Justin Smoak isn’t simply the hottest hitter in all of baseball.  No!  There’s more!  He’s hitting near-.400 in the last week with four homers.  But wait, there’s more!  Justin Smoak is the world’s first liquid smoke for a fantasy team.  Put Justin Smoak on your fantasy team and it instantly adds an unmistakable Smoak flavor.  Sick of bland boeuf Welington, try Justin Smoak!  Once you taste Justin Smoak, you’re gonna be like, “Now I know why those crazy Canadians measure everything in meat’ers!”  This Eve is not covering her naughty bits with a fig leaf, she’s wearing Smoak’d beef!  Justin Smoak adds such flavor to a fatty piece of old beef it now becomes lean and fresh, leaving our Spanish customers saying, “Si, newy!”  I don’t want to Bragg about our Liquid Aminos, but Justin Smoak can be added to real-live cows and they take on the unmistakeable smell of an ashtray!  All of this for the low, low price of a waiver wire pickup!  Justin Smoak is too good not to try!  (Awaiting FDA approval.)  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Austin Hedges – Moving from Smoak to one half of Benson & Hedges is just how Pall Mall would’ve wanted it.  If the next player is Philip Morris Chesterfield, I’m gonna say Razzball is in the deep pockets of Big Tobacco.  On our Player Rater, any idea how high Hedges is for catchers?  Nope.  Try higher.  Keep going.  4th best catcher, and not exactly close.

Josh Bell – I just went over Bell this morning.  If you use your scrolly finger in conjunction with your mousey hand, you should find it.

Logan Morrison – The way these 1st basemen are all coming together this week, it reminds me of the sportsmanship exhibited when John Olerud offered Robin Ventura his steel cap to avoid further noogies.

Tommy Joseph – A riddle for you:  on a boat, there’s a man named Tommy, a man named Joseph, and a man named Tommy Joseph.  If Tommy Joseph goes overboard, how many men are left?

Justin Bour – What a tool….for drilling holes!  It’s Justin Bour!   Act now!

Neil Walker – Get out the tennis balls, Walker is starting to move.

Devon Travis – I’m not going to say anything about Travis too hyperbolic because we’ve been screwed by this guy more times than this Justin Bour; it also acts as a screwdriver!

Hernan Perez – Because I’m in that kind of mood, on our Player Rater, Perez has been more valuable than Justin Turner, Healy, Longoria, Seager and Maikel.

Tim Beckham – Becks and Posh isn’t just David & Victoria Beckham, isn’t just a German beer and an adjective used instead of ‘South-Ken’ing awesome;’ it’s Tim Beckham and his ability to posh past other middle infielders.  (Not forced at all!)

Tim Anderson – I almost put Chris Taylor here, but Forsythe is gonna return soon.  By the way, John Forsythe prolly has the most handsome corpse.  Lorenzo Lamas wishes he were dead and looked that good.  As for Anderson, oh, ya know, just your random schmotato that is hitting over-.500 in the last week and who I’ve grabbed all over.  I mean, I grabbed him in multiple leagues, not that I grabbed him all over his schnoogels.

Didi Gregorius – He used to get feels on a pitch, hey, whatever happened to James Shields with a pitch, don’t try to stop Didi from that shortstop shizz.

Amed Rosario – Don’t think it’s quite time yet in shallower leagues, but at some point very soon I’m going to make Rosario the lede and you’re not going to be able to grab him anymore.

Ian Happ – Here’s what I said the other day, “The Cubs are saying this callup is only for a few days while the Cubs get back to health.  Couple thoughts here:  A) He could be better than Ben Zobrist right now.  B) The Cubs don’t mind promoting him because they have no intention of holding him on their team, i.e., I could see a trade of him at some point this year.  C) There’s no C.  D) There’s a D, but I’m gonna put it in with E.  E) I call this one Molly.  F) Me.  G) rey Albright.  H) i. I) am Legend.  J) The Cubs will send him back down.  K) lmnop Q) Why wouldn’t you still own him in every league?  R) You crazy?  S) CarGo. T) A drink with jam and bread.  U) Can’t Touch This.  V) for Vendatta.  W) In 26 games of Triple-A, Happ had 9 homers and a .298 average.  X) Prospector Ralph said, “Power/speed skill set with the ability to draw walks.  Swing and miss will keep his average lower, and he doesn’t have a true defensive position.”  Y) Because.  Z) There’s wasn’t a C, why would there be a Z?”  And that’s me quoting me!

