by: Grey
Explain baseball to an alien? Can we start with this: What if all those Bubbas were in the majors at the same time? Would you be worried? How would it make you feel? Would you think, “Am I baseball fan or,” considered pause, as you turn to the mirror and continue, “A Bubba watcher?” I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
So, that’s why they got rid of Zac Veen? Oh, you know I’m on that bullshit still. You know I am! How do you not know this by now? This is what I do! Complain about the Rockies! Jordan Beck had a three-homer day yesterday, going 4-for-7 with 5 RBIs as the Rockies were swept […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
How did the Cubs turn Wrigley, an extreme pitchers’ park, into an extreme hitters’ park, and why do I think I don’t know her name, but that girl goes by She Nanigans? Did they tell some Cubs fan that New York pizza is better than Chicago pizza, hand them a bat and let them beat […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Mitchell Parker peter piper’d a pickle pepper of a game yesterday (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.39). Mary Jane smacked her lips on that Parker, in the kisser. But this is when things got weird. I opened Mitchell Parker’s Statcast page and it froze on me. A message […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Whaddya say, let’s do a Nick Kurtz post every other day for the rest of the season. For unstints: Random starter pitches well, I write a lede about him, “Yay, Max Meyer, you complete me, not ‘me’ like Renée Zellweger, but ‘me’ as in a 14-strikeout game,” or whoever pitches well, then the next day’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Chandler Simpson went 1-for-3 with his 1st steal as he was called up on Friday. I know OJ, I know Jessica, I do not know Chandler. [sees he stole 104 bags in the minors last year] I now know Chandler. Where his steals total is, it should just say, “Holy schnikes.” Or if that’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Martha, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m stationed in SacTown. Currently, I’m sweating and having a fight with myself in a mirror when I receive a telegram from a young Harrison Ford. I have to get Kurtz out of the jungle. No, not Vietnam, I said SacTown. That is literally this city’s name. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brewers called up Caleb Durbin. What? No, not Dyler Turban. Hey, first rule of Vindaloo Club is don’t talk about the Pakistani Brad Pitt playing Dyler Turban in the Bollywood movie, Vindaloo Club. Second rule, same as the first, stop talking about it! The third rule of Vindaloo Club, don’t ask for mild. It’s curry, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Put on my Dale Murphy jersey, placed my Jimmy Carter coaster under my glass bottle Classic Coke, said five “Jane Fondas” as I threw a dart dead-center into my Ted Turner dartboard. I was locked into the A-T-L, and you could tell because I was asking everyone to call me Grey 3000 while singing apologies […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[shakes up a sparkling water, cracks open the bottle and sprays strangers on the street] This Excitement Facial is courtesy of Soderstrom! Why the anger? An Excitement Facial is something you want to take part in and is extremely fun! Geez, sorry, you don’t have to punch me! When the creator of the Soderstrom sold […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Tanner Houck went 2 1/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA at 9.16, and I don’t care how you “fantasy baseball.” You can “fantasy baseball” by drafting catchers early. You can “fantasy baseball” by taking pitchers early. You can “fantasy baseball” by not wearing pants. I do not care. But if you “fantasy baseball” and did not […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Singing “Jung Hoo” to Stevie Wonder’s Jungle Fever. I got Jung Hoo fever, She got Jung Hoo fever, We’ve got Jung Hoo fever, we’re in love. She’s gone Korean boy crazy, I’ve gone Korean boy crazy– [the Cancel Police take a batter ram to the door, charge in and drag me away] It’s okay! Stop! […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?