I just read, “On March 6th, manager Mike Matheny said Ryan O’Hearn could begin the season in a platoon at first base with Ryan McBroom,” and I cackled multiple times. There’s something legitimately funny at just about every third word in that news blurb. March 6th? Was that this year? March 6th was pre-Covid and I don’t remember anything about that — cackle #1. Mike Matheny is just a cackle waiting to happen every time I hear his name because he’s such a terrible manager. Imagine even calling him manager. Matheny makes bad managers scratch their heads. Woofity woof woof and cackle #2. There was no cackle #3, then, onto cackle #4: “Could begin the season.” Dude, what season? You’re making me cackle like a gee-dee fool! Okay, moving on! Cackle #5 was at the thought of a platoon with Ryan McBroom. If McBroom doesn’t make you laugh every time you hear his name, you’re dead inside. Check your pulse. The only reason O’Hearn and McBroom should platoon is because Matheny is so dumb and can only remember the name Ryan. “Um, yeah, starting at 1st today is…um, that Irish kid…What’s his name again? Ryan something.” 1st base coach, “McBroom?” Matheny thinks, then, “You wanna clean the bathroom at a McDonald’s?” So, what can we expect from Ryan O’Hearn from 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
SAGNOF is gonna be something in the blink they’re going to call this MLB season. I was tempted to write up a Billy Hamilton dart throw, and, if this delay lasts until August, I may just do that. I’m not one hundred percent sure what to do with fantasy baseball strategy for a 50-game season, but that could be the fun. What do we punt? What do we focus on? Still hoping for a 70-game season, but that might be deliriously optimistic at this point. Do we throw steals and saves out the window completely and focus on homers? Okay, but someone is going to Tuffy Rhodes up in here, have a 14-homer August, and we’re gonna see something like, “Jesus Aguilar leads the majors in homers.” Steals might actually be the most predictable stat this year, which brings me to Jarrod Dyson. If a guy can steal 20 bags in 60 games, that doesn’t just go away. Whereas someone who can hit 20 homers in 60 games could get ice cold and end up with a five-homer season. Shizz is gonna be weird this year. I’ve come to peace with what will be an absurd season. We play fantasy baseball for fun and as a distraction, after all, and what’s more fun and distracting than seeing Kurt Suzuki in the hunt for a batting title or something similarly goofy? “Bring on the madness,” is what I mumble through my pandemic mask. So, what can we expect from Jarrod Dyson for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?For players who only played in 38 or fewer games since 2018, Yoenis Cespedes leads that group in home runs, RBIs, runs–I’m kidding. That is what we’re about to walk into though, if/when this season gets going. People are going to be talking about how great a player is in 40-or-less games. What a jizzoke. Also, anyone that says, “This is going to be more of a sprint than a marathon.” Tell them to buy The Giant Book of Metaphors & Similes, which is like…um…what’s a giant book of metaphors and similes like? Damn, should’ve bought that book when I saw it the last time I was in a bookstore in 2002. This baseball season is going to be as long as the line at your nearest Barnes & Noble. Bookstore employee, “Just this one book for today?” Customer, “Yeah, that’s it.” Bookstore Employee, “Would you mind filling out a survey?” Customer, “Um, yeah, sure.” Employee, “Great, 1st question is: Why are you in a bookstore? Second question: Do you not have internet?” Customer, “This survey is tough!” Any hoo! With the delayed season, we have a chance to ACKSUALLY see Yoenis Cespedes. So, what can we expect from Yoenis Cespedes for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Prior to be doing my fifteen-hundredth dart throw, Bartolo Colon. “Hey, listen, if you can get him cheap and with the NL DH–” *smoke rises from RoboGrey’s ears* Seriously, could someone unplug the MLB season, blow into the cartridge and plug it back in? On phone with AppleCare, “For the last few weeks, I’ve only seen the pinwheel on the baseball season, and the big brains at the Genius Bar have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?” For those not following too closely, the MLB owners are imitating Wimpy and saying, “We will kindly pay you next Collective Bargaining Agreement for a hamburger today,” and the players, crazily enough, are saying, “Hold up, you want us to play for 80% of our salary?” And the MLB owners are replying, “Yeah, c’mon, you crooks, you have so much money.” Then the players are like, “You’re paying us but claiming to have less money than us? Ain’t that some shizz?” I expected this to be resolved by now, but resolution at this point seems like it’s going to come down to Head Idiot Rob Manfred, and him forcing the season into existence. If I’m reading all of the negotiations correctly, Head Idiot can force a 48-game season, but can’t force players to play. Make sense? No, of course it doesn’t! The Head Idiot said last week there would 100% be a season, and this week said there wouldn’t. In other words, the Head Idiot doesn’t even know what the Head Idiot can do because, get this, he’s an idiot. Some have speculated that MLB will force a 48-game season, but it’s way too early now since they have to play until September 27th, because of TV schedules, so they’re stalling for another week or two. All of that led to this breaking news yesterday:
