Robbie Ray (5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.84) didn’t have it last night, which you could see for yourself, because his pants are transparent. His ERA should be enough to win the AL ERA title, depending on whether or not he comes in as a reliever on Sunday in a do-or-die game. After last night, I’d turn to Nate Pearson. Ray looked like “pre-2021 Ray” right as we start to look towards 2022, which is not what you want to see. At least him and the Jays weren’t falling to the Orioles.

Ray walked guys, characteristic of pre-2021, and allowed four homers, two of each went to Aaron Judge (2-for-3), who hit his 38th and 39th homer. Also, Brett Gardner (1-for-4) hit his 10th homer, not off his incredibly weird bald head, but that would’ve been cool. Anthony Rizzo (1-for-4) went HR to the Izzo for his 21st and Gleyber Torres (1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer) even got into the act. Maybe Gleyber got excited that the Orioles were being talked about, and he did it as a tribute. Aaron Boone did tell him, “Play your best game in the world, or I’ll eat your souls…” Then, Gleyber and Rizzo looked at each other and said, “And we played the first thing that came to our heads, which just so happened to be our best game in the world.” Wait, this is the best game in the world? “No,” Gleyber said, “This is just a tribute,” and, finally, “To the Orioles.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luke Voit – Hit the IL. This guy seemed to completely vanish from fantasy baseball conversations. Stricken from the record. People have just forgotten he was an MVP candidate in 2020.

Justin Steele – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.26 vs. Miguel Yajure – 2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 8.40. Cubs were a real force Yajure vs. the Pirates. *smiles, tumbles down stairs, gets to bottom of staircase, still smiling* I streamed Steele yesterday, thanks Streamonator!

Rafael Ortega – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (11) and double legs (10, 11). Ortega shells Pirates! Somewhere, Taco Bell exec, “Hmm, that’s interesting. Are the taco shells dressed as Pirates?”

Nick Pivetta – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.56, as the Red Sox are beaten up by the O’s. Established a rule last week that said if you lose to the Orioles when chasing a playoff spot, you are automatically eliminated. I’m sorry, Red Sox fans. I don’t* make the rules. *Do.

Enrique Hernandez – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. Okay, let’s be real here, if your team is starting Pivetta in a do-or-die game, it’s bad. If your team has started Enrique Hernandez all year at leadoff? It’s bad. C’mon. They shouldn’t even be in the playoff conversation. Though, the M’s are comically competing too without hitters and pitchers. The M’s are competing for the playoffs, due to gumption.

Ian Anderson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Solid end to his season, which is all but moot because they’re headed to the playoffs, unfortunately, and now I have to root for an early exit for the Braves. By the way, that’s not the first time I’ve said mute and Ian Anderson in the same sentence. *side-eying Jethro Tull* Hey, Grey, doesn’t like hard rock, we can still hang out!

Austin Riley – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 33rd homer. So, working on the position recaps that will be released starting next week, and came across Riley, and, boy, I wanted that to look better.

Kyle Gibson – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.71. You thought it was bad Pivetta was pitching with the Red Sox season on the line? Enter stage left Kyle Gibson. *Gibson gets caught in the curtains* Someone please help him.

Andrew McCutchen – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .221. Nice of him to pick up the “doing nothing but homer” thing when Rhys Hoskins could no longer.

Carlos Correa – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .277. Contract year narratives are dumb, but Correa having his best season in a contract year feels right.

Brandon Lowe – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 36th homer. Someone said yesterday that on a ESPN podcast earlier this year they said Lowe was a DFA candidate. Not sure if it’s true, but it sounds true.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 36th and 37th homer. Albombso-so good!

Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, and third homer this week. Too bad the Mets didn’t get eliminated in July. The team is finally playing with a purpose!

Joe Ryan – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.05. By starting Ryan again, I feel like a pro wrestler when they try to do the same move a third time. I went to the well one too many times!

Byron Buxton – 3-for-5, 3 runs, and his 17th and 18th homer, that gives him a new career high, which was done in 58 games. If he can play in, say, 90 games next year, the moon, Alice! Where Buxton would also manage to hurt himself. “How did you hurt your ankle? There’s no gravity.” “I was expecting gravity!”

Josh Donaldson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer. Told you he was a 2nd half buy! *dodges tomato* Sorry! *dodges a flying axe* Okay, easy!

Niko Goodrum – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer. I’d say that’s great rum! *burps for five minutes* Yay!

Jonathan Schoop – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, and 2nd homer in four games, hitting .280. Tele-Schoop out, not a bad season. Peri-Schoop in, pretty yawnstipating.

Mookie Betts – and his 23rd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Mookie Best waited 158 games to get hot, unbelievable!

Corey Seager – and his 14th homer, and four homers in the last four games. When Ma Seager was asked if both her sons got the World Series, who would she root for, she said, “I have a second son?”

Dylan Carlson – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Saw some site say Carlson was really finding his groove at age 22. Well, I mean he was hitting .267 in September going into yesterday’s game, and he has five homers in the month, his biggest month for power, which is saying something, but not all of it good. Can still remember the 1st two weeks of the season, kicking myself for not drafting Carlson in every league. Then in May, I filed charges against my foot for kicking myself, and that lawsuit lingered until September, when I dropped the charges. Now, my foot is countersuing (don’t ask), and it looks like it’s going to win, so I plan on settling for a pair of orthotics. Seemed fair, rather than get into a long, pronated court fight.

J.A. Happ – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.79. Mike don’t give a Shildt about the playoffs, he Just Absolutely Happ’d to keep him in this game.

Keston Hiura – 1-for-4, 1 RBI as he was recalled. Hey, I just recalled him the other day when saying how Cavan Biggio reminds me of Hiura, and how he’s going to get sent to the minors next year if he can’t figure out how to hit. “Have you tried your elbow pad?” “Dad, things are different now!” That’s Craig and Cavan Biggio talking over things. As for Hiura, yeah, nothing was really fixed in the minors. He might need a fresh start with a new team. For his sake, hopefully that new team isn’t the Triple-A Nashville Sounds.

Luis Urias – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer. That A.J. Preller really knows what he’s doing, huh? Trading this guy to the Brewers for Grisham seemed great for a random-ass 2020 season. Preller should get his head out of his Urias.

DJ Peters – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .204. *leans into microphone* “DJ Peters,” speaking in third person, “Will now spin some of the most pumping house music.” *DJ Peters puts on death metal* “DJ Peters didn’t say whose house.”

Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (31) and legs (16), hitting .244. The Rookie of the Year should be clearcut for Adolis, but Ryan Mountcastle is somehow still in the voting after playing in the majors last year for more than half the year. Adolis might win it outright either way, and, if he doesn’t, Mountcastle can investigate. “Mum, no one would ever question your love of Merchant-Ivory films.” That’s Mountcastle dealing with a new female partner.

Richard Lovelady – Underwent Tommy John surgery. The doctor who performed the surgery remarked, “Dick Lovelady? That’s also how I taught my kids the birds and bees.”