Charles Barkley Sums Up Tigers’ Starter And M’s Bats In No-Hitter As “They’re Both Turnible”

May 19, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 422 Comments

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They should have a contest where one lucky fan tries to no-hit the Mariners. Yesterday, Spencer Turnbull no-hit the Mariners (9 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88), because the Mariners are being no-hit every day of the week that ends in Y. Armando Galarraga called and said big whoop. Yo, he sounds bitter. Didn’t they give Armando Galarraga a car after his kinda perfect game? They should give Spencer Turnbull a salmon thrown to him by someone in Seattle wearing rubber boots. How about teams that have a team batting average under .205 get to use the juiced ball? Sure, it’s an arbitrary rule, but so is the dropped third strike rule if you think about it. So, I hope you used the Streamonator that told you to start Turnbull. Beyond that, Turnbull looks like he’s, uh, turned a corner. He’s throwing his offspeed stuff more, and results are good: 8.1 K/9, 2.1 BB/9, 2.75 FIP, so close to neutral luck outside of home runs allowed, but he doesn’t allow homers ever. He’s not an ace, but that’s a usable number three to four, and since the no-hitter happened after I wrote the original opening, you’re getting a special treat today. A double lede! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mad Huascar Smashes His Way To Be His Own IL-Land

May 18, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 476 Comments

by: Grey

Huascar Ynoa fractured his hand and he will be out for a couple of months. He hurt himself when he punched a bench. I wonder if he exclaimed, “Sonavabench!” How now Kevin Brown. Blergh, I’m a big dummy, my name is Huascar Ynoa. By the way, the title refers to Madagascar, the island nation that accounts for 80% of the world’s natural vanilla. The other 20% is Larry Bird, Tom Arnold and Tim Allen. Ynoa’s tanked so fast after my Friday Sell, that I didn’t even get a chance to bust out my pronunciation of Ynoa so it rhymes with quinoa. Bye-bye, Yeewah, was nice Ynoa’ing ya. Starting tomorrow in Ynoa’s stead will be Tucker Davidson, who sounds like a game show host. Tucker, show them what they won…A mid-90s MPH fastball that he throws 75% of the time? That can’t be right. Looks like he’s got a wipeout curve, and is seen as a middle reliever long term, but for now he’s a streamer, though Ynoa anyone can surprise. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hendricks Shrugs Off Rocky Start By Keeping Eye On The Tigers

May 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 582 Comments

by: Grey

First off, it was against the Tigers. Let’s be clear here — hey, I’m a poet and aware of it! — the Tigers are laughably bad. Yet, again with some stank, YET! Kyle Hendricks (8 IP, 1 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.27) looked fix. Hendfixed? Hmm, will work on that. Kyle Whenfixed? Okay, they’re getting worse. He(ndricks) had a season-high 30 called strikes and the most called strikeouts (7) by a pitcher in the majors this year. He looked exactly like what we expect from him, just hitting the same outside corner, over and over and, well, you know. Call him Dutchboy because he was just painting! Also, the good news gets gooder (better?) the digger you deep–Uh oh, GreyBot3000 is breaking down, must recharge…*fills mouth with boba*…Let’s go! Hendricks’s ‘luck’ should continue to get better too. Terrible BABIP of .338, when his career high is .296, which was way back in 2015. His home runs are also out of control for his career, and, brucely, for the entire league. There’s no way he’s dealing with a deadened ball and giving up his worst number home runs, unless his command is bad, and it was. Until yesterday. It looks like the Hendfixed might be in. By the way, saw Ryan Hendrix pitch yesterday, and how many goddamn ways are they going to spell that last name? Hendrickx is next. Only requirement is you have to pitch and have an Irishy first name (Kyle, Ryan, Liam). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And Buy Hungry Like A SAGNOF

May 14, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 503 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

