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I hear you out there.  Wait, something’s not quite right…I see a grainy pic so we’re kinda ok…but where’s the mustache…*squints*…OMG YOU’RE NOT GREY WHAT IS THIS INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE.  Look, Grey had a thang, ok?  He paged me and asked for coverage.  Yes, I’m being literal, he paged me.  He’s a bit old school, there’s nothing wrong with that.  I showed him my iPhone 6s and how it could translate to Kirundi and make a mean cheese omelette but he said he’d rather ping me with ‘5318008‘.  Honestly, I’m totally fine with that but he calls every time afterwards asking me to flip it upside down.  Every.  Time.  Either way, I said I’d cover and here I am, covering the coverage and that leads us to Drew Hutchison.  First off, if you own him…ticker shock!  Those Houston guys are really good at coming from behind.  That’s what she said!  Over six innings, Drew gave up two runs while allowing 6 base runners (only one walk), striking out nine.  Nine is a nice number when you’re talking about Ks but not as nice as 10.  Ten is how many Astros Chris Heston fanned on Tuesday as he threw a complete game two hitter.  Heston is close to a 7 K/9 kind of guy, probably a little under.  On the one hand, I love Drew so this start has me piqued.  On the other hand, the Astros are second in the majors in K rate at 24.6%.  On the third hand which is actually Grey’s hand as he takes the pager from me and flips it upside down, Drew looks like a good get for deeper leagues where you can wait on his high K potential, but this shouldn’t move the needle for standard or the RCL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dexter FowlerWent 2/3 with a walk, a HR and three runs on the day.  I own him in my NFBC league (which I’m currently first in, bee tee dubya; #Humblebrag) so I have a vested yet passive interest in how he’s doing.  Went and looked to see his pace and it has him heading for 110 runs, 14 HRs and 38 steals.  No wonder I’m doing so good!  Oh and no wonder Dexter Fowler was called a buy by Grey a couple of weeks ago.  Speaking of, Grey took the morning off he could never fully abandon you on a Friday.  He’ll be back this afternoon with another buy so if you’re swiping left on me, he’s got you covered.

Anthony Recker – Two homeruns as he took Travis Wood deep on both.  It was Travis’ first home start since April.  What a home Recker.  Someone call Cheaters!

Wilmer FloresAlso homered for the Mets and actually leads them in HRs on the year, according to Rotoworld.  Also according to Rotoworld re: Flores, ‘Of course, he’s still batting just .238 with a .287 on-base percentage and also committed his eighth error of the season Thursday. He’s not doing enough at the plate to make up for his subpar defense.’  I’m just glad Debbie Downer found work she enjoys.

Michael WachaFinally changed his name to ‘WaKa’ as he K’d 7 thru 5 innings while only walk’a’ing two.  Color me unimpressed.  I’d use this start as a great selling point and Wacha’way (too much?  Yeah, too much).

Ryan Howard – 3/4 with his 7th HR on the year while hitting .230 as his farewell tour trudges on…sorry, was just informed he hasn’t committed to retiring after this season.  Isn’t hitting under .250 for three of the last four seasons technically retiring?  Speaking of, Mark Reynolds, we have to talk…

Aaron Harang – The Harangutan went 8 IP, struck out 6 while only allowing 6 baserunners (1 walk) as he shut out the Pirates for the win.  There are certain pitchers who start hot in April only to show their true selves in May.  The diabolical ones make you hold onto them thru June because they make you believe.  If you’re holding, go look back at his 2014, enjoy the ride and be ready to move on.

Miguel CabreraThere was a lot of concern about Swiggy coming into this season with his rehab from off-season surgery.  He went 3/5 with 3 RBI while hitting his 7th and 8th homeruns on the year Thursday, so he’s now on pace for 37 HRs, 120 RBIs and is hitting .328.  I got to draft him with the 7th pick off the board in one draft.  I’m still laughing.  Maniacally, even.

Trevor BauerWent 7.1, struck out 10, walked 3 while only giving up a run and 4 hits.  Much like a money shot gone wrong, this comes on the heels of Kluber striking out 18 Cardinals yesterday.  Given the peripherals, he may be a stream only in RCLs but I stand by my Deep League Thoughts: Trevor Bauer post.

Alex CobbUnderwent successful Tommy John Surgery on Thursday.  Wait, shouldn’t we wait until we know the patient can throw again before we call a surgery a success?  I mean, that’s taking one right out of Rose McGowan’s plastic surgeon playbook.  When she said ‘make me look more like Susan Sarandon’, she should’ve clarified a date range.  You know, at least prior to 2010.

