Before Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL – and before you ask, yes there was such a time…and why do you demarcate things around such a movie?  God, you’re weird – there was The Full Monty.  The Full Monty was about a bunch of white guys who took off their clothes for money, just like Magic Mike.  It was also a comedy, just like Magic Mike.  Serious question: why is it so damn funny when a white guy takes his clothes off?  I mean, we weren’t SUPPOSED to laugh when Showgirls did it…even though we did because if we didn’t laugh, we’d cringe.  It seems racist and misandrist to me, but then I just stripped in front of the mirror myself and even I had to laugh.  What is wrong with me and the world…well, that was a short-lived moment of self-awareness and poignancy, so let’s talk about Mike Montgomery instead.  Admittedly, there’s not much to see here in terms of season stats since he’s really only been a spot starter and a middle relief arm for most of the year.  That said, he’s only been in the rotation for three games with the Cubs and from the looks of it, I wouldn’t say the Cubs are going to suppress his pitch count when you factor in the 91 he threw against the Dodgers just a start prior.  Basically, here’s what I see: a guy with a K/9 in the 8 range, going against a team with a K% in the 25 range, at a price point in the $4,300 range.  Ok, $4,300 isn’t a range, it’s his exact salary and that salary plays gloriously into punt range.  Really, if he returns you 16 DK points – which, with a win, is very within reach – you’re gonna be absolutely fine cuz he let you beef up elsewhere.  Hell, you could even throw a few more dollars into some dude’s golden lame thong if you’re into that thing.  Just don’t laugh when you do, it hurts my feelings…I mean THEIR feelings!  So with that, let’s move on to this.  Here’s my thunder from down under taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

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David Price, SP: $13,100 – Did I neglect to mention Montgomery was a GPP only call?  I did, didn’t I.  But now I did mention it so I shall say I didn’t, did I and move on to your obvious cash game option with Price.  Padres have been horrible in the second half.  Yes, worse than they were in the first half.  These are hard things to do and yet here we are.  Wil Myers is taking a dirt nap and their second best hitter is a lefty who won’t start and is hitting .225.  If David isn’t 1,345,566.27% owned in cash tonight, my calculator is broken OR there’s something wrong with those who are playing tonight.  Your pick.  Oh and about that Wil Myers thing…he’s $4,300 and if you want to be a silly tourney player, you can roster him for the low ownership side of the argument.

Danny Duffy, SP: $9,900 – The seemingly scuffling Duffy – whom we’ll call ‘Scuffy’ for short – hasn’t seen north of 20 DK points in three starts, but that isn’t going to deter me.  He’s actually shown some better road than home numbers and gets to face a Twins team that still starts Eddie Rosario.  Like, on purpose and stuff.  A return to 25+ DK points seems very possible tonight.

Robbie Ray, SP: $8,300 – If you’re wondering about why Carlos Carrasco and Stephen Strasburg got no pub from me, 1) they just did, 2) Carrasco is GPP only for me as his home splits have been atrocious for two years now, 3) Stras is coming off the DL and I never start pitchers coming off the DL, and C) there is no C…because I did numbers.  Were you even paying attention?  But more to the person in bold a couple centimeters above: Ray is a GPP dream that will most likely end in a nightmare scenario but I’m not looking away from an 11+ K/9 when it’s tourney time.

Andrew Cashner, SP: $6,300 – Cashner is no safe bet, but he also makes a lot of monetary sense if you’re looking for an SP2 in cash games today.  Paired with Price, you’re checking out at around 20K, which is usually the goal or less for pitching.  I think I sloppily threw a lot of money jokes in these last two sentences but don’t think for a moment I did it on purpose.  I think my subconscious just knows what’s going on more than I do.

Matt Garza, SP: $5,400 – The flipside of the Montgomery coin is that Garza has actually pitched quite well in his last two outings, registering 17 Ks to just 5 BBs over 12.1 IP.  They say good things usually come in threes.  The question really is whether Garza is a good thing in the first place.  Yeah, we’re strictly tourney playing here.

Brock Stewart, SP: $4,500 – The Dbacks haven’t K’d much of late and yet, on the season they’re in the top five – well, bottom five – in that category.  Brock like Garza is only GPP for me as there’s a reason for this price point.

Dioner Navarro, C: $2,900 – The Blue Jays are an extreme right-handed bunch but as they’ve shown in past trips to the Big Apple, they do their best to get lefties in when they can.  Short porch fun, is the funnest fun there is.  Consider this a so-so endorsement for Justin Smoak as well if you’re building a bajillion tourney LUs and as always, check for that cheap catcher backup to creep into the lineup.