When I saw Jarren Duran running from 2nd to home the other day in a minor league game, I thought to myself, with a trademark stammer, “This Duran…Duran looks like he could come undone.” With rookies, sometimes it’s like I’m on a ride and I want to get off, but Duran…Duran won’t slow down the roundabout. The instincts, the…the reflex. The reflex! I’m pleading with the Red Sox, “Why don’t you use him?” While hoping Duran…Duran stays healthy and does not bruise it. The reflex! Are they buying time? Don’t lose it, Red Sox, you have the lead. Have you seen him, girls? On film? He’s wild, boys. Wild, boys. Wild, boys. Wild, boys. By not calling up prospects, are they trying to break us? Looks like they’ll try again. Luckily, wild boys never lose it. I need prospects, and I’m hungry like a wolf! Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo–Okay, enough with 80’s on 8. Shut off that classic MTV. With Jarred Kelenic up, the next Jarr is Jarren Duran, and I’m gonna be singing Chingy, “Right Jarr, right Jarr.” Jarren Duran is so gee-dee fast. Not sure if you’ve seen him yet, but I watched him for the first time last week and was like, “If this guy doesn’t hit .230, he will be a top 50 fantasy contributor for a handful of years.” He’s got easy 30 steal speed, and if the Red Sox push him, and he hits well, he could steal 45+. He looks like Treat Urner when he first came up, i.e., not a ton of power, but it’s not a huge knock, he’ll give a few knocks. The Red Sox need an arm more than a bat, but it’s just silly for them to keep Duran down in the minors much longer. He’s immediately better than Enrique Hernandez or whoever they have at leadoff right now. I’d grab him in every league to stash. He’s wild, boys. Wild, boys. Wild, boys. Wild, boys! Anyway, here’s more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seattle’s Best Prospects

May 14, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 304 Comments

by: Grey

If you have friends that are Mets fans, yesterday was a difficult day. Please check in on them. Meanwhile, Brodie Van Wagenen will be drinking George Clooney’s tequila with Jay-Z while the Mariners game is on behind them at the Soho House, and Brodie won’t even know Jarred Kelenic is playing.

Extreme Jay-Z voice: Whoa, didn’t you trade away this guy?
BVV: Hova, Robbie Cano looked great.
Extreme Jay-Z voice: So soulful.

The Mariners were the talk of the MLB town yesterday with Logan Gilbert and Jarred Kelenic debuting. The bad news first, Logan Gilbert (4 IP, 4 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks). Okay, serious question, does Logan Gilbert throw ground balls or is that like not cool? He should consider ground balls, or at least mullet over. The problem with rookie pitchers — besides roofies — I don’t have eyes on them until they’re called up, and others who do have eyes on them, are seeing them go against minor leaguers. In every minor league lineup, there’s at least, what, five easy outs? There were moments when Gilbert looked like he could be an ace, and there were moments when I wasn’t sure why I picked him up in a 12-team mixed league. One start does not a career make; don’t make me point out how Clayton Kershaw had a terrible rookie year. He settled in as the game went along, stopped throwing only fastballs, and looked solid. You might consider streaming out of him in shallower leagues, you might hold him. Feels situational in shallower leagues. As usual, rookie pitchers not always worth the headache. Rookie hitters, how’sever, well, Jarred Kelenic can be a future star, and by future I mean starting today. It’s very encouraging the M’s hit him leadoff — I guess they like what they saw with his glove in the minors this year — and I’m completely, 100% still a smitten kitten on Kelenic. Let the good times roll, preferably right over me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seattle Ready To Rip Off Their Hulk Logan Gilbertmania Shirt

May 13, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 523 Comments

by: Grey

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Roofies are real and they are not good. When you wake up after five hours and you’re missing a kidney? That’s a roofie. They’re a rookie pitcher who just decimates your ratios and leaves you wandering around for a light switch, only to realize you no longer have an arm. Though, you do have a hand, which is just puzzling. Yo, you T-Rex? With that said, rookie pitcher phenom Logan Gilbert is coming up. Prospect Itch just gave you the skinny, “If you’re going to hold one pitching prospect hoping he might come up and help your club, Gilbert should be that gottfried. He’s got a big league starter’s pitch mix and command, and he’ll be coming up to a hot club with pretty strong defense in a nice pitcher’s park. Speaking of which, I’d like to park my Subaru on Grey.” Okay, not sure what that’s about. I don’t say this lightly, but Logan Gilbert could win the AL ROY. Will he? What, I should sell my soul for future advice about a stupid MLB award? Get out of here! You sell your soul if you want to know! I’m just saying Gilbert’s plus command and strikeout ability makes him a must grab. I did in my RCL, and I would do it again! Though, I’m only in one RCL, so not sure how I can do it again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Freddy, Aim, Fire

