LOGIN

Last year’s schmohawk posts were Alex Bregman, Joey Gallo, Charlie Blackmon, DJ LeMahieu and Kris Bryant. Welp, four out five ain’t bad. I crushed four of those so hard it was like I Mola Ram’d my hand into their chest so decisively, some of them were unable to come back from it. Somewhere, Kris Bryant is still walking with his head lowered, kicking rocks at some of the weak-sauce grounders he’s hitting to the 2nd baseman. Imagine you could ruin careers with your typed words — THAT IS MY POWER! I am a responsible enough adult that I can handle doling out this sort of punishment, but I promise you, I go to sleep every night, praying each of my schmohawks will be able to start up a new career after I decimate them with my (s)words.

“Lord, I know you are busy, but please, if you have a moment, let Joey Gallo start a career as a pretzel salesman at a well-attended circus. Or whatever he wants to do. Thank you, and keep in touch, big homey!” That’s me knelt by my Cal-King, 45,000-count linen sheet-covered bed. Just an adult, doing adult shizz. Now, allow me to unsheathe my adjectives, unholster my nouns, something-something-out some verbs! Today’s dressing down comes at the expense of Dominic Smith. En garde! is what I scream as I eat a Snickers bar, while perusing Statcast. You’re done for, pal! So, what can we expect from Dominic Smith for 2021 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”718505″ player=”10951″ title=”Razzball%202021%20Draft%20Kit%20%20TOP%205%20Busts” duration=”158″ description=”” uploaddate=”2021-02-11 17:58:52″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/718505_t_1613066342.png” contentUrl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/718505.mp4″]

Hello, or hola, as I learned during my 13 years of Spanish. Welcome to my critique of Yahoo’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Or as I sometimes call it, “I don’t know what they’re thinking, but the longer I think about it the more it hurts my brain, so let’s just shrug through this without acquiring a tumor.” Let’s not have my obit be, “Grey is survived by a much older wife, Cougs, and Yahoo’s fantasy baseball rankings.” We’re gonna bury them, they’re not gonna bury us! Uh, me! See, we’re putting things in perspective, my over-the-internet friend. I have my aggravation ratio down to 3:2. For every three rankings I don’t agree with, I’m only screaming twice. It’s very freeing. I feel light as a feather. A very toxic feather. Anyway, here’s a totally impartial look at Yahoo’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2021 fantasy baseball rankings:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”718505″ player=”10951″ title=”Razzball%202021%20Draft%20Kit%20%20TOP%205%20Busts” duration=”158″ description=”” uploaddate=”2021-02-11 17:58:52″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/718505_t_1613066342.png” contentUrl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/718505.mp4″]

The best 2021 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turn-off, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2021 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adalberto Mondesi in the 2nd round, everything after would change. If I took Trea Turner in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2021 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings.  For this exercise, I’m taking Cody Bellinger in the first, because, well, people complained previously I always did this post by taking the first pick, so I’m switching it up, like when you combover your hair right instead of left. Last year in my “Best Fantasy Baseball Team” post, I took Tatis with my 1st pick, when ESPN was telling you to draft him 43rd overall. Cust kayin’. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Gerrit Cole and deGrom in the first round and I was able to take Trevor Story in the 2nd round (which is likely in some leagues), but since Bellinger and him are in my first 12 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the latter rounds, I gave myself free rein to fill up my team after pick 200. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team…or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is a 12-team, 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (go sign up, you Big Chungus).  Anyway, here’s the best 2021 fantasy baseball team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As many of you know, I’m in the NL-Only Tout Wars and LABR, so every year I take part in an industry NL-Only league with the CBS peeps (and Donkey Teeth, BDon, Itch…Now that I think about it, it’s all Razzball people and CBS’s Scott White) to try to find my footing like a drunk sailor hearing about a peg boy for the first time. If you don’t know what a peg boy is, don’t google it, which is what someone says knowing that will 100% cause someone to google it. Some might mock, some might mock draft, but this is my draft prep, and am happy to take part in this league. Until about 25 minutes into the draft, and players go for way too much, and I start getting hungry and I just want the whole thing to be over and ermahgerd! But, for those first twenty-five minutes of the five-hour draft, I’m laser focused. For this league, I once again use Rudy’s NL-Only rankings, and his War Room (it’s free with a subscription). I won’t try to get you to buy it anymore. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse put a cape down so I can walk over the water without getting wet. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”719862″ player=”10951″ title=”Razzball%202021%20Draft%20Kit%20%20DTNT” duration=”145″ description=”” uploaddate=”2021-02-14 18:33:16″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/719862_t_1613327606.png” contentUrl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/719862.mp4″]

Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2021 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd, if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2021 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2021 fantasy baseball, and the beginning of the top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Sign up for multiple leagues, and beat the heck out of your frenemies or make new frenemies!)  Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2021 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Fantasy Baseball War Room is back!  I’m not saying the Fantasy Baseball War Room is back, as in, is a butt. So, if Sir Mix-A-Lot is reading, I’m truly sorry for the confusion. Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far? Cause it’s only really seven parts total. I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob-as-a-pinwheel-spins in there too.  Essentially, this helps you practice building a fantasy baseball team. Rudy also has a War Room that comes with Razzball subscriptions. His War Room is better and offsite, i.e., he’ll give you a link to download everything. I repeat, his War Room is better, but is not free. Ask anyone in the comments if Rudy’s War Room is better, they will say 100% it is better. This one is free, and janky at times. You’ve been warned, so you cannot complain.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Our 2021 Razzball leagues are in signup mode. Robot in Signup Mode, “I am entering contest to win Razzball t-shirt even though I’ve never seen a robot wear a shirt. Starting….” The Robot begins to peter out, “…New…Fad.” Oh no, the Razzball Robot has died! *screaming to heavens* What hath you forsaken me?! Heavens, “Focus on ESPN’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, you moron.” Wow, the heavens do not take well to histrionics. So, this year’s ESPN rankings are a tad goofier than I remember them, but maybe I just got smarter — Smarterened? Smartered? Became the smarts? Meh, I don’t know. What I do know is ESPN has Trevor Bauer ranked 12th overall, and that made me laugh for a very long time. At one point, I coughed, and I thought I was coming down with the plague, but quickly recovered to laugh some more. Never knew ESPN was so climate-conscious, but they must be because they’re good recycling garbage. Maybe it’s bravery in the face of contradictory evidence. Maybe it’s dumb. Maybe it’s nuts. Hopefully not Mitch Haniger’s, they’ve been through enough. Any hoo! I’m clutchin’ my pearls like a Barbara Bush hologram and about to take out some ‘perts! *slowly, menacingly sharpens index finger for more incisive typing* I’m about to cut up somebody with words! Now let’s open a window and defenestrate ESPN’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of U2’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I call this So Bloody Stupid:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”707875″ player=”10951″ title=”Razzball%202021%20Draft%20Kit%20%203rd%20Base” duration=”154″ description=”” uploaddate=”2021-01-25 17:00:59″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/707875_t_1611622408.png” contentUrl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/707875.mp4″]