Rajai Davis – Went 3/5 with a double, a run, and an RBI as Victor Martinez gave J.D. Martinez his DH spot for the day and Victor probably won’t be playing for the next three days because it’ll be at an NL park and because he’s old and because he’s hurt and because he’s hitting .226 on the year with 1 homer on the year after hitting 32 last year.  Regression fairies don’t just sprinkle their goodness on pitchers, friends.

J.D. MartinezAfter pulling himself out with ‘lower back tightness’ the night prior, found himself back in the lineup in the DH role on Thursday, went 2/4 with a walk and a couple of singles.  As an ardent defender, I have to take my chance for a soapbox moment here.  Martinez hits me in all the right and warm spots on the peripherals and is on pace for 32 HRs, hits either 4th or 5th in the Tigers lineup and hits the ball hard to all fields.  Grey won’t mention him in his buy column later so I’m here mentioning him in my own.  Yes, my buy column is one player.  Yes, my buy column is in the middle of my actual column.  I’m all about efficiency.

Prince Fielder – Went 1/2 with an RBI and 2 hit by pitches.  On the year, he’s hitting .348 (impressive!) with 4 HRs (eh).  Basically, he’s Jose Altuve without the steals and the runs so far.  It’s like Dr. Evil became Mini-Me.  Or is it Fat Bastard becoming Mini-Me?  As long as it’s not the Love Guru, I’m fine with Mike Myers analogies.

Anibal SanchezSanchez twirled the gem you drafted him for, going 8 IP with 9 K while only allowing one run and getting the win.  Minnesota has been riding a win streak based around Torii Hunter hitting well, batting Mauer 3rd and batting Eduardo Escobar 5th more than once.  I’m now mad Sanchez didn’t strike out 15.

Anthony GoseThe Tigers scored 13 runs, so yeah, they’re gonna be all over this here bloggymahjiggy.  Anthony went 4/5 with 2 runs while hitting the first of back to back triples for the Tigers.  That’s the first time that’s happened since Jimmy Durante said ‘ha cha cha cha’ for the last time in 19-something-something.  At least that’s what I think I read on baseball reference.

Alcides EscobarWent 3 for 5 with 3 RBIs, 2 runs and a caught stealing.  Since I own him in a league where I need steals, I went and checked: he’s on pace for 9 steals.  How do you get mad at your SS hitting .318 atop one of the best offenses in baseball?  That’s how.

Freddy Galvis – Speaking of steals from your shortstop, Galvis went 3/3 with 2 runs and a steal and is now hitting .353 on the year to lead all shortstops in that stat with only 13 runs scored.  This brings up an important philosophical point: if a Phillies lead off hitter gets on base, does anyone care to drive him in?

Preston Tucker –  Went 3/4 with 2 doubles and an RBI as he stayed up with the club despite George Springer’s return from the DL.  Since this intrigued me, I had to watch.  He has a nice, compact swing.  Looks like a good line drive hitter who may tap into some power later in his career.  I wouldn’t over-invest but I have my eye on him like Sauron on a hobbit…look Grey can keep his cyclops with a monocle, I got my own bag over here.  If you want to read some tea leaves with me, as good as his defense is, Marisnick’s contact issues aren’t going away, Colby Rasmus can play center fairly well as can George Springer.  *Itches*…sorry for putting that bug in your ear.

Chase Whitley – Left his start in the 2nd with an elbow injury and will be replaced in the rotation with Chris Capuano.  Oh, you didn’t own either and don’t care?  Well, why didn’t you tell me, we could’ve saved some time cuz I don’t care either!

Josh Fields – Only pitched .2 innings but got the winning anyways.  MINOR INFATUATION ALERT (but not in that way: please don’t contact Chris Hansen).  On the year, Fields has a 15.00 K/9.  Given he’s only pitched in 6 IP, that’s not that interesting but back in 2014, he had an 11.52 K/9 over 54.  If you’re stumping for some Ks and have the roster room, go play catch with Kevin Costner’s dad and enjoy Fields of dreams.

Alex Rodriguez – Hit his 9th HR on the year while hitting .250 and has basically been what we hoped we were getting from Pedro Alvarez when we drafted him.  Shave your beard, Pedro, before you jinx the lumberjacks who are doing life better than you are.

Erasmo RamirezWent 5 innings, walking 2 while only giving up 1 hit, striking out 4.  What clever Tampa Bay marketing guru posted the ‘Florida is a great place to retire’ sign in the Yankees clubhouse?  That said, and I say this in all seriousness, Tampa Bay could probably make Kyle Kendrick look like a reasonable pitcher.

