India Delivers A Bangalore & Steals A Hyderabag

You know the Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye song? Nananana Hey hey hey goodbye! You know it, right? Well, I sing the Na Na Hey Hey part in Indian restaurants when ordering naan. Am the only one? Really? Wow, that’s weird, because they love when I do it. You should too. But you do sing the Hey Hey goodbye part when on the toilet, right? Still only me? Hmm. Surprised to hear it. Or rather, surprised to not hear it. Not saying at home when no one can hear, I mean when in public restrooms. Only me? Wow, you guys are missing out. Yesterday, Jonathan India had the runs like a garlic naan and sent one na na hey hey goodbye. With his first career four-hit game, Jonathan India went 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (21) and legs (12). For 2022, India’s Sweets and Spices is on my short list of guys who I want to draft in all leagues. He has literally everything: power, great park, speed, low strikeouts, great walks and a lock on playing time. When I see him in 2022 fantasy baseball drafts, you can kiss him Mumbai! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luis Castillo – Out on the Family Emergency List. You can abbreviate that, F EM L.

Reiver Sanmartin – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, in his MLB debut. If you can say Reiver Sanmartin without going directly into Sublime, you’re a better person than I. Oh shoot, here we go again…
I didn’t start Sanmartin, but he doesn’t throw many balls,
Well, I had a million FAAB dollars, but spent it on Mahle’s,
If I could find that old Tapia and that Tsutsugo that he’s found,
Well, I’d pop a cap in a Cody Bellinger bobblehead and I’d slap him down.

Joey Votto – 2-for-4, 4 BRIs and his 34th and 35th homer. Only six players have had a higher wRC+ at his age, and only four of them weren’t putting juice needles into their butt. Though, in fairness to reality, Votto would only have 20 homers if he played for the Royals, and 19 if he played for the DBacks. This doesn’t matter, but it’s a short schedule day so you get this kind of shizz. In fairness to Votto, his Statcast numbers are gorge. To say the most obvious, he’s having a great season.

Eugenio Suarez – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 29th homer. Rounding third on his home run trot, he jumped up and high-fived the coach, and all I could think was, “The nerve to celebrate when hitting .191 on the season,” which is when I started calling him Eugenio Chutzpah, and I realized I had turned into an 80-year-old Jew. Bleh! Get off my lawn and go get me some seltzer.

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-2, 5 RBIs and his 33rd homer, and 4th straight game with a homer. The Greek God of Hard Contact is powered by his mom’s mustache, and is the furthest thing from a PITA in fantasy.

Connor Overton – 1 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.70. You get the sense the Pirates could start a position player at pitcher and get around the same results. And I don’t mean Ohtani.

Jameson Taillon – Activated from the IL, and will start on Tuesday vs. the Jays. Considering he only threw three innings in rehab and allowed two runs, well…Hey, was the rehab lineup stacked with MLB All-Stars? No? Okay.

Cal Quantrill – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.89. “This H2H matchup is gonna start off so fire and then I’m gonna pour gasoline on it and it all begins with Cal THE MAN!!! Quantrill! I’m crying from excitement!” Then, three innings in and it was a 3-3 game, “Please, just get the win.” Then, when it was all said it done, “Whew, that was exhausting.” Streamonator doesn’t love Quantrill’s next start, but I’d start him in literally any league.

Amed Rosario – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. Hasn’t done a ton recently, but might be the start of something. The struggle for last week of the season schmotatoes is real!

Bradley Zimmer – 2-for-3, 3 runs, and his 8th homer. Bradley Zimmer homered off his brother, Kyle. Elias Sports Bureau said, “This has happened before but Scott was eating apple sauce like he’s four, and he spilled it over all our cool brother trivia.”

Josiah Gray – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.85. In Coors? I mean, not a massive sonavabench, but I could’ve used his 2-start week, even if the Streamonator was like, “Have you lost your gee-dee mind?”

German Marquez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.40. Gray vs. the German, this is like a graphic novel fever dream I once had.

Chris Flexen – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.69 vs. Cole Irvin – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.18. When you pick up SPs for streams, but only get the Ps part.

Ty France – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs, and zero French flies. Zero Freedom flies. Zero military losses. Just nothing French-like at all! I am Horn Town, party of one for France for 2022. Anyone that can hit .300 with ease brings out the erotic fiction, nah’mean?

Mitch Haniger – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 36th and 37th homer, hitting .252. Hey, how come we don’t hear any MVP arguments for Haniger? He’s played the field a lot, right? I’m referring to these mental gymnastics. By the by, why does the channel that should be the smartest about baseball actually the dumbest?

Finally the smart MVP conversation brought to you by MLB Network — Vlad Jr. is the MVP because he’s in the field more pic.twitter.com/VJ6cKHl5wV

— Razzball (@Razzball) September 28, 2021

Matt Manning – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.16. Tigers are the anti-Marlins. They’re the fisherman’s hands after reeling in a marlin. They’ve built their future around pitchers, and their best pitcher was a 32-year-old also-ran, Wily Peralta. Okay, that’s not being fair to Tarik or Mize, but I really don’t love what they’ve done with these guys.

Jonathan Schoop – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer. Currently, doing recaps on the backend of the site, which will be released starting next week, and I was shocked how well Schoop was doing. Flashing lights and an arrow pointing at Schoop’s 80 RBIs, while hitting .278.

Carlos Rodon – Lol Russa said Rodon threw in a bullpen session and that went “just okay,” adding he didn’t pitch “at full intensity.” Finally, saying, they’re gonna “let him pitch on Wednesday vs. the Reds” so “hold onto your hats.”

Dallas Keuchel – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.13. Might be Dallas, but that ERA says he’s got a problem.

Eloy Jimenez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Players on teams that haven’t yet clinched are obvious starts. Those playing for nothing are obvious starts. It’s the guys who are playing on teams that have clinched, who are usually some of the best players, that are the most confusing starts. Like Tim Anderson sitting yesterday, and I bet Abreu, Eloy, Robert and others will sit at some point this week, if not multiple times. Don’t these guys know there’s H2H championships up for grabs?

Yasmani Grandal – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. He has more walks than strikeouts (82 vs. 78) and the last White Sox player to have 20 homers and 80 walks was the Big Hurt, Frank Thomas, not what William Hurt asks people to call him.