I joined Funston, Behrens, Pianowski, Dalton Del Don, Not The Noise (someone drafted using Brad Evans name, but it wasn’t him), Rudy, Paul Singman and others. Since Singman writes for us now, we’re up to three writers in the Friends & Family draft held at Yahoo. Within ten years, it’s going to be 14 Razzball writers vs. Funston, and Funston will prolly still win after only drafting Howie Kendrick. I’m not being entirely facetious, Razzball’s results in this league have been less-than-stellar. I don’t mention this to be modest — modesty’s for nuns! — I tell you this to preamble my reasons for drafting Billy Hamilton. I feel like my Friends & Family mojo is leaking oil, the carburetor is coughing up fumes and I’m on the side of the road, with my skirt hiked up, and no one’s stopping. So, I decided to draft someone I have never drafted before and paid full price, to boot! (By the by, when I go to Italy, I like to shout, “To boot!”) Well, enough about me, more about my team! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, Friends & Family fantasy baseball draft:
C: Matt Wieters (17th round, 234th overall)
1B: Jose Bautista (1st, 10)
2B: Kolten Wong (6th, 75)
3B: Josh Donaldson (2nd, 19)
SS: Wilmer Flores (23rd, 318)
CI: Yasmany Tomas (12th, 159)
MI: Jonathan Schoop (19th, 262)
OF: Justin Upton (3rd, 38)
OF: Billy Hamilton (4th, 47th)
OF: Marcell Ozuna (8th, 103)
OF: Oswaldo Arcia (14th, 187)
UTIL: Domonic Brown (20th, 271)
UTIL: C.J. Cron (21st, 290)
Bench: Jace Peterson (24th, 327)
P: Gerrit Cole (5th, 66)
P: Carlos Carrasco (9th, 122)
P: Jake Arrieta (7th, 94)
P: Koji Uehara (10th, 131)
P: Brett Cecil (11th, 150)
P: Matt Shoemaker (13th, 178)
P: James Paxton (15th, 206)
P: Luke Gregerson (16th, 215)
P: Aaron Sanchez (18th, 243)
Bench: Junichi Tazawa (22nd, 299)
Bench: Josh Fields (25th, 346)
TALK FURTHER ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. THE VERY SKINNY ELEPHANT THAT STEALS LOTS OF BASES. I BELIEVE SAID ELEPHANT’S NAME IS SAGNOF.
I have Billy Hamilton 40th overall in my top 400, so I didn’t reach. But, as mentioned aforementionedly on the previous tip, he’s also not someone I would normally draft since he’s a one category performer. Granted, that one category is good. Okay, great. His steals translate to what though? This was a question I posed to Rudy last week and he said it was kinda like drafting a 70-HR guy that only knocks in 30 RBIs. Or a 160-RBI guy that only hits 12 homers. If you look at our 15-team Yahoo Rankings, Hamilton gets $36.4 in steals. Giancarlo’s HRs are only $21; Trout’s runs are only $15.7; Miggy’s AVG is $13.2 and Kershaw’s Ks are $10.3. Granted, all of these players have more going for them than one category. Hamilton is a negative aside from steals. So, I knew if I drafted Hamilton, I had to draft guys that were strong elsewhere, and not worry about steals at all. Hence, Oswaldo, OZUNA, Tomas, Bautista, Donaldson, Upton, well, the rest of my team aside from Wong. And, Wong, because, brucely, I had to draft him. What’s a Fantasy Master Lothario without a Wong?
YOUR PITCHING MAKES ME WANT TO HUG A STRANGER AND KISS A BABY. WHY DOES IT DO THIS TO ME? AM I GETTING SOFT? WOULD MY HIGH SCHOOL SELF WANT TO BEAT ME UP? PLEASE ANSWER.
My pitching makes me want to do funny things too. Hayzeus Cristo, it’s a sexy staff. Does anyone have a K-rate under 9? Okay, maybe Sanchez and Paxton, but they throw a combined 220 miles per hour (in their home stadium; we know about those home park radar guns). Shoemaker is the real standout for a low K-rate…and his K-rate is still 8+ with a walk rate under 2! Fo’reallies, if I could have this pitching staff in a 12-team league, I’d be so happy. This is a 15-team league. Go ahead, I’ll give you a second, digest that with the rest of your Pad Thai. True story that is neither funny or that interesting, I wanted to draft Paxton in at least one league, but then forgot about him about halfway through this draft. Then around 200 overall, I was like, “Oh, yeah, Paxton.” You don’t even need to reach that high to draft him! Paxton, who will likely be a top 30 starter, is being drafted around guys like Matt Cain (belch), Aramis Ramirez (yawn), Joe Mauer (fart). I found this with a lot of pitchers I wanted. You’re sitting there and then all of sudden you’re like, “Wait a minute, is that Carlos Carrasco still on the board at 122? Don’t mind if I do!”
YOUR MIDDLE INFIELD REMINDS ME OF BRUCE JENNER. WHAT DO I CALL IT WITHOUT A WONG? I GUESS, A CURIOSITY IS ME BEING POLITE.
There were moments during the draft when I almost pulled the trigger on a shortstop. Jose Ramirez popped up towards the top of my queue, but then I was thinking about my saves and I missed him. I kinda love Dannys Antana, but I was looking at saves then too. I was interested in Chris Owings, in the non-Biblical way, but thought I could wait another round. Then, before I knew it, I was looking at The Gregarious D.I.D., Stephen Drew and Wilmer Flores while wondering when did New York’s baseball teams shortstops get so bad. I feel bad for runway models that are just coming onto the scene. Who are they going to sleep with? “So, I have a callback for Marc Jacobs’s fall show and I’m going on a date with Wilmer Flores. Life is good!” Any hoo! My middle infield is desperately seeking something.
CAN YOU GIVE ME A BROAD SENSE OF WHAT YOU THINK OF YOUR TEAM? ‘BROAD SENSE’ ISN’T A CALLBACK TO THE BRUCE JENNER CRACK.
Rudy ran my numbers and I’m strongest in power ($48.3 compared to $36.9 for SBs). It’s like when you say to your girlfriend that you don’t like her new haircut. You then need to buy flowers, dinner, watch a Kate Hudson movie on DVD and tell her, “The new haircut does make you look skinnier.” You compensate, and that’s what I did. Rudy also says my strikeouts are the worst category ($9.9), so I’m not sure how much to trust his calculations. I don’t want to cherrypick what to believe, i.e., “I don’t trust your numbers for my Ks, but you’re exactly right on my power!” I will say my team does look power heavy on hitting with the sole steal threat coming in Hamilton and my pitchers look like they will get Ks, but what do I know? I’m just a very handsome fantasy baseball ‘pert.