May 12, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 499 Comments

by: Grey

Explain to me how you had to draft a top ten starter and Freddy Peralta (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.77) wasn’t going to be good enough. Explain it to me like I’m a five-year-old. A well-read five-year-old, of course. Like I’ve read some of the classics, like that caterpillar turning into the butterfly book and the Berenstain Bears (eat that, Mandela Effect!). Explain how a guy with a 14+ K/9 and 2.92 FIP isn’t exactly what you want in every league and is worse than who? Who’s he worse than?! I’m all charged up because I ate some candy. I’ll calm down by the third blurb of the post. Explain to me how Freddy Peralta with an .130 xBA on all pitches, which is the top 1% in the league, and a top 5% in the league xSLG, and a top 3% strikeout rate in the league is not an ace? Explain how an expected ERA of 2.21 isn’t an ace. I’ll wait! (After the third blurb, I’m still running on sugar.) Explain how a guy with a .115 xBA on his fastball isn’t an ace. Explain it! Okay, I’m not even going to make it to the third blurb, I need a nap. Freddy Peralta is an ace, aside from his walks. If he can lower his walk rate, he’s a top five starter. Right now, he’s roughly a top 15 starter. Get on board or explain to me why not! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Almost Time To Release Your Jarred Up Emotions

May 11, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 532 Comments

by: Grey

Close your extraneous browser windows right now–Not this one! This is not extraneous. How dare you, sir. Okay, now that the other browser windows are closed, open your fantasy team window. The team that’s hurting for offense and wouldn’t mind a top 10 outfielder. Yes, that team. Great, now go to waivers–Are you signed in? God damn it! Sign yourself in! Your password is Belle&Sebastian#1Fan. Okay, now that you’re signed in, go to waivers and grab Jarred Kelenic, he’s being promoted this Thursday. So, what to expect? Everything? Does that work for you? He’s already a 1st ballot “I can’t believe the Mets traded him away” Guy and he hasn’t played one MLB game. He could be 25/10/.290 this year. That obviously might be pie-in-the-sky-hopes, but that’s what we’re looking at in the range of possibilities. That’s otherwise known as “What you would’ve gave Haniger’s left nut to get from George Springer.” Realistically, we might see 17/7/.270. I’ll guess we’ll see, since Kelenic is coming in two days, but who’s counting? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A Pearson Of Much Importance On Your Mother/Tucker’s Day

May 10, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 520 Comments

by: Grey

Happy Mother’s Day to all the baby’s mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas, mamas. Much respect to the mothers. Without my emergence from my mother’s vagina, I wouldn’t be able to bestow on you my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. We are one people and everyone has popped out of a mother’s vagina at one point, unless you’re an alien — I’m looking at you, Andrelton! — and with our emergence from our mother’s vagina — or that Cesarean stuff that I don’t fully understand — I say we should all live together, loving each other, and never speaking of Luis Castillo again, cause he sucks. Yesterday, the Jays called up Nate Pearson (2 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 hits, 5 walks) and he couldn’t find the plate, obviously. There was one inning there where it felt like I aged ten years, and I was still younger than Nelson Cruz. Nate Pearson shouldn’t be judged on one start. His stuff is as electric as any I’ve seen recently. Won’t mean it’s without some ups and downs, but a potential 10+ K/9 plays everywhere. He will need to rein in his control to be effective for the shallowest leagues. Far from an easy matchup against the Astros, though one of the easier outs Kyle Tucker (2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .188) was the bulk of the damage. I hope that Mother Tucker’s happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Harrison Bader Buysberg