Been a while since I gave you a roundup of news, so guess what? Here’s a roundup of news, or in the case of Josh Jung, a guy who I added to the rankings. First off, what Prospect Itch said previously, “The best Texas prospect since Gallo, Josh Jung brings full-field power, plate discipline, and a plus hit tool along with functional defense at the hot corner. I’m trying to acquire him in my 20-team OBP league and suggest anyone seeking potentially affordable third base help consider the same in their leagues. Speaking of affordable, anyone know a reasonably priced hitman to take out Grey?” Okay, that’s not cool. Hold on one second, are you telling me the Rangers have a decent prospect? I call BS. I thought the Rangers gave up after finally figuring out how to spell Saltalamacchia. Oh, I know, this is the Rangers just trying to sneak Michael Young back out at 3rd base, and spelling his name differently. Jung, you’re nothing but a Freud! Podcaster Ralph told me the other day, he thinks Jung is a 25-homer, 3-steal, .280 hitter. Not sure how much time Jung sees this year, but the draft season is still Jung! Sorry, hashtag never again. I added Josh Jung into my top 20 3rd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball with the projections: 21/6/25/.272/1 in 170 ABs, but obviously those could go up if he breaks camp. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…happiness? I love this team. I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But love an AL-Only team? No one good is even in the AL. What’s going on with me? Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over me. My baby’s got a secret — he loves his AL-Only team, which I sing while wearing a bridal gown as I roll around on an empty stage. I also cut out each player’s name I drafted and throw them at my face like wedding rice. Is this metaphor still going, you ask yourself. Yes, it is! Can’t I be happy? So, I drafted against Scott White at CBS, a bunch of Razzball guys and a few ‘perts from other sites. This league is deep so hold onto ye olde hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did you ever think we’d get to the end of the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings? You did? Wow, you had more faith than me. Some time around the top 60 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball, I thought we were gonna have to pack it up and start ranking something else, like the top 20 reasons why we weren’t finishing the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Never the hoo! Here we are now! Entertain us! Wait, that’s my job. Now that I think about it, why is Nirvana saying “Entertain us?” They were the band supposed to entertain us. Wait, were their concerts just mass karaoke singalongs where the audience sang to them? Hmm, will research this and get back to you! So, from the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, specifically the starter rankings, comes a need for this post:  The 2021 fantasy baseball pitchers’ pairing tool. This is where things get interesting! And by ‘interesting’ I mean massively confusing. If what you’re about to read were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If The Night Stalker stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye. Besides, of course, him being dead might raise some eyebrows.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in. No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles! This is a fantasy baseball fantasy! Because you know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 500 other fantasy baseball teams.  But not a 500-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 50 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team and returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”719862″ player=”10951″ title=”Razzball%202021%20Draft%20Kit%20%20DTNT” duration=”145″ description=”” uploaddate=”2021-02-14 18:33:16″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/719862_t_1613327606.png” contentUrl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/719862.mp4″]

Four score and seventeen-hundred rankings posts ago, my Fordfathers said, “Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers.” In order to form a more perfect fantasy baseball ranking system, we stopped ranking for fantasy baseball and simply said, “Eff it, let’s just let Grey rank 500 or so Mr. So-and-So’s.” Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball. A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball. Before that, it was 16 AD and I was drafting in one-person leagues because no one knew fantasy baseball or baseball. In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Ronald Acuña Jr. Jr. Jr. Today, in this year, Blackjack after Twenty, comes the top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball. Or as I like to call it, “Did he really rank Mr. So-and-So before Mr. So-and-So Jr.?” If Mr. So-and-So Jr. would stop chasing pitches in the dirt, I might’ve ranked him in front of Mr. So-and-So. This post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system. The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that. This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions, i.e., you know I like Ketel Marte better than Brandon Lowe, according to the top 20 2nd basemen, but do I like Ketel Marte better than Starling Marte or anyone else in the Marte family? Okay, it’s not that simple. You should read the blurbs for all players, but this top 500 should give you an idea. You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together. I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Raimel Tapia is ranked vs. Hector Neris. If you need saves, Tapia isn’t going to help you. He can be ranked 50 spots in front of Neris and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I have the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions. If you need a 1st baseman, where Bobby Dalbec vs. Ty France matters, but where Dalbec is ranked vs. Nate Pearson really doesn’t matter. Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting. In other words, Shane Bieber might be in the 20’s overall, but am I drafting him? Well, you’d know if you read my top 20 for 2021 fantasy baseball.  There’s also a top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball to help you. Also, there’s Rudy’s War Room, which is downloadable, and it comes free with Razzball Subscriptions. Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?