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Edward The Marlin Is So Cartoonishly Good He’s Like Hanna Cabrera

August 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 204 Comments

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After his 500th home run, Miguel Cabrera has more to celebrate, his son, Edward–*intern whispers in ear*…I see….Asdrubal? No, huh? Melky? Orlando? Daniel? Former professional pitcher for the Rockies, Edwar Cabrera? Okay, I’m hearing Edward Cabrera is the newest Cabrera. In sixty years, my brain is going to be inside a robot, and Greybot 5000 is going to be like, “Streamonator was made by a human, but is not incorrect when it lists all starters for tomorrow as Cabreras, due to the Law of 2081 that stated only Cabreras can play baseball. That’s what happens when you make a Robot Ump commissioner, and let Robot Umps kill players who argue with them.” You see what happens when Robot Umps are implemented? I’m from the future and you must stop them! Any hoo! I told you to grab Edward Cabrera in the Buy column, because my Marlins’ contact said he’d be up soon, and would you look at that. Cabrera is set to start on Wednesday, bringing with him — 14.7 K/9 (Zoinks), 5.8 BB/9 (Yikes). As Prospect Itch said, “Edward Cabrera is something of a supersized Sixto with more strikeouts but less command. Huge upside with upper 90s heat. That I like to imagine hitting Grey in the melon.” Okay, not cool! I’d grab Cabrera in any league where you’re looking for some rookie nookie. Though, he could absolutely lead to roofies. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Wain You’re Wright, You’re Right

August 23, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 238 Comments

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“When you come through Ellis Island with a whole boatload of Nootbaars, do you go to immigration or declare them with VAT?” That’s me talking to myself while watching Lars Nootbaar with a game-saving catch for Alex Reyes and the Cards, and securing the win for Adam Wainwright (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.10). Adam Wainwright has a 3.10-ish ERA across the past two seasons. Suddenly, every MLB hitter vs. Wainwright is Carlos Beltran. After the game, Wainwright said, “I would’ve thrown a complete game but I remembered we paid a cab driver $2500 to take Lane Thomas to Washington, and I thought that it was really clever how we paid the cabbie, so I was reading a Wiki-How to sign up for Venmo during the 9th, i.e., I was distracted.” Fair enough, Wainwright! He honestly doesn’t need to do much more. Outside of Zack Wheeler, I don’t think anyone is throwing 200 IP this year, but Wainwright is actually in the conversation at 162 2/3 IP. On the Player Rater, he’s in the hunt for a top 15 starter season, and, excuse me, while I kick myself in the shins. That’s exactly the type of bargain-basement draft pick that makes all the difference in deep leagues. People (yours truly, included) out there chasing upside, and Wainwright chaperoning fantasy teams to first place, and putting the prom in promised land. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Miranda Has The Right To Remain Buylent

August 20, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 232 Comments

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Jose Miranda as played by Cynthia Nixon in her most challenging role yet: Minnesota Twins prospect. The sun sets through the West Village window, as clickety-clack from Carrie’s word processor is heard. She reads the words out loud as they make their way onto her 64-bit screen, “Miranda wasn’t going to come, so to speak, up for the Twins until they were good and ready. With Josh out of the picture–Is Josh out of the picture?–Gosh, Miranda really needs to find a new position, so to speak, to play in. Maybe Miranda can get in, so to speak, some time at 2nd base, like Samantha after five minutes knowing a guy.” And that’s me quoting Carrie Bradshaw! Jose Miranda has no speed, but his bat is more than ready, and it is explosive. Possesses the usual Twins’ tendencies — Twindencies? — he doesn’t strike out at all and doesn’t walk a ton. Are the Twins developing prospects or just cloning a Luis Arraez who was dipped in amber? Developing, because Miranda actually has power, unlike most Twins prospects. As Prospect Itch said recently, “Minnesota has demonstrated an appreciation for precisely this sort of profile, and Miranda is a better all-around hitter than some of the other guys they’ve hidden the past few years (Astudillo, Sano, Rooker). And much better than Grey, who sucks.” Okay, that’s hurtful. I’m stashing Miranda now. “I know just the slot for him,” says Samantha as Miranda groans. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Prepare Yourself For Some Votto Erotica