May 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 522 Comments

by: Grey

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

First, allow me to share a story, uh, shared by frequent commenter, Travis Hafner. The Pronk One:

So, do we think Harrison Bader is into Pikachu or Mankey? Polyps? More like Poliwag or Poliwhirl! “Do you mind if I call you Jigglypuff?” That’s Harrison Bader talking to Yadier Molina. Harrison Bader looks at a fruit basket and is like, “Does anyone want this Flapple or can I have it?” Is this all gibberish or am I actually saying real words or am I reading aloud while I edit a Pokemonpedia? Who’s to say! In that fantastic story from Travis Hafner that I want to make all about Pokemon is a little tidbit about how Bader had polyps in his nose which hurt his equilibrium and his hitting. Reminds me of the time I had collagen sucked out of my face because my card was declined and now they say I got po’ lips. Sad for me, but positive for Bader, because he had surgery and it’s fixed. That could legitimately help him take his game to the next level. He’s been hitting this week, and I would absolutely grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Albert Pujols Retires The Apostrophe From “I’m Mortal”

May 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 373 Comments

by: Grey

Start engraving the Hall of Fame plaque for Albert Pujols now: First a Cardinal, then an Angel, always a God. Been a while since I got choked up about a player retiring, but this one had me bent over in disbelief like Brad Lidge. Often made fun of Albert Pujols, but he was arguably the greatest 1st baseman I saw. Objectively, he’s the best post-war 1st baseman in MLB history. (Bet you can’t guess number two.) Sure, towards the end he would smack the occasional homer, and plop a tennis ball onto his bat as he used it as a cane around the bases. Those early Angels and Cardinals years, though, no one could sniff Pujols’ rarified air. If he wafted the Pujols air, they came, which sounds like some x-rated anime film. The Angels did him dirty by just releasing him — even the Yankees gave Jay Bruce one final game! Maybe the Angels feared Pujols’s retirement celebration around the league would take an extra year, as he decided to jog Cal Ripken-style around the field. All this is super sad, especially since I lowered Jared Walsh (1-for-4, hitting .330) in my preseason rankings at the last second, and where’s my Jo Adell at? Welp, fairly well, Pujols, you will leave a gaping hole in the game, even if he says he wants to continue playing, which will just be sad. Retire, man, it’s time. *finger to ear* Wait, we have breaking news! Albert Pujols to play center field for the White Sox. La Russa confirms. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Means Treats Seattle To Score, Say, Zero Runs or Hits

May 6, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 462 Comments

by: Grey

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I means…The average of all Johns divided by X is the Means, and he stands in the middle of the field on the mound, so Means is also the Median. I am your math wizard! Bow down while I don a top hat with sparkles and flair! Who told you to draft John Means in every league? Was it…*takes a pause long enough to fly around the globe ten times in a prop plane*…me? Really? Damn, sounds like a smart guy, who drifts in and out of third person. Yesterday, John Means went 9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 0 walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.37. John Means not getting a perfect game because of a dropped third strike is just another way baseball is very accessible to a new generation of fans. As for Means, I’d say I told you so, but clearly it’s very obvious I told you so, so (stutterer!) we’ll move on without embarrassing anyone. *dons very embarrassing cape and top hat* Toodles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4984 posts

Charles Barkley Sums Up Tigers’ Starter And M’s Bats In No-Hitter As “They’re Both Turnible”

Mad Huascar Smashes His Way To Be His Own IL-Land

Hendricks Shrugs Off Rocky Start By Keeping Eye On The Tigers

And Buy Hungry Like A SAGNOF

Seattle’s Best Prospects

Seattle Ready To Rip Off Their Hulk Logan Gilbertmania Shirt

Freddy, Aim, Fire

Almost Time To Release Your Jarred Up Emotions

A Pearson Of Much Importance On Your Mother/Tucker’s Day

Harrison Bader Buysberg

Albert Pujols Retires The Apostrophe From “I’m Mortal”

Means Treats Seattle To Score, Say, Zero Runs or Hits