The Yankees scored 20 runs and Giancarlo Stanton returned from the IL with an 0-for-4. Giancarlo Stanton really impressed me last night by staying on the field for numerous swings without oblique, hammy, calf, forearm, torso, shin, neck or shoulder issues. Stanton has a chance to pass his games played total last year of 18. He’s currently at 14, but there’s no way he plays four more games, right? *pop, pop, pop* Paul O’Neill from a remote location, “What is that popping noise?”
Michael Kay in his trademark baritone, “Paul, that’s Giancarlo wrapped in bubble wrap!”
“Ah, that’s great to see.”
“Yeah, really cool. What a team player.”
“Totally.”
“Hey, you ever notice our Yankees’ broadcasts are the boringest broadcasts?”
“Is boringest a word?”
“I bet it is.”
“Interesting. Like this conversation.”

Also, in this game, Luke Voit went bazinga two times (3-for-5, 5 RBIs), hitting his 17th and 18th homers. He was the late-round corner man to draft. Sigh. Speaking of sighs, Gary Sanchez (1-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .131) had his first ball hit that didn’t include his crotch. Then, DJ LeMahieu (4-for-6, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 7th homer, as he hits .363. He’s so adamant to defy me it makes him a real pest. Finally, Aaron Hicks (1-for-4) hit his 5th homer on my bench. *breathes in 95% smoke-filled air mixed with pandemic* What a time to be alive! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Keep on go on wondering why, I got out of bed at all,” which are the lyrics for Thank You by Dido, which was the chorus for Stan by Eminem, and I want to thank you, Kwang-Hyun Kim (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.63) as he was activated from the IL after having kidney problems, and to misquote Eminem, “I Stan Kim.” Actually, here’s Eminem singing The Golden Girls theme song, “Stan Kim for pitching a gem.” Eminem is a big Golden Girls fan, obvi. Any hoo! What a year by Kim, whoa. He has 24 consecutive scoreless innings, and has allowed only one home run all year. Granted, he’s only thrown 28 2/3 IP all year, has allowed only two earned runs all year, and that’s less than a month of a regular season. But, wow, what a year! We’ll leave it at that. Will Eminem, or us for that matter, be singing The Golden Girls theme song, “Stan Kim for pitching a gem” in 2021? That seems less likely. His peripherals are not particularly inspiring, but for this year *genuflects* Stan Kim, Stan Kim, Stan Kim. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alec Mills (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.93) threw a no hitter for everyone who is like, “I hit 66 on the speed gun, ya think I can be a major league pitcher?” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who ever said to themselves, “I look kinda like a landscaper for a Target parking lot, but am unemployed. Maybe I can pitch in the bigs.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who once said, “I’d make a pretty mediocre minor leaguer, but am already on the 40, and the Cubs haven’t promoted a prospect in five years, so maybe I can pitch for the Cubs all year.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for the one guy who woke yesterday and said, “I’m going to have the best day of my life today,” but not the person who said that, and thought eating a whole bowl of nacho cheese was their best day ever. Alec Mills, while not a great major league pitcher, like that man who ate the whole bowl of nacho cheese, had himself a great day. Going forward for him, I’d use the Streamonator, so that’s a pass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY YESTERDAY ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $5/MONTH.)

Andujar could be used to describe the entire Yankees team this year. Not Miguel Andujar, but just walking around, looking at the team and saying, “Andujar?…Andujar?…Andujar?” It’s like a family reunion that you don’t want to be at.

“I’m Tyler Wade…Andujar?”
“That’s right, I’m Miguel Andujar.”
“I just said, I’m Tyler Wade.”

Their bullpen is especially, “And…u…jar?”

“I’m Adam Ottavino.”
“You sure don’t seem like ujar.”