August 20, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 158 Comments

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Went looking for Joey Votto stats since the All-Star break and I found this tidbit:

In case you missed the fine print, that’s from 2016, so kinda pointless, but it shows he loves himself some hot air. Joey is filled with it! And so am I. Wanna elbow bump or shake hands? Elbow? Okay, cool. Here’s another one:

That was 2015. I’ve proved my point. Earlier this year, during the trading deadline week, he came within one homer and about two feet in Metco of tying the Devil Dale Long’s Home Run Record, which is the best baseball record. With his 27th homer last night, Joey Votto has 16 homers and 39 RBIs in the 32 games since the break. Not only is Votto hitting for a solid average (.281), but he’s also hitting for power, and, you kinda get the impression, he could do whatever he wanted with whatever pitch he saw. Personal anecdote alert that I’ve recounted before. Fast forward a blurb if you’re not interested. When I was in my teens, I went to baseball summer camp. The guy who ran it was a Yankees’ scout, so he’d have players come in to teach us fundamentals. One guest was Mike Pagliarulo. I know, I know, this is like the opening monologue before someone sings Springsteen’s Glory Days at karaoke. Any hoo! Pags was the best hitter I ever saw within three feet of me. One kid there was a minor league pitcher, and Pags was so dramatically better than him, it was obvious the kid would never go anywhere. If Pags wanted to hit a home run to right against this kid, he did. Up the middle? No problem. Home run to left? Sure, why not? So, my point (!), against this minor league pitcher, Pags did what I imagine Votto does against major leaguers. Votto is my Pags of the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Freddie Brings His Brand Of Cycle-Ogical Terror To Miami

August 19, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 178 Comments

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“The 1994 classic, Blank Check, is possibly the best film ever, better than those Godfather films. Did you know they aren’t even about the perils of being a Godfather? Like what gift do I give my godson for his fifth birthday? Or what happens when my god daughter’s mother is hitting on me? Anyway, Blank Check is a ten out of ten, better than Dunston Checks In. The only drawback I can see is I thought Blank Check was initially about what the Braves will be offering Freddie Freeman this offseason.” Sorry! I was just typing up my IMDB Blank Check review. Yesterday, Freddie Freeman acquired his 2nd career cycle, going 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, as he hits .301. His Ks, walks, BABIP, HardHit%, HR/FB% and spread of balls to his pull side vs. opposite way are all in line with previous–Okay, is he a robot? Thought we were starting to see the beginning of the end when he was struggling with his average in the early months, but that was fraught for naught. I’m sure we’ll see more cycles in the future for Freeman if he ever gets that Braves’ blank check. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Logan Webb Pitching Like Wolverine Meets Spider-Man

August 18, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 188 Comments

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I had the worst intro to a post in my head and because of OCD and other complicated factors I kinda have to do it now. The worst intro ever to any post ever written: It’s time we talked about (insert subject). Hey, Awkward Intro Sentence, how about you just talk about the subject and stop talking about how it’s time we talk about it! This…this whole talking about a terrible intro for an extended period of time? It’s much worse! I’ve worsened the worst! Luckily, we’re going from worsening of the worst to one of the best of the last three months. So, it’s time we talk about (side-eye) Logan Webb. On one breaking pitch to Jonathan Villar, it was like, “Bye-bye for now, you’re no longer needed.” Speaking of breaking:

Yesterday, Logan Webb went 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.92, and he has the 2nd best ERA in the major leagues in the last three months (1.64). Only pitcher’s ERA that is better since May is Jacob deGrom. He’s only allowed 17 earned runs since May 1st! That’s 64 IP, and 11 starts. The thing about his ERA too, it’s not all smoke and mirrors. He’s a 9.5 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 guy, which isn’t quite an ace, but it’s not far off from a fantasy three with two leanings, i.e., May not be Breaking Bad-level good, but he’s definitely a bad man who is breaking good. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Rays Going To Lowe’s For Yardwork

