Braves rookie phenom/shortstop/TV dinner mogul Dansby Swanson was 2-for-2 last night with his fourth home run and two RBI. Daaaaaaamn, B! YES! Keep doing this. If you held onto Swanson this long (especially in a redraft leagues) you deserve what is happening to you right now. What is happening is Dansby is hitting .360 with 4 runs, 2 homers and 6 RBI in the past week! When your draft day sleeper is finally making you look smart, but most people have already forgot. Sure, he’s still hitting just .201, but these are the kind of things you ignore when you have blind faith and are looking to ride the rookie train to some fantasy fame. I attribute some of this to the cleansing therapy we’ve been taking together. It’s pretty simple, bad vibes–bad, good vibes–good. Harness the good energy, block out the bad. Pretty easy, right? Also, let’s just meditate in this sweat lodge for 12 hours and have a “vision” about how not to strike out as much. After hitting just .156 in April, Dansby is hitting .286 in May. He’s also doubled his OBP, SLG% and has drawn twice as many walks as he did last month. Dan’s be good like that! He’s available in little over half of fantasy leagues right now and if Swanson happens to be out there on waivers in your league, this might be your last chance to grab him before the hype returns. Trust me, this kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Matt Kemp – 3-for-4, HR (4). Hitting close to .400 over the past two weeks. Kemp was red hot before he landed on the DL in April, so naturally I figured the injury stint would ruin everything because this is Matt Kemp we’re talking about. Well, it looks like Kemp is still crushing baseballs so I’ll just shut up and day dream about that time he dated Rihanna. I tried day dreaming about myself dating Rihanna, but I couldn’t suspend my disbelief enough. Give me a shot, Riri, I got your love on the brain!
Daniel Murphy – 2-for-4, HR (8). His second homer in as many days and he’s slashing .325/.387/.567. The homer also won him a personal bet with Bryce Harper, meaning Bryce now has to tell the whole locker room that Daniel is the best player in the National League and that Daniel is more handsomer and cooler than Bryce. LOL. Better luck next time, Harp.
Carlos Torres – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, SV (1). Got the save Friday versus the Cubs. It’s a bit unclear if he’s part of a closing committe or if Corey Knebel was just given the night off. I’ll go with the latter because I told you to pick up Knebel last week.
Jacob deGrom – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 9 K. Apparently, this was the first time a Mets starter went 7.0 innings since deGrom did it on April 28. Lol. Sheesh. Worst team he ever carried. Smdh.
Addison Reed – 1.0 IP, SV (5). His first save since Familia went on the shelf. He blew the save Sunday but he needs to be owned everywhere regardless. There is literally no one else. deGrom can’t pitch seven innings and close the games, too.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-3, 2 runs, HR (11). The hipster’s favorite player is slashing .319/.403/.664. Or have you never heard of him? *Sips organic cold brew coffee, adjusts horn rimmed glasses, strokes beard, puts down David Foster Wallace novel* Sigh, I told you to pick up Conforto last year, even before he was cool. Because there’s nothing cooler than that.
Josh Bell – 2-for-4, run, RBI. Grey told you to BUY. Oh, brother is this Pittsburgh offense turrrrible. Arrrrgh is right. Bell, however, is hitting .273 with 9 runs, 5 homers and 11 RBI in the past two weeks. It’s pretty clear he’s going to be a big part of this pathetic offense going forward. He’s an extremely hot potato right now with three homers in the past week. Pick him up if the pirate’s life is for you, or you just need a corner infielder.
Evan Longoria – 4-for-5, 2 runs, RBI. After going 0-for-10 the previous two games, Evan keep that BA hovering around .250. You do you, Longo!
Erasmo Ramirez – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K. Pretty impressive start for E-Ram against a strong Yankees team, he gets the Angels next week at home and I can see starting to think about the possibility of perhaps mulling over the thought of maybe considering the prospect of speculatively adding Erasmo. I still have to think about it though.
Luis Severino – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 BB, 7 K. Have you ever been in a fantasy league where the commissioner suddenly tries to institute keeper rules in late May because they picked up some young’n who is awesome and they don’t want to let him go? That’s sort of how I feel about Severino. I especially like it when he strikes out batters. I am lucky I own him right now.
Matt Holliday – 2-for-4, HR (8), 2 RBI. Every Yankee team needs a grizzled veteran sparking his career and Matt Holliday has been one of the sparkiest spark plugs this year slashing .273/.373/.521 with 8 HR and 27 RBI. Electric!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4, HR (13). The 13 homers are much impress but my doode has struck out 63 times! That’s like an entire weekend of me clubbin’ worth of rejection.
Tyler Anderson – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 3rd W. Hey, this is the part of the post where I tell you about a Rockies starter who is killing it but I can’t really recommended because Colorado. This time is different though! That 49/16 K/BB rate! With a start in Philadelphia next week! I say go for it! But don’t quote me on that!
Alexi Amarista – 3-for-5, HR (2), 4 RBI. The UTIL man is now slashing .341/.356/.568 and looks to see more time as long as Story is on the shelf. Alexi doesn’t inspire me with the most confidence, but he does play his home games at Coors field, which is a whole lot better than some other uninspired player who doesn’t play in Colorado!