If anyone were asking Miguel Andujar, “Andujar?” He could say a 2018 breakout, who had his 2019 cut short to only 12 plate appearances, so should be totally thrown out. How he went from a 2018 breakout to completely ignored by the Yankees in a Year of “Andujar?” is surprising, but likely has to do with his inability to play defense. Since the Yankees are all “Andujar?”, they don’t have many options to not Andujar, and he could be a solid bet for power. In a small sample — that’s what she said! — he has a ~43% Hard Hit%. His swing is kinda flat, bordering on ground ball-heavy, but well worth the flyer that he can hit more flyers. So, stop asking “Andujar?” and starting stating, “Andujar.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Jeimer real boy,” says Jeimer Candelario, as his nose, labeled with Louisville Slugger’s insignia, grows. Gepetto clears his throat and sits Jeimer down for a heart-to-heart. “Jeimer, I saw you went 5-for-6, 2 RBIs with your 6th and 7th homer in yesterday’s doubleheader.” Jeimer tells him again, “Jeimer a real boy.” Jeimer’s nose-bat grows a little bit more. Gepetto looks at Jeimer’s stats from the last week, “Wow, three homers in four games, and hitting near-.400 in the last seven.” Jeimer, losing his temper, restates, “Jeimer real boy!” Gepetto shrugs, “Works for me,” and Gepetto whittles Jeimer’s nose into a club, and applies pine tar to its tip. So, Jeimer Candelario has been one of the hottest nose-bats in the leagues, recently. Wasn’t entirely by design when I benched Nelson Cruz in one league for Jeimer Candelario, but it actually has worked out better than planned. Jeimer will also be in the Buy column later today. To read it right now, join our Patreon. It’s $5, the cost of 15 minutes on a NYC parking meter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matthew Boyd (3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.63) is the ultimate poison pill. If I could, I’d hack into my opponent’s team and put Boyd on their team, and the crazy thing is they’d prolly thank me because there are a lot of FanBoydz out there who think he’s somehow worth owning. Sorry, not just worth owning, but people actively want him. It’s a sickness, FanBoydosis. People affected with FanBoydosis, aka FanBoydz, want you to believe there is so much more here. Oh, there could be, but he needs to stop allowing home runs. He goes from an ace to an Ace of Clubbed from start to start with no consistency, but that K/BB is so tantalizing–Hold up! I’ve been afflicted by FanBoydosis. I’m 250 words into a post about the Brewers and Corbin Burnes (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.99), talking about Boyd. Not sure what they feed the Brewers’ pitchers — hops? — but Burnes is now throwing his fastball 96 MPH, up from 95, and has completely changed his pitch mix (slider and fastball way less with a cutter and change added). He was essentially a two-pitch pitcher, and now throws four. His 12.7 K/9, 3.8 BB/9 is giving me the feels that I thought I’d get from Woodruff. Is Burnes a number one? Time will tell, but he has the makings. Also, in this game, Jedd Gyorko (2-for-5, and his 6th and 7th homer) went double dong like Jennifer Connelly, and I don’t even want to look at the Player Rater to see how much higher Gyorko is than a bunch of guys who I own. My mental health isn’t worth it. I get it, it’s not Jedd; I’m the Gyorko. Next up, Jacob Nottingham (1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 2nd homer. Fun fact! Nottingham was the not very successful spin-off to Mountcastle. Now Orlando Arcia (4-for-6, 3 runs) didn’t homer, but four-hit games from Orlando gives Florida Man a good name. Over to Ryan Braun (3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) who hit his 3rd homer. Have I mentioned the Brewers scored 19 runs? Flavor Flav through sobs, “Yeah, Boyd.” Finally, Tyrone Taylor (4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 1st major league homer. He looks like a Quad-A prospect and sounds like a silent film star. Tyrone Taylor Chaplin-steps into frame, motions that his pockets and skills are empty, then a silent film title card reads, “What about Matthew Boyd?” Not you too, Tyrone! Well, with 19 runs scored, at least I have Keston Hiura. He went 0-for-2 without a run scored?Holy ticker tease! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In the first of sixteen doubleheaders yesterday, we were treated to The Bobby Dalbec Show, starring…Bobby Dalbec. *Bobby enters stage right and the crowd quiets* One boy in the front row of the black & white audience stands and points, “It’s the resurrection of the great Red Sox legend, Bobby Doerr!” Then an usher points, “Oh, my God, Dalbec is present tense for Doerr!” Another argumentative guy screams, “Yo, Bobby Dalbec, what’s the deal with Red Ruffing? He die from huffing? From being a Red? Screw socialism!” Yesterday, Bobby Dalbec, local hero, and all-around Red Sox player, went 3-for-6, 4 RBIs with his 4th and 5th homer in, like, two games. His power isn’t without its ceiling, but that ceiling is on the moon. He could be a 35-homer guy in the majors. The big drawback is–Wait a second, did he have a 50% strikeout rate going into the doubleheader? Hey, Dalbec, B. Doerr, don’t B. Don’ter. Dalbec might hit .205 for the immediate future, but he eventually finds contact once he gets comfortable in a league. For this year, Dalbec or Moistasskiss? Ya know what I’m saying, go with the hot hand and Bobby Doerr’s present tense. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