August 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 192 Comments

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My brain whenever I see Brandon Lowe: “It’s Low, right? No, you idiot, it’s like Lau! LAU! LAU! Say LAU! Which is pronounced like Low, right? NO! It rhymes with chow! It’s Lau!” Then, I compose myself and pronounce it as “Low.” Literally, without fail. I hope you do this too, so I’m not alone. It would make me feel better. Thank you. Yesterday, Lowe–Lau! But spelled Lowe!–went double ding dong, as he led-off (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) with his 27th and 28th homer. Also, in the Hooters-adjacent Tampa Bay-adjacent St. Pete’s Basilica, Kevin Kiermaier (1-for-4) hit his 4th homer; Brett Phillips (2-for-4) boogied his way to his 10th homer and Mike Brosseau (1-for-4) hit his 5th homer. Now I see why Brosseau, “Whoa.” Lowe, though (doesn’t rhyme), is repeating his HR/FB% from last year’s breakout, along with FB%, and HardHit%, but not really his strikeouts. He’s way more aggressive at the plate (O-Swing% and Swing% up), and unfortunately for him, he’s making more contact on junk pitches. Wish the average was higher for Lowe (that’s not a pun, it’s Lau not Low), but he’s established himself as a 32-homer guy with upside for 2022. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Gilbert Arizona Rises Like a Phoenix

August 16, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 303 Comments

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The stage was set. A 27-year-old with three and two-thirds innings in his major league career under his belt. Zero starts prevously. A Rule 5 no-nothing arm from the 6th round of the 2015 draft. He was traded from the Dodgers to the Phils for Garlick. Not even a root vegetable! Not even a rutabaga, they said! Then left him unprotected, and the Diamondbacks grabbed Gilbert in the Rule 5 draft. A draft where players are divvied up by one team saying, “We’ll take him,” then every other team has to the count of five to say they want him. And no one wanted Gilbert! His own father, Gilbert Gilbert, didn’t even want to name him Gilbert Gilbert Gilbert after his father, Gilbert Gilbert Gilbert. Forgotten, abandoned, and then:  History.  Tyler Gilbert (9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 5 Ks) threw MLB’s 8th no-hitter (because they don’t count games that are seven innings long as real games) in his first major league start. With that historic, momentous game under his belt, grab him now for fantasy? God, no! He sucks. I mean, maybe in NL-Only. But while holding your nose. The other three guys to throw no-hitters in their first start were Bobo Holloman, Bumpus Jones and Ted Breitenstein. Two of them were in the 1800s when baseball were made rocks. Bumpus and Bobo sound like great company for a traveling circus. Either way, Saturday made for a memorable night for Gilbert. Just last year he was an electrician’s apprentice, so he went from lights on to lights out. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buying Rosario Doesn’t Take Amed Degree

August 13, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 221 Comments

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

I keep saying it, but what’s saying it one more time! It’s so unlikely that Amed Rosario would come out of the Francisco Lindor trade with Andres Gimenez and Amed be the one with the most value this year. Like 100 to 1 odds? Maybe, but maybe what we’re not remembering is something I mentioned on the podcast the other day. Whatever burns the Mets in the most dramatic way will always happen. If it means, Justin Turner, at the age of 28, has a high of two homers in any season, then gets traded away from the Mets and becomes a perennial MVP candidate? Then it will mean that! If it means Zack Wheeler goes to a division rival and becomes a Cy Young candidate, then that’s what will happen. If it means the Mets will make a lopsided trade for a top ten bat in Lindor with a much ballyhooed prospect and a throw-in, then that throw-in will become a top producer. These are the rules of the Mets. Amed Rosario only became a “throw-in” because he didn’t live up to the hype, but it wasn’t that long ago there was hype. He was a 15/19/.287 hitter as recently as 2019, and he’s only 25 years old. We should’ve never stopped thinking Amed Rosario could be good, because he never stopped being good. Sure, he had a bad 2020 season, but everyone — including you, me and all the people we know — had a bad 2020. If Rosario’s available in your league, grab him for power, speed and average. He also brings an added special ingredient:  the smite of the Mets Gods. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Pina & Urias Take Hendricks All Along The Dongtower