BREAKING: MLB
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 15, 2020
If a season is forced, I wouldn’t be shocked if some big names opt out like Mike Trout, Christian Yelich and, really, anyone who has plenty of ‘eff you’ money. Once we have a set number of games, we will update our rankings and possibly remove players who aren’t playing. Also, as we talk about on today’s podcast, coming later today, I was against redrafting leagues, but if a lot of players are sitting out and we’re playing a 50-game season, then, yeah, it becomes unfair to try to play out a league drafted prior to all of this. On the other hand, maybe it’ll be fun to just play it out. I’m saying that last line in case any MLB owners or players are reading. Play it out! Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Patreon Podcast: Special Guest Comedian Billy Hurley
June 15, 2020 | All Podcasts | 15 Commentsby: Grey
How’s everyone liking us talking to a comedian on Patreon podcasts? I’m loving it. Can I say that or is it immodest? You know what, I don’t think immodest is bad, because I don’t know what immodest even means, so there! This week we welcomed, Billy Hurley, a NYC-based comedian. Wow, such credits! I kid, Billy’s awesome. Here’s how I know Billy: He was a fan of Razzball and I randomly followed him on Twitter and he made me laugh a lot, so now we’re like BFFs. Not really, but don’t tell him. Here’s a sample of a Billy Hurley tweet:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Everywhere you look, it says Mike Yastrzemski is the best Giants hitter. *you carefully crack into a fortune cookie, you read about how Mike Yastrzemski is the best Giants hitter, slowly you look up* I told you. Everywhere. Don’t doubt me again. More people agree on Mike Yastrzemski being the best Giants hitter than anything else in this country. It’s the last thing that binds us. If Brandon Belt becomes the Giants’ best hitter, we will completely unravel. Sadly, being the best Giants hitter is like being the world’s tallest midget. Similarly, Mike Yastrzemski fits under the idea of most other players’ ceilings. In JKJ’s piece on NL West DH candidates, he mentions Yaz Jr. Jr., while also mentioning Wilmer Flores, and that’s prolly the name there to keep in mind for their DH spot. Or as I said in the Joey Bart dart throw, Posey could DH while Bart catches. Yaz Jr. Jr. doesn’t need the DH. He is the Giants’ best hitter — have you already forgotten? It’s the one thing that unites us! Yaz 2.0 won’t DH most days; he’ll just play the field. Either way, he’ll play every day. He’s the Giants’ best hitter! So, what can we expect from Mike Yastrzemski for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?How did I come to this dart throw? Thanks for asking, Clunky Intro! I looked at NFBC’s ADP and, specifically, for who was being drafted after 300th overall, i.e., late eh-eff. I eye-spied Jonathan Schoop, and was like, “Ooh, is he that bad? I don’t think he is, but maybe I’m remembering things differently during my ninth month of the preseason. Am I seeing something that isn’t there? I can’t be. I’m so unbiased. Really, I am as impartial as human nature will allow. An even-keeled down-to-earth, extremely handsome, well-coiffed Fantasy Master Lothario.” Then I looked at Steamer projections for 2nd basemen (go to that page and type 2B into the column for positions), and saw something that knocked off my socks, and I was wearing stirrups to avoid such needlessly undressing of my feet. Look at these projections: 58/18/50/.240/2 in 316 ABs vs. 41/16/47/.262/1 in 318 ABs. The 2nd one is Jonathan Schoop. Obviously less runs, but way better average, which makes everything kinda equal there. Yes, twenty points in average evens out the runs, and, while you might say average is fickle, so will runs in a shortened season. Those numbers just aren’t that different. The problem is the 1st guy is being drafted 69th overall and, as high as the top 25 (though, that’s silly). One guy goes top 70 and another guy being drafted after 300? That’s crazy. Any ideas who the 1st guy is? Yes, Max Muncy, well done. You win an imaginary pat on the back. So, what can we expect from Jonathan Schoop for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Material on Razzball about Lane Thomas is scant to say the least, also scant is to say the least, coincidentally. When you search all mentions of Lane Thomas here, you see me, Prospect Mike, JKJ, Prospect Ralph, and Big Magoo all mentioning him once. And barely. The largest entry of all three is from Prospect Mike saying, “Thomas put up outstanding numbers AA and AAA in 2018 – 27 homers, 17 steals. The damper is that this power burst came out of the clear blue sky and most reports still have him pegged as a fourth outfielder in the big leagues. Another glitch is his health history – which isn’t exactly…healthy. He’s on the 40-man and could see some action this summer in St. Louis, and Grey is a total loser.” Wow, what did I ever do? Prospect Mike was talking about Lane Thomas for last year too, by the by, so he was right. About Thomas seeing some action, not about me! C’mon! Last year in a small sample, he