Keon Broxton – As I write this, I’m wearing my striped romper, so I look like a fashionable guy on the beach in 1925.  Sometimes, I wear my romper to an auto garage and get all the mechanics to dance behind me like I’m their rompered Justin Timberlake, but enough about me, this is about Broxton and how he should be owned everywhere.  Even Hitter-Tron agrees, like it agrees to grease all metal rods, real slow.

Bradley Zimmer –  I just gave you my Bradley Zimmer fantasy.  I wrote it while saying, “Another one,” like DJ Khaled.

Scott Schebler – ‘Member when Fleer did a baseball card with Bud Black and Vida Blue and called it “Black & Blue?”  They should do a card with Schebler and Altuve called “Schebler’s Elf.”

Zack WheelerStream-o-Nator likes this start, like it changes its iPhone contacts from “Mom” to “Only Friend.”

Jesse Chavez – Yes, Stream-o-Nator likes this start too, but, in the bigger picture, 40 Minutes South of Los Angeles Angels have a bunch of pitchers I’ve been streaming non-stop on a mixed league team.

James Pazos – Could be the M’s closer, but I also own Nick Vincent, because I’m a saves whore and my brothel is the waiver wire.

Corey Knebel – At this point, I’m finding it hard to envision Neftali Feliz getting the closer job back.  After all, Feliz is Spanish for happy, but it’s said sarcastically, like, “Feliz navidad,” as you take pictures of your neighbor’s nativity scene at 3AM so you can put it on eBay.

Koda Glover – Dusty Baker doesn’t even know what Dusty Baker is going to do pitching-wise from moment to moment, so your guess is as good as mine.

Matt Bush – Okay, I honestly don’t understand this.  Why is Matt Bush not owned in as many leagues as, say, Justin Wilson?  Is this some kind of moral stand because Bush is a piece of garbage?  I’m not saying Wilson shouldn’t be owned, but Bush has been the Rangers’ closer for an Urban Dictionary minute, which is actually a long time, and Bush has been where the sun don’t shine.  Hmm, I got too flowery in my description, should’ve just went with ‘lights out.’

SELL

Miguel Sano – Yes, the power is real, but be realistic for, like, a half second.  His BABIP right now is .411.  Um, yeah, no.  His strikeout rate is still near 35%.  Um, okay, no.  He will bat .245 this year, and with that will go bye-bye on runs and RBIs, leaving him as a straight power guy, and I don’t mean a power guy that loves the ladies, though, he might.  There’s value here, but not as much as he’s shown.  No, I’m not saying sell him for tickets to Dr. Phil’s studio audience for a followup appearance by the ‘Cash Me Outside’ girl.

 
  1. pfunk says:
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    Franco, Herrera, Hernandez all recently dropped. Any of these worth a swap?

    Hernandez over Peraza or Travis?

    Franco over Pujols?

    Herrera over Zimmer?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @pfunk: Cesar over Travis…Hold…Hold

  2. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Score! A week where you don’t say to sell a pitcher I own in an RCL!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Next week, I’m just going to take a screenshot of your team and say SELL

  3. Cram It says:
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    So Smoak, Bell, Morrison or To-Jo?

    Seriously though, Jett Bandy! Frankencatcher train keeps on rollin’. If only my first four draft picks were as good as my catcher slot this year.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I fell in love with Grandal, for better or worse

      • Cram It says:
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        @Grey: No reason to not hold onto him, not unless he’s not not hitting .220 nor not 20 HR’s.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah my thoughts

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Btw, Why is your team doing so poorly in Perts?