August 13, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 137 Comments

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Burps for five minutes, then sloppily places a lei on a waitress. Unable to resist the primal urges of being drunk and a man, he leans in to kiss the waitress, but, before landing the smackeroo, two bouncers drag him out of the tropical-theme bar and grill. As he’s dragged by the elbows, he screams, “Your burgers at Islands suck!” A very somber Eric McCormack enters, and we see it’s a PSA. Eric addresses the camera, “This is what happens when you have too Manny Pina’s.” Yesterday, Manny Pina went 3-for-6, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer. I’m really starting to come around on the idea presented by a commenter that said instead of drafting a catcher, you draft a team and get that team’s catchers. Like drafting a defense in fantasy football. Also, in this game, that was Kyle Hendricks’s worst nightmare (4 IP, 9 ER,, ERA at 4.15), Jace Peterson (5-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) came a triple short of the cycle. Hendricks’s previous worst nightmare was getting caught in an elevator with a hungry Daniel Vogelbach. That’s every player’s worst nightmare. Moving on! The other big star yesterday was Luis Urias (5-for-6, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 15th and 16th homer, and I just added him to the Buy column coming later today. Pretty goofy that he’s only rostered in 30% of leagues. On the Player Rater, Christian Yelich is over two hundred spots lower in value than Luis Urias. Take me to the top of a 100-foot wave in Nazaré, Portugal and throw me into a barrel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Lewis HR’d, Brinson Repeat

August 12, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 273 Comments

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Before Lewis Brinson (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) homered twice (6, 7) on Wednesday, I wrote him up for the Buy column this week — which is available now on the Patreon. I had included him, because I saw recently that Lewis Brinson was hitting near-.350 in the last two weeks, and had hit some homers, so I was pumped to open his Statcast page to see improvement and! And! AND! Well, no, not entirely. He’s been better than he has been for Launch Angle, getting good wood on ball and xBA is up, but, damn, he still misses so much. If you lift balls with good wood–Wait, are we still talking about hitting? Right, right. Yes, good things will happen. Brinson is hitting balls as hard as Tatis, Verdugo, Story and Walsh. Clearly, great guys to be mentioned in the same breath, but they all make far more contact, and have three-plus times as many at-bats. This last few-week stretch has been great, but when I called him recently Byron Pennieston, because he was a poor man’s Buxton, it still applies. Of course, I’d still grab Pennieston in any league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Ant-Man and the Whops

August 11, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 274 Comments

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Is the title anti-Italian discrimination? Lucky I didn’t go with Whop, Whop, That’s How You Drive A Rig-A-Tony. It’s whop as in making a loud blow, like a homer! Hey, I’m half-Italian, I can’t be discriminatory. You can tell I’m half-Italian because I can be loud about absolutely nothing. If I mention Tony Soprano and you don’t do the stations of the cross, I can’t trust you. Taken too soon. *crosses self, kisses hand* I can’t wait for the prequel, that’s got ugatz on nothing not for nothing. Anthony Santander, vaffanculo, where’s this guy been? Anthony, you should be so good, what happened to you? You upset me, you know that? Yesterday, Santander went 2-for-4 with his 8th and 9th homer, as he hits .245. You kiss your mother with those stats? His Launch Angle came down this year, unlike the price of gabagool. It’s brought down his fly balls. *grabs balls* What’s it to ya? His HR/FB% is in the basement with my old Z. Cavaricci pants. He looks like he split his great, although short, 2020 season and his just okay 2019. Yesterday might’ve been the start of hot streak, like this blond going through my rat tail, but his numbers look fairly mediocre, unlike the sleeper he was coming into the year. Unless he can drive through the ball like a Fiat, and Fix It Again, Tony. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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