His full name is Randy Arozarena, and he was kidnapped and raised by Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter as their own. On today’s podcast coming later today, I was surprised to hear Podcaster Ralph say he thought Randy Arozarena was for real. I honestly thought he was a hot schmotato, and the best part of him was his last name sounds like a Red Hot Chili Peppers’ lyric. Psychic spies from Tampa try to steal your fantasy team’s elation, and little girls from Sweden dream of me quoting me quotation, and if you want these kind of dreams of Arozarenication. Also, he has a readymade nickname, the Rice Bowl, because his name split up is Arroz Arena. Damn it, I love him now too! In Triple-A, Arozarena went 12/9/.358 in 64 games in 2019, and he has 25+ steal speed, and roughly 15-homer power. That’ll play the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the Rice Bowl. Yesterday, Arozarena (1-for-2) hit his third homer in two games, and is hitting .471. Even if he doesn’t keep up that, and Cash tries to platoon the Rice Bowl, he’s well worth picking up. Don’t worry, I haven’t said Randy Arozarena 2021 sleeper, so no jinx yet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Labor Day, everyone! Today, we celebrate all of those mothers who are in labor giving birth to us, so put your legs up, grunt real hard and scream at a loved one that they are a “bastard” or a “weasel-d*cked moron who isn’t even the real father.” You’ve earned this day, male or female, though I’m not sure how men earned a Labor Day. Do I have this celebration right? Any hoo! University of Seinfeld Dean Kremer made his major league debut yesterday vs. the Yankees, going 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 7 Ks. The Orioles acquired Dean Kremer from an Animal House cosplay kegger, where he was lecturing kids on alcohol–Wait, hearing now he was acquired from the Dodgers in the Machado trade. He led the minors in strikeouts in 2018 and 2019, which is a backhanded minor league compliment. If you’re in the minors leading the league in something, it means you’re good enough to excel (check) but not good enough to push your cheap club to promote you (check). Though, in fairness to Kremer, the O’s are especially thrifty, as anyone watching one at-bat with Mountcastle can attest — dude looks like he could’ve been up two years ago, spitting on tough pitches. Kremer looks like he could struggle with command against a better lineup. The curve was the standout pitch, freezing hitters. The fastball look fine (94-5 MPH), if he commands it well. Overpowering? Far from it. He seemed to control the fastball better than the offspeed pitches, so he could be a sneaky backend fantasy pitcher in 2021. For this year, I’m looking at the Streamonator over owning him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY YESTERDAY ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $5/MONTH.)

Josh Naylor was gently touched on by me when he was traded from the Padres to the Indians, like the Padres gently touch on the Indians while playing Cowboys and Indians. *phone rings* “Hello, yes, that’s me. What’s that? I’ve been cancelled? I see. No, no, it’s understandable. Hey, I had a good run.” Welp, before I get out of here, Josh Naylor is only 23 years old, and doesn’t get nearly the love one with his type of power should get. You don’t have to be a carpenter to Naylor! *phone rings* “Hello…You again? I know I was cancelled, but I thought I could finish up prior to–Keep it short? Okay, like Al Pacino. What?! That was a short joke. They’re not allowed either? Oh c’mon…” Whispers, “Your mom…What? Did I say ‘c’mon your mom?’ Uh, yeah.” Damn, I just got cancelled while being cancelled. Any hoo! The Indians said Naylor would play every day. His last Triple-A year shows what he’s capable of:  10 HRs, .314 in 54 games. His Launch Angle is rather flat, and I’d love to see him hit more fly balls. That’s the only way to Naylor! *phone rings* “Ugh…Yes, I’m done.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?