Nolan Arenado – 2-for-4, HR (11), 2 RBI. Colorado scored 12 runs on 16 hits. Including a 3-for-5, 3 RBI day from Mark Reynolds and D.J. LeMahieu going 2-for-4 with 3 runs, 2 RBI and his third stolen base. DJ won’t steal that many bases. He won’t hit that many home runs. But he will hit in Coors. Are you seeing a theme emerge here? Colorado-ians? Coloradorians? Coloradans? Whatever. They are good fantasy baseballers.
Eugenio Suarez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR (8), RBI. Eugenial!
Carlos Correa – 1-for-4, HR (6). After hitting just .233 in April, Correa is crushing it in May rocking a .383 AVG with 4 home runs. Cash him in May. How bou da? Did I use that meme right or nah?
Trevor Bauer – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, BB, 9 K. Continues to be a risky option as he gave up homers to Correa and Reddick. The nine Ks though! Mmm. Resist the urge to add Bauer. Resist the urge to add Bauer. Please? *Bites knuckle, exhales, splashes cold water on face, adds Bauer.* D’oh.
Nate Karns – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 K. Karns left this one a bit early with forearm stiffness but he’s expected to make his next start in New York. Not sure what to make of Karns sudden success except that it seems sudden. He had more strikeouts in a three game stretch than he had in the previous five games. Did something click or did he just have a nice two weeks. Let’s say something clicked just to be a positive Pete and add him everywhere.
Jorge Bonifacio – 2-for-4, HR (3), 2 RBI. Is he bonafide or…is he him. You guys remember that? Do they still do that?
Devon Travis – 3-for-5, RBI. Grey said BUY! Systematic. Automatic! Hydromatic! Oohhhh! It’s grease lightning! He Devon that I want!
Wellington Castillo – 3-for-5, 2 HR (3), 4 RBI. Willy is hitting .600 with 2 homers and seven RBIs since being activated from the disabled list last week. He’s one of the best catchers in fantasy baseball right now! Which makes sense because he’s available in about 75% of leagues. I know how you guys love when I talk about catchers and if you want my endorsement, let’s just say I’d quickly trade my worst catcher, my second worst starter and one of my potential closers for Castillo in a heartbeat. He’s probably better than whoever is catching for your team right now.
Dexter Fowler – 2-for-4, HR (6), 3 RBI. Well, cock-a-doodle-bork! This must be the time of year when Dexter gets crazy hot and reminds you why you over drafted him.
Seung-Hwan Oh – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, K, BS (2). That “Oh face!”
Alex Wood – 7.1 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W 5-0. Why didn’t I pick you up?
Chris Taylor – 3-for-4, HR (5). Taylor is hitting .354 with 12 R, 3 HR, and 9 RBI in the past two weeks. I would own that. However, with Logan Forsythe returning, Taylor might not have much longer to hit all the baseballs. Why does it always seem like its the Dodgers more than any other team that don’t have enough room on their roster to play all their young stars.
Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4, HR (8), 2 RBI. Case in point! Remember when I told you to pick him up a few weeks ago! Wow, that was really great advice from me that one time!
Justin Bour – 1-for-4, HR (10). Another BUY! I’m sorry I said you were bour-ring. It was a lazy pun, and it’s hardly true. ALL YOU DO IS HIT HOME RUNS! Seriously six in the past two weeks and he’s still out there in about 80% of fantasy leagues. Fix this, people!
Ariel Miranda – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 9 K. I trust Ariel about as much as I’d trust an evil-looking octopus/monster queen who wants to mutate my body in exchange for my singing voice. That’s a Little Mermaid reference! Hit it Sebastian!
Jose Quintana – 8.0 IP, 1 hits, ER, BB, 7 K. My Cy Young pick is finally making me looking sort not-so-stupid but still kinda.
Jake Lamb – 2-for-5, 2 HR (11), 5 RBI. The Lamb of God showed who’s the real Overlord as he homered twice. He’s hitting .450 with 4 homers in the past week. Also, his schwarma is excellent!
David Peralta – 2-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI. He’s been battling some injuries but he’s available in about 3/4 of fantasy leagues and has the skillz to contribute in a number of different categories. This is your chance to strike out before the iron is hot. Is that the right expression? This book I have of sports idioms is pretty outdated. Talk about a hurler on the ditch, right?!
Randall Delgado – 3.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 3 K, SV (1). Wow a three inning save! All teams should all agree to do this more! No more relief pitchers, just starters and 3-inning save guys. That will speed up the game! What do you think, Manfred?
Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-4 with a double as he breaks a 0-26 skid. I performed ritualistic prayers and three separate ceremonial chants/dances to bust Andy out of this slump, including sacrificing one of my dunkin iced regulahs to the Donut gods. Truth be told, me and Beni were on the outs because he found out about me and Mookie. Well, errbody already new that, rook! It’s okay. We have an understanding now. If you have time please check out my tumblr fan blog on Andrew. It’s full of gifs and poetry I made just for him.
Mark Canha – 3-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. Hit the game winning home run in the 10th inning. Canha get a what what! Bounce with me now, Jay-Z!
Chris Sale – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 10 K. When the Celtics lose by 50 but you don’t care because you have Chris Sale. He set the record for most consecutive starts with 10 strikeouts or something like that? It’s a little unclear because I think he held the previous record himself already or the actual “strikeouts in consecutive appearances record” is held by a different pitcher but this is consecutive starts so no one can really decide whether or not this is an accomplishment to be celebrated or just Chris Sale doing what he does every start–throwing that stinky, stinky cheese. Can Lebron James do that!? The answer is–yeah, probably, if he really wanted to.
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
