Judge & Jazz Torpedo D-Backs With Slam & Legs

The most homers by a Yankee in his first 1,000 games was Babe Ruth, he had 321 homers. Yesterday, Aaron Judge (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) had a slam (5) and legs (1). He now has 999 games and 320 homers. This is a damn good time for a damn. A day-um, even. I’m trying to imagine seeing Aaron Judge through the eyes of Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth, I imagine as a Dan Vogelbach figure. He sees Aaron Judge, and he might plotz. He might lay down and not get up again until Fatty Arbuckle came by with a bucket of colas and few dames to cheer him up. Babe Ruth would call in to work and be like, “Lou, I’m glad you picked up the one phone in the state of New York. I am not coming into work today because I just saw a building with arms and it’s swinging a bat.” It’s so funny when people compare players from different eras. If Babe Ruth saw a slurve, he’d declare himself the unluckiest man alive and say, “I’m quitting this nonsense.” Anyway, it really puts into perspective how great Judge has been vs. the greats. One homer away from Ruth, and, for some reason, many of you (me) hesitated drafting him. Also, in this game, Jazz Chisholm Jr. had a slam (4) and legs (1). Now, he’d get along great with Ruth. Everyone in the 30’s loved Jazz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Trent Grisham – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Finally, a true Yankee great!

Carlos Carrasco – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 7.36. Yankees are gonna be the 1st team to make the playoffs with a combined ERA of 5+, huh?

Merrill Kelly – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 10.00. If the Lord touches your shoulder and whispers in your ear, “It’s okay to start a pitcher in Yankee Stadium.” It’s not the Lord. It’s the Devil, and he’s lying to you!

Geraldo Perdomo – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hit 2nd, because Ketel Marte was out of the lineup. Ketel had a day off after signing an extension for $116.5 million. If I made $116.5 million of guaranteed money, I’d be like, “My boo-boo is sore and I’m going to Dave & Buster’s with Anthony Rendon. I’ll see ya in six years.”

Freddie Freeman – Hit the IL with a sprained ankle. The injury from last year? That ankle? Oh, I’m sure he’ll be fine in two weeks, after not healing in four months of an offseason.

Nestor Cortes – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 9.00. [falls to knees and raises arms above head] “Thank God, I started him after taking it in the keister engine last time out!” I was nervous Nestor was just going to be bad, but now I can pretend he was just bad in Yankee Stadium. At least for one more start.

Nick Lodolo – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.42. He has a 3.6 K/9. Ha! Yo, did he get into The Fly transporter with Mike Leake and he’s now Mick Leakolo?

Alexander Canario – Being called up by the Pirates. Let’s see what we’ve said about him before. Dot dot dot. Okay, about 25,000 words previously, since he’s been around since 2017 in the minors, but is still only 24. He has some loud-ish tools for speed and power, but might have a 35 K% and hit .210. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s here now. I’m interested in NL-Only and deep leagues for now.

Cedric Mullins – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (2). Cedric the HRtainer has been top 20 overall on the 7-day Player Rater. Lots of familiar names on there like Kyle Tucker, Aaron Judge, Wilmer Flores, ya know, the usuals.

Charlie Morton – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 9.72. The Orioles’ number two starter. [shakes head] Chazz FacePalminteri.

Gunnar Henderson – Probable for today. That means I’m probable to smile.

Alex Bregman – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Too bad he was on the road, that homer would’ve been a “single that he tried to stretch into a double that turned into him being thrown out” in Fenway.

Kristian Campbell – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. That home run cost the Red Sox $38.50.

Tanner Houck – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.52. The good news is he had six Ks. The bad news is you have to sit down for me to tell you all the bad news.

Triston Casas – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. That’s what’s up, Homes!

Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.50. What’s his xFIP? Negative three? [checking] Oh, I see. So, no, it’s 4.28, but he has 11 Ks to zero walks on the season and has allowed only two homers, but something’s not fully computing. I didn’t like Ryan coming into the year, but he might be slightly a buy low now.

Cam Smith – 0-for-3, 2 Ks, hitting .143.Usually don’t talk about players who are doing poorly — why soap up the suds of misery, as Mark Twain said — but Cam looks overwhelmed. Ugly at-bats where he’s being fooled badly. Hopefully he can come out of it. I’m losing faith.

Jose Altuve – 0-for-5, 5 Ks. He’s gotta learn to shrink the strike zone.

Christian Walker – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. He’s among the highest exit velocity guys in the league. All the other exit velocity guys are hitting, like, .350+. Walker is hitting barely .150. As Sam Cooke would’ve said, a positive correction is gon’ come.

Jeremy Pena – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Jeremy’s pokin!

Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.00. Call him Uncle Charlie Brown because that curve has hitters needing psychiatric help that’s worth two cents. Call him Buster Brown because that four seamer bust, er, up bats! Call him If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow, If It’s Brown, You Can’t Flush Him Down! because his sinker ain’t no stinker! Call him Wet because Fred Dryer’s Hunter! Call him Hunter Brown because Hunter Green is my Ford Explorer! (These have become derailed.) Hunter Brown was a popular number two to three starter and I’m hear to tell you his peripherals look more like a number one. Call him Hunter ROY G. BIV because Brown’s drab and this guy’s a technicolor marvel!

Luis F. Castillo – Mariners brought him up to start. Luis Castillo gonna start the game after Luis Castillo just to mess with me. C’mon man! I just learned the Luis Garcias!

Antonio Senzatela – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks. Phils’ bats have been making the Rockies’ SPs look downright decent. Antonio Decent-2-telya? Yeah, but he’s not. Wouldn’t even use Streamonator with him.

Jose Alvarado – 1 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.25. Mean’s while, Jordan Romano (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 6.00) pitched the 8th, but against the top of the order. I don’t know what Rob Thomson is doing. I don’t know what Rob Thomas is doing either. I have zero knowledge of Robs! My brain’s been Rob’d! My guess is Alvarado is in lead for saves, but maybe just at 70/30. It could be Romano for the next save though. All of this will be repeated this afternoon in my Buy column. You can hardly wait! No, you!

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and back to hitting leadoff for literally no reason. Guy’s been cheated out of 2,000 career RBIs. Guy’s been cheated out of a full-Pujols. Holey crap!

Taijuan Walker – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Rockies. Streamonator loved this start, because, naturally. Or natch, if you’re in a rush. And if you’re in a rush: Avoid Walker.

Jon Singleton – Signed a minor league deal with the Mets, and so did Niko Goodrum. When Singleton saw who else the Mets signed, he said, “You happen to know a Niko Goodweed?”