by: Grey
Martha, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m stationed in SacTown. Currently, I’m sweating and having a fight with myself in a mirror when I receive a telegram from a young Harrison Ford. I have to get Kurtz out of the jungle. No, not Vietnam, I said SacTown. That is literally this city’s name. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brewers called up Caleb Durbin. What? No, not Dyler Turban. Hey, first rule of Vindaloo Club is don’t talk about the Pakistani Brad Pitt playing Dyler Turban in the Bollywood movie, Vindaloo Club. Second rule, same as the first, stop talking about it! The third rule of Vindaloo Club, don’t ask for mild. It’s curry, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Put on my Dale Murphy jersey, placed my Jimmy Carter coaster under my glass bottle Classic Coke, said five “Jane Fondas” as I threw a dart dead-center into my Ted Turner dartboard. I was locked into the A-T-L, and you could tell because I was asking everyone to call me Grey 3000 while singing apologies […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[shakes up a sparkling water, cracks open the bottle and sprays strangers on the street] This Excitement Facial is courtesy of Soderstrom! Why the anger? An Excitement Facial is something you want to take part in and is extremely fun! Geez, sorry, you don’t have to punch me! When the creator of the Soderstrom sold […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Tanner Houck went 2 1/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA at 9.16, and I don’t care how you “fantasy baseball.” You can “fantasy baseball” by drafting catchers early. You can “fantasy baseball” by taking pitchers early. You can “fantasy baseball” by not wearing pants. I do not care. But if you “fantasy baseball” and did not […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Singing “Jung Hoo” to Stevie Wonder’s Jungle Fever. I got Jung Hoo fever, She got Jung Hoo fever, We’ve got Jung Hoo fever, we’re in love. She’s gone Korean boy crazy, I’ve gone Korean boy crazy– [the Cancel Police take a batter ram to the door, charge in and drag me away] It’s okay! Stop! […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I hold a few blades a grass up, then toss them to test the wind. They just sorta fall to the ground and I’m not sure what that tells me. People in the stands are confused why I’m testing the wind to hit a baseball. I don’t know myself, to be honest. I step into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
David Festa will start today for the Twins, and there’s rumors that Zebby Matthews will be called up this weekend to take part in a six-man rotation. Or as Lionel Richie would say, “We’re going to Party, Zebby, Festa, forever. Come on, and sing my song!” Lionel Richie is a big-time fantasy baseball guy, by […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Having a normal one: when I think about how I drafted Gunnar Henderson instead of Corbin Carroll pic.twitter.com/D5lH8sD9zi — Razzball (@Razzball) April 9, 2025 Yesterday, Corbin Carroll (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 5th homer. Meh, only five more homers than Gunnar, en bee dee. “No reason to panic,” he says while sobbing and plunging into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Kyren Paris (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer. At the worst, a hot schmotato. At the best, he’s hosting the last Olympics in his brain and we’re all Raygun. At most realistic, he’ll be hot for a few weeks until teams figure him out. At the most illuminating, I just realized Gaylord Perry […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?It’s not that I didn’t like Hunter Greene (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.31) in the preseason. I liked him too much. Okay, that’s a lie. It wasn’t too much, but it was, “I like him with reservations.” Not as in, “I like him and want to take him […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Rockies are eligible for an extra draft pick if Zac Veen or Chase Dollander (more on him in a second) finish top three in the end-of-the-year awards, because they were called up within two weeks of Opening Day. So, the Rockies could manipulate their service time and still get rewarded with picks. Sounds dubious, as […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?