third scares me a bit, but 10 Ks and a 1.09 ERA eases any tension, and I’m in bubble bath mode.
Aaron Nola – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.43. What’s gonna be embarrassing is when the Phils remove him from their rotation for Painter before you drop him in your league.
Bryson Stott – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Stott’s entertainment!
Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.16. I get no joy seeing Gausman get hit–Who am I kidding?! Of course, this makes me happy! Said like Ratso Rizzo, “I’m deriving joy here!”
Hunter Brown – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.16. Don’t think about how you could’ve drafted Brown, Meyer, Mahle, Bassitt and Luzardo in every league. It’ll only get you mad. That makes it 24 consecutive scoreless for Brown, and, in the last 178 IP, since he added his sinker, he has a 2.28 ERA, 1.06 WHIP and 186 Ks.
Spencer Strider – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. Point in favor of ASS. Um, not Strider’s, I mean AJ Smith-Shawver will be recalled, likely.
Alex Verdugo – 0-for-3, 1 run. Now hitting leadoff because the Braves think he’s good, which is as funny as anything I’ve heard in a while.
Austin Riley – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. He’s no Alex Verdugo!
Sean Murphy – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .205. Braves’ catchers are combined on pace for 56 homers. I’m not doing one of those exaggeration-as-goof things. That’s really what they’re on pace for.
Spencer Schwellenbach – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.56 and the no decision because wins are the stupidest thing in baseball. Random non-boomer complaint about wins: More scorers should use their brains with wins. A starter goes 7 IP, 0 ER, and some idiot reliever gives up the lead — the starter should get the win if the team wins, not the stupid reliever! Another starter goes 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER and they give the win to the reliever who throws 1/3 IP after him. This is stupid! Stop sticking to 5 IP or a lead change. This is so easy to do!
Masyn Winn – Likely to return today. That’s a Winn for Masyn. [long, blissful exhale] Ah, it’s good to be me. Wanna high five? No? Okay.
Willson Contreras – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .182. Contreras moved to 1st base and started hitting like a catcher.
Erick Fedde – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.3333333333333. He’s pitching fine! Great! Whatever! My first inclination was still to check the Streamonator.
Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer. Is it time we started looking at White Sux hitters? No, lol, they suck.
Chase Meidroth – IL’d with finger inflammation, which allowed Bobby Dalbec to make his triumphant return to Fenway as a member of the White Sux. He picked up right where he left off, striking out.
Triston Casas – 0-for-4, hitting .158. If you say Casas while mumbling, it sounds like Costas, which makes me think: Who would be better at hitting, Casas or the 73-year-old, 127-pound Bob Costas?
Walker Buehler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Threw most innings in a start since 2022, as Buehler celebrated Patriots’ Day by facing a team that he could even beat. I miss living in Boston and celebrating Patriots’ Day. It’s a made-up holiday in Boston. There’s a marathon that shuts down all the roads; a Red Sox game that starts at 11 AM, and everyone, except the marathon runners, start drinking around 8 am. What could be more Boston than a day of sports and drinking? Nothing, it’s the most Boston thing ever, or evah!