Carlos Santana, 1B: $4,400 – After inexplicably shutting down the Pirates three starts ago, Fister has gone on to do exactly what we all expect him to: suck.  I don’t see a trip to Cleveland changing that career trajectory into oblivion and I think we get some sweet, sweet sans-Matchbox 20 guy music from Carlos today.

Adam Lind, 1B: $2,600 – BUT WAIT HEAR ME OUT.  Griffin is a lefty’s best friend.  Over 50.1 IPs this year, AJ has surrendered 14 HRs and has a .588 SLG% and .385 wOBA against southie bats.  I’m merely using Lind as a jumping in point on a serious Mariners stack.  Gimme some Kyle Seager, Leonys Martin, Robinson Cano, and maybe Seth Smith if you’re trying to keep your budget in check and don’t have major lisping issues.

Cesar Hernandez, 2B: $3,600 – Though the stats don’t jump out, Cesar has been low key good all of the second half.  A little pop, a little speed, and just about the only Philly worth rostering in fantasy gives him a likely low ownership despite what the game log says.  Unless you wanna chase Brian Dozier or Rougned Odor’s price jump into the stratosphere, you should be just fine down here.

Alex Bregman, 3B: $3,900 – He’s not above 4K yet.  Don’t care who he’s facing at this price, the numbers say you just keep playing him.

Hunter Dozier, 3B: $2,700 – A solid power bat in the KC minors, the Royals called up Hunter September 2nd.  Unfortuneately, just like me with my wife, Hunter has yet to see the infield.  No clue when he will get to but this is me putting a bug in your ear that he could be a good, cheap bat to ride down the September stretch if he can get some play…man I hope him and I get to see some play…

Didi Gregorius, SS: $3,700 – DID SOMEONE SAY SHORT PORCH.  When Didi gets to 20 HRs, we’re all going to wonder how we didn’t notice.  Then we’ll notice Danny Espinosa had close to 25 and completely lose our collective $hit.  Yeah, it’s been a good year for fantasy shortstops.

Randal Grichuk, OF: $4,300 – Since August, Grichuk has 9 HRs and a .277 average.  He also has a 28 to 2 K:BB ratio during that time span.  When Kid Gricharus gets to close to the sun, this is gonna hurt but until then, enjoy the cheap bombs.

A.J. Pollock, OF: $3,600 – Can’t believe I found Pollock in the Walmart bargain bin next to all those Magic Mike XXL DVDs…

Delino DeShields, OF: $3,200 – Grey’s favorite call of the off-season *snickers* has been seeing his share of ABs in the leadoff spot when a lefty takes the mound.  Ariel Miranda is a lefty.  /End Analysis/.  But really, the speed is still real and Ariel is still a really bad pitcher.  I mean, how well can you throw when your push off leg is actually just a tail fin?  And while we’re here talking about how bad Miranda is, let’s just say a Rangers stack is in line with thinking right.  Ian Desmond, Carlos Beltran, Adrian Beltre…ah hell, just play anyone one through nine.  Mix and match like that 70’s key game your parents played when they had you.

Raimel Tapia, OF: $2,900 – Oh, yeah, guess there’s a game in Colorado.  That’s important to know.  Also important to know: Raimel Tapia sounds like an exotic type of pudding and pudding is delicious.  More important to know: he’s cheap and if he’s still leading off, he’s a great salary relief in a great spot.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Nothing to worry about here minus MINvsKC where a weather front COULD hit this game at the wrong time.  This may be the first night in like five months that Dozier doesn’t hit a HR.

Doing Lines In Vegas

It should come as no surprise that the worst two teams in the league have the most unlikeliest of chances to win today.  Stras and his Nats as well as Price and his Sox share the big number on the day as they hold a -240 edge.  Outside that, we can call a -150 edge a slight against Noah Syndergaard but really, Vegas is just telling us Anthony Desclafani ain’t half bad himself.  Meanwhile, Carrasco and his Indians hold a -175 line over the Astros.  If you’re looking for runs, look no further than Coors, of course, because the COLvsSF tilt sits at 12 o/u.  Outside of that, we’ve got four 9 spots on the board (CHWvsDET, OAKvsLAA, NYYvsTOR, MILvsCHC) that might be worth eyeing.  No major line moves or changes so far with the afternoon slate but it is intriguing to see TBvsBAL go from 8 to 7.5.  Baltimore has been known to struggle against lefties and Drew Smyly has been known to drop a gem here and there with plenty of Ks.

 
  1. Dave says:
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    Man, great call on Lind!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      *Fans self*. Admittedly, I patted myself on the back for this one

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