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Did you ever think that sometimes your haters offer relevant critiques that you should maybe take into consideration? Me neither, just wondering if that’s a thing. Don’t think about it too long if it doesn’t apply. It’ll make you cuckoo like Cocoa Puffs’ Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird. Speaking of which, Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird went to a rally recently with a sign that read, “You can’t be cuckoo without cuck.” I can’t tell if Sonny is woke, shook or just cuckoo. Either way, or eye-thurr if Chingy is reading, for a few weeks now people have been asking me about J.D. Davis, and I’ve mostly ignored them. You, “Yo, Grey, you hard of hearing?” Me, “WHAT?!” J.D. is having himself a bit of a star mitzvah, but is it completely out of nowhere? Nope and nuh-uh. He had 17 HRs in only 85 Triple-A game last year and 30 HRs the year before across three levels. It’s easy to write him off, because what business do the Mets have pulling a fast one on the Astros? Yet, here we are and they pulled it. Davis has been getting regular playing time and with improved plate discipline (25.7% K% vs. 20% this year). I’m going cuckoo for Mets’ stuff, and I’d grab Davis for power and average. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Will Smith – Just think, if you pick up Will Smith, you can change your fantasy team name to I Am Legend.
Jose Osuna – I went to our 7-day Player Rater to find 1st basemen who had done well in the last week, and I cried one, single, solitary tear like a Native American watching you use a plastic straw. There’s not a ton 1st basemen this week to grab, so we got Jose Osuna, who I want to think is Jose Tabata and his world-reknown cougar.
Jason Kipnis – Elias Sports Bureau said recently that every rapper whoever sang, “Come with the quickness,” was actually saying ‘Come with the Kipnis.’ Often misheard, I guess.
Isan Diaz – Here’s what I said about Diaz previ-ous-lee, “Called up by the Marlins and I grabbed him everywhere. Go ahead; I’ll wait. You done? Okay, Diaz had 26 HRs and hit .305 in Triple-A this year, while chucking in a handful of steals. The Prospectonator isn’t a huge fan of his, but that does tend to dig its heels in during preseason and doesn’t know about approach changes — Diaz cut his Ks this year.” And that’s me quoting me!
Travis Demeritte – Might have too much rookie nookie right now, but what harm is that? I mean, how many Demerittes do I get for that?
Jon Berti – In one NL-Only league, I’m rocking this guy, and he’s provided some nice steals. Guess you can say I’m one of those commie-type Berti stan’ers.
Gio Urshela – I held back on listing Mike Ford, except for this mention, but we ain’t got time for bird sex and we ain’t got time for every hitter who kills the for-the-Birds pitching.
Brian Anderson – ‘Member when I used to like Garrett Cooper more than Anderson? Ha! It’s a trick ‘member when! I still like Cooper more, but Anderson has been hotter.
Miguel Sano – It shocks me every time I see Sano owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues, but then I think how I dropped him this week because he didn’t start for one single game and then came in to pinch-hit and I submerge my head in an ice bath like I’m Nic Cage in five of out every six films he’s in.
Kyle Seager – “At least occasionally one of our sons hits.” That’s a tough-as-nails Momma Seager.
Ian Happ – You can’t sue a bedazzled mason jar, it would be a conflict of Pinterest, and you can’t find a guy who’s more forgotten after being more hyped than Happ. Ever since Brett Lawrie became a house painter, at least.
Willy Adames – I constantly go to the Captain Willy Adames card with this guy, but I miss that show. Another show I miss is The Expanse, but that’s coming back in December. Woohoo! It’s a nerd convention up in this blurb! Yo, you cosplaying for Comic Con, you big ol’ nerd face! As for Adames, um, yeah, he’s been hot.
Gavin Lux – Don’t ask if he’s getting called up. I have no idea. He’s worth stashing in some leagues, just Nicasio.
Mike Tauchman – I just gave you my Mike Tacuhman fantasy. I wrote it while eating a Flintstone vitamin and screaming, “I’m powering up!”
Bryan Reynolds – On our Player Rater, Jeff McNeil has been worth a $18.6 value player per game; Reynolds has been $15.2. Only huge difference is in Ribbies; McNeil’s got him. Damn, now I’m thinking about McRibs and I’m useless for the rest of the day.
Anthony Santander – One of the few bright spots for the O’s this year, unless you count Steve Wilkerson’s transition to high-octane reliever.
Aristides Aquino – More like Aqua-PRIMO! Oh em gee, I can’t handle it. I love him. Maybe it’s the Reds unis but when I watch Aquino, I’m reminded of 70’s baseball and the Big Red Machine. He just needs some mutton chops. There’s talk of a swing adjustment, but, even without it, he has power to spare, whether he has any average will be the pregunta. All aboard!
Willie Calhoun – Wish the Rangers would play him every single game, but wishing for more wishes is wishing for loose eyebrows.
Tanner Roark – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to its local-area Hooters.
Dinelson Lamet – He was great in this last start, obviously, but this is also a Streamonator call. “I read the best place to make friends is at work so I was wondering if I put pantyhose over my metal legs, if I can have a job.”
Anthony Bass – Fun fact! Everywhere Anthony goes he wears a Bass fisherman hat. Less fun fact! He’s the M’s closer.
Scott Oberg – Mentioned this on this week’s podcast, but it makes little sense for the Rox to go back to Davis, but, upon reflection at a state park with me and my thoughts and mosquitos, it might make sense, due to contracts and the Rockies being out of it. I’m not sure, but Oberg should be the closer.
Seth Lugo – Give me all your Mets! What is going on?! AHHH!!! Seriously, though, I’ve mentioned this before, if you just cycle through hot real-life teams in shallower leagues, you’d do moderately awesome in fantasy. Listen, Metco is near Kew Gardens and that rhymes with a few hard-ons. You can’t make that shizz up!
SELL
Joc Pederson – Remember, this is drops vs. sells. If you have a trade deadline that’s lallygagging like the last one to clap at the Slow Clap World Championship, then use our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer. Otherwise, Pederson has been as awful in the 2nd half as you thought he’d be in the 1st half when he was actually good.
Mallex Smith – Okay, okay, OKAY! If you need steals then you must, you must increase your chances of saying, “Mallex is a bust?” But, if you don’t need SAGNOF, then I’d move on.
Domingo Santana – All the leaves are brown and the sky is Grey, I’ve been for a walk on a WINTER’S DAY! If I was in LA! *musical breakdown* Stopped into a church, and I began to pray for Sunday Santana! And it did not make him okay! This sell (drop) makes me sad, but in shallower leagues, well, Sunday Santana, I don’t think you can stay (he knows he can’t stay).
Matt Carpenter – I almost listed Daniel Murphy here, but he’s at least got Coors. Carpenter’s got Busch, a pale ale imitation. Carpenter’s also got nothing else going for him. Launch him into the sun with the anger of people arguing that Eleven on Stranger Things is now 12.
