Join the 2018-19 Razzball Fantasy Premier League for a chance at prizes! Don’t know about Fantasy Soccer? That’s okay, Smokey is here to walk with you throughout this journey of exploration and an absurd amount of accent marks on player names. So probably hide all your snacks. It’ll be a long journey…

Maybe they thought they were safe by bringing Kelvin Herrera as a Linus blanket until Doolittle returned.  Maybe they were comfy with the veterans that they had lined up just in case.  Well that “just in case” just happened.  Herrera is now on the DL and Madson assumes the role of all roles. (Until Sean Doolittle comes back from a stressed out foot.)  The Nats had such promise in preseason and even after the acquisition of Kelvin, to be a good bullpen.  Former closers, like most men, are there to do their job and file their income tax returns on time like big boys.  Well, they disappointed me and definitely the owners of Doolittle.  Since July 3rd, or basically the last time Doolittle pitched, they have four saves.  Four, fore, for!  Only ahead of teams like the Padres, Blue Jays and Angels.  By the way, if you are scoring at home the Angels haven’t had a save in 27 games.  That is actually more mind-blowing than a team with decent starting pitching to only get four whole damn saves.  Makes save-chasing on Madson or the like seem glum.  So save your FAAB bucks for another day because Sean should be back within the fortnight, no idea if he mastered his emote dances yet though.  Not that it really matters, but a save earned is a save kept.  I know that works with pennies, wasn’t sure if that helped with counting stats at all.  The season is coming down the stretch, do you have what it takes oh glutens of the SAGNOF?  If you feel weary or just on cruise control because of Fantasy Football, than relax take a gander on some useful bullpen stuff, followed by the rankings…

  • The brain freezes currently outweigh the board here.  Too many situations that are TBD or a committee.  And I even was so nice to put two committees in the employed section because it looked wonky.
  • I have shaken my fist for too many a time at Gabe Kapler this year.  Stupid outsmart everyone BS. Play Dominguez ya tool.
  • With Roberto Osuna now in the Astros pen, Rondon is on full alert.  Yes, I have him ranked where he is because it is today, not tomorrow.  If it were tomorrow, I would severely hungover and chugging Pedialyte.
  • Oh boy, get excited for Ken Giles changing teams and maybe being the closer.  Womp, 20 ERA in his three appearances.  Great start, his ERA in US currency is 32.
  • I am falling in love with the Braves bullpen more and more everyday.  For dynasty purposes, as you sure know, they are a dreamboat of pitching studs.  Minter and Biddle look poised to be back end guys for a long time.
  • I honestly think I would prefer owning Adam Conley to Drew Steckenrider.
  • Deep-leaguers, keep an eye on the Mets giving Bobby Wahl a look.
  • Sleepy Reliever of the Week:  Not really a sleeper at all, but Jeurys Familia is either buying into the A’s bullpen goodness or is playing for a contract next year.  3 wins, a save and 11 plus K rate since being traded.  Good stuff.  Will be more interesting with Fernando Rodney around.


$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel –  (Matt Barnes, Heath Hembree)

2. Edwin Diaz – (Alex ColomeJames Pazos)

3. Aroldis Chapman – (Dellin betances, Zach Britton)

4. Kenley Jansen – (Scott Alexander, Dylan Floro)



Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Blake Treinen – (Jeurys FamiliaLou Trivino)

6. Raisel Iglesias – (Jared Hughes, David Hernandez)

7. Felipe Vazquez – (Keone Kela, Kyle Crick)

8. Wade Davis – (Adam Ottavino, Seung-hwan Oh)

9. Bud Norris  – (Jordan Hicks, Dakota Hudson)

10. Brad Boxberger – (Archie BradleyYoshihisa Hirano)



These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.

11. Hector Rondon – (Roberto Osuna, Colin McHugh)

12. Shane Greene – (Joe JimenezAlex Wilson)

13. Will Smith – (Tony Watson, Mark Melancon)

14. A.J. Minter – (Dan Winkler, Brad Brach)

15. Sergio Romo – (Jose Alvarado, Ryan Stanek)

16. Pedro Strop – (Brandon Kintzler, Card Edwards)

17. Cody Allen / Brad Hand

18. Corey Knebel  / Josh Hader / Jeremy Jeffress

19. Kirby Yates – (Craig StammenPhil Maton)


Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

20. Seranthony Dominguez / Pat Neshek / Victor Arano

21. Mychal Givens – (Paul Fry, Tanner Scott)

22. Wily Peralta – (Kevin McCarthy, Brandon Maurer)

23. Drew Steckenrider – (Adam Conley, Javy Guerra)

24. Ryan Madson – (Koda Glover, Justin Miller)

25. Ken Giles / Ryan Tepera / Tyler Clippard

26. Jose Leclerc – (Alex Claudio, Cody Gearrin)

27. Trevor Hildenberger / Addison Reed / Trevor May

28. Blake Parker  (Justin AndersonCam Bedrosian)

29. Anthony Swarzak /Seth Lugo / Jerry Blevins

30. Jace Fry / Juan Minaya / Thyago Viera



Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
4 years ago

So I lost Jansen, Alexander was already scooped up and I’ve read reports where they intend to move Maeda to the pen, so that’ll likely be a time share anyway. So Im left with just Boxberger and Kimbrel. The only choices I have are brain freezes: Givens, Streckenrider, Madson, Giles and Parker. I assume you’d recommend Givens based on your recommendations? Ottavino is also out there, as is Hunter Strickland for speculation’s sake. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Jammer McSlam
Jammer McSlam
4 years ago

Where would Tepera land if he were to regain the close role in TOR?

4 years ago

Hey Smokey,

Man, I hope Davis and Knebel can get their shizz together quick. That was bad on Thursday. Albeit Soria didn’t do CK any favors either. Would you say a week off for both? Clear their heads? I feel like there’s not much you can do at this stage of the game. You can’t drop either unless there’s an injury?

And does Rondon need to lose the gig? Two saves (I think) since Osuna arrived. Both are rested. Does Osuna get the next chance?

This is all crystal ball stuff I guess.

Have a good weekend. West Ham at Liverpool tomorrow I’m psyched to see the new-look side Pellegrini and co have put together. COYI!

4 years ago

Would you grab Leclerc or Hand as a Jansen replacement? Hand still in somewhat of a timeshare.

4 years ago

Givens seems more like Employed.
Wade Davis is quickly moving down the list. And Romo up the list. You can probably switch them next week.

Bob's Your Uncle
Bob's Your Uncle
4 years ago

You said that Doolittle will be back within 2 weeks, correct?

Also, when do you think Morrow will be back to reclaim his role from Strop?


Fungazi 2.0
Fungazi 2.0
4 years ago

‘Never mix up your Pedialyte and your Peglyte.’

-Grandpa Fungazi

Add in Alexander another Brain Freeze