Matt AndrieseClosed out the Erasmo win with 4 innings and 4 K to earn his second save of the season.  Seems like you should get more than just one save when you have to pitch almost half the game to get it.  But I digress, to make room for Jake McGee’s return today, Tampa optioned Matt to the minors right after the game.  I’m sure Matt knew it was happening.  He should’ve given the lead back only to create a tie and win the game so that Steve Geltz could get the save just to spite them!  Yeah, I was trolling for saves with Geltz in the ‘perts league w/Grey.  Sue me…

Rene Rivera – Went 2/4 with a homer and 4 RBIs, batting 9th for the Rays.  That should score, like, double the RBIs when you’re doing that from the 9 hole AND batting for the Rays.  I’m not even saying that cuz I own him, that’s just damn impressive.

Edwin Encarnacion – Only had one hit but it’s the kind of hit we fantasy owners care about: a parrot trot.  For those who held tough through the lean years…er, year…er month.  He did this to us last year, too.  Last year he hit 16 HRs in May.  That’s not a typo.  Ok, it might be since I’m the one writing without an editor this time around but I’m pretty sure it’s not.  I wouldn’t expect that again but he’s started slow before.  Trot on, parrot, trot on.

Brett Anderson – Went 5 and 1/3rd of one run ball with five hits and a walk to go with 8 Ks prior to the rain delay.  Fun fact!  I had picked him up in two leagues, the ‘perts and my keeper, before dropping him for Geltz in one and Van Slyke in the other due to the weather issues.  Fun fact #2!  The last time the Dodgers had a home game delayed by rain, Grey had bought his first pager.

Cory SpangenbergHit 2 homers while playing 3rd, batting lead off.  Ironically, I picked him up in the ‘perts league because I lead in HRs but am lagging in steals.  Or is that coincidence?  Damn you, Alanis!  In deeper leagues where you need MI help in the steals and runs area, I’d give Corey a look.  Except for the nights I own him, of course, unless you need a buncha HRs.  SNORE.

Doug Fister – Went 2 innings, allowing 7 runs while striking out one but the important thing to take away is he improved his K/9 with this start.  Wondering why you drafted Doug?  Yeah, me too.  I wrote my Doug Fister Overrated post this off-season.  It has stats and stuff, if you’re into that.

Shane Victorino – Had a HR as he went 2/3 in his return to the Boston lineup.  Zombino!  Is it just me or do players off the DL tend to return with a certain kind of pep?  It’s like rest almost does a player good, he types staring at the commissioner’s picture with a raised eyebrow while he taps his fingers on his desk and looks through the daunting team schedules.

Hanley Ramirez – Has been cold of late but went 4/5 with four singles.  Doesn’t mean much to you but to us DraftKings writers, it means a lot.  We’ve been paying up like Charlie Sheen did for Heidi Fleiss and have been getting nothing in return which is decidedly not winning!  He has one gear: go, epic, winning, which is much better in acronym form…GEW!

Tyson Ross – Started the game off with a K…and then waited an hour plus before he went out and cleaned up for 5 plus innings of 6 K, 2 run ball.  I wouldn’t hold him too tightly to his end line of 3 walks and 5 hits given the weather circumstances and his last start was solid.  The concerns about his slider usage that Rudy has, in my opinion, is reasonable for keeper leagues but for we standard leagues, he was 8th in MLB for Ks on the year coming into this game.  Buy in before he fully turns the corner.

Carlos GonzalezBombed a HR in the 9th as Colorado defeated the Dodgers.  I can’t make any promises but my spidey senses tell me Grey is gonna have him a buy commodity later today.  My spidey senses also tell me I need to wrap flies in silk I shoot from my butt, though, so I wouldn’t say all of this is 100% reliable.

Troy Tulowitzki – After a stream of news to the contrary, Tulo says he is in fact not demanding a trade from the Rockies which is usually code for ‘it’s true and I just don’t want to look like a guy who wears Ed Hardy t-shirts…i.e. a douche bag…sorry Dan Uggla’.  So far, rumors have been linking him to the Mets and the Padres.  Considering the ballpark shift that would be and the Rockies as a whole, I’m gonna put this to you, as best I can, Jeff Foxworthy style.  If your star player demands to stop hitting half his games in the best hitters ballpark in baseball history and is willing to move to two of the historically worst…you might be a bad organization.  Archaic reference, you say?  Tulo rocked a mullet for years.  Just be thankful I didn’t go the Joe Dirt route.