          • Cram It says:
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            @Grey: Ha. Thanks for noticing. I’m at or towards the bottom in HR/RBI/Avg. Rizzo, Story, Dozier, Seager and Trumbo, my top 5 picks, are all still sucking. Pleasant surprises like Healy and Avisail can’t carry me.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ouch, didn’t know you had that many disappointments

              • Cram It says:
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                @Grey: Yep, gotta hang in there and hope they do what they should be doing.

                On a lesser note, should probably cut ties with Odubel, but I’m giving him one more week.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah he’s pretty borderline in RCL at this point

                • Hoboken Squat Cobblers says:
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                  @Cram It: If it means anyt’ing, ODB is a .300 2nd half hitter and .274 first half. I’m hanging everywhere b’cept the shallowest.

                • Hoboken Squat Cobblers says:
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                  @Cram It: Sort of nevermind…Odubie’s splits include this crappy start, so…sample size prolly too small?!!? That’s what…

                  • Cram It says:
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                    @Hoboken Squat Cobblers: Ha. All good. He’s hitting over .300 against lefties so far and .218 against righties, which is not normal. So there’s room for logic to take its course.

  4. someone pissed in my alphabet soup says:
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    ros OPS league who do you like better conforto or carlos santana?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Conforto, close

  5. BAC says:
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    Drop Peraza for T. Anderson? 5×5 OBP

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nah

  6. Adam says:
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    Wacha? Thoughts?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m streaming him

      • Adam says:
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        would you start him each week over Griffin (TEX) and Andriese (TB)[email protected]Grey:

  7. Scott says:
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    Please rank for ros: bregman (3b/mi), travis, franco. Fyi, i added franco earlier this week, but bregman was cut. Travis is a fa

    Would you trade watson for piscotty (due back this weekend). I have 3 other closers, can play 4. Thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Franco, Breg… no on piscotty, do better

  8. dtbran says:
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    Tim Anderson more short term or would you be dropping Mazara for him (limited moves)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Hold

  9. William Hung says:
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    If Happ isn’t sent down when Heyward is activated tomorrow, should I pick him up over Hernan Perez? I feel like if Perez isn’t going to run, his value is diminished a bit… Or I could punt SBs and drop Deez Nutz.

    2nd Question – where do you see Smoak’s upside? Would you drop Trevorending Story for him?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Happ over Perez… no hold Story

  10. coleseph says:
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    Whenever Sogard gets a hit I yell “That’s So Gard!” Then when Villar bats I say “Hmm, that wasn’t very Gard.”

  11. William Hung says:
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    I just realized Wheeler is in your buy – I think I called it 2 weeks ago that he’d make it on there…

    • Cram It says:
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      @William Hung: Hey you’re 1 for 1000 in your gut feelings if you include football. Things are looking up!

      • William Hung says:
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        @Cram It: Eliminate football and it’s like 1/50 so there’s that

  12. Lipson says:
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    Grey, any way you could start mentioning if these Adds are more long term or short term?

    Example – If Im trying to stop the revolving door at my 2B spot, is Walker a long term add, or simply a hot bat?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Depends on leagues

    • Cram It says:
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      @Lipson: Not trying to be a D, but to put things in perspective, you should know what you’re getting out of Walker. All these guys are generally hot right now, but it could always be more than that.

  13. Paul says:
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    Piscotty over holiday puig or Healy?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Holliday

  14. Jon Strayer says:
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    Fowler or Pillar in OBP?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Pillar

  15. King Bob says:
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    Pitchers
    Lackey
    Triggs
    Morton
    Holland
    Servino
    Melancon
    Miller
    Martinez
    Hamels-DL
    Price- DL
    Kluber-DL

    Who should I drop for Karns and Berrios?

    • King Bob says:
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      @King Bob: berrios is gone ! :(