hit 4 HRs, stole one bag and hit .316 with only a .308 BABIP, which was in 38 ABs. That was after a 10/11/.268 year in Triple-A in 265 ABs. He fractured his wrist in August, which cut his breakout short, so Mike was right about his health history too. Being about 11 months since that wrist injury, he should be totally fine. So, what should we expect from Lane Thomas for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?A calendar page flies off and we follow it to the ground. We can’t quite make out the date on it yet, then the wind whips up hard and slams the page into a screen door. There, it ominously flaps against the screen door and we see the date. It reads…*dramatic sting*…March. Grey picks, because he’s writing this in third person, the piece of paper off the screen door and casually reads it. Slowly, across his face, a dawning of hell, it’s March 98th, 2020! AHHHHHH!!! Screams echo out–*shoots up in bed* Oh, wait, it’s June, 2020. Haha, silly dreamscape of hell. You’re so dumb, subconscious brain. Go back to hiding amongst all my baseball knowledge and factoids. So, today, I bring you my 1,789th Dart Throw, Daniel Vogelbach. Just think, by September, I will have profiled every baseball player as someone to draft. If only you were in a 30-team league with 178-man benches. Shucks, really. I kid, of course, because any day now we’re going to find out whether or not there’s gonna be a baseball season. I do believe a 100-game shortened season is still possible, but, ya know, they kinda need to figure shizz out sooner vs. later, and it’s not a great look when the MLB wants to play less baseball. So, what can we expect from Daniel Vogelbach for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?On this week’s Patreon podcast, we welcome, Ben Sisto, artist, curator and star of the documentary, Who Let The Dogs Out. Yes, as in the song. *insert barking* The documentary — available on Hulu — Who Let the Dogs out — tells the story of Ben Sisto and how he went looking for the origins of the Who Let The Dogs Out song. You ever Google one topic on the internet like “What’s so great about Britain” and five hours later find yourself watching someone make homemade tortillas? That’s what this documentary feels like in some ways — what started from an innocuous moment on the Wikipedia page of Who Let The Dogs Out sent Ben on a 10-year odyssey to find out, finally, who, actually, let out the dogs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?This is a less-than-straight-forward dart throw. “Watch your head! Incoming dart!” Mostly because Rowdy Tellez has a minefield of playing time concerns. I don’t fully trust Travis Shaw, even though I predicted he’d win the NL MVP in 2019. That never stops getting funny. You can mock me about Delino DeShields Jr. You can call me a giant dope for five years of adulation over Josh Rutledge and Ian Stewart. You can even say I might’ve been a little goofy about loving German Marquez last year. But calling Travis Shaw my preseason NL MVP selection is so off-the-wall bonkers in retrospect, even I have to shake my head. How many players qualified for the 2019 NL MVP? 300? 400? Well, I think he finished dead last. Yo, Grey, you are smart in the opposite sense of that word. Any hoo! Travis Shaw is blocking Rowdy Tellez. At worst, Shaw is a platoon player, which hurts Tellez and Shaw, and, in a shortened season, I don’t want any part of any platoon player, outside of daily leagues with bench hitters capable of filling in. In a shortened season, maximizing at-bats is going to be critical. Optimism for Rowdy Tellez will also incidentally hurt Teoscar Hernandez, another dart throw, and Derek Fisher, who I like more than most (and might Dart Throw too). As Karens say, something’s gotta give, as they snap for help at nail salons. If Rowdy plays 1st base and Shaw gets DH, Fisher goes to the bench or to the outfield in place of Teoscar. Not great for those other guys, but Rowdy can be interesting in his own right. Audience screams, “Tellez something we don’t know!” I’m about to. So, what can we expect from Rowdy Tellez for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?A subplot of this stand-off between the MLB and MLBPA is how duplicitous will MLB teams be in their excuses to not promote a top prospect if there’s no minor league season, which seems assured, at this point. What will the Orioles say to not promote Adley Rutschman? “We really wanted to promote Adley but we lost his phone number and they’ve discontinued 411, go figure.” “We wanted to promote Adley, but, after reading the Kama Sutra, we’re inclined to withhold climax for six to nine months.” “We did promote Adley. He’s now in charge of selling season tickets for the 2021 season. We have faith he can handle the promotion.” One thing they can’t say with a straight face: “We really wanted to promote Adley Rutschman but he’s not ready.” So, they hold him down and he misses a full year of development? That seems dumb, even for them. However, you can’t go too wrong betting MLB teams will be dumb. Yes, I’m saying I’m not 100% guaranteeing Adley Rutschman sees real playing time this year, but he’s got a lot more of a chance this year now, than he had before. “Did someone say Chance?” Shut up, Chance Sisco! So, what can we expect from Adley Rutschman for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?